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Income levels and relationships

When I was a "Domestic Engineer" and mom of a young child
I received an agreed upon sum every payday without having to
ask for it. If I needed more for something we discussed it.
At no time was I made to feel like my contributions to the
household had less value.
When I see housewife friends beg their husbands for $5 it
pushes my buttons.
 
Nope, I don''t think it matters if you view your partner as your equal no matter what their paycheck looks like. In my house, things work the same way now that I am a SAHM as they did when I worked....joint checking and savings and everything is viewed as ours. We make financial decisions together and no I don''t get an "allowance" of some sort, I buy what I want/need. We stay on a budget and consult each other on big purchases.
 
My husband makes all the money in our relationship, and right now we are in a temporary location (for the next 2 months) so I am waiting until our next move to get a job. I will never make as much money as he does, but for us it makes no difference at all. Like others have said, all of the money is ours, not his, not mine. We have a joint account, each of us has a debit card and he has a credit card, all linked to the same account. He uses the credit card and I use the debit card, at the end of the month I pay off his credit card with the debit card. So, we are gaining credit and not any debt. As MissyDebby said, we spend well within our means, and I never feel the need to "ask for permission" but I would definitely let him know if I was spending a significant amount (which never happens anyway).
 
Elrohwen, I think you bring up a very important point: field. In your case, if you're both employed and he brings on the bigger bucks, the issue isn't about the money anymore. It's about competancy. In the same field, with similar education, if one earns more I would be questioning whether he is better than me, smarter than me, more hard working than me etc.

In my own situation (I have a lot to add on this topic!), my husband earns four times more than I do. I earn probably the upper average of what someone would coming out of grad school. His salary is disproportionately higher because of a) his field and b) his years of experience considering he had his own business in a similar field in univ. So, between us there is absolutely no awkwardness. I earn more than enough to fully support myself (if needed). The extra income helps us achieve our goals hopefully faster. There is no resentment and this is a non-issue for us.

Now, right after I was done grad school, I took some time off. I still had a lot of money saved up from grad school (tax free scholarships), so I wasn't completely dependant on him. But I did feel inadequate, especially considering I tool over the bulk ofthe housework (voluntarily), it just contributed to my feeling worthless. Even then, my husband never even once mentioned the money situation and always felt terrible that I was doing the brunt of the house maintainence. Yes, it definitely was all just in my mind but because of my fiercely independant nature I could never see myself staying home and being fully dependant on someone. That would make me feel very insecure - not because of the money, but because I would be utterly helpless.
 

It can and does cause problems in our house. We live on the outskirts of London, which is an incredibly expensive city to live in. I earn a bit less than the average London wage because of the type of work I do. DH earns not quite half of what I do. He has chosen to work in a job not in the field of his degree, but with his family. His family don’t pay him correctly or on time.


Honestly, even if they did, I have a problem with what DH is supposed to earn. It was fine when he was just planning to stay there for a year or two while we settled in. 4.5 years later, I’m not fine with it. I have a very hefty commute everyday (over 3 hours total). If his salary matched mine I’d be much happier as the amount of money would allow us to closer to my job and cut down on the stress of commuting. I feel like he’s avoiding the real world of work at the cost of impacting on my happiness and our relationship.


I think, for us, it’s less the unequal salaries, and more how the amount that he and we earn impact on our lives. If we moved closer to my work we could afford either a studio flat or would have to do a house-share. Neither would be good for our relationship, having been in a similar situation before.
 
Kama, I think you totally hit the nail on the head for my situation. DH has been in his industry for 4 years, and I will just be joining it, so I have no issues with him making $10-20k more than me, but it would be strange if he suddenly made twice as much as me for no apparent reason. I would definitely wonder about my own competency.

And I definitely feel less independent being at home. Like I said, my unemployment is actually quite a bit, and we have plenty of extra money, but I feel bad spending $50 or something because I''m not the one working and making the money. I might get used to this if I was a SAHM, but for now I know that it does bother me, even though it''s supposed to be "our" money and DH never mentions what I spend (I pay the bills, so he probably doesn''t even know).
 
I don''t think it matters if one partners income level is higher than the others. Everything that is mine is my husbands, and vice versa. I would have no problem spending his paycheck, nor would he mine, if our income levels weren''t the same (though they are for now).
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This really doesn''t matter to us at all. We both work full-time, and we don''t have "his money" and "my money." We don''t have separate accounts, so it all goes into our joint accounts and it''s all "our money."

