I'm a widow

[PintoBean]

Forget bling pics - I think you should tell everyone you don't want hugs you want free bling instead. Send Pinto your unwanted treasures..... The icons haven't worked on my computer since they upgraded PS so insert funny icons here....

Your icons were so dirty they got blocked... lolololol

 

[KristinTech]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ha...i-amos-self-healing-tips-video/?source=images

Some reading for your insomnia. Thinking of you!

 

[September_Blue]

I like listening to the Good Sleep podcast. It’s soothing and keeps me sleeping all night.
I hope the day wasn’t too hard on you.

 

[marcy]

Hugs to you PB

 

[arkieb1]

Your icons were so dirty they got blocked... lolololol

I think you must be mistaking me for Kenny or Dancing Fire - insert more funny icons here....

 

[TooPatient]

I think you must be mistaking me for Kenny or Dancing Fire - insert more funny icons here....

Never Google images of naughty emoticons at work/school/etc. The results are a combination of hilarious and shocking.

Good search... Pole dancing chicken.

 

[KristinTech]

More Tori love! My least favorite era for hair and makeup (not a fan of her costumes), but I love this song. CHIN UP. You’re almost fine.

Almost Rosey

Just a minute of your time
Yes, I've been known to delude myself
So, let me put those rose-colored
glasses to the test.

Now is this real enough for you
'cause blondes here don't jump out of cakes
If that never impressed you much
Come 'board this lunatic express

Just, why do they say,
"Have a nice day," anyway?
We both know they wouldn't mind
If I just curled up and died
Oh, let's not give that one a try.

Chin up- put on a pair of these roseys
Raise those blinds.
Chin up- a happy mask was never
Your best disguise.
Chin up- put on a pair of these roseys
In no time you will feel almost fine.

Almost Rosey.

Now, some girls here will huddle with
No, not footballers that are rich
but will confide in small white sticks
He bats as The Virginian Slim.

Then, I tried once to comply
with an authority that would
Subsidize my wild side
But at this altar was sacrificed.

Yes, you can laugh a femme fatale
in a bride's dress now married to
The effortlessness of the cracks
That lie now in between the facts.

Just, why do they say,
"Have a nice day," anyway?
We both know they wouldn't mind
If I just curled up and died
Oh, let's not give that one a try.

Chin up- put on a pair of these roseys
Raise those blinds.
Chin up- a happy mask was never
Your best disguise.
Chin up- put on a pair of these roseys
In no time you will feel almost fine.

Now, about when violet died
The cause still unidentified
She thought her love would be enough
But you can't seduce seduction.

Her tentacles of endless want
Reach through my corridors
and tempt me to taste of her power
I sober with the witching hour.

And when I hear of one more bomb
Yes, we have all been robbed of song
and nightingales who throw their arms up
When is enough enough?

Just, why do they say,
"Have a nice day," anyway?
We both know they wouldn't mind
If I just curled up and died
Oh, let's not give that one a try.

Chin up- put on a pair of these roseys
Raise those blinds.
Chin up- a happy mask was never
Your best disguise.
Chin up- put on a pair of these roseys
In no time you will feel almost fine.
Almost Rosey.

Feeling Almost Rosey.
Feeling Almost Rosey.

 

[PintoBean]

Two baby girls on their fave pink robe at the foot of the bed.

ive been thinking about my "friends" who are trainwrecks in perpetuity, and have been trying to find a glass half full way of describing their lifestyle. I've decided that they are very "optimistic" that they will live very long lives... lives so long that one day in the far far future they will have an opportunity to course correct, so now they can keep doing f'd things.

I'm the opposite. I'm perpetually panicked that I haven't done enough if I drop dead tomorrow. Did I spread enough good karma today? Are my affairs in order? Speaking of which I need to reach out to my attorney for the umpteenth time to get my goddamned will completed.

Most days I'm confused bc working so much in the past... work was my life. Then when I was able to downshift to hours that allowed for a more balanced lifestyle, work was still my focus but now moreso like look what I've achieved... same pay less hours! Then when my pay increased significantly and I was finally making more than my husband, while working even less hours, work was still the focus and again the professional part of my life was my crowning glory bc it felt like I was managing to kick some doors down and break through some glass ceilings. Focusing mainly on my professional life also let me ignore the crap in my personal life with my parents in particular.

