If you're not done having kids...

[mrs taylor]

ah, yes. To add my previous post-dh went for the vasectomy when I was 34. So we're pretty certain we are done!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

30 was my cut off age. My parents had me (too) young and it showed in their parenting. On the flip side, I also didn't want to be too old (in my mind) to have the energy to raise kids. Actually, when DH and I were first married I had told him I didn't want any kids, ever. We now have two kids - our son was born when I was 26 and our daughter born when I was 28. We are done now - I had a hysterectomy and DH got snipped. We both figured that if we really, really wanted to have another we could adopt.

 

[tammy77]

It highly depends on how old I am when you ask. When I was twenty, the idea of having kids past thirty was MORTIFYING. Here I am, 34 and TTC. I think my cut off is probably 37, but previously I had always said 35. Things change!

 

[LaraOnline]

For myself, since I had my last one at 39, I'll say 40 (especially since my husband had a vascetomy after the birth of our last child, on Valentine's day).

In so many ways I feel that was the right answer (financially, time, age, and medical risk factors). Even if you physically are in great shape beyond 40's, one's eggs are biologically old. Not only are the eggs more likely to have problems with age, it appears the ability for our bodies to detect and abort defective eggs is reduced with age.
I'm a scientist, but I think it is hard for people to understand no matter how young someone feels, there are biological limits.
Heck, someone I knew who was trying to have kids around the age I was with my second, got a test and found out she was actually going through perimenopause.

Yeah, I totally hear what you are saying, gypsy, but respectfully I feel science can run a little rough shod over the individual every now and then.

There are some biological limits, it is true, but it is also true that different people hit those biological limits at different ages.
For example, a woman I know is going through an early menopause, in her mid-30s.
Another woman I know is in her twenties, and not very fertile.

Science is very good at identifying patterns and corrolating factors. Norms are only that...norms.

 

[Lottie]

For me personally, I wanted to be finished by 35 with three children, I'm 32 and we have decided recently ish that we want to stop at two, so we are all done! My sil had her first at 40 and her second at 42, she had no problems falling pregnant and had uncomplicated pregnancies and births. I thought Tgals post was interesting - we have discussed dh having a vascectomy but despite not wanting more children I am not ready to be someone that cannot have more children.

What would make me hesitiate more than age (within reason) would be the age gap between children but that is just down to personal preference.

 

[Rhea]

I think peers have a huge impact on this. At 30 I don't feel ready and I have several friends ages 27 - 42, none of whom have children and half of whom aren't married or in a long-term relationship. I seem to either now Americans, where I lived in smaller town in the South, who started having children in their early to mid 20s and are done now that they've started reaching their 30th birthday. Or British friends who live in a much more urban area who think mid 20s is much too young to be married, never mind starting to have children.

 

[Loves Vintage]

I would happily have babies well into my 40s. To answer the question, which I will admit to having found offensive and obnoxious when I first read it, I would have to say MY ABSOLUTE LAST OVULATION! Or, to put it another way, I do not have a cut-off age, and even if most people have one, I am quite sure they wouldn't abide by it under any and all circumstances! Imagine thinking ohhhhhhh 35 is just tooooooooooo old, when you get married at 30, and then you go through years of fertility treatments, disappointment month after month, are you REALLY going to stop on your 35th birthday?

I absolutely ADORE being a mother and gave birth to my first baby at age 37. I had a wonderful pregnancy with no complicatons. FWIW, I recall my drs telling me that over 50% of their pregnant patient population was over age 35, so if y'all don't like old mommas, don't come to Connecticut!!

 

[partgypsy]

Laraonline, no problems. I agree there is a wide variability in the age when someone is no longer "fertile" but I feel that everyone wants to be that whatever percent that is fertile and can easily conceive, carry a baby to term at advanced maternal age, when statistically everyone can't fit into that group. Though I work in the sciences, I don't feel that science can solve all problems, or should. Yeah, I can hear women saying, but that's not fair! Nature is not fair.

I guess my real answer for myself, my cutoff for having children would be when I could no longer do it without extensive medical assistance. But everyone is different! My cut off is different than others.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I only want one or two, I would love to be done by 35 but who knows? Time can always change things.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am definitely done , but we had one at close to age 27 and the second one close to 30. We had a boy and a girl and we were done. My husband had a vasectomy. I did at that point think that if I ever had the desire for another child, we could adopt. But I really wasn't even thinking about it at that point. Fast forward to age 38 and I became extremely interested in international adoption as I saw several news programs on orphans in other countries. It really broke my heart and I asked my husband if I could get information. Well, after one failed adoption on another country, we adopted our daughter at age 40 in China. It is right up there with the best decisions we have ever made. I was a much better mother at 40 than I was at 30. And I love still having a daughter at home.

As others have said, the answer to this question not only has to do with how old the woman currently is, but also how old they married, etc. My sister married at 35 and had their only child at 40. I have a good friend who married at 38 and had babies at 39, 41, and 43 or 44. Most of us do not know our limit for reproduction because we start and end earlier than our fertility lasts.

(Deco, I have several single friends who have adopted children internationally. In fact, I know a few with 2 and even 3 children! Even though marriage did not happen as they might have hoped, they did not let the biological clock stop them from being mothers. I hope your single friends might consider adoption. It is not second best.)

 

[Pandora II]

Mid-40's.

DD was born when I was 37, IF we have another I will be at least 42.

Luckily I come from a family where all the women get PG by merely thinking about it, and generally hit the menopause in their mid-late 50's, so I don't feel that the clock is ticking too loudly yet...