If you just entered into a relationship

[123ducklings]

This would be uncomfortable/a red flag for me. Although @JPie makes a good point; I might feel differently if there were an additional cultural element. When a friend of mine first met her fiance’s parents for example they gave her lots of beautiful gold jewelry as is customary in their country of origin. She accepted it gracefully and it wasn’t weird at all.

 

[stracci2000]

We had a PSer who was doing this.

 

[123ducklings]

We had a PSer who was doing this.

Oh no! I thought this was a hypothetical thing. Now I feel embarrassed for my negative response. I’d love to hear/understand more about that person’s perspective.

 

[stracci2000]

Oh no! I thought this was a hypothetical thing. Now I feel embarrassed for my negative response. I’d love to hear/understand more about that person’s perspective.

I certainly don't want to say that this person was doing anything wrong, but he was buying diamonds for a yet-unknown fiance.

 

[123ducklings]

he was buying diamonds for a yet-unknown fiance.

Ah I see. Receiving jewelry upon engagement would feel much more natural to me than right at the start of a relationship. At the same time, I am rather sentimental. It’s always special to receive a gift that shows how well the giver knows your unique tastes and desires isn’t it?

 

[stracci2000]

Ah I see. Receiving jewelry upon engagement would feel much more natural to me than right at the start of a relationship. At the same time, I am rather sentimental. It’s always special to receive a gift that shows how well the giver knows your unique tastes and desires isn’t it?

Of course! The lady wants to have a say on what she will be wearing.
Or if she wants to be surprised, then she has probably hinted at the styles she likes, at least.

 

[LisaRN]

I certainly don't want to say that this person was doing anything wrong, but he was buying diamonds for a yet-unknown fiance.

Not sure on the particulars but could this be a person who is lonely and longing for the "right one" to come along? Dreaming of meeting that person who will complete their life and shopping with that dream in mind? It seems incredibly romantic on one hand, but a bit........perhaps unrealistic? As if they are dreaming of a honeymoon phase that will last forever, like a great romance novel?

 

[nala]

I wish that I had more context to give a sincere answer. If this is not a hypothetical, and this happened to someone I cared about, I’d be concerned unless: the person’s partner is or was a jeweler, was paid by a jeweler in lieu of money for labor provided, inherited the jewelry, is a millionaire who collects jewelry as art work and that’s about it for my exceptions. Any of those being the case, if partner didn’t expect me to wear what I didn’t like—I would be ecstatic. And just to play devil’s advocate—how many ladies have bought a dream wedding gown before they’ve even met their future husband or is that just a lifetime movie plot? Lol

 

[1ofakind]

Maybe he’s someone who appreciates sparkly things and now finally has someone to give them too...??? I don’t find that necessarily creepy. Especially if there is a cultural/traditional element to the collection. It could turn a corner at any minute though.

 

[Demon]

And now I'm also sorry I posted. I thought this was someone unknown, not someone here who did this.

 

[MillieLou]

I would find it disturbing and it would indicate a lack of interest in me as a person, rather than a body filling a role.

I recognise the (well-intentioned) PSer doing this and don't think people should feel bad for being honest. Perhaps he will read this, reflect, and save his money to spend on thoughtful and personal gifts when he meets the truly right person for him. Or buy stuff for himself!

 

[Arcadian]

That would be a No. I would never wear any of it.

 

[Polabowla]

I recognized those threads as well & yes I was seriously creeped out at the time but felt it was not the right place to speak up then.
I find it creepy & innapropriate (even more so because yes I think the lady friend was in a relationship or married.)

 

[yssie]

We had a PSer who was doing this.

I remember this. It was utterly bizarre.

 

[Roselina]

I remember this. It was utterly bizarre.

What was the explanation for doing this?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I remember this. It was utterly bizarre.

Ahhhh, yes. But that was a case, at first, of an engagement that didn't happen.

I'd say to the guy, please do not do that. I have been with my husband for MANY years, and there is no way that even today he could go buy a jewelry gift for me without me providing a specific wishlist. But there are some women who know zero about jewelry and would be thrilled, I'm sure. I just don't see the point. Buy with the girl you love in mind.

 

[Polabowla]

Ahhhh, yes. But that was a case, at first, of an engagement that didn't happen.

I'd say to the guy, please do not do that. I have been with my husband for MANY years, and there is no way that even today he could go buy a jewelry gift for me without me providing a specific wishlist. But there are some women who know zero about jewelry and would be thrilled, I'm sure. I just don't see the point. Buy with the girl you love in mind.

Not as simple as that though. There was upgrading & other stone buying going on if I recall correctly & later mention of a female "friend" who was married but would get a piece.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Not as simple as that though. There was upgrading & other stone buying going on if I recall correctly & later mention of a female "friend" who was married but would get a piece.

