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Is it ok to ask one''s SO to lose weight or work out so that you''re more attracted?

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Haven

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I definitely agree that telling your SO flat-out that you'd like him (or her) to lose more weight so that you'll be more attracted is not a nice thing to do.

HOWEVER, is it really any secret that someone is more physically attractive when they're in shape? I don't think it's shallow, I think it's human. We are biologically programmed to find healthy physical attributes attractive.

AND, I would much rather have my husband say something (gently) when I've gained ten pounds to possibly make me aware of a small weight gain I may not even have admitted to myself yet, than have him wait until I've reached a seriously unhealthy body weight.* When I'm 30 pounds over my ideal weight I'm going to have a much more painful and difficult climb back to ideal than when I'm only 10 pounds over.

For us, we care about each other. We want to be as healthy as possible so we can live a long, happy life together. If I notice my DH gaining weight, or going through some other change that signals a potentially negative state of his mental and/or physical well-being, I'm going to say something because I love him, not because my priorities aren't straight. I think sitting idly by and watching your partner "let himself go" is a form of enabling. I'm not concerned with how attractive he is to me, but how healthy and happy he is, in general. I don't know about you, but one of my favorite things about being in a committed relationship is that I have a partner in life, and I know he is going to be on my side and by my side no matter what. He's here to help me be the best version of myself possible (and vice-versa,) and since I'm trapped inside this human form, my physical well-being is a large part of that. In fact, I would feel totally unloved if my husband watched me gain weight and become increasingly less healthy over a long period of time and never said anything. Why didn't he care about my health, or why I was gaining weight in the first place?

*(Although, I have to disagree with most posters' ideas that you must be extremely out of shape to be unhealthy. This is totally untrue. A few extra pounds increase your risk of heart issues, as well as other physical issues. To me, even a relatively small weight gain is cause for concern, because it is a symptom of a larger problem, which can be anything from unhealthy eating, organ dysfunction, or even lifestyle changes caused by depression.)

Thomper--What your ex said to you is totally different than what I'm describing as constructive above. He was driven by fear for his own well-being, and not concern about yours, which is rubbish. I agree that you totally dodged a bullet, there.
 

JulieN

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I don't think this is akin to saying to a woman that she should have bigger boobs at all!

This is more like saying to a woman that he prefers that she shaves her legs. It's a pain, and sometimes you get lazy and don't want to shave. But not comparable to getting bigger boobs.

Anyway, wow, thanks for all of the replies! They're very interesting.

I know he would be cool with it, since he brings it up. I was feeling kind of guilty, though.
 

lovegem

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Sometimes I feel extremely bored about our life, then I find my man less attractive. I said some hurtful things to my DH about his weight and his look once. Anyway, to make me feel better, he did about 20 sit ups right after... and that's about it.
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My conscience tells me it is not ok to tell my SO to loose weight, but I just couldn't help it when I am frustrated about life. His belly continues to grow.
 

icekid

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Hmm, I must admit that I talk with my husband about being and eating more healthily. But that is something that we do together. And when he eats a bag of doritos over a couple days, I do worry about his health. I want him to stay with me for a loooong time.

But give or take a few pounds, I don''t find him more or less attractive. If he gained 50 pounds, welllll... I would not like it, for appearance and health reasons.

I am always trying to get him to work out though! I take good care of my body, which I see as benefitting both of us. So it would be nice if he would do the same. But I love him just the same either way.
 

vespergirl

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My husband is very touchy about weight (he''s healthy and thin, but if he gains 5 pounds he freaks out) so I could never say anything without hurting his feelings, so I don''t. He is equally considerate though - he claims to never notice if I put on the obligatory 5 pounds around the holidays, but he does give loads of compliments when I hit the gym harder - we always compliment positive results, but don''t "notice" the negative.
 

trillionaire

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First, sometime within the early stages of a serious relationship, the ideal situation would be to ASK the other person how they like to talk about and address weight concerns. I told my SO that I would be very uncomfortable if he told me that he had a problem with my weight, but I would be receptive to working out together, modifiying eating habits together, etc. Different people have different needs and respond differently about weight concerns, and people are usually much harder on themselves than the other person can imagine. My dad was really horrible to my mom about her weight for years and years, and that is something I am sensitive to. My SO, on the other hand, has never made me feel anything but sexy and gorgeous and desired, even when I didn''t feel that way about myself.

