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If you were planning on having kids...

Dancing Fire

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
33,852
IYO, what would be the ideal age to have your first and last child?
 
I've read that physically (for both the parents and the kids) the optimum age for reproduction is the teenage years.
But obviously for many reasons, financial security, maturity, etc. the parents should be as older but before the odds of complications, and birth defects, lower quality egg and sperm, and age-related low energy rises too high.

... overall ... perhaps 25 - 30.
 
Taking into account everything Kenny mentioned, I don’t think there’s a specific time when it’s ‘right’. Don’t forget that just because you want a child, you’ll be able to have one.

My DS was born when I was 24 (DH 33) and I’m glad I was relatively young when he was born. My best friend from school (through circumstances) had her first child at 44, so she now has a teenager and my DS is heading towards mid 30’s. I can’t imagine being in her shoes now.
 
I had my first kid at 24 hubby was 30, my second kid at 36 hubby was 42, I think mid to late 20's are the best time to have them, having kids a little older creates a little more stress to me, me and hubby are getting closer to retirement age...I still have a 20 year old living at home, I love him dearly but I really wished we had our kids much closer to together...I don't know but I think late 20's would be best, you aren't as immature by then, you are more established in your career and you aren't too old to keep up with them
 
I had my first at 30 and plan to have my second by 35. I'm in NY and it's very typical not to have any children until the 30's in my professional circle.
 
Hubby and I are childhood sweethearts and have been married 25 years this last November. I always thought we would have two children one at 28 years and another by the time I turned 30. The reality is, we have two kiddies our eldest 6 and youngest is 3. Sometimes life throws you a bit of a curve ball, but I’m am so grateful for being Mum even though it happened a lot later than originally planned.
 
27 and 31.

I had my first at 28 and my second at 35 so sometimes life throws you a curveball ;-)
 
I had my 2 biological kids 12months apart at 29 & 30 and for me that was a good age. DH had kids later-he was 33, 37, 39, 41 when his kids were born.
His oldest was his ex wife's and he adopted her when she was 2. Third child was also adopted. Plus he took on my two!

I am 60 and our youngest is just turning 20. I feel very fortunate I got to help raise 4 more kids as I always wanted a large family. It has been fun (albeit a challenge at times)! The children were 13,15,17, 21, 22, 23 when we got married and both DH and I were sole physical custodians of our children.
 
DH and I adopted our first child when she was just under 1- we had turned 33 and 35 two weeks prior to bringing her home. I gave birth to our second child 367 days later, when we had just turned 34 and 36. We're very average in the DC area where we live, but I think we both wish we could've become parents 2 years earlier. We have parents on the opposite ends of the spectrum from each other- mine were unable to have biological children so they adopted my sister and me in their early 30s, whereas DH's mom started at 18.
 
Hi,

I think the ages between 24- and 32 for first and last. I think you have more energy and patience when you are younger and its more fun to look forward to more years with the children as grown-ups.

I had mine at ages 19 and 21. I would choose the above if I could.

Annette
 
I was 28 when my daughter was born, DH 38. I'll only be 46 when she graduates from high school and goes off to college, so lots of time for DH and I to travel and do things after she's grown. I'm 41 now and contemplated if I want another, but decided that I don't want to reset the clock. I'll just adopt more dogs lol.
 
I agree with having your first child by your mid 20s. b/c by the time the child graduate from college the parents will be in their late 40's. Our DD#2 had her first child 2 1/2 month ago at 29 1/2 and our DD #1 who is due any day now will be 31. We wish they have their kids in their mid 20's so that we can spend more time with our grandkids while we are still young.
 
I didn't want children so didn't plan on having them however if I wanted them I would have had them earlier vs later if possible. Of course you cannot plan when you will meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and we all know the saying about the best laid plans. But in a perfect world I would have done it the way my parents did if I would have wanted children. My mom was 22 when I was born and she was 24 when my sister was born (and my dad is almost 9 years older). We grew up with relatively young parents and it was very nice for all of us. They had lots of energy for us throughout our childhood and were still young when we were adults. That of course is in a perfect world and you cannot always have kids exactly when you want to. But since you asked. I would say early to mid twenties and then done.
 
What's "ideal" isn't always feasible or even possible. You get what you're dealt and have to make decisions along the way. I think it's normal for women to wait until after 30 these days, if at all. Not having kids is a valid choice as well. I may or may not get grandkids, and I've made my peace with it either way.
 
