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If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name...

mayachel

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Mar 2, 2008
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how did you finally resolve it? Obviously this won't be the first or the last thing to come up in a relationship where you just don't see eye to eye, but it feels like our ideas on baby naming are so wildly different. Is it an "ah ha" moment? Should we each keep championing for our favorites?
 

amc80

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

I think this has to be one of those things where you have to agree. This may mean neither of you get your first choice, or even your second or your third. Have you and your husband write down your top 10 names. Then, go down your list one by one and compare them. The 1st name you get to that's highest on both your lists wins. You may even need to look at your top 20 names in order to find one on both your lists.
 

tammy77

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Wait until you're in labor and he feels sorry enough for you that he caves? :lol:
 

somethingshiny

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We both wrote out names we liked, exchanged lists and crossed out those we hated. Then we discussed what was left. Those that were crossed out were no longer in the running and could not be put back on the table.

We did talk about what a "Lily" looks like. I know it's a little weird, but she could never have been "Gwendolyn" which was one on my list.
 

Skippy123

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

WE DID!!! The week before I gave birth. Week 29 we started talking names! After I gave birth at 30 weeks and 4 days we still didn't have names so they were baby A and B until that afternoon. My husband really wanted the name Miles and I really wanted the name Evan so those are their names. :bigsmile: I am not sure what to tell you; it is tough coming to a decision. I guess we were sort of forced as we didn't want our babies in the NICU to be A and B for a long time. lol ;))
 

MustangGal

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

DH and I agreed perfectly on a girl name, so when we found out we were having a boy it really complicated matters. Will you do a first and middle name? Maybe you could each use your favorite. We did the list thing. I went through the baby book and wrote down about 20 names I liked, and he went through and crossed off most of them. The 3 that were left we pitched to family and came out with Kyle as the winner.
 

Pandora II

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

DH and I are both very black and white. If one or other didn't like a name then it was off the table.

We gave our daughter 3 names and we both loved each of them. Both boy and girl names were chosen in an hour over a lunch date and that was that...
 

packrat

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

For our first, I went thru a baby name book and listed what I liked. Then he went thru the list and crossed off. We decided I got a little extra consideration if we had a girl and he would if we had a boy. However..I also gave extra consideration to the fact that I carried the babies and had them and did everything. So..I got like 10,000 votes and he got 1.
 

Kunzite

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We did the list thing too but we only crossed out names that we really hated. That way the rest of the names had time to see if they would grow on each of us. What I think helped us the most though was that we would give the baby a new name every week and only call it that name. Usually after a week of saying and living with the same name we were on the same page about how we felt about it. That really helped narrow things down.
 

taovandel

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Mar 22, 2008
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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

I went through the baby name book and wrote down every name that I liked/loved. Had about 30 names on each list. And then I let him pick the names from there. I knew it would be something I loved because I wrote it down and he gets to feel like he picked the name out himself.
 

KaeKae

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Baby #1, we had a terrible time agreeing on a girl name. (Boy we agreed on early on.) It came down to two nights before I was scheduled for induction (so 10 days over due!) I was doing a TV Guide crossword puzzle. An answer was a girl's name, and I called out to DH in the next room, "What about NAME?" He said, 'okay.' I asked about the spelling, we both liked the same, and that was it.

Baby #2, I did the list of my favorites. 10 or 15 names for each. Gave the list to DH and told him to pick one. He did. I told him the nickname I prefered for a girl. He agreed. Should have talked about the spelling of the nickname, which caused minor confusion right after she was born, but luckily, I caught it right away.

It's been nearly 13 years, and a pregnancy would be quite the surprise, but I've always said that if there is a next time, I'm just going to tell him the name I've chosen when I go into hard labor!
 

fieryred33143

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

tammy77|1313089267|2988714 said:
Wait until you're in labor and he feels sorry enough for you that he caves? :lol:
Totally.

We both loved the name Sophia but were hesitant as her cousin in Chile is also named Sophia. We went through other names we liked but always went back to Sophia.

The middle name was the issue. He didn't like anything and I wanted a one syllable, short name. We disagreed and finally after giving birth he agreed to the name I wanted.
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Names weren't a big deal to me. We both agreed on our top 4 names (2 for each gender) and then I let DH choose since we were having a boy. If we'd had a girl I would have chose. That's just how we decided to do it. I liked both name options so I didn't care all that much about which one was chosen and assigned in the end. And Aidan is very well suited to his name. He's totally an Aidan.
 

