Interfaith Marriages/Relationships

[MakingTheGrade]

I wouldn''t mind if my children grew up and didn''t ever choose a religion, I''m agnostic myself, so obviously it wouldn''t bother me. I don''t think my husband would mind either, though I suspect his grandparents would be slightly saddened by it.

As long as they grew up happy, healthy, and had a moral/behavioral system that was compatible with being a successful member of society, I''d be a happy camper.

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 3/7/2010 5:40:31 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 3/6/2010 10:37:55 PM
Author: charbie
I know this might not help much, but here''s my situation:
Husband was raised catholic, I was raised methodist. I did not attend church much growing up, and actually opposed the catholic church very much so due to my own perceptions. When we were dating, I had a hard time ever going to church with my now husband.
After we got engaged, I decided it was very important for our future family to have us all be of one denomination. Being that my husband was not going to leave the catholic church, and I didn''t feel it was entirely fair to asdk him to since I hadn''t attended methodist services very regularly, I gave the catholic church a chance. I''m so happy to have done so. I enjoy the form of prayer used in mass, and appreciate the consistancy found in catholic church mass.
My personal opinion is that when people say their children can choose their own faith on day, many choose to have none. Children don''t very often become religious on their own without their family putting an emphasis on it. I know this doesn''t happen in all cases, just the majoirty of the people I know. So, I think if people want to raise their children to be religious, it is wise to pick a faith and go with it. If at a later time in life the child changes his or her mind, that is the time to be open to letting them pick their own faith formation.

100% agree. I am ''ethnically'' Catholic, but was not baptized or raised attending services (though I did go to Catholic high school, but that was for academic, not religious reasons). DH''s family is some form of Protestant, but they also did not attend church or instill any religious feeling in their kids (some of DH''s perceptions of Bible stories are so wrong they''re funny - he didn''t grow up learning this stuff).

At this point, we are as unreligious as you can be. I completely agree that if the parents aren''t religious and don''t attend religous services with the kids, the chance of the kids actually picking a religion and going with it are slim. I don''t see a problem with taking kids to two different services, but taking them to no services is a sure way for them to end up agnostic and secular (as myself and DH are).

Just something to think about for those who plan to leave religion out of family life and let their kids choose. If your kids chose no religion, would that matter to you?

eta: For what it''s worth, we do loosely follow Christian holidays - put up a tree, listen to Christmas music, etc. I like the idea of cultural traditions and don''t think they need to be followed with a religious mindset to be meaningful.

If I''m going to be totally honest, I don''t believe that someone who chooses to marry outside of their faith is deeply religious to start with. I''m not saying they don''t have a belief in God, just not religious.
So I don''t know why they would care whether or not their kids are relgious?
Teaching your children about your tradition and customs is great, but why the need to instill any relgious path if the parents aren''t practicing themselves?

Like Makingthegrade said "As long as they grew up happy, healthy, and had a moral/behavioral system that was compatible with being a successful member of society, I''d be a happy camper."
It''s how I, coming from a mixed family was raised- and I think I turned out pretty well.

 

[kenny]

Some people see their kids as their second chance to create the person they were never able to become themselves.
They want their kids to have . . .

Better education than they got
Piano lessons they wish they had
Nicer house and neighborhood than they grew up in
Practice the faith, which they have not done

Many people want their kids to be better than them (whatever that means to them).

Also I believe that religions would not get the majority of their members if people were not exposed to religion until they were adults.
Instilling religion into children is essential to perpetuate a religion.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:08:02 PM
Author: elle_chris

Date: 3/7/2010 5:40:31 PM

So I don''t know why they would care whether or not their kids are relgious?

Teaching your children about your tradition and customs is great, but why the need to instill any relgious path if the parents aren''t practicing themselves?

I can give ONE answer for this... when i mentioned that my brother is being raised LDS I neglected to mention that neither of his parents follow that faith. His mother is I have no idea what - agnostic or athiest I''m guessing. Maybe agnostic. Anyway - my father went through all of the Mormon hoops as a child but he by no stretch lives the life now nor does he ever go to church. He smokes pot every day and has for 40 years - he''s not what anyone would consider mormon lol

Okay, now that said they ARE raising their son Mormon. My dad took him to church starting at around 2 or 3 and he himself stopped going when he didn''t have to remain with him. My brother is an eagle scout, wants to go to brigham young, the whole bit. Why did they do this? My brother is and always was very large and they moved from SF to oakland when he was around 2 or 3 and they were concerned raising a very large boy in a lower middle class neighborhood in oakland and they thought he would be safer if he was religious - safe from drugs and sex and gangs etc. Later they realized that it was a good way for a lazy student to get a good education for not too much money.

