Interfaith Marriages/Relationships

[Indylady]

I''d love to hear your thoughts. I''ve heard so many conflicting thoughts, and would appreciate hearing what you all have to say.

Do you have an interfaith marriage? How did your families react? How are you raising your kids? Is it acceptable in your faith to marry outside of the religion? (some religious officiants will not perform an interfaith ceremony) Did your partner convert?

 

[kenny]

If you really really really believe in a faith with all your heart how can you be married to someone who really really really believes another faith with all their heart?

I could see it if you both don't feel strongly about your faith, or are each in one of those faiths which believe all faiths are equally right.

Even if you manage to compromise and get along which of the two faiths do you teach your kids?
Both?
Wouldn't that be confusing to the kids?
Wouldn't that annoy the leaders of each church/temple charged with the religious instruction of the children?

 

[yssie]

edit - a little too personal!



FI is Jewish, I'm Hindu. Neither of us feel very strongly about religion, but it is important to us that our kids learn the stories and histories of both cultures.

 

[susimoo]

I am Roman Catholic and husband is Muslim. Neither of us is religious. This is more the faith we inherited from our parents. I have some beliefs, DH is now a a confirmed atheist.

Our daughter is being brought up without religious instruction besides what she will learn in school. It will be her right to chose her own path.

Our parents are both religious to a degree. Our marriage was supported by both. This has been a major factor in the success of our relationship as we are both very family orientated.

I hope this helps.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My husband''s family is very strongly Catholic, and he mostly identifies as Catholic because that''s what his family is. He doesn''t believe in many of the Catholic stances though, and doesn''t go to Church except when he''s at home with his parents. He insists he''s a Catholic that just doesn''t agree with many of the Catholic church''s teachings, which I don''t really think makes sense, but hey, what do I know, I''m an Atheist/Agnostic

I did not convert to Catholicism (it and I have many conflicting opinions), but I did agree to marry in a full out Catholic ceremony since it meant so much to my hubby to be married in his hometown church, and his family really appreciated it. We were lucky enough to have a priest that''s more lenient about Catholics marrying outside the faith.

I told my hubby he can take our kids to church if he wants (I think church can be a great place to find friends and support and get involved in the community), but I''m not going and if the kids decide they don''t want to go, we agreed he won''t "make them go". And I plan on talking with them about different religions and tolerance of all beliefs and being honest with them about my own feelings about religion. Seeing how my hubby doesn''t go to church himself, I highly doubt he''ll take the kids, haha.

Our kids won''t be baptized since I feel like that is "choosing for them" in a sense, as opposed to just exposing them to a religion by taking them to church. But we''ll have someone be their "god parents" anyways since all the other kids in the family have godparents.

 

[jewelz617]

I was raised as a Catholic, my husband is an atheist.

We''re not conflicted about religion whatsoever. We are choosing to allow our daughter to be open minded about religion and encourage her to gravitate towards whichever belief system she feels drawn to, even if it''s belief in non-belief.

Growing up and 16 years of Catholic education made me realize that there are many things I like about my faith, and many things I don''t. My husband is open to all religions but organized religion is not something he chooses to embrace. I believe that after death there is an afterlife, he believes there is nothing. I believe there can be miracles and angels, he believes everything has a scientific explanation.

Our daughter was baptized in a Catholic church, but we don''t attend weekly services together. We just kind of do our own thing, you could say!

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/6/2010 2:16:03 AM
Author: kenny
If you really really really believe in a faith with all your heart how can you be married to someone who really really really believes another faith with all their heart?


I could see it if you both don''t feel strongly about your faith, or are each in one of those faiths which believe all faiths are equally right.


Even if you manage to compromise and get along which of the two faiths do you teach your kids?

Both?

Wouldn''t that be confusing to the kids?

Wouldn''t that annoy the leaders of each church/temple charged with the religious instruction of the children?