My partner and I just started doing P90x together. We live in different states, but it''s nice to have a common goal and experience, and both of us want to get into better shape (he wants to tone and build muscle, gain strength, I want to build muscle and SLIM DOWN!) I want to work really hard over the next 4-6 weeks and really surprise him with my progress, which will be exciting for BOTH of us. However, there is a huge pyschological difference between me doing something for US and me doing something for YOU. I love SO for who he is, and I tease him all the time about how if he loses his legs in an accident, I am waking him up early in the mornings and putting him in a wagon to ''walk the dog''.
3.gif


love is blind. lust is not. neither is infatuation or like.
 

Phoenix

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Date: 3/20/2009 8:25:15 PM
Author: Haven
I definitely agree that telling your SO flat-out that you''d like him (or her) to lose more weight so that you''ll be more attracted is not a nice thing to do.

HOWEVER, is it really any secret that someone is more physically attractive when they''re in shape? I don''t think it''s shallow, I think it''s human. We are biologically programmed to find healthy physical attributes attractive.

AND, I would much rather have my husband say something (gently) when I''ve gained ten pounds to possibly make me aware of a small weight gain I may not even have admitted to myself yet, than have him wait until I''ve reached a seriously unhealthy body weight.* When I''m 30 pounds over my ideal weight I''m going to have a much more painful and difficult climb back to ideal than when I''m only 10 pounds over.

For us, we care about each other. We want to be as healthy as possible so we can live a long, happy life together. If I notice my DH gaining weight, or going through some other change that signals a potentially negative state of his mental and/or physical well-being, I''m going to say something because I love him, not because my priorities aren''t straight. I think sitting idly by and watching your partner ''let himself go'' is a form of enabling. I''m not concerned with how attractive he is to me, but how healthy and happy he is, in general. I don''t know about you, but one of my favorite things about being in a committed relationship is that I have a partner in life, and I know he is going to be on my side and by my side no matter what. He''s here to help me be the best version of myself possible (and vice-versa,) and since I''m trapped inside this human form, my physical well-being is a large part of that. In fact, I would feel totally unloved if my husband watched me gain weight and become increasingly less healthy over a long period of time and never said anything. Why didn''t he care about my health, or why I was gaining weight in the first place?

*(Although, I have to disagree with most posters'' ideas that you must be extremely out of shape to be unhealthy. This is totally untrue. A few extra pounds increase your risk of heart issues, as well as other physical issues. To me, even a relatively small weight gain is cause for concern, because it is a symptom of a larger problem, which can be anything from unhealthy eating, organ dysfunction, or even lifestyle changes caused by depression.)

Thomper--What your ex said to you is totally different than what I''m describing as constructive above. He was driven by fear for his own well-being, and not concern about yours, which is rubbish. I agree that you totally dodged a bullet, there.
Wow, I agree with practically everything you''ve written there.
 

klewis

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Date: 3/20/2009 11:28:27 AM
Author: DivaDiamond007
Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM



Oh my.


While I''m shocked that some guy had the balls to even write this, at least he was honest and saved you from staying with him!


DivaDiamond, I''m sure you aren''t meaning to be offensive but this sexist phrase and it''s not acceptable. Imagine if a womans sexual anatomy had been used to describe something in a similar way.
 

AGBF

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Date:
3/20/2009 7:21:20 PM
Author: BizouMom

I remember talking with a woman at work who had a five month old baby. She told me that her husband told her that he was not nearly as attracted to her because of the baby weight.


My father is 88 and is of the old Freudian psychoanalytic school trained in the 1940's. He basically thinks that heterosexual men who do not have sexual problems want sexual relations with their partners and do not make excuses for it. That doesn't mean that a man doesn't care about his spouse's health and will never discuss her weight with her for those reasons, but it would certainly preclude his ever turning away from her sexually and then using her weight as an excuse.

I am sorry that I have never asked his opinion about women. Sexual behavior (according to Freud) is not equal opportunity ;-).


AGBF
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LaraOnline

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Date: 3/21/2009 12:46:10 AM
Author: klewis
Date: 3/20/2009 11:28:27 AM

Author: DivaDiamond007

Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM




Oh my.



While I''m shocked that some guy had the balls to even write this, at least he was honest and saved you from staying with him!



DivaDiamond, I''m sure you aren''t meaning to be offensive but this sexist phrase and it''s not acceptable. Imagine if a womans sexual anatomy had been used to describe something in a similar way.