It''s not a sham, but it certainly is odd. Especially considering how I was raised, in my father''s words, to be a heathen lol

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:19:35 PM
Author: kenny
Some people see their kids as their second chance to create the person they were never able to become themselves.
They want their kids to have . . .

Better education than I got
Piano lessons I wish I had
Nicer neighborhood than I grew up in
Practice the faith, which I have not done

Many people want their kids to be better than them (whatever that means to them).

Also I believe that religions would shrivel up if people were not exposed to religion till they were adults.
Instilling religion into children is essential to perpetuate a religion.

I think many people become relgious in adult life. I''ve seen it happen with two close friends and some people at work. Not uncommon.

What I don''t understand is why "practicing a faith" makes anyone a better person? People can be compassionate, understanding, give to charity etc, without being religious. In fact, most do it without relgion palying a role. Believing in something greater, and practicing a particular faith are two different things to me. Then again, maybe I don''t understand it because I''m not religious?

 

[Haven]

Cehra--That''s really interesting about your brother.
One of my best friends from high school is Mormon, but his family is *seriously* Mormon, and they''ve always been practicing. I used to love going to dances with him at his church''s stake in high school, they were so fun and wholesome! It was like entering a different world.

I can''t imagine someone who isn''t very devoted to the religion raising their child Mormon, that''s just a really interesting situation.

Similar to your parents, my maternal grandparents raised my mother and her brother Jewish to spite the Nazis. My grandparents were both raised Christian, but they each had Jewish fathers, and both families lost enormous amounts of wealth during WWII. When they came to this country they just decided they were going to breed some Jews to spite the Nazi movement.

The irony is that my mother is extremely involved in the religion, and always has been.

 

[kenny]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:28:32 PM
Author: elle_chris
What I don't understand is why 'practicing a faith' makes anyone a better person?

Huh? Who thinks that?

There are good people, religious or otherwise.
There are bad people, religious or otherwise.

Recently some of the most passionately religious people have done some of the worst things imaginable.

 

[elle_chris]

Cehra- interesting on what they decided to do with your brother. But it had nothing to do with them believing it themselves but like you said. more about the circumstance they found themsevles in. I don''t see myself ever going that far, because it seems pretty false to me (no offense to your dad). I probably would have tried a different approach.

 

[somethingshiny]

While I believe that going to church regularly as a child will probably end up with a faithful person, I don''t believe a non-church goer will end up faithless.

My siblings and I weren''t raised going to church EVER. But, God was a central point of our household. I believe talking about God every day will do more to instill faith in a child than attending a service once a week.

I agree with Kenny in that "instilling religion into children is necessary to perpetuate a religion." But, instilling faith into children can be all together separate.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/7/2010 1:55:56 AM
Author: IndyLady

Cerhra- Its not off topic at all!

Is it hard for you to find his belief system irrelevant to yours? Those really are core issues; on one hand, it most likely doesn''t affect day to day life, and therefore shouldn''t be so much of a problem. I think one of those mind clean vs. eye clean issues, if they makes any sense. Your post prompted me to think more deeply than when I posed this question...not that I haven''t thought of these issues before, just not when I posed this.

