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Illustrated Theory of Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome

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Splinter

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
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While looking through some old papers recently I came across Professor R.B. Hoverworthington's theory on Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. I thought I would post it here for general use. His illustration is included below. From the papers:

Gentlemen and Ladies of Science

Herewith find my theory regarding the phenomenon referred to as Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. My industrious research has led me to the cause of this problematic condition which afflicts as many people today as does scurvy (Yes, as many as that!).

In the first, let us examine the symptoms of the ill fated persons who are struck down by this terrible occurrence.

Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome manifests shortly after the acquisition of a diamond. As the length of time since purchase increases, so the perceived size of the diamond dwindles, until it appears no more than a speck of sand.

No sooner has a new, larger diamond been purchased to remedy the situation, but the very same thing happens again! This devilish process continues unabated no matter how large the diamonds purchased become.

Now let us move to my theory of the causation of the blight.

It appears that prolonged exposure to a source of bright light, such as a diamond, causes the lens of the eye to expand. This filters out some of the light and has a side effect of bending the light entering the eye, thusly reducing the apparent size of the object. I am certain that this is also why the sun looks so small, despite it actually being many times the size of our Earth.

I believe a perfectly acceptable cure is to paint all diamonds black.

Kindest warm regards

Prof. R.B. Hoverworthington Esq.


General Diamond Shrink.gif
 
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Professor RB Hoverworthington''s theory reminded me of a certain professional acquaintance of veteran Pricescope poster Rod, name of Dr.Brillianteering.

I would like to add his theory on diamond obsessive compulsive disorder ( DOCD) and diamond shrinkage syndrome ( DSS) here.

Congratulations and you my friend are likely destined to be a DOCD sufferer. In case you haven''t seen DOCD before, here it is:

You have Diamond Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (DOCD), an illness many of us suffer from on this forum. DOCD, discovered by Dr. Brillianteering in the early 1900''s, is a manifestation of mental anomolies when perfectly sane individuals become the owners of high quality diamonds and the settings those diamond sit in. What typically occurs for an accurate DOCD diagnosis is euphoria upon the purchase of a nice gem or setting, followed by self doubt, and ultimately downright concern that the purchased stone or setting has somehow magically changed in appearance or shrunk while the owner slept.



While there are no known medications available to combat DOCD, many people have reported the symptoms are reduced or completely eliminated by buying larger more perfectly cut diamonds or by visiting chain jewelry stores, such as Zales or Kay, or having lunch with a friend who has jewelry of poorer quality than the DOCD sufferer.


 
Somehow putting scurvy and diamonds in the same post just seems wrong.
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Yeah, someone brought more cake to the office today... I blame the sugar rush.
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ROTFLMAO........ Finally something I can use to show my husband I can''t control these desires and need to upgrade!!! Thanks!
 
Does the Dr. make house calls?

If we just correct the issue w/ the lens then we could actually create the opposite effect?

DES (diamond enlargement syndrome).

Now if we could just figure out how to apply this to other things in life.
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HI:

Having worked in Ophthalmology research for ten years I can emphatically state that this theory was one of the more erudite of it''s time. Seminal research Dr. H!
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cheers--Sharon
 
I finally have a clinical name for my malady!!!! Hurray!!

And the cure is so simple; acquiring a bigger diamond!! (other than painting the diamonds black- that`s just way wrong - certainly someone out there in this vaste world is not at the same stage of this disorder as I am and would think my .43 huge and I could sell this poor soul mine!) It`s all good!

Cachette
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Date: 4/24/2008 8:33:52 AM
Author: Ellen
Somehow putting scurvy and diamonds in the same post just seems wrong.
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I disagree... Aren''t "Carats" a good prevention for scurvy
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No doubt that this is the same Doctor who figured out that Chocolate makes jeans shrink!
 
This is so true that it''s not even funny. I think I need some serious help.
 
Hahaha, I love this thread.
 
Date: 4/24/2008 2:42:59 PM
Author: niceice

Date: 4/24/2008 8:33:52 AM
Author: Ellen
Somehow putting scurvy and diamonds in the same post just seems wrong.
38.gif
9.gif
2.gif

I disagree... Aren''t ''Carats'' a good prevention for scurvy
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Ha! Good one.
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Date: 4/24/2008 5:02:18 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 4/24/2008 2:42:59 PM
Author: niceice


Date: 4/24/2008 8:33:52 AM
Author: Ellen
Somehow putting scurvy and diamonds in the same post just seems wrong.
38.gif
9.gif
2.gif

I disagree... Aren''t ''Carats'' a good prevention for scurvy
2.gif
Ha! Good one.
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Yes and as citrus is also good to ward off scurvy, a nice slice of lemon pie would also be beneficial with real cream
 
Date: 4/24/2008 5:17:20 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 4/24/2008 5:02:18 PM
Author: Ellen


Date: 4/24/2008 2:42:59 PM
Author: niceice



Date: 4/24/2008 8:33:52 AM
Author: Ellen
Somehow putting scurvy and diamonds in the same post just seems wrong.
38.gif
9.gif
2.gif

I disagree... Aren''t ''Carats'' a good prevention for scurvy
2.gif
Ha! Good one.
9.gif
Yes and as citrus is also good to ward off scurvy, a nice slice of lemon pie would also be beneficial with real cream
lol.gif
 
Date: 4/24/2008 5:18:50 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 4/24/2008 5:17:20 PM
Author: Lorelei


Date: 4/24/2008 5:02:18 PM
Author: Ellen



Date: 4/24/2008 2:42:59 PM
Author: niceice




Date: 4/24/2008 8:33:52 AM
Author: Ellen
Somehow putting scurvy and diamonds in the same post just seems wrong.
38.gif
9.gif
2.gif

I disagree... Aren''t ''Carats'' a good prevention for scurvy
2.gif
Ha! Good one.
9.gif
Yes and as citrus is also good to ward off scurvy, a nice slice of lemon pie would also be beneficial with real cream
lol.gif
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I feel more empowered now that I know what is wrong with me.
 
Date: 4/24/2008 6:20:04 PM
Author: NeverEndingUpgrade
I feel more empowered now that I know what is wrong with me.
LOL!!
 
OMG! This is hysterical, I have to tell my fiancee about this. Okay, so I suffer from DOCD. Now we just have to convince heath insurances to consider a diamond ring or diamond earings as a covered medication to treat our problem. You know, like any other antibiotic. Lol.
 
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