Six years ago, when DH and I first moved in together, I was making more than DH. It stayed that way for a while, but DH eventually caught up to me. Now, he''s making about 25% more per year than I am. Also, his employer provides health insurance for both of us (which is a benefit that my employer does not offer). I could substantially increase my salary if I were willing to leave my current employer and get a job in the nearest major metro area. I''m not willing to do this, because it would entail a daily commute of at least two hours each way (four hours total, every day). If I were willing to do this, I would be making quite a bit more than DH. However, DH and I have discussed it, and we''ve agreed that it''s not worth it. The time that I would be commuting is time that we wouldn''t get to spend together, and it''s just not worth it to us.
 
I make a little less than twice what BF does. We keep a joint account for bills, and everything else is separate. Personally, I don''t feel that me earning more is a big deal. Through a combination of luck and hard work, my career is going really well. He moved down here to be with me, no job offer in hand, and decided to just work wherever he could so that we could be together. For 2 years he''s been waiting tables, applying to every job under the sun, and doing everything he can think of to find a good job. Since we moved in together, I have never stressed about our money situation.

I found out pretty recently that he has. I think he feels inadequate - maybe that''s not the right word, but the whole "I am the man, I should be the breadwinner" thing is a little more ingrained in him than I thought. I try to really encourage him, and appreciate what he does. The only thing I care about is that he not go into debt and that he contribute proportionally to household expenses. On the other hand, he feels like we''re being held back because he can''t find a job. I asked him to consider an internship for the fall if he can''t find anything, since it''d get his foot in the door and we are moving to a lower rent area and even if he only works weekends, we can live quite comfortably if he makes no money from the internship. I thought he was going to blow a gasket when I suggested he bring in even less money. Oh boy, that didn''t go well. Somebody save me from wounded male pride - yikes!

Luckily he understands my perspective on this - that it''s an investment for us and will pay off big time if he gets a good job out of it. But I think he will be a lot happier and respect himself more once he gets a "real" job and we''re on an equal playing field employment-wise if not financially.
 
While I don''t think the amount of money people in a relationship earn should make a difference, there is something to be said about level of education/income and how that correlates with your relationship. Personally, I could not be with a man who''s life ambition is to be a drive through worker. Not bc of his income, but bc I don''t know how he could intellectually stimulate me. As a rule, the more education you have, the higher earning potential you have, and I''m not sure I could be with someone who didn''t even have the ambition of doing well in life.

FWIW, I met DH when I was a pooooooor college student. He even paid my cell phone bill when I graduated and had no job yet. I felt awful. But now we have joint accounts, make roughly the same amount, yet I will soon havge an earning potential of over 50% more than what he makes. We are both fine with that, and in facts he talks about how he would love to be a SAHD...although I don''t like that idea. He is an engineer but now having an epiphany that maybe he hates his field and wants to do something else.
 
DH makes about twice as much as I do and I have to admit that it has made me feel like less of a "partner" in the past. When we met, I paid the bills until he found a job, but since then I've never made as much as he has. It used to bother me more when I made less. Now that I make enough to pay for my half and be very comfortable I don't care as much. I've also come to terms with the fact that I'll likely never make as much as he does and can deal with it. We are buying a house and the vast majority of the downpayment came from his personal account that he moved to the joint account. He'll also be paying the mortgage, which is a huge adjustment for me. We came up with a financial plan that benefits us as a couple which means saving my salary, so I had to let go of wanting to contribute more.

We do have joint accounts, but I'm adamant about keeping my own account. D and I tend to "go big" for gifts and I don't want him to know what I spent. Keeping those gifts as a complete surprise is very important for me. If being a SAHM is in my future, then I plan to put aside a particular amount of "me" money from my own accounts.

D and I are both cheap to our cores, which means we have 100% trust when it comes to money. We don't hide anything from each other, but I have no desire to check up on him, either. We both know our financial goals, if he wants to spend money on something that he deems important, that's great.
 