For many people, religion is a deal breaker. For others, the right person can make them think differently. It just depends on the couple, I''d imagine.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/6/2010 3:20:33 AM
Author: yssie

FI is Jewish, I'm Hindu. Neither of us feel very strongly about religion, but it is important to us that our kids learn the stories and histories of both cultures.

Pretty much the same here. I'm Hindu, he's Protestant. Neither of us are religious, although I am spiritual. I'd want to raise our kids to know about both religions and associated customs and traditions. They can decide for themselves when they grow up to follow any/all/none.

 

[elle_chris]

My husband is Catholic, I''m half Jewish/half Russian Orthodox (same as Greek Orthodox). Religion was never an issue when I was growing up. Neither of my parents are practicing. When I met my husband, his beliefs were definitely stronger than mine.

Now that we decided to try and have kids, I became a little more thoughtful of my Jewish side. We decided the kids won''t be raised with any religion. If they''re curious, we''ll take them to temple, and various churches. We''ll also teach them that God has various names, and religions are a different ways of worshipping. As they get older, they can decide for themselves ,or choose not to practice anything like we did.

Relgion is a very personal matter. Neither my husband nor I think it has anything to do with a church but rather your own relationship with God. To us, it makes no difference if we choose to call god Jesus, Yahweh, or Allah. We look at it as one and the same.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/6/2010 2:16:03 AM
Author: kenny
Wouldn't that annoy the leaders of each church/temple charged with the religious instruction of the children?

I was raised Jewish, in the Reform movement, specifically. My father is in the clergy, he's a cantor, and my sister is currently in rabbinical school to become a rabbi. My mom teaches in a private Jewish day school.

I can tell you, Kenny, that while different religions obviously have different views of this, *some* clergy in my particular sect of Judaism welcome interfaith families with open arms. I think they feel that this is the most beneficial take to have because Jews, particularly, are marrying members of other faiths at a rapidly increasing rate.

I'm not going to get into whether I agree with this or not, but I just wanted to shed some light on your particular question.

IndyLady--I almost married a man who is half Muslim and half Catholic. I'm Jewish. We decided that we would raise our future children in none of the religions, and we would do our best to teach them about their very rich and diverse family heritage.

My husband is Jewish, but seeing as neither of us are true believers, our approach will be the same: We will teach our future children about our people's history, and about our customs and traditions.

 

[Cind11]

I was raised Methodist although we did not attend church regularly. My DH was raised Catholic and probably attended church a bit more than I did. We got married in the Methodist church and our daughters were baptised Methodist. We did attend church fairly regularly when they were little but now that they are 15 and 17, we rarely go to church. I am sure it is much more difficult for people of two different faiths to marry if they were raised in more dogmatic households.

 

[somethingshiny]

I believe it really depends on the intensity that you believe your own religion. Personally, I could not be with someone who believed vastly different than me. I''m Christian (Methodist) and I could be with someone who was another denomination of Christian (baptist, protestant, etc) but not a Mormon or Catholic. Obviously if I couldn''t be with a Catholic, a non-Christian religion wouldn''t stand a chance.

My sis''s first husband was strongly Catholic (sis is not). It caused LOTS of stress on their relationship, within their families, the way they chose to raise their child etc. Sis is getting married this month to another Catholic but he doesn''t feel as strongly about his religion so I think they''ll have a bit more compromise.

All of this being said, I think things could change. Obviously you strongly respect a mate and if you have that much respect, you''ll also be more tolerant of their religion as it affects you.

 

[Indylady]

Was it difficult for your, or your significant other''s, families to accept? Is there anything you can recommend that "worked" for you? Something that made it click for your families?

My situation is of two very diverse cultures and faiths; Kama, Haven, Yssie, and Susimoo, any tips? I also appreciate everyone else that has chimed in, and it has been really helpful to hear so many perspectives. I''m sorry to make this personal, but its been a rocky road for me (rocky is an understatement...it felt more like going through the Crusades). While I do have close friends, I don''t have any that have gone through something similar. Thanks again everyone!