Yes - it has been very difficult at times. I''m a bit of an odd duck and the whole area where God and Physics meet up is where my mind is almost constantly. I don''t necessarily see God as something separate from me or anyone else, but I do see God as something greater than me alone, something that I cannot exist without and most likely exist within. I cannot relate to giving God a sex like "he" so it is always an it - but not inanimate. In that little area of my mind philosophy and theology struggle to describe in prose what I think all of us understand innately and yet never can find the words to describe, and which science tirelessly works toward every day finding that every step forward makes us aware of another hundreds steps needed to be taken. I don''t think any attempt to define God are wrong, but I prefer the attempts that don''t tell others that their attempts are wrong. I also prefer the attempts that are open to accepting growth and thus change over the attempts that are committed to never wavering. My head, my heart, my very soul aree in constant thought about these topics. My head in the background is always looking for a way to prove God exists. So yeah - having someone as close to me as my husband not even believing God exists is VERY undermining. But in the early years I tried looking where he looks and all I saw is nothingness. In threads like "is your so your cheerleader" my answer was no. He''s not. He supports ME in that he doesn''t put me down or try to discourage me from pursuing my dreams, but there is always the understanding that deep down he thinks I''m wasting my time and that the exercise is boring and pointless. And yet this exercise is the singular passion that runs through me and has as far back as I can remember. Wanting to scientifically understand God and the origins of the universe has been at my core as long as I''ve known myself. But rather than reaching for a bible or koran or torah - I look toward science and physics. I know this all makes me seem a bit kooky, but I am at least mostly sane I went through years where I thought I couldn''t endure being with my husband because of this - but I love him, we are compatible in so many ways and still passionately in love after almost 19 years of marriage - there''s a lot of good in that! So rather than throwing it all away or wanting to change him (we all know that doesn''t work) I look at him as my antithesis. I figure if I can come up with a theory or equation that HE cannot deny, I''ve got a really good start

I don''t usually talk about this stuff because it bores the hell out of people and is too off the beaten path for anyone else to relate to... but since you asked lol

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:34:49 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 3/7/2010 7:28:32 PM

Author: elle_chris

What I don't understand is why 'practicing a faith' makes anyone a better person?

Huh? Who thinks that?


There are good people, religious or otherwise.

There are bad people, religious or otherwise.


Recently some of the most passionately religious people have done some of the worst things imaginable.

Kenny, that is what you think and I agree with you. But some religious people tend to think they are better than others because they are practicing a faith; they have something the others don't and believe in something that the others don't.

I am Catholic and my boyfriend is Jewish. I went to a Catholic school k-8 and my bf went to a Jewish Private school from k-4. We both are not practicing anymore. I think that along with growing into adults together, we have learned to agree to disagree. He doesn't believe in a higher being and I do, but I accept and understand that he doesn't because he has his legitimate reasons. We are planning on having one child and while I don't want my family to get mad that we don't make them be a religion, I really would like it if they learned about all religions. As I grow up, I realize that I appreciate being educated about all religions as opposed to practicing one.

With all of that said, I do not think that we would be together if we were still practicing, because that would mean that would mean that I truly believed in my religion as he would if he was still practicing which would have some opposing view points. I hope this isn't too religious for PS.

ETA- going back and reading through some of these posts, I really agree with a lot of the stuff that cehra said, including the fact that I have an easier time believing things that are proved through science.

 

[Imdanny]

Date: 3/6/2010 1:24:29 AM
Author:IndyLady

Do you have an interfaith marriage?

My parents did. I don''t really have anything wise to add to this thread. I think people should follow their hearts. That''s all.

 

[kenny]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:57:58 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13

Date: 3/7/2010 7:34:49 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 3/7/2010 7:28:32 PM
Author: elle_chris
What I don't understand is why 'practicing a faith' makes anyone a better person?

Huh? Who thinks that?
There are good people, religious or otherwise.
There are bad people, religious or otherwise.
Recently some of the most passionately religious people have done some of the worst things imaginable.

Kenny, that is what you think and I agree with you. But some religious people tend to think they are better than others because they are practicing a faith; they have something the others don't and believe in something that the others don't.

So?
They get to think whatever they want.
What other people think/believe does not matter.

I'll bet about 6 billion of the almost 7 billon people on the earth think that Kenny is not 100% just right because X, or Y, or Z.
No problem.
That's what they think.
What they think is nothing more than thoughts.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Personally, my biggest concern of sending my kids to church, is them being taught things like "don't do that, God says it's bad", I feel like it's just an excuse to not have a serious conversation with children about the deeper moral/societal reasons to not do things. I also think it's a dangerous mindset to have (i.e. I can impinge on the rights of others because God says I'm right). I understand that it's just easy to tell kids things like that to get them to behave and to believe what you believe, but it makes me nervous none the less.

If hubby takes my kids to Catholic church, we will be having very thorough debriefings on what they learned that day when they come home! The church isn't exactly known to give all sides of a story, and I want to make sure my kids learn to make informed decisions and the value of different perspectives and opinions.