OT, but (imo) women''s ''bits'' are usually used in a derogatory way, or to describe another object in a completely derogatory way... this expression, using men''s bits, celebrates masculine bravado. Even if Dana personally thinks the guy is an ass (as in donkey) for being so brash, the expression generally expresses approval.
 

klewis

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Date: 3/21/2009 5:57:13 AM
Author: LaraOnline
Date: 3/21/2009 12:46:10 AM

Author: klewis

Date: 3/20/2009 11:28:27 AM


Author: DivaDiamond007


Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM





Oh my.




While I''m shocked that some guy had the balls to even write this, at least he was honest and saved you from staying with him!




DivaDiamond, I''m sure you aren''t meaning to be offensive but this sexist phrase and it''s not acceptable. Imagine if a womans sexual anatomy had been used to describe something in a similar way.


OT, but (imo) women''s ''bits'' are usually used in a derogatory way, or to describe another object in a completely derogatory way... this expression, using men''s bits, celebrates masculine bravado. Even if Dana personally thinks the guy is an ass (as in donkey) for being so brash, the expression generally expresses approval.


I don''t agree that it expresses approval, it is used often to express disapproval - "he doesn''t have the balls to.... ". But having, or not having them, is irrelevant to bravery or courage. Similarly you could equate breasts with nurturing, but no one would dream of saying "Good thing she had the *****''s ( your choice of slang for breasts) to care.
Sorry to diverge from the topic, but I think this saying is used too frequently.
 

LaraOnline

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balls = guts
if you don''t have the guts, well that''s another story...

I guess you''re saying that men with small testes are probably just as gutsy as guys with larger ones. Kinda like the Napoleon complex, but further down!

3.gif

bravery being associated with a particular hormone, I guess.

Interesting point about the cultural possibility of larger breasts being associated with nurturing qualities as well...

nurturing being associated with a particular hormone, as well, I guess.
 

phoenixgirl

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I am a little confused because it sounds like the reason he doesn''t work out is because you want him to come straight home to a big dinner? You can''t really hold it against him in that case, IMO. Can you adjust your schedules so that you can have both gym time and dinner?

I started working out and eating healthy two years ago, and a couple of months later that caused my DH to stop smoking, start cycling competitively, and eventually join the gym. I didn''t ask him to change or even realize that we could both improve our "hotness." I just knew I needed to be healthy for me, and when he saw the positive changes in me he wanted on that train too. I think doing it together can be great motivation and quality time spent together. If you take care of you and provide opportunities to be healthy together, I think that will have a positive impact on your relationship, but simply suggesting that the other person firm up probably won''t.
 

CJ2008

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I would want the person (whether it was DH or someone else) to care more about what''s going on with ME. I remember during one time in my life I had put on some weight and my aunt pointed it out to me. But she did it from the perspective of "what''s going on? I know this is not who you are?"

I was angry and embarrassed at first mostly because that meant I could no longer ignore that I was letting myself go and it was time to do something about it even though I didn''t feel like it and could have continued to ignore it a while longer.

As far as DH, my weight has gone up and down a bit he''s never said anything to me about it - but I do notice he compliments me a lot more now, so he does notice. If he was ever to approach me about weight gain, it would have to be very tactfully and from the perspective of "what''s going with you." If he said he was no longer attracted to me I would be really angry because it would make me feel he didn''t care whether I was hurting or something was going on with me or that he didn''t really love me for ME.

At the same time I do think that the "he should love me for me" does not mean that you can let yourself go and expect that your partner should be OK with that no matter what - it is not an excuse to let yourself go. But I think the partner should be concerned for the person first - and then/after with how it affects them.
 

Blair138

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My FI and I have a pretty open communication regarding working-out and weight. Neither of us is over-weight or even close to it, but we have both ''let ourselves go'' over the 5 years we have been together. I have recently taken up running (5K''s and Half-marathons) and have been trying to get dear FI to run with me so that I have a training buddy. He has finally agreed and we are both on the path to ''getting in shape'' for our upcoming wedding.

Would it have been right for me to say "FI, you are getting fat, you need to work out" NO...but we do occasionally joke about the other one being "fatty". That is our nature and our relationship. If it was earlier on in our relationship or if either of us were sensitive to this issue, it would be completely out of line...

I didn''t read all of the responses, but I just wanted to add my personal experience.
 

allycat0303

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Well both of us are more body conscious about our OWN bodies, then each others, so we keep ourselves under control. I was a competitive figure skater for most of my life, so I developed all sorts of really unhealthy weight issues, which are only now (at 29 years old!) Starting to get a bit better, so I''m a lot harder on my body then anyone else. As for my fiance, his entire family is morbidly obese. I am not saying that as an exaggeration. He has 3 siblings, and all of them are on waiting list for gastric bypass surgery. As a result of that, he''s always worried that his genes will take over, and he''ll gain weight.