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/6/2010 3:48:20 PM
Author: IndyLady
Was it difficult for your, or your significant other''s, families to accept? Is there anything you can recommend that ''worked'' for you? Something that made it click for your families?

My situation is of two very diverse cultures and faiths; Kama, Haven, Yssie, and Susimoo, any tips? I also appreciate everyone else that has chimed in, and it has been really helpful to hear so many perspectives. I''m sorry to make this personal, but its been a rocky road for me (rocky is an understatement...it felt more like going through the Crusades). While I do have close friends, I don''t have any that have gone through something similar. Thanks again everyone!

Well, my parents are quite religious. My mum converted to Catholicism a few years ago and my dad''s a staunch Hindu. But I''m not quite close with my family. We used to butt heads ALL the time when I was in university and I finally moved out. My father lives in Dubai and I''m now estranged with my mother. So I suppose it made things easier for me. My father did have an issue with my husband in the beginning, but his issue was essentially with the fact that he wasn''t Indian. I am the first girl in my family to be educated outside India, and the first to not have an arranged marriage. So it was difficult for my father to let go, since he''s incredibly conservative. For him, a woman''s position is in the house. Thankfully he has now come to terms with me being a lost cause

He does appreciate me a lot more now, and does tend to respect and listen to me more than he would his own friends.

I think for you, there are two things you need to do. First, you have to set boundaries with your parents. Your life, your religion, your partner and your kids are YOUR decision. You need to be firm with them and explain your position. Secondly, you need to sit and talk with your SO and find out a middle ground not just for yourselves, but when you have children. Communication is key. Hope you''re able to sort through this and come to an understanding.

 

[lulu]

Shiny----Well, I just want to clarify that not only are Catholics Christians, we were sort of the original product. Remember the Reformation? Methodists , in common vernacular, are a "spin-off". Mormons are also Christians. I'm not sure I understand the major distinction between Catholics and Mormons and other Christians.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I was born, raised, and educated Catholic. My husband was raised Methodist.

While I feel I identify with the Catholic faith more than he identifies with the Methodist faith, I would never have asked him to marry in a Catholic ceremony. While I would like to expose any children I may have to both faiths, I would never demand that they make a choice.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/6/2010 2:16:03 AM
Author: kenny
If you really really really believe in a faith with all your heart how can you be married to someone who really really really believes another faith with all their heart?


I could see it if you both don''t feel strongly about your faith, or are each in one of those faiths which believe all faiths are equally right.


Even if you manage to compromise and get along which of the two faiths do you teach your kids?

Both?

Wouldn''t that be confusing to the kids?

Wouldn''t that annoy the leaders of each church/temple charged with the religious instruction of the children?

I consider my relationship to be interfaith - but neither of us have a "faith" that gives much outside pressure. There was some pressure from my mother in law initially to baptize our children but it wasn''t very strong and it eventually passed.

Neither my husband nor myself are religious in any way and we have no disagreement about how to raise our children. But we could not be MORE different from each other. A muslim and a christian both believe in God. My husband doesn''t, I do. His belief system completely undermines mine and it has been THE biggest struggle in our marriage. I am not christian or any other organized religion. I am pantheistic and believe we are all connected and existing as extensions of God and inescapable from God. When we discuss the physics and philosophy down to the barest bones, our thinking is very similar but from there it diverges in opposite directions. My belief system doesn''t affect him at all because he just thinks its irrelevant, where as his undermines mine in a way that I have trouble not resenting.

For the most part it isn''t an issue and the longer we are together the more I learn to find his belief system irrelevant to mine. I know it is my responsibility to have enough belief in myself to not allow his black hole to swallow me, but it has been hard.

I''m pretty sure this is way off the beaten path of what this thread was intended to discuss, but in some ways it couldn''t be more accurate. Celebrating Christmas vs Hanukah are more cultural issues to my eyes and cultural issues have a completely different set of problems and coping mechanisms than true philosophical and theological divergencies.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/6/2010 6:37:06 PM
Author: lulu
Shiny----Well, I just want to clarify that not only are Catholics Christians, we were sort of the original product. Remember the Reformation? Methodists , in common vernacular, are a 'spin-off'. Mormons are also Christians. I'm not sure I understand the major distinction between Catholics and Mormons and other Christians.