Date: 6/14/2010 11:35:40 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
D and I are both cheap to our cores, which means we have 100% trust when it comes to money. We don''t hide anything from each other, but I have no desire to check up on him, either. We both know our financial goals, if he wants to spend money on something that he deems important, that''s great.
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NEL, I think you hit on something really important here when it comes to finances within a relationship; sometimes it''s not "how much" money you earn, but what you do with the money you earn. You and I are lucky women that we share the same financial ideals with our husbands (aka, we''re cheapo''s too
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), but not every couple is this fortunate.

I would have much more of a problem with my husband if he didn''t see the importance of building a savings account, as opposed to if he made less money than me, KWIM?
 
Date: 6/14/2010 11:41:53 AM
Author: lilyfoot


Date: 6/14/2010 11:35:40 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
D and I are both cheap to our cores, which means we have 100% trust when it comes to money. We don't hide anything from each other, but I have no desire to check up on him, either. We both know our financial goals, if he wants to spend money on something that he deems important, that's great.
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NEL, I think you hit on something really important here when it comes to finances within a relationship; sometimes it's not 'how much' money you earn, but what you do with the money you earn. You and I are lucky women that we share the same financial ideals with our husbands (aka, we're cheapo's too
21.gif
), but not every couple is this fortunate.

I would have much more of a problem with my husband if he didn't see the importance of building a savings account, as opposed to if he made less money than me, KWIM?
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Absolutely! I can very much understand how financial differences can be the demise of a marriage. Heck, D and I are on the same page about saving and yet we still have intense conversations about how much extra to pay towards the mortgage every month, how to invest our money and if we should put money aside for future kids' college accounts now or wait until we pay off the mortgage. The difference with these discussions are that we aren't being selfish--the financial decisions we make are for the benefit of our relationship, our future and our future family. I think this is why after getting married I stopped caring so much about the difference in incomes. The fact that he makes more doesn't mean he's spending more, it just benefits our future family, which makes me feel blessed.
 
I think it depends on the couple. When we started dating, due to field, my fiance made significantly more money. All along, I felt compelled to "contribute" as I could, pick up tabs etc.

Over time, it became clear that he was used to spending at a much higher income than I was. I was comfortable, and able to support myself on my income, but had a very difficult time going date for date financially. Once I went back to school for my masters, I underestimated the drop in income due to lack of time.

It has been continually difficult for me to become more and more dependent on him, despite his ability to provide well for both of us. We own a home together. I contributed significantly to the down payment, but no longer can afford to contribute to mortgage payments. All this will change once I graduate, landing me in a field with a decent starting salary.

None of this effects our love for one another, but it does create different types of stress in the relationship. Even with one partner paying most of the expenses, by virtue of living in a higher income bracket, than what I earn, there are outside expenses that come up. For example travel- we are able to do a lot of it. However some of it has required expensive equipment, supplies or clothing. For me, it was a compromise of building my savings account in order to "keep up".

This past year, post taxes-my lowest income year yet, I said "forget it". I can''t keep up in any way shape or form, so I''m no longer "willing" to make a go at it until I''m getting a full paycheck again. Yes, I''ll pick up odds and ends, groceries etc...but it isn''t smart for "us" for me to continue taking out school loans in order to "pay" for joint purchases that he can easily manage within a week or less pay.

It has required ongoing conversation and full disclosure of my finances so that he realizes I''m not simply being stingy.
 
Not really an issue. Right now DH only works one day a week while he is finishing up his degree, so my income is all we have. When he graduates he will be able to make much more than me. Either way, as long as we have enough to live comfortably, we''re good.
 
Date: 6/14/2010 11:56:30 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 6/14/2010 11:41:53 AM
Author: lilyfoot



Date: 6/14/2010 11:35:40 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
D and I are both cheap to our cores, which means we have 100% trust when it comes to money. We don''t hide anything from each other, but I have no desire to check up on him, either. We both know our financial goals, if he wants to spend money on something that he deems important, that''s great.
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NEL, I think you hit on something really important here when it comes to finances within a relationship; sometimes it''s not ''how much'' money you earn, but what you do with the money you earn. You and I are lucky women that we share the same financial ideals with our husbands (aka, we''re cheapo''s too
21.gif
), but not every couple is this fortunate.

