Haven
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2007
- Messages
- 13,166
I definitely agree that telling your SO flat-out that you'd like him (or her) to lose more weight so that you'll be more attracted is not a nice thing to do.
HOWEVER, is it really any secret that someone is more physically attractive when they're in shape? I don't think it's shallow, I think it's human. We are biologically programmed to find healthy physical attributes attractive.
AND, I would much rather have my husband say something (gently) when I've gained ten pounds to possibly make me aware of a small weight gain I may not even have admitted to myself yet, than have him wait until I've reached a seriously unhealthy body weight.* When I'm 30 pounds over my ideal weight I'm going to have a much more painful and difficult climb back to ideal than when I'm only 10 pounds over.
For us, we care about each other. We want to be as healthy as possible so we can live a long, happy life together. If I notice my DH gaining weight, or going through some other change that signals a potentially negative state of his mental and/or physical well-being, I'm going to say something because I love him, not because my priorities aren't straight. I think sitting idly by and watching your partner "let himself go" is a form of enabling. I'm not concerned with how attractive he is to me, but how healthy and happy he is, in general. I don't know about you, but one of my favorite things about being in a committed relationship is that I have a partner in life, and I know he is going to be on my side and by my side no matter what. He's here to help me be the best version of myself possible (and vice-versa,) and since I'm trapped inside this human form, my physical well-being is a large part of that. In fact, I would feel totally unloved if my husband watched me gain weight and become increasingly less healthy over a long period of time and never said anything. Why didn't he care about my health, or why I was gaining weight in the first place?
*(Although, I have to disagree with most posters' ideas that you must be extremely out of shape to be unhealthy. This is totally untrue. A few extra pounds increase your risk of heart issues, as well as other physical issues. To me, even a relatively small weight gain is cause for concern, because it is a symptom of a larger problem, which can be anything from unhealthy eating, organ dysfunction, or even lifestyle changes caused by depression.)
Thomper--What your ex said to you is totally different than what I'm describing as constructive above. He was driven by fear for his own well-being, and not concern about yours, which is rubbish. I agree that you totally dodged a bullet, there.
HOWEVER, is it really any secret that someone is more physically attractive when they're in shape? I don't think it's shallow, I think it's human. We are biologically programmed to find healthy physical attributes attractive.
AND, I would much rather have my husband say something (gently) when I've gained ten pounds to possibly make me aware of a small weight gain I may not even have admitted to myself yet, than have him wait until I've reached a seriously unhealthy body weight.* When I'm 30 pounds over my ideal weight I'm going to have a much more painful and difficult climb back to ideal than when I'm only 10 pounds over.
For us, we care about each other. We want to be as healthy as possible so we can live a long, happy life together. If I notice my DH gaining weight, or going through some other change that signals a potentially negative state of his mental and/or physical well-being, I'm going to say something because I love him, not because my priorities aren't straight. I think sitting idly by and watching your partner "let himself go" is a form of enabling. I'm not concerned with how attractive he is to me, but how healthy and happy he is, in general. I don't know about you, but one of my favorite things about being in a committed relationship is that I have a partner in life, and I know he is going to be on my side and by my side no matter what. He's here to help me be the best version of myself possible (and vice-versa,) and since I'm trapped inside this human form, my physical well-being is a large part of that. In fact, I would feel totally unloved if my husband watched me gain weight and become increasingly less healthy over a long period of time and never said anything. Why didn't he care about my health, or why I was gaining weight in the first place?
*(Although, I have to disagree with most posters' ideas that you must be extremely out of shape to be unhealthy. This is totally untrue. A few extra pounds increase your risk of heart issues, as well as other physical issues. To me, even a relatively small weight gain is cause for concern, because it is a symptom of a larger problem, which can be anything from unhealthy eating, organ dysfunction, or even lifestyle changes caused by depression.)
Thomper--What your ex said to you is totally different than what I'm describing as constructive above. He was driven by fear for his own well-being, and not concern about yours, which is rubbish. I agree that you totally dodged a bullet, there.