Circe

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Oh, man, do I feel you.

My husband is a combat atheist. He has vetoed any biblical names.

I'm of Jewish descent. That lets out almost all the names from my culture excepting the less common ones which are probably somewhat unusual in mainstream American culture - Shlomo, Itzaak, etc. (no offense intended to anybody who has one of these names, btw - I think they're lovely, but rare these days, and would also sound odd with my husband's very Swedish last name).

So, we made list after list after list after list (by "we" I mean "I," and by "list," I mean "free-associating my way through every name known to man") and have finally come down to three names we both like - Erik, Orion, and Oberon. Figure we'll wait till the baby's born to see which one seems most "him" ....
 

mayachel

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Mar 2, 2008
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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Wow. First let me say how relieved I am to find that "everyone" else out there didn't just have partners who willingly agreed to whatever name they first proposed. I am loving reading about all the different strategies you've used and think you've given us some helpful suggestions.

AMC- I agree with you that it is important for us to be equally on board with the name at the end of the day, too bad or else Tammy's suggestion would be golden :saint:

Tammy-Your statement had me laughing out loud. It's awful but it's probably true that it would work! (Of course I'd feel horribly manipulative and so will do my best to avoid that strategy.)

Somethingshiny/Pandora-agreeing to take names totally off the table is so hard core.

Skippy-I can't begin to imagine the lack of preparation that will be done should we have such an early arrival! Not surprising that the reality of your two little beans in front of you made you guys figure it out fast!

MustangGirl-You guys sound super sensible with your approach, I think I feel like I've already "given" him his vote by agreeing to a particular middle name that he wanted, but that only stands if I'm 100% on the first name. Neither of us chose to change our last names, so I've also jokingly stated if he is "picking the last name" surely it makes sense I get to pick the first name. Really, we'll likely give her two last names, although mine will read like a second middle name.
 

mayachel

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Joined
Mar 2, 2008
Messages
1,749
Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

packrat-Yes! I have joked that we all get 1 vote. He gets one, I get one, and the baby gets one. Since I'm carrying her, clearly I have the best sense of which one she prefers :Up_to_something:

Kunzite-I like this idea, it is a little surreal to imagine them by name.

taovandel-I've got that list of 30-but don't you prefer some names over others on that list? Or did you limit it to your favorite favorites?

KaeKae-I think I'm sensing a theme from the more experienced :bigsmile:

HudsonHawk-I love that once you saw him, that idea of Aidan just being an Aidan,so sweet.

Circe-We are balancing a similar line with his fairly Jewish sounding last name and my Irish heritage and a desire to mix the two. Not to upset your balance, but have you looked into Yiddish names? They tend to not be biblical but may feel like they fit into that Jewish lineage.
 

Tacori E-ring

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Joined
Aug 15, 2005
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20,039
Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We had trouble. Every name I suggested for a girl was shot down by DH. Finally I bought him a name book and told him he had to make a list of five names he liked. He came up with three names. Luckily I liked one of them.
 

centralsquare

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Jan 18, 2009
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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We have our baby names...we just need a baby!!!
 

noelwr

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Mar 21, 2008
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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

from the beginning, I said because I have to carry the baby around 9 months, I get to name him/her.

then once we found out I was pregnant, DH said, "If we have a girl, I like the name Skye" and I thought it was so beautiful that it was an A-HA! moment.
 

taovandel

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Mar 22, 2008
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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

I wrote down I think 1 or 2 that I didn't love (but I knew my husband liked)...but they were mainly names that I would be 100% okay with if he picked.

We had the middle name narrowed down to two choices so it helped my husband have a middle name to pair up with to see what flowed well....
 

SB621

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Aug 25, 2009
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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

amc80|1313087145|2988688 said:
I think this has to be one of those things where you have to agree. This may mean neither of you get your first choice, or even your second or your third. Have you and your husband write down your top 10 names. Then, go down your list one by one and compare them. The 1st name you get to that's highest on both your lists wins. You may even need to look at your top 20 names in order to find one on both your lists.
Th is basically what DH and I did. We ended up going with a name that was at the bottom of our top 20 list but it was the only thing that we can agree on. I don't LOVE love it, but now that DS is 1 year old I can't image him being anything else. While I still deary lovely my first choice (which was Jasper btw), I'm content with where we are now, though in the beginning the naming process led to several heated discussions.