I would have much more of a problem with my husband if he didn''t see the importance of building a savings account, as opposed to if he made less money than me, KWIM?
Click to expand...
Absolutely! I can very much understand how financial differences can be the demise of a marriage. Heck, D and I are on the same page about saving and yet we still have intense conversations about how much extra to pay towards the mortgage every month, how to invest our money and if we should put money aside for future kids'' college accounts now or wait until we pay off the mortgage. The difference with these discussions are that we aren''t being selfish--the financial decisions we make are for the benefit of our relationship, our future and our future family. I think this is why after getting married I stopped caring so much about the difference in incomes. The fact that he makes more doesn''t mean he''s spending more, it just benefits our future family, which makes me feel blessed.
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We''re the same way. Both of us are cheap, and we''re on the same page regarding how we like to use our money. I completely agree that it''s not how much you make that matters, but how you plan to use it.

That being said, DH makes four to five times as much as I do, and it''s never been an issue for us. Since we''ve been a serious couple we''ve just had "our" money, not his and mine. We have on joint account, I manage all of the bills, and we make all investment decisions together.

DH has been with me through two master''s degrees, and he completely supported me when I quit my HS teaching job last summer to pursue a CC teaching position. That change meant I worked only PT for a full school year, AND now that I found a FT CC position I''ll be taking a 20% paycut for the rest of my career. However, what matters most to us is job satisfaction and not the income we earn. We''re really lucky to even be able to make these decisions, I know. I imagine if money were tight then it would be a different situation altogether. However, we''ve always lived far beneath our means and that gives us a lot of freedom when it comes to careers and where and how we''d like to work, and that''s exactly the way we like it.

I feel very lucky to have found someone who shares my beliefs about lifestyle and the role money should play in our lives. I can completely understand how money can become a contributing factor to the failure of a relationship if both partners are not on the same page.

So, I guess my answer to the OP is that no, I do not think it''s best when both partners'' income levels are similar. Rather, I think it''s best when both partners'' beliefs about money are similar.
 
Date: 6/14/2010 7:29:13 AM
Author: pennquaker09
To answer Kenny, I don''t think income has to be the same in order for the relationship to work. More than anything, the most important essential element has to be financial maturity, and being mature in general. Outside of that, discussing common goals and having an understanding will go a long way towards keeping the relationship solid.

When I met my DH, I was a college student and he was a resident. I was living off of my dad/mom, lol. Couple years and a M.Ed. later, he''s a full fledged doctor with a high paying sub-specialty, and I''m a SAHD. The only scenario that I can think of that will pay me more than teaching, is if I used my chemistry and math degree in another way. Even then, he''s still going to earn more - most like 2 to 3 times, than what I would make. But it''s a non-issue for us.

Which leads me to charmypoo''s question. With the exception of investment accounts my parents started for me when I was younger, all of our accounts are joint. For one, we have to for legal reasons, but it''s mainly because we view everything as ours, not his and mine. I can buy whatever I want, but he doesn''t want me to open store based cards. That''s pretty much it. Even though I think we would totally benefit by having a Gap card.
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Well said.

So far, my DH has always earned more than I have because I''ve been a student and now a SAHM (collecting governmental maternity leave pay). When I start working next January I will probably make about ½ of his income, but within a few years it should reach similar levels. But ultimately it doesn''t matter, we contribute what we can according to our situation and it doesn''t create conflicts.

To answer Charmypoo - DH and I kept our seperate accounts and opened a joint account when we got married. The joint account is for pretty much everything (house, food, baby) and the seperate accounts are for personal expenses. If one of us wants to buy ourselves what we call a "toy" (basically, a non-essential item), we buy it ourselves.
 
I read this article recently about how an increasing number of women are dating men with less income and less education. It started an interesting discussion with DH because I make twice what he makes yet we''ve had no problems.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/05/17/professional.women.date.blue.collar/index.html?hpt=T2

I think it has more to do with the type of job that a couple has versus how much money each one makes. DH and I both work at corporate jobs (he is in finance and i am a lawyer), so while there is a big income disparity (2 to 1), our job environments are similar and we understand what each other''s day is like and what the other person does. Sometimes I have a difficult time talking to DH''s brother (who works in construction) because he doesn''t relate to what I do at work and I don''t understand all the nuances of his job. I think if both people are working in a corporate office job, it matters less that one is making 200k and one is making 100k as opposed to one is in a corporate office and the other is a plumber.
 