Right, I think he got interested in diamonds from coming here to find an e-ring, though. There have been a few guys stick around after buying a diamond ring, but this one was odd since he didn't have the fiancee to give the jewelry to anymore!

 

[123ducklings]

Right, I think he got interested in diamonds from coming here to find an e-ring, though. There have been a few guys stick around after buying a diamond ring, but this one was odd since he didn't have the fiancee to give the jewelry to anymore!

My curiosity is piqued for sure

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My curiosity is piqued for sure

I haven't seen all the threads, but he upgraded the original diamond (without having a new person!), and I think maybe he bought studs after that? It was really strange. I can't even remember his name to look up the threads to be a little more informative. My opinion was that he needed to hang on to the diamond and upgrade it if he ever gets engaged again. The strangest part was continuing to buy.

 

[123ducklings]

I haven't seen all the threads, but he upgraded the original diamond (without having a new person!), and I think maybe he bought studs after that? It was really strange. I can't even remember his name to look up the threads to be a little more informative. My opinion was that he needed to hang on to the diamond and upgrade it if he ever gets engaged again. The strangest part was continuing to buy.

Sounds like maybe he caught the PS bug? Odd to me, but I can understand the initial upgrade in a way — you want to be rid of the bad vibes from the ring but don’t want to sell at a loss. As with anything, people are complex and details matter.

 

[PreRaphaelite]

Is it the same dynamic as, for example, a woman planning her own future wedding down to the minutiae, before meeting the right guy?

 

[Dancing Fire]

I haven't seen all the threads, but he upgraded the original diamond (without having a new person!), and I think maybe he bought studs after that? It was really strange. I can't even remember his name to look up the threads to be a little more informative. My opinion was that he needed to hang on to the diamond and upgrade it if he ever gets engaged again. The strangest part was continuing to buy.

Maybe he was here looking for a hot looking PSer gal...

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Is it the same dynamic as, for example, a woman planning her own future wedding down to the minutiae, before meeting the right guy?

No, I don’t think so, because that’s just fantasy. Unless it’s a woman who not only plans her entire wedding but forces her future groom to abide by her plans to the T, his desires be damned. Even that I don’t think is completely accurate actually. I think it’s more along the lines of a woman buying her groom’s wedding outfit or wedding ring before she’s even met him.

 

[LLJsmom]

Like I hit the jackpot???

Wait, this is for real???

 

[GliderPoss]

Hmmm I think the inherited vintage pieces/cultural reasons make sense and are quite sweet - however if it's just like I have a stash of pre-owned jewellery that I insist you wear...that's just creepy. Makes me think of the previous woman and wonder what happened to her!?

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

Timing is everything. If there was a ready made cache for the revolving coterie? A new accessory to wear the accessories? Nawp, not doing it. If the pieces are 'family' and there is no cultural precedent, why would anyone give away great gramma's oec or great auntie's necklace to a brand new partner, anyhow?

*In that case there was what appeared to be an intended 'target', though. The weird part was that this target was already in a marriage, to someone else. We don't know the state of that marriage- but it felt a little like it was being done without her input/consent/desire. Secretive. Either way it smacks of a fundamental lack of understanding as it pertains to boundaries.The timing is suspect and off-putting as well. If you want to be uncharitable you could say it's obsessive behavior. That's potentially dangerous because it's about degree. Even if it isn't, it should give anyone real pause.
It's an immediate, "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!" for me.

 

[PreRaphaelite]

I think it’s more along the lines of a woman buying her groom’s wedding outfit or wedding ring before she’s even met him.

Thank you, I understand now. Good explanation. Not certain why it didn't 'click' in my mind until you said that. Thanks!

 

[missy]

I prefer to choose my own jewelry with my dh’s input. This way he’s involved but I make the final decision.

If it was a piece of jewelry passed on by his dear family member I’d graciously accept and if I liked it I’d wear it. If not I’d still cherish the thought behind it but would wear it rarely. I would be grateful to be thought of for this lovely gift.

But in terms of the FI/DH/SO choosing an entire jewelry collection for me. Before we were even a couple? Heck no thank you. Not my cup of tea. Might work for some but wouldn’t work for me/us.

 

[737lizakg]

I am an outlier here and would say, hell to the yes. I know jewelery is personal, but I wouldn't find it creepy. My close guy friend paid his way through college trading and selling rare coins, and he dabbled in gems and jewellery. To him it was a hobby like any other. With the idea that he was 'investing' as well. After 2 decades and realising he wasn't going to do anything with it, he gave it all to me. He, like most PSers, assumed any girlfriend would be unimpressed with a gift not specifically bought with them in mind. Well, I know 2 of his exes well and like the current one a lot. They were ALL disappointed with him for not gifting any of it to them.