I'm really curious about..

[Indylady]

.."the one that got away."

Does anyone have one of these? An ex, a friend, a neighbor, etc. that "got away?"

I don't, but the idea really intrigues me. If you've got a story, I'd love to hear, though I do realize that this is quite a personal question, and I get that people might not want to share. It reminds me of this quote from the film When Harry Met Sally

"... And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband ..."

Thoughts, ideas, stories?

 

[rosetta]

Nope, don't have one of those. I've always been the one to break it off, and there are no regrets about doing so.

Though if FI gets away, he'll be one!

I think we may have all had an unspoken crush that we never acted on, but that's not "one that got away" in my mind, coz I never had them in the first place.

Edit; what about you Indy?

 

[D&T]

Yes, but No at the same time, it was 8 years ago. Really was my first love, then things didn't work out for whatever reason (wrong time and all) then he left to dental school on the east coast. His sister got engaged, around the same time I got engaged. I didn't go to the reception *If* I had gone, I might have ended my engagement (I still had strong feelings for him at the time, plus I was getting cold feet) glad I didn't. DH and I moved to AZ right after we got married. Hadn't seen *ex* in 8 years, then just a couple of months ago we ran into each other at Church! (he was only visiting at the time) I'm happily married and had no funny feelings or residual feelings at all when I saw him and talked with him, he is still single. What were the chances that we ended up running into each other in a state where my family or his family isn't in?! Anyhow then a couple of weeks ago, He ran into my DH by himself at a convenient store DH never knew him (and only met him once the first time at church), but funny thing is my SIL (DH's sister knew my EX and his family...lol) small world. I Have no regrets, as I love my family very much and very happy So different stages in Life, my Husband is The *ONE*

 

[Imdanny]

No! I got the one I really wanted.

Be careful what you wish for! LOL!

 

[Indylady]

Nope, don't have one of those. I've always been the one to break it off, and there are no regrets about doing so.

Though if FI gets away, he'll be one!

I think we may have all had an unspoken crush that we never acted on, but that's not "one that got away" in my mind, coz I never had them in the first place.

Edit; what about you Indy?

Like you said, if my SO "gets away" then he'll definitely be "the one that got away." Besides that, I don't have any..which is why I suppose it interests me. I'm pretty dang thankful for the life I've got, and am firmly hanging onto my dear SO.

 

[Steel]

Nope, don't have one of those. I've always been the one to break it off, and there are no regrets about doing so.

Though if FI gets away, he'll be one!

I think we may have all had an unspoken crush that we never acted on, but that's not "one that got away" in my mind, coz I never had them in the first place.

Edit; what about you Indy?

Like you said, if my SO "gets away" then he'll definitely be "the one that got away." Besides that, I don't have any..which is why I suppose it interests me. I'm pretty dang thankful for the life I've got.

Me three. I've always been the dumper. Beep-beep.

 

[KatyWI]

Yes and no?

At this point in time, I wouldn't trade DH for anything. But when I was much younger, I met a guy. The timing was never right so we never really dated, though I know we both wanted to at different times. When it finally happened that we were both single, I didn't say a word, because he had committed to life in the military, and I knew with the deepest parts of me that I couldn't handle being a military wife, even if everything else about him was perfect. So now we only speak very occasionally, and I am happily married and living a wonderful life. Can't and don't regret my choice, but I do wonder on rare occasions if he felt the same way!

 

[Circe]

Not with SO's, no. With friends? Sorta ... during two separate instances, friends dropped out of my life when I needed them (once, clinical depression, once, late-term miscarriage). If they'd come out and said, "Dude, too much stress, call me when you're sane," I probably wouldn't have held it against them as much as I did: since they just fell out from under me, I eliminated them from my life whole and entire. I don't need people whom I can't depend on cluttering up my life.

But even so, once in a while, I find myself missing them. Crazy, huh?