Ha, my thoughts exactly! Somethingshiny, you seem to have missed the whole history of religion thing. ETA-also, Methodists and Baptists are both considered Protestant religions.

It's funny-where I'm from a lot of Protestants seem to think Catholics are a bunch of heathens. I always liked telling them their religions are just a watered down version of Catholicism.

 

[charbie]

I know this might not help much, but here''s my situation:
Husband was raised catholic, I was raised methodist. I did not attend church much growing up, and actually opposed the catholic church very much so due to my own perceptions. When we were dating, I had a hard time ever going to church with my now husband.
After we got engaged, I decided it was very important for our future family to have us all be of one denomination. Being that my husband was not going to leave the catholic church, and I didn''t feel it was entirely fair to asdk him to since I hadn''t attended methodist services very regularly, I gave the catholic church a chance. I''m so happy to have done so. I enjoy the form of prayer used in mass, and appreciate the consistancy found in catholic church mass.
My personal opinion is that when people say their children can choose their own faith on day, many choose to have none. Children don''t very often become religious on their own without their family putting an emphasis on it. I know this doesn''t happen in all cases, just the majoirty of the people I know. So, I think if people want to raise their children to be religious, it is wise to pick a faith and go with it. If at a later time in life the child changes his or her mind, that is the time to be open to letting them pick their own faith formation.

 

[rierie26]

I''m Catholic and my boyfriend is Adventist, but his dad''s side is Catholic. It hasn''t really been a problem so far, he''s into his church but I''m not so into mine so that helps. My mom''s reaction was a bit funny - I think the first thing she said was, "They don''t immunize their kids!" (not true). We''ve decided that if we have kids, we''ll expose them to both and let them decide.

 

[Indylady]

Date: 3/6/2010 9:28:20 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 3/6/2010 2:16:03 AM

Author: kenny

If you really really really believe in a faith with all your heart how can you be married to someone who really really really believes another faith with all their heart?



I could see it if you both don''t feel strongly about your faith, or are each in one of those faiths which believe all faiths are equally right.



Even if you manage to compromise and get along which of the two faiths do you teach your kids?


Both?


Wouldn''t that be confusing to the kids?


Wouldn''t that annoy the leaders of each church/temple charged with the religious instruction of the children?

I consider my relationship to be interfaith - but neither of us have a ''faith'' that gives much outside pressure. There was some pressure from my mother in law initially to baptize our children but it wasn''t very strong and it eventually passed.


Neither my husband nor myself are religious in any way and we have no disagreement about how to raise our children. But we could not be MORE different from each other. A muslim and a christian both believe in God. My husband doesn''t, I do. His belief system completely undermines mine and it has been THE biggest struggle in our marriage. I am not christian or any other organized religion. I am pantheistic and believe we are all connected and existing as extensions of God and inescapable from God. When we discuss the physics and philosophy down to the barest bones, our thinking is very similar but from there it diverges in opposite directions. My belief system doesn''t affect him at all because he just thinks its irrelevant, where as his undermines mine in a way that I have trouble not resenting.


For the most part it isn''t an issue and the longer we are together the more I learn to find his belief system irrelevant to mine. I know it is my responsibility to have enough belief in myself to not allow his black hole to swallow me, but it has been hard.


I''m pretty sure this is way off the beaten path of what this thread was intended to discuss, but in some ways it couldn''t be more accurate. Celebrating Christmas vs Hanukah are more cultural issues to my eyes and cultural issues have a completely different set of problems and coping mechanisms than true philosophical and theological divergencies.

Cerhra- Its not off topic at all!

Is it hard for you to find his belief system irrelevant to yours? Those really are core issues; on one hand, it most likely doesn''t affect day to day life, and therefore shouldn''t be so much of a problem. I think one of those mind clean vs. eye clean issues, if they makes any sense. Your post prompted me to think more deeply than when I posed this question...not that I haven''t thought of these issues before, just not when I posed this.