I wouldn''t think there was anything wrong with him telling me to lose a bit of weight though. Because I don''t take it personally. I already know that he loves me, and I feel that it doesn''t have that much to do with my physical appearence. If I thought his love was founded on how I looked, then it would freak me out more. I''m sure he finds plenty of girls with better bodies then me. I''m sure he finds plenty of girls more beautiful then me, but I think that has really little to do with our relationship. I''ll do my best to try and look good (so I can feel good in my own skin) and when possible, I''ll try to accommodate him by looking good, but he can say whatever is on his mind.
 

Sha

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Date: 3/21/2009 12:53:26 PM
Author: CJ2008
I would want the person (whether it was DH or someone else) to care more about what''s going on with ME. I remember during one time in my life I had put on some weight and my aunt pointed it out to me. But she did it from the perspective of ''what''s going on? I know this is not who you are?''

I was angry and embarrassed at first mostly because that meant I could no longer ignore that I was letting myself go and it was time to do something about it even though I didn''t feel like it and could have continued to ignore it a while longer.

As far as DH, my weight has gone up and down a bit he''s never said anything to me about it - but I do notice he compliments me a lot more now, so he does notice. If he was ever to approach me about weight gain, it would have to be very tactfully and from the perspective of ''what''s going with you.'' If he said he was no longer attracted to me I would be really angry because it would make me feel he didn''t care whether I was hurting or something was going on with me or that he didn''t really love me for ME.

At the same time I do think that the ''he should love me for me'' does not mean that you can let yourself go and expect that your partner should be OK with that no matter what - it is not an excuse to let yourself go. But I think the partner should be concerned for the person first - and then/after with how it affects them.
Ditto this and Haven.... I don''t agree that you should NOT mention something about your SO''s weight just because it''s a sensitive issue for them - or unless they bring it up. It does help if you approach the subject gently and tactfully, though - in the spirit of caring for the person holistically, rather than just your own concerns about their appearance. Most people WANT to be physically healthy and attractive - so if it''s a reasonably possibly goal, which doesn''t place any excessive demands on the person, then that bit of gentle motivation and encouragement can go a long way.

Klewis, with regard to DivaDiamonds comment - I don''t think she intended to be sexist, she was just using a common expression that is used daily by men and women alike. I''m not saying that the particular comment is right or unsexist - just that she probably didn''t mean much by it.
 

HollyS

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If you aren''t ''attracted'' to your SO, why would he be your SO?

And no, asking isn''t a problem; how he responds could be.
 

HollyS

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Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM
Author: Thomperchik

This is a very sensitive issue for me. I don''t think it is ever a good idea to ask your significant other to loose weight/get toned unless they brign it up!

For men it might be different, but it is never, ever a good idea to ask a woman to lose weight!

I don''t want to thread-jack, but I received this email from my ex last week, and this is one of the reasons why I don''t think it''s a good idea to ever bring weight up, unless your SO does it first...


-----Original Message-----
From: Jerk
Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 7:31 AM
To: Thomperchik
Subject: hey

So, I feel like I should get this off my chest. I didn''t want to break up because I didn''t love you. You''re amazing, I loved ya. I had talked with my friend Justin, and he was telling me about how his wife had really let herself go after they got married. Quit wanting to work, sat around the house, gained a bunch of weight, and he was just miserable. I kept telling myself that wouldn''t be us, but I guess I really psyched myself out. I loved you too much to tell you I noticed you had gained weight when i saw you (I know I had too), so rather than talk about that fear I just kept it inside. Everytime I talked to Justin, he sounded so miserable. I guess I got scared about that, and I didn''t know how to talk to you about it. It''s really such a shallow topic, you were about to be my wife, the last thing I wanted to say is baby please don''t get fat or lose your motivation.





Anyways, I am sorry for texting you last night, I just really miss you sometimes. I hope you are doin alright, if you ever have time to write and let me know what''s goin on with you I would love to hear

So, he must be, himself, absolutely gorgeous . . . No?? What a wad. I''d reply: "Thanks for making the decision for me. I''m so glad you expressed your shallowness so thoroughly; it is so much easier for me to tell you to FO now."
 

CJ2008

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22.gif

Date: 3/21/2009 2:53:24 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM
Author: Thomperchik


This is a very sensitive issue for me. I don''t think it is ever a good idea to ask your significant other to loose weight/get toned unless they brign it up!