 

[elrohwen]

Nope, not at all. I was in two relationships before DH and when they ended I was over them very quickly. I think they were both really immature anyway, so I can't say I'd want to be with them now.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don't really have a "one that got away" but I have wondered what my life be like if a guy I was really close to in college had noticed me. We were great friends (we hung out ALL the time) and I liked him but I never got up the nerve to tell him. We lost touch a year or so after graduation, sadly. I think he saw our friendship as being fun for the time we were at school, but maybe he always saw it petering out after that. I don't know. I moved away from our college town and since then, we've always lived about 2 hours away from each other. Maybe he thought it would be too difficult to keep our friendship going once we didn't have college in common. (Personally, I think that's a lame excuse though.) Anyway, he's married now and he and his wife have two adorable little boys. Sometimes I do wonder where I'd be if things had worked out differently, but I definitely don't regret what I have with my husband.

 

[zoebartlett]

Circe -- I'm sorry that your friends did that to you. I've had friends lose touch with me and it does hurt. Different circumstances but it's not easy to take when you think you're friends with someone and they bail on the friendship.

 

[LGK]

Nope, don't have one of those. I've always been the one to break it off, and there are no regrets about doing so.

Though if FI gets away, he'll be one!

I think we may have all had an unspoken crush that we never acted on, but that's not "one that got away" in my mind, coz I never had them in the first place.

Edit; what about you Indy?

Like you said, if my SO "gets away" then he'll definitely be "the one that got away." Besides that, I don't have any..which is why I suppose it interests me. I'm pretty dang thankful for the life I've got.

Me three. I've always been the dumper. Beep-beep.

Oh yes. I was really never that attached to anyone prior to my husband. A friend of my mom's, A., has a late-teens daughter who recently got dumped and was an absolute sobbing mess for weeks. A. was getting worried as this went on and on, and so A. asked my mom if I'd ever been such a wreck after having my poor teenage heart broken. My mom nearly collapsed laughing and explained that no, I was the one leaving a trail of casualties in my wake.

Circe, I totally understand what you mean about losing friends being way harder than a breakup. I once had a two or three year long fight with my closest friend (sister, cousin, whatever!) and that was much, much harder on me than any BF issue ever. Even nearly 15 years later she still feels terrible about that period of time and apologizes every so often.

 

[sillyberry]

In some ways, the guy right before my FI. I fell HARD for him. Like, irrationally hard. I felt like I had been hit by a semi. We only dated for a month before he broke up with me out of the blue to get back with his ex. I found out later they had only been broken up for about 36 hours before he called and asked me out...probably not a great idea to have been his rebound girl!

Since we dated for such a short time, I never got past the initial twitterpation and into the nitty-gritty of dating him. In some ways this harmed me for for a long time, since the beginning of my relationship with FI was really different. I never was completely gobsmacked in the same way and I mistook that for lack of feeling or passion when in fact it was a mature adult relationship where I never had to feel like roadkill.

I know now that how things turned out is a very very good thing - I have absolutely no doubt that the ex and I never would have lasted and I love my FI like crazy. But I still occasionally get a rush of sensation in my ears on the rare occasion when something about my ex and his girlfriend pops up in my Facebook status feed.

 

[Arkteia]

Well, since I left one country and moved at the time when lots of interesting things were happening in my mother country, I think I am very curious about some people I haven't seen. One of them I was extremely close with, but the relationship broke to a point that if I met him on the street, I would pretend not seeing him, and he would do the same no doubt. I thought I would never hear about him, that he just disappeared in his life, but one of my friends from the old country who also knew him told me he became incredibly rich, a public figure who had a bodyguard and everything one could ask for. She obviously expected me to feel sorry for "missing an opportunity" but instead I just laughed. You see, it is almost obligatory in my old country for people of status to change a wife for a younger one once they have $$ to do so, so I thought I did not lose much. (Except for bringing my collection to a totally different level ).