 

[swimmer]

Indylady, I am sorry that you are struggling so mightily with this issue. It really is one for the ages, yes, you mentioned the Crusades, isn't it interesting how religions based on love and developing an understanding of the universe can lead to such conflict? I hope that you find peace on this issue and while I don't know what your specific issue is, I'd like to discuss how I was raised in an interfaith family and it turned out just fine (so far!)

To add a bit to what Charbie, Elle, and Haven were discussing, my mother is Catholic, sings in the choir every Sunday, very active in Catholic Charities, and my father is Jewish, a leader of his congregation, on the board, the whole shebang. I have never dared ask why my parents decided that their children would be raised Jewish, (prob dad just refused to have kids any other way) but we had Orthodox conversions within days of birth and grew up as culturally and religiously Jewish as possible. This might have been made "easier" in that C and J are pretty similar in structure? Does that make sense? The focus on family, education, traditions, and large meals... My sibling and I both turned out more devout than our father and of course married Jews. I did not consider it possible to date a non-Jew, what was the point, there would never be any future and our backgrounds would just be too different -in my opinion. My Catholic mother would have been quite upset at me dating a non-Jew. This is not a paradox, she raised me to be religiously and culturally Jewish and I am; part of that covenant is to marry a Jew and have Jewish babies.

Yes, I think that raising Jewish children was trying for her, not just having no clue how to plan bat mitzvot, being the only shiksa at the JCC pool, and having us live in Israel for years, but the Jewish attitude towards practice and understanding is to question and debate (loudly)...and well, HER experience with Roman Catholic Church has been more about memorization and unquestioning faith. This is of course not true of all Catholic experiences! But all the "why" questions must have been excruciating. I am so unbelievably grateful that my parents chose one of their faiths for us to follow. I grew up with several kids who were going to choose either mom or dad's faith at some arbitrary date (perhaps that works for some folks!) but I saw these kids as having to pick which parent they liked better or which religion was "easier." Hey, tradition says that a boy becomes a man at 13, but I'm not giving him my car keys if you know what I'm saying.

I have no issue at all with a person not belonging to a faith group or even identifying with all of them, I am however not a fan of making a teen choose, Solomon-like, or just trusting them to get a bit from Veggie Tales and some from their public school History teacher. I am that teacher! The questions kids ask me about their own religions are both frightening and funny. But that is another thread altogether.

Anyway, without my parents' decision about my faith at age 6 days, my life experiences and outlook would be completely different. I would have married a different man, lived in different countries, and while those might have also been wonderful experiences, I am thrilled that they decided for me and that I grew up within a community of traditions and faith. My DH and I are expecting a son, who will grow up in the Jewish congregation we searched for and joined, we talk about when we will first take him to Israel, how to teach him the language and culture of our families, which grandfathers he will be named after...shhh, he has some yarmulkes already to match his dad's...

 

[Indylady]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:08:02 PM
Author: elle_chris
If I''m going to be totally honest, I don''t believe that someone who chooses to marry outside of their faith is deeply religious to start with. I''m not saying they don''t have a belief in God, just not religious.

So I don''t know why they would care whether or not their kids are relgious?

I have to respectfully, but strongly disagree; I think that deeply religious individuals, even of different faiths, can often relate to one another even more so than individuals in the same faith that do not actively practice. I don''t think that being deeply religious and loving someone of another faith are mutually exclusive...if they were, I wouldn''t have ever posed this thread. My SO and I have an incredibly similar value system, just with different titles. There are some differences in the way we think about faith, and different cultural traditions, but I''ve never met anyone of my own faith that thinks about things exactly as I do.

Why would I care if my kids were religious? I care more about the values that my children have somewhat more than the religion, but I can''t really say because I don''t have children and its easy to make up hypotheticals and real life rarely ends up like the situations that are imagined. Would I care if they picked another faith? I think so; because, when it boils down to it, I think mine makes the most sense. That''s why I''m a part of it. But, really, I can''t really know until the time comes.

 

[elle_chris]

Indy- I agree that two people of different faiths can make it work. I just don't see how it's possible if both are very devout. The only reason I say this is because a fundamental difference exists that does define a relationship to a large degree. I'm not talking about a general belief in a greater being, or being a spirtual person, but more so the dogma of following a particular sect. If two people decide on being together, someone has to give. I just don't see a way around that.

Then again, maybe we mean very different things when we say "deeply religious"?

