I''m READY without a ring!! Call me OBSESSED! (It''s been 10 years!)

[CrazyWannaBeBride]

Obsessed?

I think not! hahah Turning 26 this year (the man 27) and dating him since I was 15 (known him since I was 14!!), I think it''s NORMAL for me to be obsessed... ahem, I mean excited about getting married and/or being proposed to!!!

2 years ago, he said he''d "do it" (propose) within 2 years. This new years has passed and ... no ring.

In the mean time, I have already bought my giveaways, my invitations (how? oh, i got the stationary for it)... my center pieces....and... YES... THE DRESS!!!

mmmm... am I crazy?!?!?! hahahah

Ok ok, so, yes, maybe some ppl will think I am. My rebuttle to that is that... no, I''m not crazy... it''s ABOUT TIME we get this thing moving!! So, why hasn''t be proposed? Easy answer, we''re both university students with no money. (I come from a single parent family, my mom is on disability which is why I started purchasing things EARLY ... spreading out my funds on the wedding...). I do however know it''s coming soon

because he hints me all the time. (Yes, my bf sucks at keeping secrets and surprising me!!!) Sooo, yes, all I have to do is wait in the mean time.

It''s even down to reserving the hall. Okay it''s not EXACTLY booked, but it''s "on hold". hahahaa... along with the caterer.

10 years!!!!!!!! I just can''t wait anymore!!! hehehe
argh... all these people getting engaged around me, at school... it''s so painful. heheheh

I have no doubt that he won''t propose. He told me last night that it''s going to happen. All he gotz to say is "patience is a virtue".

In any case, wish me luck!!!! (Maybe if ya stick around, you''ll hear about it!) I''m such a dork!!

 

[innerkitten]

It doesn't sound good.

 

[innerkitten]

Sorry that sounded mean, but I meant with having everything booked and bought when your not yet engaged, maybe you should speed things up by asking him.

 

[CrazyWannaBeBride]

Welllllllll..... we have been talking about it for a while now... and, REALLY, the only thing that is stopping us is $$$$$$$. I come from a single parent family (mom is on disability) soooo, I know she's won't be contributing. AND.. his parents... well (if you read my post up on "religion clash" you'll understand.

Hence, why I bought some things that I can afford in advance. It's really not about the ring, I just want our lives to move forward. Ya know what I mean? In any case, we're old enough and been together for so long, we KNOW we're getting married. It's just our "situation" that is prolonging the whole thing.

In any event, I know I sound CRAZY and that it sounds like it isn't going to happen... hahahha, but really.... I'm positive it's going to be coming soon. (A little birdie told me).

 

[iceprincess]

From one woman to another: don't force this issue with your guy. Free will is something that should exist in every healthy relationship. There is serious karmic debt to be paid somewhere whenever you try to bend issues around your own will. I'm totally serious. Don't do this. I hear your inpatience when you say it feels like it's time because this has been a 10 yr. relationship already. I know you feel like IT'S TIME for you, but you both have to come to this major decision together.

You admit in your post that money is a big factor in your wedding delays. You know your man better than anyone. Does he have some financial goals he wants to meet before you get married? Is there something that he's not sharing with you that's important to him?

My guy wanted to marry me as soon as we meet, but because of his background (divorced parents, no financial support from family since age 14, his own personal ambition) he wanted to be more financially established so that when he asked my parents if he could marry me, he would stand before them and reassure them that their daughter would not only be loved and cherished, but provided for in the manner in which she (I) deserved. I can't write that last statement without it sounding sexist: I'm no helpless female that needs to be rescued.

For the both of us, it's extremely important for us to make our important life decisions based on what's right for us and not be beholden to our parents' wills because they provided some money. Personally, I'd rather get something smaller and less grand, but pay for it myself than subject myself to someone else's agenda.

Just like you, our resources are limited, too. When I met my BF I was just out of graduate school and in my first year of practice, trying to build my business. We had to make the very difficult choice of delaying our wedding plans (and my ring purchase) because we decided to try to buy a house first. This is a touchstone for the both of us and a huge life goal for my BF.

Truthfully, I was a little sad that we couldn't move forward on the marriage, but I was assured that it was not because marrying me was not as important as getting a house first. Indeed, BF asked me to make the final decision between getting into a house or getting married first because both were equally important to him. He made clear his love and committment to me when he asked my parents if he could marry me before we moved forward on the house, and he did this without a ring. We had to wait to replenish the funds before we could move on my ring and the wedding, but the time has come. We're in the process of buying the ring now and the proposal will come after that arrives.

Don't get lost in the ring, the planning, the wedding. Don't forget what's really the most important thing: it's what you mean to each other. Just MHO...

 

[BTO]

Just to get a better understanding of your situation, what are your living arrangements? Do you two live together? Or are you living on your own or with your Mom?

Also, when is your (and his) estimated graduation date?

 

[redjenn]

I do understand that you are eager to get it happening - however, you could ask him? Also - you really don't want to force the issue. Is is a wedding you want..or a good marriage? Know what I mean. I recommend the book - The Hard Questions...

If you pressure him then he will be doing something that he may not feel ready for or be comfortable with.

On the other hand..my friend Nicole was dating someone for 9 years and finally just broke up with him - for a year he dated other women and then came back to her - with a ring. Now they are happily married with 2 lovely children.

If it is meant to be then it will be. Money should not have anything to do with him proposing. My fiance used my grandmas engagement ring to propose to me. He had no money in the bank and was broke.....we are now getting a ring designed with the diamond from my Grannys ring...and its costing about $500 total...which he is doing by payments.

You can do a wedding for very little financially too. If you have creativity and friends with creativity its possible. Its the union of two people that counts....not all the fancy stuff that can cost a fortune that no one will remember anyhow. Flowers can come from a garden of a friend for example...beautiful and free!

Jen

 

[Mara]

At this point just get married and get it over with!!! Don't do anything fancy...you don't need to. Or you can do something really low key and then later in life, do a big renewal party which can be the wedding you didn't have now.




Sounds like you are more than ready..and if financially you can't swing everything you want now, I would nix that and just get married! That's the important thing anyway, not the big party.

Good luck!