 

[Indylady]

Thank you Kenny, Yssie, Susimoo, MTG, Pink Asscher, Elle, Haven, Cindy, Somethingshiny, Lulu, LTP, Cehra, Thing2, Charbie, and Kitcha! A very sincere and heart-felt thanks. I like seeing how families can do their own thing, ala Pink Asscher, and how other families have come together to embrace one faith, Charbie.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/6/2010 10:37:55 PM
Author: charbie
My personal opinion is that when people say their children can choose their own faith on day, many choose to have none. Children don''t very often become religious on their own without their family putting an emphasis on it. I know this doesn''t happen in all cases, just the majoirty of the people I know. So, I think if people want to raise their children to be religious, it is wise to pick a faith and go with it. If at a later time in life the child changes his or her mind, that is the time to be open to letting them pick their own faith formation.

It''s funny because this is kinda what I think except I''m on the side of people being free and not on the side of making sure they have a tradition to follow.

One of the things that is missing most out of my life in this arena is the sense of community. There are no holidays for what I believe, there are no groups of people believing the same thing meeting around the corner once a week. But also I think that a lot of times the people who go to church together only really believe what they do BECAUSE it was fed to them at an early age and they carry it on BECAUSE of the community - not because of the actual philosophy behind the theology. To me that makes it kinda empty and pointless. but still I *wish* I could drink the koolaid and be a part of a community like that - sometimes I really do.

My mom was catholic and my father mormon - they were married in a unitarian church in the 60''s in san francisco and I am the resulting flower child they wanted to be free from religion. It worked and I to this day consider it the best gift they could have given me. My mother, on her death bed, asked for a priest and my father went on to have another child with another woman who he has raised in the mormon church.

Now my children are 2nd generation free and we have the most amazing discussions about ethics. When you don''t have "God" and "hell" to back you up, you have to get a lot more creative with your arguments for WHY someone should do the right thing.

I cannot deny God - to me no matter what you believe, there is this big vast *something* that exists and somehow it exists somewhere and that''s enough for me. But to the details, I think it would serve us to shed our fighting hold on those and let things just unfold. I believe our understanding of life, existence, and God are an evolution every bit as much as the universe and the animals have evolved and continue to evolve. Being stuck too much in one place doesn''t help in the long term, but boy is it comforting in the short term.

I do not begrudge anyone their religious community or any path that helps them to be a better person, but I don''t know that passing it on to the next generation as the only way to go helps the future of mankind.

I think I am too science oriented. The things Sheldon says make way too much sense lol

If this comes off as an attack, I apologize - I am only using the above post as a jumping off point - not a criticism of her faith.

 

[charbie]

Cehra:
I don''t feel attacked at all, what you are saying is exactly what I mean. Children are the products of their parents, and you have to do your best in raising them to what you believe is the best way to raise them. You may not be raising them in an organized religion, but you are still providing to them a foundation based on your free religion beliefs, which I think is amazing.
My husband, being a cradle catholic with 13 yrs of catholic school to boot, doesn''t necessarily agree with all things catholic. However, he still identifies best with being catholic. I went through the catholic formation classes,, and also don''t agree with all things catholic...maybe our catholic church was "wrong" but they told me that''s ok, that its between me and God, so I am allowed to be a liberal and a catholic. And while we do plan on raising our children as catholic, they will be allowed to come to their own conclusions about it. My stance is I would rather them be introduced to the religion my husband and I believe in at a young age, and your right bc their is a community involved with that, and I want our family to have our own personal community with one another where we can be open about religion. There is a huge difference between an 8 yr old telling me they don''t want to go to church bc they don''t want to pay attention and a 14 yr old who tells me they don''t want to go bc its all a bunch of crap. My 14 yr old would win that battle and not be told to go.

