If you're not done having kids...

[beesha77]

what's your cutoff or age that you consider too old if you haven't conceived at that point? I know everyone has one! I think mine is 36.

 

[TravelingGal]

The answer to this probably has a lot to do with how old the person answering is.

 

[decodelighted]

HA! Oh this is gonna be Goooood. Anyone want to put money on how many posts it takes for someone's feelings getting hurt? Can we just all agree that you're SUPERIOR and perfect right up until your 42nd birthday party oopsie & subsequent baby?

 

[TravelingGal]

HA! Oh this is gonna be Goooood. Anyone want to put money on how many posts it takes for someone's feelings getting hurt? Can we just all agree that you're SUPERIOR and perfect right up until your 42nd birthday party oopsie & subsequent baby?

I just say you're too old when everything is hanging lower than the baby is.

 

[beesha77]

HA! Oh this is gonna be Goooood. Anyone want to put money on how many posts it takes for someone's feelings getting hurt? Can we just all agree that you're SUPERIOR and perfect right up until your 42nd birthday party oopsie & subsequent baby?

 

[beesha77]

No I really mean for you personally, not in general woman shouldn't have kids after age X. I used to think my age was 30. And I had 3 by that age, then my husband died and I'm close to being married agin and thinking wellllllll maybe?

 

[decodelighted]

I tend to agree with TGal that people's opinions on this drastically DRIFT as they get older themselves. And there's the influence of older & older celebs having babies later in life. (Pretending they're totes natural even though they are obviously IVF twins @/or SURROGATE births).

So ... if you have another at 36 ... prepare for thinking you want another at 39 & another at 41!


ETA: For me personally? I'm 44 ... so it's a pretty tricky time. And a touchy issue for sure!

 

[ladypirate]

I don't have children yet and I'm currently 28. My husband is 33. I would like to be done having kids by the time I'm 40, but DH would also like to be done by the time he is 40, so I guess that makes it by the time I'm 35. We figure we'll probably get started in 2-4 years.

My parents had kids late in life. My mom was 37 with me, her first, and 40 with my sisters who ended up being identical twins. No problems with conception or with any of the births, other than being born a bit late and thus being relatively large babies. I was 8.5 lbs at 42 weeks and my sisters were 6.5 and 7.5 pounds at 40 weeks. I think that probably influenced my thinking in terms of what an appropriate age for kids was.

 

[Dreamer_D]

LOL!

At the risk of offending.

I think DH will get the old snippity when I hit 39, unless we get a crystal clear idea that we are done before then. But I have had two kids which does change my own personal attitudes about age for having a kid since the research on age and pregnancy that fortells doom and gloom etc. typically is for primiparas not old hags like myself.

ETA: Beesha I'm sorry about the loss of your husband, but in your shoes, I think I would also be thinking "well maybe". I had one at 31 and two at 33. If we have a third it will likely be when I am 36 or 37.

 

[LaraOnline]

The answer to this probably has a lot to do with how old the person answering is.

hahah exaccery!

Remember when we were all going to die before our first crows foot...or just never get older...or growing old was a fate wore than death...and your mother must have been 'out of touch' because she was so very very old...?

hahah

Should i even answer this question? I guess the key part of the Q is :if you're not done having kids
eta
I'll say 42 - because that means I've still got time to havwe another one if should choose to

Oh, 44, that's even better...

I plan to living to 90 anyway...all my rellies have, in fine fashion.

op, if you want to have more, why not
(if no health problems) it's not like you haven't done it before

 

[Sha]

Tgal - so true! If I was younger I would've probably said 35. But being already 35 and nearing 36...and a miscarriage and chemical pregnancy under my belt...I don't know. I would probably say 37. Hopefully I can have #2 before then! I have a fertility issue and DH is already 43...so yeah, not much time to play around with. If DH was younger, though, I would probably pushed it to 38/39.

 

[Maisie]

I'm 40 and I feel like I am at that cut off time. I want a baby but there are many factors to consider and I think I just might be ready to abandon the idea.

 

[LaraOnline]

I'm 40 and I feel like I am at that cut off time. I want a baby but there are many factors to consider and I think I just might be ready to abandon the idea.

I'm in the same boat, turning 40 in a couple of days. i feel fine about it... only a few years ago it was like i couldn't comprehend such a situation!!!

Being happy, very well (and good looking *snigger*) helps!!
When I was younger I think I honestly thought I would fall off the planet before 40, but now I am here, I can't really see why I couldn't have another baby. Geez, my labours (the duration, my capacity, my injury, my recovery) have actually dramatically improved with age!

My 'issues' are more related to money, and time-management issues, not worries about conception or coping.
And these are issues that would apply to any thinking mother of any age.

 

[Skippy123]

In Maisie's thread a few of us answered on age and parenthood. [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ttc-when-you-are-around-40-years-old.170085/page-3']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ttc-when-you-are-around-40-years-old.170085/page-3[/URL]

I noted that my parents were in their 40's when they had my sister and I. I think my parents are super stars though! My dad has a small ranch that belongs to him; they go visit their animals and fix fences and they don't need to do it but they love it and my mom is in her 70's and dad will be 80 this year so my point is they are around and acting as old as they feel. They have way more energy then me!