Date: 6/14/2010 1:29:06 PM
Author: eleguin
I read this article recently about how an increasing number of women are dating men with less income and less education. It started an interesting discussion with DH because I make twice what he makes yet we've had no problems.


http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/05/17/professional.women.date.blue.collar/index.html?hpt=T2


I think it has more to do with the type of job that a couple has versus how much money each one makes. DH and I both work at corporate jobs (he is in finance and i am a lawyer), so while there is a big income disparity (2 to 1), our job environments are similar and we understand what each other's day is like and what the other person does. Sometimes I have a difficult time talking to DH's brother (who works in construction) because he doesn't relate to what I do at work and I don't understand all the nuances of his job. I think if both people are working in a corporate office job, it matters less that one is making 200k and one is making 100k as opposed to one is in a corporate office and the other is a plumber.
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And for other couples, it works just fine. My mom has been with my stepfather for 24+ years. He has been a blue-collar train mechanic all his life, who barely finished high school. She is a very successful VP at a large national insurance company and has degrees and professional education under her belt. My mother certainly is handy, but she certainly does not know her way around train yards, and my stepfather is smart, but he certainly does not know what "risk management" is all about firsthand, and they are incredibly happy (they actually just got married recently and are like newlyweds all over again)! I know a very successful lawyer (she skipped grades and finished law school early, and made partner in her big firm before she was 30) who is married to a contractor who has his high school diploma. They have been married more than 15 years and are very happy. Again, he has never worked in an office, she has never built a house.

On the other hand, I know a couple where he is an officer in the military making a high salary, and she was working as a hotel cleaner for many years making just above minimum. She had no respect for HIS work, thinking it is "easy" and he had to just sit around at a desk all day (yes, obviously, different jobs and incomes is not the biggest issue here).

I actually think it all comes down to respect for the other person and their job, whatever it is. And being willing to listen and understand what the other is going through - even if you do not have the same exact job. I do not think you need to have similar jobs to be able to listen, empathize, support and be respect one another or what they do. You may not be able to be IN each others shoes, but you certainly can be loving and respectful enough to make the attempt to be.

Currently, I am a lawyer. My DH is working in retail sales. He formerly was also an officer in the air force (taking early retirement last year), after working himself up from a no-hooks private in the army over his career. He has a college degree (which he got before going into the army), and an undergraduate university degree (which he got as he transitioned to being an officer). He is open to going back to school at some point for another career, but right now he is thrilled and happy to be selling camping gear in a low stress, fun place. And I am sure if he stays he will be a manager of some form in no time - if he WANTS that. He excels at whatever he does. I have total respect for him and his job - I did not skip from kindergarten to being a lawyer after all and have had my share of retail work and others and no it is not easy work. I can empathize with dealing with a indecisive customer, and he can empathize with dealing with crazy deadlines and paperwork. I honestly think there are times he should be making my salary, and me his!

On the other hand, he finds sometimes his customers seem to underestimate my husband's knowledge. DH has TONS of intense survival training and field and tour experience, and they will say something like "well, I took a weekend of compass training, so I know all about them, what would YOU know?". They make assumptions as he is working a retail sales job that he somehow is uneducated or not knowledgeable. Once he starts talking, or find out he has plenty of experience and education, they realize their assumption was wrong, but it is still frustrating (and funny at times...). I remember the same thing when I was putting myself through law school by working retail as well - I had years of experience in finance before law school, as well as a previous degree and part of a law degree..and customers often assumed that I would not be able to count the correct change. However, DH LOVES his job, loves chatting with customers (and they with him often), meets some very cool people, enjoys his coworkers, and the environment. I don't think he gets paid enough for the work he DOES, but I don't resent his income at all.

All that to say, I think the problems come in when someone makes assumptions about the other, or gets too caught up in "themselves" to be aware of what the other is going through. It's ego-centric thinking. And even people in relationships can do it with their partners. And I think the couple has much bigger problems in that case than income disparities or different working environments!
 
My FI and I currently earn the exact same income and probably will at least earn similar incomes for most of our careers as we''re in the same field and have similar career goals. However, there is a possibility that I might stay at home if we have children for a few years so we''ve discussed this.

I think it comes down to three things:

1. As a few PP have mentioned, similar spending/saving habits or at least agreed upon spending limits and savings goals.

2. Whether each member of the couple is happy with the income coming into the home - is it "enough" for them both.

And

3. Is the main "bread winner" happy with his/her job. If not, and he/she feels like they have to keep it anyway in order to make ends meet, then resentment can build up.

