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If someone asked you for a ride . . .

Thanks everyone for your responses.

So, as I mentioned, I noticed this woman before she asked me. I thought to myself, huh, that must be what I look like when I'm struggling through some city with a large bag on wheels behind me. I'm sure I made eye contact. I almost always do! And, I smile a lot at people, even if I am not particularly happy myself. So, that's how I find myself in these situations. My car was parked. I just ran in to get some milk, which I had run out of at home, and which I am really adamant about drinking regularly because I'm pregnant!!! Uggh, so she called me over, asked me if I would give her a ride, to which I replied "Sure!" with a smile. Uggh, why do I do that(!), and then we were on our way. I didn't really feel nervous at all, but when we were in the car, of course, I thought, great, this woman could kill me, not in a nervous, chilling sort-of-way, just in an acknowledgment sort-of-way. I asked her where she was coming from, and she mentioned that hotel. Yeesh, so then I thought, great, I'm going to pull up to this house, and the homeowner is going to be like, "GET HER OUT OF HERE! She can't come here!" and I'll be stuck in the middle of some family dispute, when really, I just need to get to work, and uhm, have a glass of milk!

Instead, we pull up. I wheel her heavy bag up to the porch! Why did I do that? Oh, she had a cane too -- didn't notice that til she got in the car. That was why! I said - ok, gotta get going, have a nice day. She thanked me, and I was on my way, and feeling really guilty for putting myself and little one-to-be in what could have been a bad situation.

This wasn't really a situation for calling a cab (but, I'll keep that one in mind for future reference!) because the distance was really not that long. She was just tired and looked hot and really uncomfortable. It would have taken a cab longer to get there than for her to continue walking.

I had thought this was the first time I had ever given a stranger a ride, but after reading the responses, I remembered that a woman asked me for a ride when I was checking out at Trader Joe's once. She had locked her keys in the car. She was very petite and was older than me. That was about a 20 minute ride, and yes, I took her too. We had a nice conversation. She was originally from Eastern Europe, I don't recall where. It was around Christmas time. Her son was home, so he let her in. She asked me to wait in the car, and she brought me some home baked bread, some special kind of holiday bread, which of course, I did not eat. I am NOT going to eat something made by a stranger! (That was kind of a joke, the not eating bread from a stranger part, but I really did not eat the bread.)

Aside from those two incidents, I did have a man approach me in an empty mall parking lot once. I had been shopping in Macy's, obsessively, for the perfect dress for my firm's holiday party. Macy's stays open later than the rest of the stores during the holidays, so this was probably around 10:30 pm. There were maybe 5 cars in the lot where I parked, which was no where near Macy's and the other shoppers. Some guy came up to me, 8 ft away, maybe. I yelled sternly "NO!" to him. He told me "he just wanted to talk." I jumped in my car, locked the doors and took off. No man should appraoch a woman in a dark empty parking lot just to talk.

So, I am not completely crazy, and like to think I can tell when someone has a bad intent or not, but I know that I can never really be sure, hence my wondering what other people would do.
 
No, I wouldn't give her a ride. Like many others, I would offer her my cell phone to make a call for a cab, but that's it. I would not give her money. If we were at a gas station with a working cashier inside, I would wonder why she didn't go inside to ask to use the phone.

I used to be much more trusting of people, but I've since learned that that isn't smart, and I don't want to put myself in harm's way.

Back when I was recently out of college I went to an Aerosmith concert up in Wisconsin with two friends, one male and one female. After the show we were waiting in a very long line of cars to get out of the park, and while our car was stopped we saw a woman crying on the side of the road looking panicked. She appeared to be in her late 30s/early 40s, and she didn't have ANYTHING on her, not even a purse. I rolled down my window and asked if she was okay, and she told us that her friends left her there, and her purse was in their car. I gave her my cell phone, she called her friend and screamed at her on the phone, and then gave me the phone and I asked her friend what was going on. Apparently, this woman ended up getting a seat in the handicapped seating area because of a back problem, and her friends were tired of waiting for her to make it to the car after the show so they left. We arranged to meet them at a restaurant on our way home, she got in the car, and we drove her to the restaurant.

After we did that I wondered if we were very stupid to give her a ride, and thankfully it all turned out okay. Her "friends" said "Thanks for bringing her here, she's such a pain in the ass" when we arrived at the restaurant. It was very strange. But I remember seeing her standing there all alone, sobbing, and wondering what she was going to do. The concert was in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin, it wasn't like they had an official office there or anything.
 
My first reaction was No, never. But after thinking for a bit, I have often seen women in situations where I would think to offer some assistance before they'd ever ask for any. Like at the vet the other day a woman had to hold her cat all the way home after some treatment so she couldn't drive. She called a neighbour to come pick her up. I would have gladly given her a ride. So maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't. I guess if things were on my terms completely, then I would. It would really depend a great deal on my gut reaction in the first place.
 