Anyway, my husband and I weren't sure we wanted kids and traveled and bought a house, etc. So then I realized I bet decide if I want kids because I hear 35 is old to the medical world? So I got pregnant at 34 and had my twin boys at 35 which are now 8 mo's old. If I wanted one more I would probably be 36 or 37 when that happened. I kind of want one more. If we do do that then we need a bigger house.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. Your boys are so beautiful!!!

anyway, to answer your question; I think Tgal is right, it depends on the person answering! I honestly don't feel there is a right or wrong answer, but I do feel some people should not always have kids but that is a whole different topic. As long as you can provide for your family and have a lot of love to give then who cares.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Funny, I've only considered an age I wouldn't have children BEFORE, but never really thought about an "expired by" date.

I'm 30 and having #1. I have a feeling we'll be done by the time I'm 35 and that's fine by me. My sister wants another, but she feels like she's 37 and the window of opportunity is soon closing. I don't know, several of my friends are in their late 30's and are still TTC and I think it's encouraging.

 

[decodelighted]

I'm 44 ... so it's a pretty tricky time. And a touchy issue for sure!

I thought maybe I should clarify this a bit. We're not aching for kids or anything. But even if it's not a part of your "life plan" there are A LOT OF FEELINGS that come along with departing the *fertile* stage. And coming to terms with the fact it DEF WON'T be happening. Or, if it did, it would tend to be a complicated, possibly sad circumstance, rather than a happy, bountiful one.

In America, among the healthy, educated, middle/upper classes - we tend to have these feelings like ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!! We can look 25 FOREVER! We can go to LAW SCHOOL at 50! We'll all have BOATS! And, well, perimenopause isn't as negotiable. Kinda puts a damper on things - if just emotionally. (In a much less tragic way than folks who've had to deal w/other life changers like Cancer and War and Car Accidents.)

 

[decodelighted]

"expired by" date.

HA - also - ouch.

 

[TravelingGal]

I'm 44 ... so it's a pretty tricky time. And a touchy issue for sure!

I thought maybe I should clarify this a bit. We're not aching for kids or anything. But even if it's not a part of your "life plan" there are A LOT OF FEELINGS that come along with departing the *fertile* stage. And coming to terms with the fact it DEF WON'T be happening. Or, if it did, it would tend to be a complicated, possibly sad circumstance, rather than a happy, bountiful one.

In America, among the healthy, educated, middle/upper classes - we tend to have these feelings like ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!! We can look 25 FOREVER! We can go to LAW SCHOOL at 50! We'll all have BOATS! And, well, perimenopause isn't as negotiable. Kinda puts a damper on things - if just emotionally. (In a much less tragic way than folks who've had to deal w/other life changers like Cancer and War and Car Accidents.)

Deco, true. You start feeling mortality more, and understand that time is indeed passing. And it's one thing to have children by choice, it's another thing to realize you can no longer have them, even if you wanted to (and for that matter, even when you don't!)

TGuy just got a vasectomy last week so obviously it is our choice not to have any more children. And yet, the finality of being a couple who *could* conceive to a couple who will not be able to has been mentally interesting for me. That chapter in our lives is closed. Now we have what we have and move on. It's strange.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

"expired by" date.

HA - also - ouch.

I actually debated using this term because it sounds really harsh. But really, it sort of feels that way...just with the "kids" part of life, obviously. And I think women feel it more than men.

 

[Rhea]

I've not had any children and not sure that I will. In my head I think if I'm going to start I should by the time I'm 38, and be done by my mid-40s. I'm not entirely sure why I've picked that start date. I've picked the end age as women in my family tend to start menopause in their mid-40s.

I reserve the right to change my mind as I get older.

 

[monarch64]

Oh wow, I have no idea! We're just getting started and I'll have just turned 35 when I deliver our first. I have never been one to set goals according to age, though. I never thought, "I want to be married by --" or, "I want to have children by --." I hate to limit myself and my thinking by saying things like "yup, done by 40, check that off the list." I am kind of a free spirit, though. Not everyone likes to go through life like that, but it has worked for me. Que sera, etc.

 

[partgypsy]

For myself, since I had my last one at 39, I'll say 40 (especially since my husband had a vascetomy after the birth of our last child, on Valentine's day).

In so many ways I feel that was the right answer (financially, time, age, and medical risk factors). Even if you physically are in great shape beyond 40's, one's eggs are biologically old. Not only are the eggs more likely to have problems with age, it appears the ability for our bodies to detect and abort defective eggs is reduced with age.
I'm a scientist, but I think it is hard for people to understand no matter how young someone feels, there are biological limits.
Heck, someone I knew who was trying to have kids around the age I was with my second, got a test and found out she was actually going through perimenopause.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I had one a couple weeks after turning 34 and that's old enough for me. Not that I think women shouldn't or can't have kids older (seems to be the norm in my area), but I personally am ready to move on with my life and into a different phase, leaving behind baby and toddlerhood. I had told my husband that if we didn't have a second child by the time I was 35, either through adoption or birth, I was closing up shop and lo and behold, I guess my body heard and got in gear. Neither my husband nor I are baby people and I think I would have less tolerance for the baby shenanigans if I were older!