For men it might be different, but it is never, ever a good idea to ask a woman to lose weight!

I don''t want to thread-jack, but I received this email from my ex last week, and this is one of the reasons why I don''t think it''s a good idea to ever bring weight up, unless your SO does it first...


-----Original Message-----
From: Jerk
Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 7:31 AM
To: Thomperchik
Subject: hey


So, I feel like I should get this off my chest. I didn''t want to break up because I didn''t love you. You''re amazing, I loved ya. I had talked with my friend Justin, and he was telling me about how his wife had really let herself go after they got married. Quit wanting to work, sat around the house, gained a bunch of weight, and he was just miserable. I kept telling myself that wouldn''t be us, but I guess I really psyched myself out. I loved you too much to tell you I noticed you had gained weight when i saw you (I know I had too), so rather than talk about that fear I just kept it inside. Everytime I talked to Justin, he sounded so miserable. I guess I got scared about that, and I didn''t know how to talk to you about it. It''s really such a shallow topic, you were about to be my wife, the last thing I wanted to say is baby please don''t get fat or lose your motivation.







Anyways, I am sorry for texting you last night, I just really miss you sometimes. I hope you are doin alright, if you ever have time to write and let me know what''s goin on with you I would love to hear

So, he must be, himself, absolutely gorgeous . . . No?? What a wad. I''d reply: ''Thanks for making the decision for me. I''m so glad you expressed your shallowness so thoroughly; it is so much easier for me to tell you to FO now.''
This made me laugh. That would SO be the perfect reply!
 

Linda W

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Date: 3/21/2009 2:53:24 PM
Author: HollyS
Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM

Author: Thomperchik


This is a very sensitive issue for me. I don''t think it is ever a good idea to ask your significant other to loose weight/get toned unless they brign it up!


For men it might be different, but it is never, ever a good idea to ask a woman to lose weight!


I don''t want to thread-jack, but I received this email from my ex last week, and this is one of the reasons why I don''t think it''s a good idea to ever bring weight up, unless your SO does it first...



-----Original Message-----

From: Jerk

Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 7:31 AM

To: Thomperchik

Subject: hey


So, I feel like I should get this off my chest. I didn''t want to break up because I didn''t love you. You''re amazing, I loved ya. I had talked with my friend Justin, and he was telling me about how his wife had really let herself go after they got married. Quit wanting to work, sat around the house, gained a bunch of weight, and he was just miserable. I kept telling myself that wouldn''t be us, but I guess I really psyched myself out. I loved you too much to tell you I noticed you had gained weight when i saw you (I know I had too), so rather than talk about that fear I just kept it inside. Everytime I talked to Justin, he sounded so miserable. I guess I got scared about that, and I didn''t know how to talk to you about it. It''s really such a shallow topic, you were about to be my wife, the last thing I wanted to say is baby please don''t get fat or lose your motivation.







Anyways, I am sorry for texting you last night, I just really miss you sometimes. I hope you are doin alright, if you ever have time to write and let me know what''s goin on with you I would love to hear



So, he must be, himself, absolutely gorgeous . . . No?? What a wad. I''d reply: ''Thanks for making the decision for me. I''m so glad you expressed your shallowness so thoroughly; it is so much easier for me to tell you to FO now.''



I would also love to see, how he will look in his 50''s and 60''s!!! Maybe he will have less hair? Maybe a beer belly?
 

JulieN

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Date: 3/21/2009 9:43:25 AM
Author: phoenixgirl
I am a little confused because it sounds like the reason he doesn't work out is because you want him to come straight home to a big dinner? You can't really hold it against him in that case, IMO. Can you adjust your schedules so that you can have both gym time and dinner?


I started working out and eating healthy two years ago, and a couple of months later that caused my DH to stop smoking, start cycling competitively, and eventually join the gym. I didn't ask him to change or even realize that we could both improve our 'hotness.' I just knew I needed to be healthy for me, and when he saw the positive changes in me he wanted on that train too. I think doing it together can be great motivation and quality time spent together. If you take care of you and provide opportunities to be healthy together, I think that will have a positive impact on your relationship, but simply suggesting that the other person firm up probably won't.

Hmm, well. I might want him to come home to have dinner, but it's not my dinners that are making him fat. Gym+dinner in one day won't work, but we can split gym nights and dinner nights.