I do wish you the best, and hope you can both come to place where you'll be comfortable with eachother's beliefs.

 

[Indylady]

Our dogmas are actually what bring up together; our core values are the same. We do both come from Abrahamic religions, so that makes it easier. However, I will agree that its rare to come across a couple like us.

 

[Indylady]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:45:25 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 3/7/2010 1:55:56 AM

Author: IndyLady


Cerhra- Its not off topic at all!

Is it hard for you to find his belief system irrelevant to yours? Those really are core issues; on one hand, it most likely doesn''t affect day to day life, and therefore shouldn''t be so much of a problem. I think one of those mind clean vs. eye clean issues, if they makes any sense. Your post prompted me to think more deeply than when I posed this question...not that I haven''t thought of these issues before, just not when I posed this.

Yes - it has been very difficult at times. I''m a bit of an odd duck and the whole area where God and Physics meet up is where my mind is almost constantly. I don''t necessarily see God as something separate from me or anyone else, but I do see God as something greater than me alone, something that I cannot exist without and most likely exist within. I cannot relate to giving God a sex like ''he'' so it is always an it - but not inanimate. In that little area of my mind philosophy and theology struggle to describe in prose what I think all of us understand innately and yet never can find the words to describe, and which science tirelessly works toward every day finding that every step forward makes us aware of another hundreds steps needed to be taken. I don''t think any attempt to define God are wrong, but I prefer the attempts that don''t tell others that their attempts are wrong. I also prefer the attempts that are open to accepting growth and thus change over the attempts that are committed to never wavering. My head, my heart, my very soul aree in constant thought about these topics. My head in the background is always looking for a way to prove God exists. So yeah - having someone as close to me as my husband not even believing God exists is VERY undermining. But in the early years I tried looking where he looks and all I saw is nothingness. In threads like ''is your so your cheerleader'' my answer was no. He''s not. He supports ME in that he doesn''t put me down or try to discourage me from pursuing my dreams, but there is always the understanding that deep down he thinks I''m wasting my time and that the exercise is boring and pointless. And yet this exercise is the singular passion that runs through me and has as far back as I can remember. Wanting to scientifically understand God and the origins of the universe has been at my core as long as I''ve known myself. But rather than reaching for a bible or koran or torah - I look toward science and physics. I know this all makes me seem a bit kooky, but I am at least mostly sane I went through years where I thought I couldn''t endure being with my husband because of this - but I love him, we are compatible in so many ways and still passionately in love after almost 19 years of marriage - there''s a lot of good in that! So rather than throwing it all away or wanting to change him (we all know that doesn''t work) I look at him as my antithesis. I figure if I can come up with a theory or equation that HE cannot deny, I''ve got a really good start


I don''t usually talk about this stuff because it bores the hell out of people and is too off the beaten path for anyone else to relate to... but since you asked lol

Cehra, you''ve given me so much food for thought! It is wonderful that you can talk so freely about the difficult parts, and the wonderful parts of your relationship. Your views are so intresting; I rarely see ''devout'' individuals who cite science as a reason for their reasons..your posts have been so incredibly interesting!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 3/7/2010 8:01:36 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 3/7/2010 7:57:58 PM

Author: IloveAsschers13

Date: 3/7/2010 7:34:49 PM

Author: kenny

Date: 3/7/2010 7:28:32 PM

Author: elle_chris

What I don''t understand is why ''practicing a faith'' makes anyone a better person?

Huh? Who thinks that?

There are good people, religious or otherwise.

There are bad people, religious or otherwise.

Recently some of the most passionately religious people have done some of the worst things imaginable.

Kenny, that is what you think and I agree with you. But some religious people tend to think they are better than others because they are practicing a faith; they have something the others don''t and believe in something that the others don''t.

So?

They get to think whatever they want.

What other people think/believe does not matter.


I''ll bet about 6 billion of the almost 7 billion people on the earth think that Kenny is not 100% just right because X, or Y, or Z.

No problem.

That''s what they think.

What they think is nothing more than thoughts.

Whoa, back off a little.

You just asked who thinks that practicing the faith makes someone a better person and I answered the question with what I think. I am not saying they shouldn''t think that; rather I was answering a question. I don''t think it matters either which is why I choose what I want to do with my life, so I do agree with you on that. I wasn''t trying to pick a fight at all. In fact, I stated I agreed with you.