There are two more people who I really would like to know about, one of them I hate, so it is a perverted wish, I try not to wish ill to him. The other one helped me very much and it would be easy but I think I should not.

 

[Octavia]

Hmm...interesting question, and there are points in my life when I would have said yes. But to me, "the one who got away" implies that, if that person came back into my life, I'd drop what I have now to be with him and damn the consequences. And that's certainly not the case. I do sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I'd done things differently (not just relationship-wise, but also choice of college, major, jobs, etc) -- but it's just wondering, not wishing.

Anyway, there was one guy who could have been a "got away" story. Basically, I fell for him when I was about twelve and forged a friendship with him, hoping it would turn into more. He never really looked at me like that until we were in college, when we had sort of a friends-with-benefits thing whenever we were both single, but it was never much of a relationship. This situation continued until the year after I graduated college, and seriously, if he'd ever wanted more, I'd have said yes before the words got out of his mouth. One of my friends who had a similar experience had a term for "that guy" -- she called him the bug lamp, because even though every time you get too close to him, you get zapped, you're still drawn in and keep going back for more. But that was a really hard year for me in many ways, and I did a lot of growing up and getting wiser. And I came to the realization that I'd been this guy's fall-back option for ten years; that even if he'd wanted a real relationship, we were completely wrong for each other and never would work out in the long term; and that he wasn't really even the person I'd fallen for all those years before. Nor was I still the same lovesick kid. And for me, it was just...over. So, guess who came a-knockin' maybe a month after I had this big revelation, and who still holds a grudge against me that I sent him on his way? Not long after that, I met DH and I'm still thankful that I got rid of all that baggage prior to meeting him.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Yes. When I was in high school, I had the biggest crush on this guy named Juan. He was a wrestler, built like a tank, and super friendly. When I was a senior I became one of his fellow 007 Goldeneye players in my English teacher's class, and we got pretty close. At the end of the year he kept telling me he wanted to write something in my yearbook and I never got a chance to let him. For several years I wondered about him - he went out of state to a drafting college - and then at the exact same time I met my current DH, we found each other on Myspace. (Back when it was still cool, you know.) We went out for dessert one night and just talked, and I realized exactly how much I missed his friendship and he was HAWT. Like I wanted to just throw myself over the table at him.

Unfortunately, he had a girlfriend at the time, so there was a span of time full of flirting. But then I think his girlfriend either got jealous of our time spent together or he wasn't honest with her when he would hang out with me (and it was totally innocent), because he disappeared and I haven't spoken to him again. Which is fine - I married DH and I don't regret it in the slightest. I WOULD have regretted splitting them up, though.

I was wondering about him just the other day. I hope he's happy.

 

[jstarfireb]

Yes and no?

At this point in time, I wouldn't trade DH for anything. But when I was much younger, I met a guy. The timing was never right so we never really dated, though I know we both wanted to at different times. When it finally happened that we were both single, I didn't say a word, because he had committed to life in the military, and I knew with the deepest parts of me that I couldn't handle being a military wife, even if everything else about him was perfect. So now we only speak very occasionally, and I am happily married and living a wonderful life. Can't and don't regret my choice, but I do wonder on rare occasions if he felt the same way!

I had a pretty similar situation, and like you am happily married, but sometimes wonder out of curiosity what it would have been like if things had taken the other direction.

 

[Tuckins1]

I used to think so, when I was younger. My first love- we first dated when I was 16 and then we would run back into each other every so often and dated again when I was 19... He was a world traveler/wanderer type of guy and he moved out of the country. I ended up dating someone else but never really got him out of my mind. He came back, but I had a boyfriend. Then he left for a while, I broke up with my ex, then he got a girlfriend.... It just never lined up. But the second I got together with DH, I knew WHY it never worked with traveler dude. He's a great guy and I have a place in my heart for him, but it wasn't meant to be. DH was meant to be my DH from day one.

