Splinter
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2008
- Messages
- 240
While looking through some old papers recently I came across Professor R.B. Hoverworthington's theory on Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. I thought I would post it here for general use. His illustration is included below. From the papers:
Gentlemen and Ladies of Science
Herewith find my theory regarding the phenomenon referred to as Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. My industrious research has led me to the cause of this problematic condition which afflicts as many people today as does scurvy (Yes, as many as that!).
In the first, let us examine the symptoms of the ill fated persons who are struck down by this terrible occurrence.
Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome manifests shortly after the acquisition of a diamond. As the length of time since purchase increases, so the perceived size of the diamond dwindles, until it appears no more than a speck of sand.
No sooner has a new, larger diamond been purchased to remedy the situation, but the very same thing happens again! This devilish process continues unabated no matter how large the diamonds purchased become.
Now let us move to my theory of the causation of the blight.
It appears that prolonged exposure to a source of bright light, such as a diamond, causes the lens of the eye to expand. This filters out some of the light and has a side effect of bending the light entering the eye, thusly reducing the apparent size of the object. I am certain that this is also why the sun looks so small, despite it actually being many times the size of our Earth.
I believe a perfectly acceptable cure is to paint all diamonds black.
Kindest warm regards
Prof. R.B. Hoverworthington Esq.
Gentlemen and Ladies of Science
Herewith find my theory regarding the phenomenon referred to as Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. My industrious research has led me to the cause of this problematic condition which afflicts as many people today as does scurvy (Yes, as many as that!).
In the first, let us examine the symptoms of the ill fated persons who are struck down by this terrible occurrence.
Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome manifests shortly after the acquisition of a diamond. As the length of time since purchase increases, so the perceived size of the diamond dwindles, until it appears no more than a speck of sand.
No sooner has a new, larger diamond been purchased to remedy the situation, but the very same thing happens again! This devilish process continues unabated no matter how large the diamonds purchased become.
Now let us move to my theory of the causation of the blight.
It appears that prolonged exposure to a source of bright light, such as a diamond, causes the lens of the eye to expand. This filters out some of the light and has a side effect of bending the light entering the eye, thusly reducing the apparent size of the object. I am certain that this is also why the sun looks so small, despite it actually being many times the size of our Earth.
I believe a perfectly acceptable cure is to paint all diamonds black.
Kindest warm regards
Prof. R.B. Hoverworthington Esq.
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