 

[kenny]

Goodness, I''m not picking a fight.
I do have to work on how bluntly I write.

So sorry.

 

[waxing lyrical]

I''m not sure if we''re interfaith. I don''t really think so. When we married we were Independent Baptists -- fundamentalists. My husband is ignostic/atheist relative to all deities/god concepts. He''s not in any way spiritual. I, on the other hand, am more spiritual, though not in the theistic sense. I am a nontheist in that I reject classical theism. I have tendencies to Mahayana and Zen Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, Taoism and certain Pagan traditions that focus on duotheism. I see myself as a pantheist or panentheist depending on my mood.

There is no conflict when it comes to raising the children as we agree on serious matters. We plan to expose them to a wide variety of philosophies and religious traditions.

We''re not Jewish, but we intend to observe Chanukah from a secular perspective. To shed some light on the lesser known tradition that takes place in December. We observe Winter Solstice/Yule, though I''m not decidedly Pagan in the traditional sense of the word.

I honestly could not be with someone whose beliefs are radically different from mine. Back when we were conservative evangelical Christians we held to the principle behind not being unequally yoked. I can work with an eclectic/mystic/pluralist Christian and a progressive/liberal Jew. That''s about it as far as classical theism goes.

 

[FrekeChild]

The closest I get to religion is ignostic. I was raised Catholic by two hardcore Catholics (no joke, they used to go to church every single day, my dad still does) and at the ripe old age of 15, I told my mom I wanted nothing to do with her religion anymore, and I would not be attending mass ever again. She didn't speak to me for 3 days.

My husband is of the same vein of thought that I am. His mother was also Catholic, but his father is atheist. We do not believe in any religious tradition, but we do participate in Christmas.

I would not be able to be in a relationship with anyone who had anything more than a very casual relationship with religion. I cannot talk about religion with anyone who is not open-minded about other religions, and is not adamant that their religion is the best. They are all different, but equal. My mom was under the belief that Muslims were all terrorists like those who participated in 9/11. I had to explain that they weren't. I often wonder if religion can beget ignorance.

I enjoy studying religion, but thats about as far as it goes. It is astounding to me how ignorant some people can be about religions besides their own.

Sometimes I'll joke around and say I practice Greek Mythology. That always makes people pause... Especially when you say you're a follower of Bacchus.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/8/2010 1:09:13 AM
Author: waxing lyrical
I''m not sure if we''re interfaith. I don''t really think so. When we married we were Independent Baptists -- fundamentalists. My husband is ignostic/atheist relative to all deities/god concepts. He''s not in any way spiritual. I, on the other hand, am more spiritual, though not in the theistic sense. I am a nontheist in that I reject classical theism. I have tendencies to Mahayana and Zen Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, Taoism and certain Pagan traditions that focus on duotheism. I see myself as a pantheist or panentheist depending on my mood.

You''re speaking my language

Seriously - this is one of the biggest reasons I was so excited to come to China - to be in the land where Tao is at the center and Buddha walks the middle

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:35:22 PM
Author: elle_chris
Cehra- interesting on what they decided to do with your brother. But it had nothing to do with them believing it themselves but like you said. more about the circumstance they found themsevles in. I don''t see myself ever going that far, because it seems pretty false to me (no offense to your dad). I probably would have tried a different approach.

I don''t see it as false - I see it as contrived.

The closest to the truth that I can explain it is that my father is kinda like me and believes there are "many ways to the top of the mountain" and that what WAS important to him is that my brother have a path to the top of the mountain and that this path was the one that was most familiar to him and that he believed would give a straight and narrow way for my brother to tread. And regardless of the ''whys'' - he''s a solid mormon kid who follows all of the rules.

 

[Regular Guy]

A minority of others have said this as well:

Date: 3/6/2010 10:37:55 PM
Author: charbie
My personal opinion is that when people say their children can choose their own faith on day, many choose to have none. Children don't very often become religious on their own without their family putting an emphasis on it. I know this doesn't happen in all cases, just the majoirty of the people I know. So, I think if people want to raise their children to be religious, it is wise to pick a faith and go with it. If at a later time in life the child changes his or her mind, that is the time to be open to letting them pick their own faith formation.