 

[Bliss]

DH could have been the one that got away. I was too into my career early in my life and put him last for years. He was my best friend and college sweetheart. We even got engaged - after which I promptly decided that I wasn't ready yet. He was my first love and waited patiently for me to come to my senses for a year and a half. He even refused to take back the engagement ring, insisting that I should sell it if I ever needed money - and in this way, he knew I'd always be taken care of. And he meant it. That's the kind of man I was moronic enough to leave! Of course, I put it in a safety deposit box and lived my life until one day after I'd achieved all I needed to in my career... I realized I missed my best friend and love of my life.

I am SO glad that he never gave up and waited for me. He didn't even date anyone else. No man ever measured up to him or could even compare. And I know if I had not been so lucky, I would have regretted losing him for the rest of my life. In the past, I mistook his yielding to my wishes as weakness. Now I see the incredible strength of his Love. His Love put my needs above his, even though it must have hurt like hell, because he knew I needed to figure things out on my own. And he was big enough to let me do that because he wanted me to be free, even if that meant letting me go. I respect him so much for so many reasons but am always in awe of how great of a person he is. Whew. And so when I look at my diamond now, it means so much to me because it reminds me of how indestructible our love really is. I'm so glad I kept it. We've been though a lot - mostly because I needed to wander free for a while. But in the end, I found my way home after all.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I have one that got away but it's not a man.... it's a ring. I figure that may be off topic, but it ties in to the forum lol

When I was looking 4 years ago there was one ring style that caught my eye and I completely fell in love with it, but everyone else thought it was weird, inappropriate, goofy, whatever. My husband said it was 'cute' but didn't like it for a ring on my left hand. Plus the price was about 5 times more than I was going to spend... I looked at it every day, but went a whole different direction. To this day I "miss" this ring that I never got. It would have been so funky for an e-ring but *I* am a bit funky so it would have fit me so well...

 

[iota15]

DH could have been the one that got away. I was too into my career early in my life and put him last for years. He was my best friend and college sweetheart. We even got engaged - after which I promptly decided that I wasn't ready yet. He was my first love and waited patiently for me to come to my senses for a year and a half. He even refused to take back the engagement ring, insisting that I should sell it if I ever needed money - and in this way, he knew I'd always be taken care of. And he meant it. That's the kind of man I was moronic enough to leave! Of course, I put it in a safety deposit box and lived my life until one day after I'd achieved all I needed to in my career... I realized I missed my best friend and love of my life.

I am SO glad that he never gave up and waited for me. He didn't even date anyone else. No man ever measured up to him or could even compare. And I know if I had not been so lucky, I would have regretted losing him for the rest of my life. In the past, I mistook his yielding to my wishes as weakness. Now I see the incredible strength of his Love. His Love put my needs above his, even though it must have hurt like hell, because he knew I needed to figure things out on my own. And he was big enough to let me do that because he wanted me to be free, even if that meant letting me go. I respect him so much for so many reasons but am always in awe of how great of a person he is. Whew. And so when I look at my diamond now, it means so much to me because it reminds me of how indestructible our love really is. I'm so glad I kept it. We've been though a lot - mostly because I needed to wander free for a while. But in the end, I found my way home after all.

That's an awesome story, Bliss.

For SO's, I only have stories of those I'm happy to be rid of.

For friends, there are definitely a few I miss from time to time.

 

[Cehrabehra]

DH could have been the one that got away. I was too into my career early in my life and put him last for years. He was my best friend and college sweetheart. We even got engaged - after which I promptly decided that I wasn't ready yet. He was my first love and waited patiently for me to come to my senses for a year and a half. He even refused to take back the engagement ring, insisting that I should sell it if I ever needed money - and in this way, he knew I'd always be taken care of. And he meant it. That's the kind of man I was moronic enough to leave! Of course, I put it in a safety deposit box and lived my life until one day after I'd achieved all I needed to in my career... I realized I missed my best friend and love of my life.