He's not sensitive about his weight, as far as I can tell.
 

princesss

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Date: 3/21/2009 5:40:50 PM
Author: JulieN
Date: 3/21/2009 9:43:25 AM

Author: phoenixgirl

I am a little confused because it sounds like the reason he doesn''t work out is because you want him to come straight home to a big dinner? You can''t really hold it against him in that case, IMO. Can you adjust your schedules so that you can have both gym time and dinner?



I started working out and eating healthy two years ago, and a couple of months later that caused my DH to stop smoking, start cycling competitively, and eventually join the gym. I didn''t ask him to change or even realize that we could both improve our ''hotness.'' I just knew I needed to be healthy for me, and when he saw the positive changes in me he wanted on that train too. I think doing it together can be great motivation and quality time spent together. If you take care of you and provide opportunities to be healthy together, I think that will have a positive impact on your relationship, but simply suggesting that the other person firm up probably won''t.


Hmm, well. I might want him to come home to have dinner, but it''s not my dinners that are making him fat. Gym+dinner in one day won''t work, but we can split gym nights and dinner nights.


He''s not sensitive about his weight, as far as I can tell.

He may not be sensitive about his weight, but that doesn''t mean he wouldn''t be sensitive to somebody saying, "Sweetie, I love you, but if you don''t lose some weight I won''t be attracted to you."
 

Thomperchik

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Date: 3/21/2009 3:00:14 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 3/21/2009 2:53:24 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 3/20/2009 10:36:02 AM

Author: Thomperchik



This is a very sensitive issue for me. I don''t think it is ever a good idea to ask your significant other to loose weight/get toned unless they brign it up!


For men it might be different, but it is never, ever a good idea to ask a woman to lose weight!


I don''t want to thread-jack, but I received this email from my ex last week, and this is one of the reasons why I don''t think it''s a good idea to ever bring weight up, unless your SO does it first...



-----Original Message-----

From: Jerk

Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 7:31 AM

To: Thomperchik

Subject: hey



So, I feel like I should get this off my chest. I didn''t want to break up because I didn''t love you. You''re amazing, I loved ya. I had talked with my friend Justin, and he was telling me about how his wife had really let herself go after they got married. Quit wanting to work, sat around the house, gained a bunch of weight, and he was just miserable. I kept telling myself that wouldn''t be us, but I guess I really psyched myself out. I loved you too much to tell you I noticed you had gained weight when i saw you (I know I had too), so rather than talk about that fear I just kept it inside. Everytime I talked to Justin, he sounded so miserable. I guess I got scared about that, and I didn''t know how to talk to you about it. It''s really such a shallow topic, you were about to be my wife, the last thing I wanted to say is baby please don''t get fat or lose your motivation.









Anyways, I am sorry for texting you last night, I just really miss you sometimes. I hope you are doin alright, if you ever have time to write and let me know what''s goin on with you I would love to hear



So, he must be, himself, absolutely gorgeous . . . No?? What a wad. I''d reply: ''Thanks for making the decision for me. I''m so glad you expressed your shallowness so thoroughly; it is so much easier for me to tell you to FO now.''



I would also love to see, how he will look in his 50''s and 60''s!!! Maybe he will have less hair? Maybe a beer belly?

haha... that''s funny! See my problem is the following. I''m 5''8, 150 and I thank God that I am healthy! At some point within the last two years I''ve had weight issues. I fluctuate 5-20lbs which I know is a big difference, but that is something I am working on. I know I have self-image and weight issues that I am currently dealing with. I think sometimes when you are in an unhealthy relationship, your partner will pick at your weakness and your faults. For a lot of women, that happens to be weight and their self-image. This is why I have a problem with a man telling a woman how fat/unattractive or just how she needs to look in general. I understand sometimes it is legitimate for healthy issues, but sometimes is it really necessary? In the last few months I''ve come to realize that what does it matter how much you weight, what size you are and how you look if you are completely satisfied with yourself? I mean if you are healthy in mind and spirit, who cares?!?!?!?
I didn’t want to respond to his email, because I thought that was below me, but I sat at work and I didn’t feel like he had the right to hurt me again.

This was my actual response to him.
This email is literally disgusting…or perhaps that’s just the kind of person you are…
If I ever thought you weren’t what I wanted, I know for sure now and I’m glad I’m not wearing that ring, leave me the hell alone!
Love,
Shamu
P.S.
STOP CONTACTING ME!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
lol love your reply
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I don''t think that I could not have replied either.
 

ficklefaye

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 12, 2008
Messages
1,179
oh what an interesting topic, FI''s been trying to lose weight for years but nothing seems to work, i worry more about his health than i do about him getting a six pack, we always joke that he has a two pack because of his belly
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