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Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
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I was wondering how much to define "LIW" so I left it open to be safe. I think there is a significant difference between waiting for just the right moment for something both parties are ready for, and the months/years wait for him to get on board.slg47|1304305633|2909676 said:I'm confused...at some point isn't everyone a LIW? Unless the engagement happens at the *first* thought of marriage...
Okay... so what's necessary or necessary pressure? When does "checking to make sure we're on the same page" roll into something unhealthy for the relationship?PilsnPinkysMom|1304305984|2909680 said:LIW does not necessarily mean that the woman's other half is unwilling or uninterested in marriage. I also don't interpret to mean that the man needs a "nudge" in the right direction. I was a LIW because DH and I had talked about marriage, wanted to be engaged, and I was waiting for the big moment to actually happen.
Starting the path to marriage as a LIW is only negative if the future-husband proposed only because of a woman's pressure and persistence, before he was ready. I'm sure a nagging girlfriend is annoying, but shame on the man who commits to marriage for the wrong reasons. (And equal shame for the woman who wants to be engaged and marry for the wrong reasons, as well... lest anyone think I'm man-bashing)
There are certainly crazy LIWs out there, but so long as they're just "crazy in love" and not simply crazy for a diamond (and not putting unnecessary pressure on their future FIs) I see no harm.
You know, I am not sure that it has to be. I think a calm, albeit possibly slightly self-deluded LIW can drag a man toward the altar without ever recognizing he has serious reservations. Now I agree, it is his fault for letting himself get dragged into it, but it's the LIW who suffers if, instead of waiting around for this guy, she doesn't start over with a guy who is excited about marriage.fiery|1304311672|2909759 said:What you're talking about are crazy/dramatic LsIW which is drastically different from your standard LIW.
lbbaber|1304306418|2909691 said:Where are the "men in waiting" groups??? lol. I'm not a fan of the terminology to be honest. I feel it implies that us women are waiting around to be chosen by a man....Hell, he's just lucky I chose him.
suchende|1304347271|2909979 said:You know, I am not sure that it has to be. I think a calm, albeit possibly slightly self-deluded LIW can drag a man toward the altar without ever recognizing he has serious reservations. Now I agree, it is his fault for letting himself get dragged into it, but it's the LIW who suffers if, instead of waiting around for this guy, she doesn't start over with a guy who is excited about marriage.fiery|1304311672|2909759 said:What you're talking about are crazy/dramatic LsIW which is drastically different from your standard LIW.
But, then I think of my totally awesome dad, who never wanted kids, had me on accident, and claims to have never had one single regret.
And besides that, is it less common for a man to really look forward to marriage anyway? I took my own advice after the last breakup and screened out guys who were "scared off" by the idea of marriage, and ended up with someone foreign-born. Are American men just "over" marriage?
LOL!!...what are the signals that he's ready to be a daddy?..Haven|1304349298|2910000 said:I think it's a bad start to a marriage if one partner had to be coerced or manipulated into getting married. I don't think that's exclusively the task of women, though, as I've seen men act the part just as well. Now that most of my close friends are married I'm seeing a new phenomenon--Daddies in Waiting--young men who are pressuring their wives to have babies before they're ready. I don't think that's a great way to start parenthood, either.
suchende|1304306863|2909700 said:Okay... so what's necessary or necessary pressure? When does "checking to make sure we're on the same page" roll into something unhealthy for the relationship?PilsnPinkysMom|1304305984|2909680 said:LIW does not necessarily mean that the woman's other half is unwilling or uninterested in marriage. I also don't interpret to mean that the man needs a "nudge" in the right direction. I was a LIW because DH and I had talked about marriage, wanted to be engaged, and I was waiting for the big moment to actually happen.
Starting the path to marriage as a LIW is only negative if the future-husband proposed only because of a woman's pressure and persistence, before he was ready. I'm sure a nagging girlfriend is annoying, but shame on the man who commits to marriage for the wrong reasons. (And equal shame for the woman who wants to be engaged and marry for the wrong reasons, as well... lest anyone think I'm man-bashing)
There are certainly crazy LIWs out there, but so long as they're just "crazy in love" and not simply crazy for a diamond (and not putting unnecessary pressure on their future FIs) I see no harm.
I hear what you're saying with this, but there's nothing particularly wrong with wanting to get married, and knowing that you're dating with the purpose of finding a husband. The whole "just wants to get married, not specifically get married to the guy she's with" line of thought suggests that it's inappropriate to have marriage as a goal, and that women should just wait around until they get seized by some romantic desire to marry the guy they're with. That's great if it works for you, but I just don't see it being a bad thing to want a traditional marriage and family, and being conscious and proactive about it.Izzy03|1304997642|2917002 said:Maybe its just me, but I don't think I would ever get excited about marrying a man who did not express a strong desire to marry me as well.
I don't see anything wrong with waiting for marriage with a man who you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with, providing he feels the same way about you. I think the problem lies with those girls who are in a rush to get married in general just because the man is there.
suchende|1305004567|2917090 said:I hear what you're saying with this, but there's nothing particularly wrong with wanting to get married, and knowing that you're dating with the purpose of finding a husband. The whole "just wants to get married, not specifically get married to the guy she's with" line of thought suggests that it's inappropriate to have marriage as a goal, and that women should just wait around until they get seized by some romantic desire to marry the guy they're with. That's great if it works for you, but I just don't see it being a bad thing to want a traditional marriage and family, and being conscious and proactive about it.