Thank goodness this time we are having a girl, because if we were having another boy it would have taken forever to figure out another name we agreed on.
 

Haven

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13,166
Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We don't have children, but we talk about baby names all the time!

There was a period of time when I thought we would never agree on a name. I'd say "I love Ascher" and DH would say "Ascher reminds me of the Assyrian gang bangers that went to my high school." He'd say "What about the name Container?" and I'd say " :-o ;( :lol: " I was pretty sure we were doomed.

Then, just last week we were in Switzerland and realized that we want to name our future children after the most inspiring places we've visited. Within five minutes, we had two names picked out. Now we just need to decide when to TTC.
 

Lanie

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Kunzite|1313104669|2988886 said:
We did the list thing too but we only crossed out names that we really hated. That way the rest of the names had time to see if they would grow on each of us. What I think helped us the most though was that we would give the baby a new name every week and only call it that name. Usually after a week of saying and living with the same name we were on the same page about how we felt about it. That really helped narrow things down.
This is the best idea I have heard all week. I'm using it for number 2!!!
 

Mara

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

we disagreed on most names til pretty much the day of birth. even after the baby was born we didn't really know. then the morning we left the hospital we had to make a decision so we just talked it through, and i got the name that i'd wanted the whole time. i'm pretty persistent (stubborn) so i worked on him pretty much the entire pregnancy and towards the end he wasn't AS against the name i really liked so i had hope. i had a friend who told me during pg... after your husband sees all you have to go through to have that baby, he will be willing to let you name it whatever you want... so i guess she was right. now we both love the name, of course, because it fits our son.
 

packrat

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Hehehe good going Mara! If JD hadn't agreed on London I think I would've had to trot out the fact that he watched his wife get gutted and saw my insides so..you know what, if I want to name our baby Pac-Man I'm going to. (I did use my scar to have my way for a long time afterward) :saint:
 

tammy77

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

I should have come back to say I was (mostly) joking! I think we, as the pregnant ones, should get a teeeeny tiny bit more pull though if it's between two names that you both like but one prefers "Alex" and the other perfers "Jim". If mom prefers "Alex" and hubby doesn't HATE it, then by all means use the sympathy card! :tongue:
 

amc80

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

tammy77|1313783509|2994448 said:
I should have come back to say I was (mostly) joking! I think we, as the pregnant ones, should get a teeeeny tiny bit more pull though if it's between two names that you both like but one prefers "Alex" and the other perfers "Jim". If mom prefers "Alex" and hubby doesn't HATE it, then by all means use the sympathy card! :tongue:
I think this is true if both names are evenly liked by both...then mom can be the tie breaker. But I don't think it's fair to pull rank in a situation where the guy has no control. It's not like he decided to be lazy and made you carry the baby, you know?
 

february2003bride

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We had a really hard time with DS #1. We finally agreed to have a non family name for his first name, a name from my family for the middle name and then DH's last name (I still had my maiden name at the time). We then did the same for DS#2. It worked out well for us because we felt we each contributed a family name and then a name that we liked for the first name. It did p!ss off my in-laws so with Ds #2, we kept the names to ourselves until he was born.

To agree on a first name, we just kept making lists of what we liked and then would agree to cross one we both didnt love off the list. Once we had a few names, we waited until he was born to see what he looked like. I really wanted Owen for DS #1 and DH wanted Aidan. We couldn't agree and asked the nurse, who told us three other Owen's were born that same day! So Aidan it was, and I can't imagine any other name for him!

For DS #2's first name, we agreed on a name but not the spelling! I wanted the traditional spelling and DH wanted the Indian one. We finally agreed on the irish spelling as a compromise, and we love it, lol.
 

rosetta

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

We agreed on names in five minutes flat, in bed after some :naughty:

I suggested, he liked the suggestions and we were done.

No plans to TTC until much later! :cheeky:
 

Porridge

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Re: If you and partner had trouble agreeing on a baby name..

Feb03Bride|1314413982|3001136 said:
I wanted the traditional spelling and DH wanted the Indian one. We finally agreed on the irish spelling as a compromise
I am intrigued as to what name has a traditional, an Irish and an Indian spelling?!
 
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