I am SO glad that he never gave up and waited for me. He didn't even date anyone else. No man ever measured up to him or could even compare. And I know if I had not been so lucky, I would have regretted losing him for the rest of my life. In the past, I mistook his yielding to my wishes as weakness. Now I see the incredible strength of his Love. His Love put my needs above his, even though it must have hurt like hell, because he knew I needed to figure things out on my own. And he was big enough to let me do that because he wanted me to be free, even if that meant letting me go. I respect him so much for so many reasons but am always in awe of how great of a person he is. Whew. And so when I look at my diamond now, it means so much to me because it reminds me of how indestructible our love really is. I'm so glad I kept it. We've been though a lot - mostly because I needed to wander free for a while. But in the end, I found my way home after all.

now THAT kind of diamond.... you don't upgrade There IS no upgrade to that!!! Congrats to you both

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Well, this question brought up a memory about a man I had practially forgotten about. Sigh.

I used to live in NYC during the time of the Irish Republican renaissance movement and the hunger strike of the early 80s. I became involved with an Irishman who was several years older than I was and was "politically active" and that's all i am willing to commit to print. We had a great time altho he would constantly rib me about my employers....they were an establishment white glove law firm and wouldn't like an employee of theirs involved in anything too political. This was the era of Margaret Thatcher vs. the IRA, Bernadette Devlin, The Irish Voice, Bobby Sands and his comrades on hunger strike...quite a heady time. Any way, I fell hard for the guy, but I was not his #1 priority, public relations for the Irish republican movement was. And it got to the point where I wanted more out of our relationship than evenings of meetings and stuffing envelopes and demonstrations and taking notes and quick dinners on the side and the relationship just fizzled out.

Turns out it was the best thing that happened--I met my husband at work--the same place-we've been together almost 29 years--have a great kid and things {aside from the fact that I've been unemployed for the last 2 years} are relatively fine!

 

[Anonymous]

I did. Two of them actually. I felt that way for a long time, even throughout my previous marriage. Once I started becoming closer with my SO, even early on, I stopped having those feelings about them. Maybe it was just a matter of growing up, but I don't think so.

 

[Selkie]

I have three serious ex-boyfriends, one for each major phase of my life (high school, college, and post-college/grad school), and one for each major lesson I learned about relationships. Luckily, I found DH, who combines all the best qualities of those three, and who was fortunate enough to come along when I'd learned to be less of an idiot about relationships.

In some sense, they're all "the one who got away" in that all three have become truly good men that I still like and respect. I have no regrets or pain left over the first two (except for a misguided, awkward attempt to start dating one of them again ten years after we broke up, while I was on the rebound from the breakup with the third). However, I do still sometimes find it painful to think about the third one.

Could be because he was the only one to dump ME, but also because the relationship involved a great deal of insecurity on my part. He cheated on me once, early on, and I didn't have the sense to break up with him then and there, so it dragged on with me being suspicious for the next 4 years. Plus it was long distance. I always built things up to mean more than they should have, and it was an unequal relationship in the emotional sense. I am glad that when we did break up, it was total-we didn't speak again or see each other for at least a year, which gave me time and perspective. He's married now too, and just had his second kid, and while I'm happy for him, there's still that little twinge of wondering what would have happened if we'd met later, when I was more mature and secure in myself.

 

[Sabine]

I'm going to be brave and admit this.

My first love came in and out of my life up until the week before I 'met' my dh (we knew who each other was beforehand, but had never interacted). He's actually friends with my dh's brother and some of dh's friends, so I do still hear about him and see him occasionally. He didn't get away in the sense that I still want to be with him, but I do think I will always be curious about him and want to know what he's doing, if he's married, etc.

There was also a boy in college that I fell hard for. We became best friends, and there were times I thought he might be interested in more like I was, but we never talked about it and I never admitted I had feelings for him. We drifted apart when I met dh, and he's married now as well. Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if I had confessed my feelings for him, but mostly I'm sure things worked out for the best, I just miss his friendship.