Michael passing and my job ending have been beneficial to me in a way. It led to me getting therapy and changing my perspective when it came to people in my life and how I approach and address them. I'm also less obsessed with money and a career. But sometimes, like tonight, I wonder who I am and my place in this world. What utility do I have as someone with no family, no spouse, no job, no independent wealth? I don't even know if I can hold down a simple full time job like bagging groceries. I know my cats like me... but that's all I'm sure of right now lol

 

[yennyfire]

PB, you’ve had your life turned upside down and the fact that you’re upright and contemplating your place in this world is a testament to your strength and resilience. The realization that money and work is less important than happiness (and finding what makes you happy) is something that some people never reach. So kudos to you for figuring it out while you are so young!

You are a special person with many, many friends who care about you. Keep putting one foot in front of another...we are here for you! Sending hugs!

 

[MissyBeaucoup]

Sending you hugs today, Pinto Bean! I hope bit by bit a little more sunlight will sneak into your life. You are a good person and we wish for you to be happy. (((Hugs)))

 

[PintoBean]

I know it's not a big deal bc it was just a lot of clicking of the mouse and tapping on keyboards but I cold applied to two jobs last week. One on Tuesday, one on Wednesday. I'm getting a pedicure now and my intent is to go home and apply some more while I let my nails dry some more at home.

Once I sent the first app in, it was anticlimactic in a good way.

I'm also going to look for fun part time evening weekend type jobs so that if I get them I can still have the days to do grown up job searching lol.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I think a fun part time job is an awesome idea! Plus, who knows where it can lead or who you may meet?!

P.S. - But don't get a job at a place where you'll spend more than you make, ha ha! I know people who have gotten seasonal jobs at places like Pottery Barn and they end up OWING $$$!

 

[September_Blue]

My first thought was to be an InstaCart driver. You shop with other people’s money, set your own hours, and never have to talk to clients.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I know it's not a big deal bc it was just a lot of clicking of the mouse and tapping on keyboards but I cold applied to two jobs last week. One on Tuesday, one on Wednesday. I'm getting a pedicure now and my intent is to go home and apply some more while I let my nails dry some more at home.

Once I sent the first app in, it was anticlimactic in a good way.

I'm also going to look for fun part time evening weekend type jobs so that if I get them I can still have the days to do grown up job searching lol.

I am so happy to hear you say this! I have wanted for so long to suggest to you to get any job - not necessarily based on your abilities or ultimate career goals - just to get out, be among people and have your mind occupied. I just didn't want to be offensive or to marginalize your abilities so I didn't say it. I agree with DeeJay - who knows where it might lead and in the meantime, you are immersed and productive. It's time my friend - go PB!!

 

[metall]

Hi pinto, I just saw this thread, and I just wanted to say how much your journey's touched me. I hope you're having better days now and that you're doing well.

 

[TooPatient]

My first thought was to be an InstaCart driver. You shop with other people’s money, set your own hours, and never have to talk to clients.

I wonder if there is a high end InstaCart where you go buy jewelry with other people's money.....

 

[bludiva]

I wonder if there is a high end InstaCart where you go buy jewelry with other people's money.....

+1
We only got the chance to meet briefly but you're so personable and warm and so knowledgeable about jewelry while still being approachable that I think you'd be great as a bling consultant at a high-end jeweler if that was of any interest. Wishing you all good things @PintoBean

 

[yennyfire]

I’m so proud of you for applying PB! I know it’s not easy to do, but any company would be lucky to have you and a fun part time job might be a good way to ease back into the job market. Please keep us posted!!

 

[PintoBean]

+1
We only got the chance to meet briefly but you're so personable and warm and so knowledgeable about jewelry while still being approachable that I think you'd be great as a bling consultant at a high-end jeweler if that was of any interest. Wishing you all good things @PintoBean

Beautiful sweet lady! Thank you!
Btw - your first name is one of my favorite things (psst... her name is "chocolate croissant")

 

[bludiva]

 

[Angelwk]

I just saw this thread and I know I'm super late. But my first boyfriend passed away when I was 18. He overdosed and it was really rough. I basically shoved that out of my memory. I know it's nothing even close to what you have to go through but I really hope you're doing better. Sending love and light your way

 

[PintoBean]

I just saw this thread and I know I'm super late. But my first boyfriend passed away when I was 18. He overdosed and it was really rough. I basically shoved that out of my memory. I know it's nothing even close to what you have to go through but I really hope you're doing better. Sending love and light your way

Gosh I can't imagine losing a loved one so young. At least at 38 I was already desensitized by the world for 20 extra years. Thank you for chiming in.