I'm super cautious. I probably watch too many episodes of Criminal Minds and Law & Order. If I was with DH, MAYBE. You just never know and I refuse to take a chance. I'd be happy to call a cab and pay for her fare for those few blocks.

I did once give a ride to a woman from Baton Rouge to New Orleans. We were on a right that got diverted and I couldn't wait for however long the wait was. I got off and had already reserved a car before I ever left the plane. She got off and didn't check into it and there were no more cars available. Once you got off the plane, they wouldn't let you back on, so I gave her a ride to the NO airport since I had to drive past it. I don't know that it's that much different than a woman with luggage at a gas station, but somehow it felt okay to me to give her a ride.
 
Hi LV! I wouldn't do it. Sadly, you can't even trust anyone nowadays...man or woman, it makes no difference. I've heard of stories where the woman had a criminal male accomplice lurking about, and he got her to approach unsuspecting strangers because as a woman she would appear harmless and trustworthy.

There was a Canadian woman in the news several years ago who actually helped her boyfriend pick up young girls to abduct them. :knockout: :errrr: :blackeye:
 
I started giving a lot of backstory, but the short answer is that my (disabled) mom was recently given a ride home by a woman out gardening when my mom was walking by after visiting a nearby convenience store. And I was very grateful that she offered (my mom didn't ask).

I have been offered a ride to the gas station three times when I ran out of gas (I apparently am the biggest idiot in the world...think I wouldn't have run out of gas after time #1) and I always really really appreciated it. I myself haven't been asked for a ride, but I like to think that I could assess a situation and give help when it was truly warranted. Often times it isn't.

And, slightly off topic, I always recommend people read The Gift of Fear - it had a huge impact on how I think about these things.
 
Honestly, in this case I would give her a lift. Perhaps it's more common here but I have given lifts to strangers before but never young men alone. Once when I was younger I gave a lift the a bloke and his toddler who were hitchhiking in the freezing rain - next town was over an hour away so I stopped and gave them a lift and gave the guy a bit of a lecture about taking care of his son properly. He was very nice and polite although he looked like a tramp! :eek: Now when I think about it I was crazy.....
 
Loves Vintage said:
Thanks everyone for your responses.

So, as I mentioned, I noticed this woman before she asked me. I thought to myself, huh, that must be what I look like when I'm struggling through some city with a large bag on wheels behind me. I'm sure I made eye contact. I almost always do! And, I smile a lot at people, even if I am not particularly happy myself. So, that's how I find myself in these situations. My car was parked. I just ran in to get some milk, which I had run out of at home, and which I am really adamant about drinking regularly because I'm pregnant!!! Uggh, so she called me over, asked me if I would give her a ride, to which I replied "Sure!" with a smile. Uggh, why do I do that(!), and then we were on our way. I didn't really feel nervous at all, but when we were in the car, of course, I thought, great, this woman could kill me, not in a nervous, chilling sort-of-way, just in an acknowledgment sort-of-way. I asked her where she was coming from, and she mentioned that hotel. Yeesh, so then I thought, great, I'm going to pull up to this house, and the homeowner is going to be like, "GET HER OUT OF HERE! She can't come here!" and I'll be stuck in the middle of some family dispute, when really, I just need to get to work, and uhm, have a glass of milk!

Instead, we pull up. I wheel her heavy bag up to the porch! Why did I do that? Oh, she had a cane too -- didn't notice that til she got in the car. That was why! I said - ok, gotta get going, have a nice day. She thanked me, and I was on my way, and feeling really guilty for putting myself and little one-to-be in what could have been a bad situation.

This wasn't really a situation for calling a cab (but, I'll keep that one in mind for future reference!) because the distance was really not that long. She was just tired and looked hot and really uncomfortable. It would have taken a cab longer to get there than for her to continue walking.

I had thought this was the first time I had ever given a stranger a ride, but after reading the responses, I remembered that a woman asked me for a ride when I was checking out at Trader Joe's once. She had locked her keys in the car. She was very petite and was older than me. That was about a 20 minute ride, and yes, I took her too. We had a nice conversation. She was originally from Eastern Europe, I don't recall where. It was around Christmas time. Her son was home, so he let her in. She asked me to wait in the car, and she brought me some home baked bread, some special kind of holiday bread, which of course, I did not eat. I am NOT going to eat something made by a stranger! (That was kind of a joke, the not eating bread from a stranger part, but I really did not eat the bread.)

Aside from those two incidents, I did have a man approach me in an empty mall parking lot once. I had been shopping in Macy's, obsessively, for the perfect dress for my firm's holiday party. Macy's stays open later than the rest of the stores during the holidays, so this was probably around 10:30 pm. There were maybe 5 cars in the lot where I parked, which was no where near Macy's and the other shoppers. Some guy came up to me, 8 ft away, maybe. I yelled sternly "NO!" to him. He told me "he just wanted to talk." I jumped in my car, locked the doors and took off. No man should appraoch a woman in a dark empty parking lot just to talk.