One thing I did want to ask is what you meant about the hanukka- chirstmas thing. Did you mean that in your own family? Bc in my eyes, I wouldn''t be celebrating christmas at all if we weren''t religious. It isn''t a cultural thing at all in my eyes (culture has glamorized it and twisted it) but id have to give it a different name or something...chirstmas is very much so a religious event, as well as easter!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Charbie - We celebrate Christmas in a secular way. I actually have asked my husband a few times to consider stopping christmas and celebrating Yule. I''m not exactly pagan (I could be considered as such but generally even the pagans are too structured for my taste lol), but you still have the tree and gifts, you are just celebrating the longest night of the year, the solstice and that is something I can really get behind. I''m a huge fan of celebrating the natural events, the earth going around the sun, the moon going around the earth, etc.

But he said no. He is the athiest in the house (or to hear him say it he doesn''t believe there ISN''T a god, he just doesn''t believe there IS one. A soft athiest you could say lol) and yet he is the one who wants to continue the tradition of Christmas. I would love to celebrate Solstice. We could do everything we enjoy AND be done 4 days before everyone else so that our time could be freed up to join others in their celebration lol Sounds like a win-win to me!

But I guess what I meant by what I said before is that when one person celebrates a particular set of holidays and another another set, the conflict isn''t philosophical or theological really - it''s cultural. And culturally there''s no reason not to celebrate them both unless theologically you''re concerned about diluting the importance of one by introducing the other. Some people bring a lot of philosophy and theology to the table, but I think most people bring a sense of tradition and a set of truths passed on by their parents that they don''t question or haven''t questioned that much. Most of what we consider religion falls under culture to my eyes. I don''t think most people really stop to think about the actual philosophical implications of their religion but to me if I can''t make sense of it in physics tainted philosophy - I can''t believe it.

 

[perry]

This is really a question of what a person''s faith really means to them - and the ability to tolerate differences.

I tried to marry a person of a different faith - and while I could accept that was her faith and that it would affect how she lived her life; I am not sure that she ever accepted the fact that I could accept her religion.

I actually have some fairly strong religious/moral beliefs. Some of the key ones are vastly different than what is commonly taught by most mainstream "Christian" denominations. So I do not jell well with someone who has strong beliefs that conflict with those.

But, I can get along with someone else with the same basic core beliefs - who celebrates them differently. I do not believe that there is only one path to whatever the future holds.

Have a great day,

Perry

 

[packrat]

JD was raised Catholic (tho they never went to Church, ever, far as I know) and I was raised as a Jehovah''s Witness. We did go to meetings while growing up. Once we got older, mom didn''t make us go, and she quit going as well. I got back into it for a while in my mid 20''s and then back out again. In my family, the only Witnesses who are practicing are my Uncle/Aunt (mom''s brother) and my Gramma but it''s never caused any problems for us..they don''t make comments or little digs. My Uncle and Aunt didn''t come to our wedding b/c it was in a church (Baptist, and only b/c that''s the only place we could rent, we had a JP do the ceremony, and it wasn''t religious at all-other than the 2 story high cross on the wall haha) and THAT did not sit well w/JD-years later it still sticks in his craw. Gramma came, and THAT meant more to me than anything.

We celebrate Christmas and Birthdays, and that''s all. I''d said I would take the kids to the Memorial every year (JW''s Easter is what I call it) b/c that''s THE most important date in the religion, but they''ve each only gone once b/c of timing. JD wasn''t happy either time we (he didn''t go) went, but that''s the compromise we made.

His mom wasn''t happy about the choices we made religion-wise, but he put his foot down early on, no leaving religious artifacts here when she comes over, don''t hide them in the house etc.

I dated a guy who was Catholic before JD, and we were close to getting engaged, until he told me he expected me to convert. I asked that we each spend some time in each others faiths, learning-I got books from his mom and had talks with her about the religion''s teachings, and was going to talk w/the Priest as well. He flat out refused, told me I was *wrong* and I needed to listen to him. He went so far as to tell me he would get a vasectomy to prevent us from having kids so I wouldn''t be able to tell them anything about my religion. (which I''m not active in, I just believe certain parts-and he was completely inactive in his faith as well!) Aaaand out the door I went. The last time I spoke w/him he cried and told me I was going to hell.