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

I just saw that title of the this thread and immediately felt an all too familiar shiver come over me. I was widowed on 25 January 2009 when my husband was KIA in Iraq. I was 38 with three kids. Our journeys aren't the same, but I walk beside you in understanding. I am almost 9-1/2 years out now and I am remarried. Not happy to hear you have joined the most undesirable club on the planet, but just wanted to say that, as you hopefully know by now, you aren't alone in this. <3

 

[Angelwk]

Gosh I can't imagine losing a loved one so young. At least at 38 I was already desensitized by the world for 20 extra years. Thank you for chiming in.

Haah yeah life gave me some tough tough lesson to grow up really fast. I'm 28 but I feel like I'm 38。only recently after joining PS and @Bron357 s kindness do I feel a little less desensitized.which is good.

 

[PintoBean]

Haah yeah life gave me some tough tough lesson to grow up really fast. I'm 28 but I feel like I'm 38。only recently after joining PS and @Bron357 s kindness do I feel a little less desensitized.which is good.

So we both look 28!

 

[Angelwk]

So we both look 28!

Muahaha that's right

 

[PintoBean]

I just saw that title of the this thread and immediately felt an all too familiar shiver come over me. I was widowed on 25 January 2009 when my husband was KIA in Iraq. I was 38 with three kids. Our journeys aren't the same, but I walk beside you in understanding. I am almost 9-1/2 years out now and I am remarried. Not happy to hear you have joined the most undesirable club on the planet, but just wanted to say that, as you hopefully know by now, you aren't alone in this. <3

Oh... man! I am forever grateful for his service. It isn't a club anyone voluntarily joins for sure! But to hear how people keep moving forward one step at a time fuels me. I look forward to finding more love - whether a romantic love or a platonic love. I know now that I'm a survivor and I have a lot of love to give.

Wow that's awfully babbling but I hope you get what I mean.

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

Oh... man! I am forever grateful for his service. It isn't a club anyone voluntarily joins for sure! But to hear how people keep moving forward one step at a time fuels me. I look forward to finding more love - whether a romantic love or a platonic love. I know now that I'm a survivor and I have a lot of love to give.

Wow that's awfully babbling but I hope you get what I mean.

Thank you. He served for 17+ years in the Army and I spent his last 11+ years by his side as a fellow soldier and then as his wife.

If you ever wanna chat, let me know. It certainly helps to connect with others who have experienced a similar loss (loss of a spouse for us) because it isn't the same as losing a parent, sibling, child, etc... It's not worse, just different. Their role in our lives were different than that of the others I mentioned.

As for finding love again, it happens. And it can be WONDERFUL. But it won't be the same (as it shouldn't be). Your heart won't let go of your late husband. It will expand to include your new love. And when the stars align, that new love will happily share your heart with your beloved. <3

So hit me up if you ever want to chat. Widow humor isn't for everyone, and trust me... I've raised some eyebrows with my thoughts and comments. LOL!

 

[PintoBean]

Thank you. He served for 17+ years in the Army and I spent his last 11+ years by his side as a fellow soldier and then as his wife.

If you ever wanna chat, let me know. It certainly helps to connect with others who have experienced a similar loss (loss of a spouse for us) because it isn't the same as losing a parent, sibling, child, etc... It's not worse, just different. Their role in our lives were different than that of the others I mentioned.

As for finding love again, it happens. And it can be WONDERFUL. But it won't be the same (as it shouldn't be). Your heart won't let go of your late husband. It will expand to include your new love. And when the stars align, that new love will happily share your heart with your beloved. <3

So hit me up if you ever want to chat. Widow humor isn't for everyone, and trust me... I've raised some eyebrows with my thoughts and comments. LOL!

Hahaha we love widow humor in this thread!!!

Thank you for your service as well!

 

[Tekate]

@PintoBean a year down, a lifetime to go. I think many people wonder about their place and have not gone through what you have. It is a journey, we know the final destination don't we? so I read you are looking for purpose and much of the time your career was your purpose, I think purpose is life is very hard, I'm a mother, my purpose was to be a mother and wife, but my sons are adults, what is my purpose? I don't know, I just do. Explore is a good thing, p/t is good, your jewelry buying is eclectic and very cool.. you have many friends and eat REALLY good food imho anyway. You are in a place you never thought you would be, that has gotta be a huge MindF--- if there ever is one. I think you just keep on doing under your doing is what you want. I could give you a loong loooong story about me and my divorce and how my whole world went total effup.. but it was my journey, never expected it and fought against it, here I am. I think keeping on is the best thing, one foot in front of the other, being able to try things is your journey for now.