 

[decodelighted]

I think the perception also has to do with where your FRIENDS are in their lives. I have a lot of 40+ single female friends. Many of whom desperately want natural kids. It's heartbreaking to write all of their dreams off in one blanket statement.

 

[monarch64]

I think the perception also has to do with where your FRIENDS are in their lives. I have a lot of 40+ single female friends. Many of whom desperately want natural kids. It's heartbreaking to write all of their dreams off in one blanket statement.

Oh definitely. I think we see that all the time, whatever phase of life. Engagements, weddings, kids, etc. It just sucks that the only part of life that is really a race is the reproductive aspect for women 35+.

I have to wonder if some of that desperation is really to experience the child itself, or to not miss out on the experience of having the child, ya know?

 

[phoenixgirl]

I think it just depends on how many kids you want to have and how old you are when you start.

Beesha, I totally understand why you would be thinking about it, and for whatever reason my mind has gone to the "what if my DH died -- would I have more kids?" question before. I am 31, closer to 32, and expecting our second and probably our last. But if the universe gave us an Oops #3, or if I lost my DH and was remarrying and we wanted a child together, then I wouldn't think I was "too old" until maybe early 40s. If we had started later, I would still want two, possibly three kids. I don't judge women who TTC after early to mid 40s, but since I'm already a parent I know how tiring it is . And at a certain point your body/decreasing fertility decides for you. I know they slap "advanced maternal age" on your chart over 35, but for whatever reason in my mind the 30s are all pretty much the same for TTC and I would push that to early 40s if I had found myself wanting another later. I was born to parents in their late 30s, who were both born to parents in their late 30s, so I feel like that's no big deal.

I am very sorry that you lost your husband. By the same taken, I'm very happy to hear that you will be getting married soon. Congratulations and I say do whatever feels right!

 

[Puppmom]

I think the key for me is to make the decision while it's still mine to make. I hate the idea of having the control taken away from me by age.

 

[mrs taylor]

I was done in my 20's. My last was born when I was 29. I have no personal interest in having more but I *personally* couldn't imagine myself having kids any later than I did.

My mother had her last in her 40's and I just wouldn't want to do that-again, there's no judgment attached to that. My parents were deliriously happy with their choices. Same as my aunt, who also had kids in her late 30's early 40's.

I knew early that I wanted to be done fairly young and pregnancy was not easy on me. I had 3 uncomplicated pregnancies, but they were NOT easy.

 

[qtiekiki]

I'm 44 ... so it's a pretty tricky time. And a touchy issue for sure!

I thought maybe I should clarify this a bit. We're not aching for kids or anything. But even if it's not a part of your "life plan" there are A LOT OF FEELINGS that come along with departing the *fertile* stage. And coming to terms with the fact it DEF WON'T be happening. Or, if it did, it would tend to be a complicated, possibly sad circumstance, rather than a happy, bountiful one.

In America, among the healthy, educated, middle/upper classes - we tend to have these feelings like ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!! We can look 25 FOREVER! We can go to LAW SCHOOL at 50! We'll all have BOATS! And, well, perimenopause isn't as negotiable. Kinda puts a damper on things - if just emotionally. (In a much less tragic way than folks who've had to deal w/other life changers like Cancer and War and Car Accidents.)

Deco, true. You start feeling mortality more, and understand that time is indeed passing. And it's one thing to have children by choice, it's another thing to realize you can no longer have them, even if you wanted to (and for that matter, even when you don't!)

TGuy just got a vasectomy last week so obviously it is our choice not to have any more children. And yet, the finality of being a couple who *could* conceive to a couple who will not be able to has been mentally interesting for me. That chapter in our lives is closed. Now we have what we have and move on. It's strange.

Interesting, indeed. We are fairly certain that we are done. We just don't have the energy and patience for another kid, but yet we don't want to do anything "permanent" to close the door. Maybe it is the whole idea of not having the choice anymore.

And to answer the original question, I would say 35. That's because I already have two kids when I was 30. If I was 35 with no kids, then I would say 40. And who knows what I'll say if I was 40 without kids.

 

[partgypsy]

This is probably TMI but having crushes on some celebrity (for me Keanu) in addition to some love connection thinking yeah I'd have their baby. And at some point realizing, nope I wouldn't want to do that. I may still have fantasies of jumping their bones but that desire to have a child with someone is over. As far as I know, I may be still able to conceive (I'm 44 but still have regular periods), but emotionally, psychologically that part of my life is a closed chapter and I feel good about it. I also went through periods before having my second, that if I didn't have a second kid, I would have really had horrible regrets (knock on wood) say something happened to my first child and I was past the age to have another. I cannot predict the future, I don't know what will happen to me or my children in the future, but regardless I am comfortable with what decisions I made.
Reading this it makes me sound really weird!
I also had that feeling of being "done" when I got my first mammogram. I was supposed to get it when I was 40, but then they had to postpone it a few months because I was still lactating. So when I got that test, it was like, this is it.