In the current circumstances I'd say late twenties. I finished my education at age 26, which was the minimum time for my curriculum and then I worked two years before getting pregnant. Not exactly super long to build a solid career. Worked part time after kid three.
I think if society REALLY wants more highly educated women to have children, one should focus on a better and free infrastructure on campus.
In my family ( and about ever family know) it was understood that you finish your education first, then have kids. I guess that's because the drop out rate is rather high if you have a baby before and it's harder to get a really good first job as a mother. Employers are often too fixated on people working crazy hours and showing presence in the beginning of their careers vs. pure effiency.
The reality is that if you have a baby while still in Uni, you can take one semester of timeout, then continue , given a really good daycare is provided. Your hours are more flexible. When your child is already two or three, you can more easily enter the job market.
If that's not provided , fewer and fewer highly educated women will have children, and if so at a much later age.
 
Somewhere between 18 and 41. I don't know if there is an ideal time to have a child. Since having a child is so incredibly disruptive and time consuming, better to shoot for when it is possible, let alone ideal.
 
I'm in the camp of people who are not sure if any time is really the 'ideal' time... there are pros and cons with any option. I had my first child at 27, and the twins at 31. Choosing when to have the first was a balance between wanting to be a 'young' parent, and also ensuring I had progressed to a certain point in my career before starting a family. Once the oldest came along though, I wondered if we should have waited longer, it was hard work!! After that we eventually decided to have 'one more', but ended up with twins. Joke's on us... lol
 
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Curious how most responded based on their personal experience.

I just responded to the question.

Apparently people vary.
 
Well I think people who have had children are going to have a different perspective than those who haven't. Nothing wrong with that but in my experience it is a hell of a lot harder to keep up with the demands of two children approaching forty than at thirty.
 
Whenever you feel like you've done everything you wanted in life (to a reasonable degree) and obviously taking into account fertility.

I had mine at 31. I felt like I had done everything I wanted to and parenthood was the next adventure I wanted to go on. hehe it was still a rude shock to the system though!
 
Dancing Fire said:
I agree with having your first child by your mid 20s. b/c by the time the child graduate from college the parents will be in their late 40's. Our DD#2 had her first child 2 1/2 month ago at 29 1/2 and our DD #1 who is due any day now will be 31. We wish they have their kids in their mid 20's so that we can spend more time with our grandkids while we are still young.
Click to expand...

@Dancing Fire , congratulations on the birth of your first grandchild and the upcoming birth of your second grandchild! :dance:
 
If I was going to have children, I wanted to have them before I was 30.
I was very fortunate that when I decided I did want to have children I was able to have them, and my amazing children were born when I was 27 and 29. I've seen what friends have gone through trying to have a child; some having a child after years of medical treatments, and some who never did have a child.

When I was about 19, I met a woman who had six children and asked her about timing of having kids. She told me to have children after doing everything I wanted to do in life; like what @mellowyellowgirl said. I was shocked at the woman's comment because there will always be more things I want to do.
 
I remember when the advice an older (and childless) friend gave me when got married "If you want kids, don't wait too long for the right there time as you can always find a reason to wait and the reality is you don't know how long it can take". After my first, I asked my pediatrician if he had any advice on how long to wait before the next and he said "it's easier at least 2 years apart or you will be juggling 2 infants" (my mom had the same advice saying you didn't want more than 2 in college at the same time).

I'm in my late 50's and glad my kids are grown as I juggle aging parents but also know it's harder for kids to get started and settled nowadays.
 
As far as of long-term outcomes, I believe studies generally find late 20s to early 30s to be optimal. I had mine at 33, all my friends were having kids around the same time. Before 30 would've been too early.
 
Well, I wasn’t expecting to have any children at all and had resigned myself to that fact after my first marriage ended. I remarried again at 39 and was then very very unexpectedly pregnant with my daughter who I had at 40. I had a very troublesome pregnancy and she was born early but perfect. A precious gift for sure.
 
My "ideal" timeframe was to have the first by 28 and the last by 36... life had other plans. I married at 33, had our first (only) child at 36, and I hope to have another before I'm 40... I never wanted to be an "old mom" but it's better than the alternative of having no children because I'd limited myself to an "ideal age." :)
 
I only wanted two kids and it was awesome that I had them both at 25. It proved to be perfect timing as I had a good career and when they were small DH and I worked opposite shifts so one of us was always at home with them. Now they are adults and we are still young. My parents were 19 and 20 when I was born and then waited 5 years for my sister. They were too young and immature to have children and that was something I did not want at all.
 
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