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 3/6/2010 6:37:06 PM
Author: lulu
Shiny----Well, I just want to clarify that not only are Catholics Christians, we were sort of the original product. Remember the Reformation? Methodists , in common vernacular, are a 'spin-off'. Mormons are also Christians. I'm not sure I understand the major distinction between Catholics and Mormons and other Christians.

I was puzzled when I read this post so I reread my original post. I apologize for the confusion. I certainly didn't mean to imply that Catholics or Mormons aren't Christian. I'm well aware of Christianity throughout history. My intended point was: Even as a Methodist (obviously being VERY close to Catholic--just minus the Saints) personally, I couldn't marry a Catholic. My faith is too intense to be with someone who would have even that much of a difference with me. The Catholic faith and the Mormon faith incorporate things that I cannot accept for my personal beliefs. Studying theology and faiths is something I'm passionate about. No offense was intended.



eta-Thing 2, I used the word Protestant to incorporate additional religions that have separated from the Catholic faith. I didn't mean to offend.


I must add though, I was trying to keep my post in line with forum rules by not going into too much detail about religion. So, I did not take the time to cross all my t's and dot all my i's.

 

[lilyfoot]

Neither my FI or I are religious. Our immediate families aren''t either. Being Hispanic, my family''s religious background is Roman-Catholic. I''m not sure if there''s a denomination FI''s family would identify with.

We plan to raise our children with a good set of morals, regardless of religious ties.

If my child is interested in church (i.e., attends with a friend, etc), it wouldn''t bother me. If they wanted me to attend church with them, I would do so. I attended a non-denominational Christian church every Sunday up until I was a teenager, so I know all the stories of the Bible, and things like that.

I am not anti-religion, and I respect everyone''s right to their own beliefs, religion is just not something that plays a part in my life.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 3/6/2010 10:37:55 PM
Author: charbie
I know this might not help much, but here's my situation:
Husband was raised catholic, I was raised methodist. I did not attend church much growing up, and actually opposed the catholic church very much so due to my own perceptions. When we were dating, I had a hard time ever going to church with my now husband.
After we got engaged, I decided it was very important for our future family to have us all be of one denomination. Being that my husband was not going to leave the catholic church, and I didn't feel it was entirely fair to asdk him to since I hadn't attended methodist services very regularly, I gave the catholic church a chance. I'm so happy to have done so. I enjoy the form of prayer used in mass, and appreciate the consistancy found in catholic church mass.
My personal opinion is that when people say their children can choose their own faith on day, many choose to have none. Children don't very often become religious on their own without their family putting an emphasis on it. I know this doesn't happen in all cases, just the majoirty of the people I know. So, I think if people want to raise their children to be religious, it is wise to pick a faith and go with it. If at a later time in life the child changes his or her mind, that is the time to be open to letting them pick their own faith formation.

100% agree. I am "ethnically" Catholic, but was not baptized or raised attending services (though I did go to Catholic high school, but that was for academic, not religious reasons). DH's family is some form of Protestant, but they also did not attend church or instill any religious feeling in their kids (some of DH's perceptions of Bible stories are so wrong they're funny - he didn't grow up learning this stuff).

At this point, we are as unreligious as you can be. I completely agree that if the parents aren't religious and don't attend religous services with the kids, the chance of the kids actually picking a religion and going with it are slim. I don't see a problem with taking kids to two different services, but taking them to no services is a sure way for them to end up agnostic and secular (as myself and DH are).

Just something to think about for those who plan to leave religion out of family life and let their kids choose. If your kids chose no religion, would that matter to you?

eta: For what it's worth, we do loosely follow Christian holidays - put up a tree, listen to Christmas music, etc. I like the idea of cultural traditions and don't think they need to be followed with a religious mindset to be meaningful.