This motivated me, and my wife, somewhat early on. I had been raised as a Jew, but later identified as a buddhist. Later still, meeting my wife, we chose to marry, and religion just didn't get in our way, though she nominally was raised as a baptist, yet had no particular connection to that. She agreed to our marriage in a buddhist wedding. But later, after a summer of effort to engage my wife with interest in buddhism...it just didn't happen. We then sought to have Judaism as a religious identity that could work for our family. It pretty much has. We took a class together on Judaism, I found renewed meaning, and I've continued to work at integrating meaning since. Early, I did seek to have our boys also visit the buddhist center I associated with...I never dis-identified, personally. Though this did happen for a couple of years...coordination efforts there then failed, and more contemporaneously, the boys don't join me there...and really...it's extra hard to be active in 2 traditions. But, I personally have found important things missing in both religious traditions, with each important to each other. Before my older son's bar mitzvah, I was inspired to offer a short course on the intersection of Judaism & buddhism. I wanted him to see my engagement in both. Now, in the new Jewish community our family has joined, I'm just about to conclude teaching this course a second time, and my family is participating enough to give me the living room for 2 hours.

Just yesterday, the Jewish community I live in (shout out to you Jews in DC - Routes) ran a multi-hours mega-seminar on topics in Judaism. I did go to one on prayer, and found it appropriate to ask the panel of many on their thoughts on motivation. It is an important difference, I think, between a focus on Judaism & buddhism. It could be for many of us. What motivates us to practice our faith or not. And, how important is that? Then, a later session I went to, on how to raise your child to be a mensch (a good person). The presenter mentions that kids are sharp on being sensitive to the hypocrisy meter. She told her audience that the best method for teaching was to live what you want your kids to be...let them see it. These were important points, I think.

Best wishes,

 

[oddoneout]

I often wonder if religion can beget ignorance.

I enjoy studying religion, but thats about as far as it goes. It is astounding to me how ignorant some people can be about religions besides their own.


Sometimes I''ll joke around and say I practice Greek Mythology. That always makes people pause... Especially when you say you''re a follower of Bacchus.[/quote]

I agree that people can be and usually are ignorant about religions other than their own. I should try that Greek Mythology line...that is great.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:28:32 PM
Author: elle_chris
What I don't understand is why 'practicing a faith' makes anyone a better person? People can be compassionate, understanding, give to charity etc, without being religious. In fact, most do it without relgion palying a role. Believing in something greater, and practicing a particular faith are two different things to me. Then again, maybe I don't understand it because I'm not religious?

I don't think anyone in this thread is arguing this at all

At least I wasn't. My point was that I do know parents who would like their kids to choose a religion. Like Kenny said, just because the parents don't practice their religion doesn't mean they don't wish for their kids to practice. However, these parents don't currently attend any services and it's my opinion that if they want the kids to practice, they should start taking them to services or at least making a bigger deal of religion in day-to-day life.

Obviously there are also parents who don't care one way or the other. DH and I would've been supported by our families if we had decided to become religious, but I think it was unlikely that we would've chosen that path considering our parents didn't take us to services or instill any sense of religion. Obviously they didn't care if we became religious, and that's ok too. I was merely stating the question about whether or not you would care because some people would care and do want their kids to become religious, but they let the kids choose by not taking them to any services.

I guess I agree with Swimmer - if you want religious kids, you're probably better off picking something and teaching it to them, taking them to services, etc. If you don't care if they become religious, then don't do those things.

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:19:35 PM
Author: kenny
Some people see their kids as their second chance to create the person they were never able to become themselves.
They want their kids to have . . .

Better education than they got
Piano lessons they wish they had
Nicer house and neighborhood than they grew up in
Practice the faith, which they have not done

Many people want their kids to be better than them (whatever that means to them).

Also I believe that religions would not get the majority of their members if people were not exposed to religion until they were adults.
Instilling religion into children is essential to perpetuate a religion.

I got the impression that Kennys point (among others) was that some people think religion makes them a better person, that''s why I answered the way I did. Sorry if i misread?

See that''s what confuses me. The part about parents caring about their kids being religious even though they don''t practice themselves. I also agree with Swimmer, if you want your kids to have a faith, teach them by taking them to service and having some of your own.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 3/8/2010 7:55:38 AM
Author: oddoneout

It is astounding to me how ignorant some people can be about religions besides their own.

Maybe there was a typo above. Surely you meant to write, "how ignorant some people can be about religions including their own" .

AGBF