Just my 2 cents.
 
For me/us, it's not income level, but actually having an income. I've been a student living on loans for most of the time DH and I have been together, and before that I worked at a nonprofit making enough to pay the bills and put aside a tiny bit (now gone). So I've never had much money in the time we've known each other, whereas he has a very healthy income. BUT it was never an issue until very recently. We did set up joint savings and checking accounts when we got married, but the bulk of our money has stayed in separate accounts and we are both very used to having our "own" money. I don't know to what degree we'll transition into "all that is mine is yours" and imagine it will be a very gradual process. Unfortunately, the last of my loans has run out and it didn't make sense for me to take out an expensive private loan while studying for the bar, so I'm left completely dependent on him until my job starts in October. He doesn't mind supporting me as much as I mind being supported, but I HATE IT and hate having no other choice right now. When I start working again, I'll still make less than half of what he does, but that doesn't actually matter. It's just the fact of contributing, not the percentage.
 
FI and I make very similar amounts (not enough!). We are still in training, but will both make six figure salaries within the next 3 years or so (though FI will get there before me)

We have very similar attitudes to money: save for a rainy day, and spend the rest!

We will have a joint account for household needs, a joint investment portfolio, and separate accounts for each of us. We want to be able to buy the other a present without discussing it first!

however, i never seem to have enough money for bling, honestly i don''t know how you ladies afford it all.....
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FI's cap is higher, but I will be earning much more for years until he reaches that cap.


It's a non-issue now and we'll continue to keep it so. We'll both always be contributing both financially and domestically - I will never be a SAHM and he will never be a SAHD, so will never need to navigate that particular dynamic.


We're different in many other ways - background, country, culture, race, faith... why not income, too
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as long as we share the same future goals.
 
I don''t think income levels matter. What I think is more important is to have matching intellect. Which sometimes goes hand in hand with similar educational backgrounds or job fields, but not always. I''ve seen a lot of couples that are intellectually mismatched, and the relationship has usually been quite unfulfilling for both partners. Don''t know if there''s any validity to that....it''s just what I''ve observed.
 
This has been an interesting thread. I just graduated, and my SO won''t be graduating for another semester. So, we really have no idea what our future incomes will be like. Hmmnn..
 
I will always make a lower salary than my husband but there''s nothing I can do about that (there''s no negotiating/asking for a raise in my field).

It doesn''t really cause problems, but we do look at money somewhat differently. I think I''m more conservative than my husband when it comes to saving and spending. I''d kind of like to have separate accounts but my husband prefers joint accounts. We started combining our money before we got married but I''d still like to have separate accounts and just pool our money for the essentials (bills, mortgage payments).
 
I don't think it really matters if one person makes more. We think of all our money as "our" money, not mine or his. We don't have to ask about small stuff (say under $50), but we talk about bigger purchases.
 
For those that say it doesn''t matter, does the higher earner have more veto power towards larger purchases like a car, or house? I imagine they would as they''re the ones that would take on most of the payment responsibility...
 
Date: 6/15/2010 10:43:49 AM
Author: elle_chris
For those that say it doesn''t matter, does the higher earner have more veto power towards larger purchases like a car, or house? I imagine they would as they''re the ones that would take on most of the payment responsibility...
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Nope. DH makes more than I do, but we have equal say in major purchases. We truly see it as "our" money . . . we don''t even think about who has the larger paycheck.
 
Date: 6/15/2010 10:43:49 AM
Author: elle_chris
For those that say it doesn't matter, does the higher earner have more veto power towards larger purchases like a car, or house? I imagine they would as they're the ones that would take on most of the payment responsibility...
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No, I am the higher earner in my marriage and I do believe we have equal say and we act on that too. My husband's opinions, needs, wants, preferences and all of that are just as important as mine - our incomes are not at all relevant to that.

Neither of us view money (or the higher income) as a method of power and control. I rather shudder to think of a relationship where someone thinks they have more say about such decisions as they make more money! And we both are living in the house, or both driving the car, or both taking the vacation? Why would the fact I make more money - which has nothing to do with our marriage, or our relationship, or how we relate to one another - change the fact we are equals when it comes to decision making, even if that includes financial decisions.

Again, it is "our" money so it is "our" payment responsibility.
 
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