So, I am not completely crazy, and like to think I can tell when someone has a bad intent or not, but I know that I can never really be sure, hence my wondering what other people would do.
Click to expand...


Similarly, when clients bring food to the office we never eat it. We put it in the lunchroom and toss it after they leave. We feel bad about wasting the food, but you just never know!
 
nope, too many freaks in the world today ;(
 
Loves Vintage said:
Aside from those two incidents, I did have a man approach me in an empty mall parking lot once. I had been shopping in Macy's, obsessively, for the perfect dress for my firm's holiday party. Macy's stays open later than the rest of the stores during the holidays, so this was probably around 10:30 pm. There were maybe 5 cars in the lot where I parked, which was no where near Macy's and the other shoppers. Some guy came up to me, 8 ft away, maybe. I yelled sternly "NO!" to him. He told me "he just wanted to talk." I jumped in my car, locked the doors and took off. No man should appraoch a woman in a dark empty parking lot just to talk.
Click to expand...

:appl:

Totally agree, no man should approach a woman in a dark empty parking lot just to talk.
That is scary..unless he is the security guard ushering you out or something.
 
No way. I'm tiny. It would be way too easy to overpower me while I'm driving - even if the passenger is a woman. I would call a cab for her.
 
Love's Vintage I'm glad everything turned out okay and that you were able to help someone without ending up in danger. As for what I would do, well sitting here thinking about it, my first response was 'no way, not under any circumstances', but I suspect that if I was confronted with the situation you described I would probably find it hard to say no because I would probably find myself imagining myself in her place.

I think it's interesting how every response in thread has alluded to the world being a more dangerous place 'these days' and I often wonder if this is really true. I suspect people were just as dangerous in years gone by, and horrific crimes have been committed throughout history.
 
kenny said:
No.
Don't be sexist.
Women can be criminals too.
If I was up to no good and wanted to find a victim, I'd also get some luggage to look legit.
Click to expand...


Yeah! I agree. The luggage is to stuff bodies in.. duh..

I would NOT give them a ride. Women are killers too.
I'd be more likely to give them a few dollars for a cab.
 
I can't really answer unless I was in the situation myself. I have jumper cables in my trunk and anytime I've seen someone's car not starting I have ALWAYS helped them out. I guess it's not exactly the same but maybe slightly similar because there have been times that I've been alone in a parking lot with these people---all of which were men (I'm very very small). I hate when people from out of town are lost and I always offer to have them follow me in their car while I'm in front of them going in the direction they need to be going in...I feel bad for people way too easily. Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing.
 
I would not. I'd offer to let her use my cell phone to call a friend or a cab.
 
I have a pretty firm "no strangers in the car" rule. It'd have to be REALLY extenuating circumstances, and I'd literally have to feel no hesitation. If I'm uncomfortable about it for even a second, it's a no. My safety comes first.

I would offer to call a cab or let them borrow my phone or maybe even give them a few dollars if I had any on me.
 
In the 80s, my parents gave rides to people whose cars had broken down and etc. But then in the 90s as I was learning to drive...and as we heard more and more about crime/abductions in the news, they taught me never to let a stranger into my car. There are definitely times when I want to give someone a ride, but now I'd rather just help in another way that doesn't bring risk to my personal safety.

A few times, when someone has seemed desperate and asked for money - I have pulled out my wallet and given them a $5 or whatever. But then when they see the cash in my wallet and perhaps the ease in which I gave it to them, some weird light comes on and they corner me and demand more in an aggressive way or act like they are on the verge of grabbing my wallet and taking off. (I am a petite woman, too.) It has definitely taught me to keep spare ones and fives in an OUTSIDE pocket of my purse and I always have random ones in my pockets for this purpose. DH is always digging them out of my pockets when he does the laundry! But I learned the hard way and now DH even asks me to not give to panhandlers.

Also, just an FYI :(( - but abductions/robberies can and do happen in teams. A seemingly helpless woman is the lure and there can be a man waiting at the destination of the ride... or the man can be nearby and jump into your car while you're helping the woman into the vehicle. Also, a woman can easily pull out a gun and force you to drive to a certain destination...or she could be mentally ill and cause you to have an accident. And here's another sad thing: if you let a stranger into your car and you have an accident - you are liable for them. Sigh. I had a friend give a ride to her neighbor and they were rear ended by someone with no insurance. Her neighbor sued my friend for her medical bills. So sad. It makes me angry that we can't help strangers in need these days. But the number one rule is NOT to let strangers into your car. Even the police advise you NEVER to let a stranger into your car. Even if your kids aren't in the car with you - they're at home waiting for you and they need you to be safe.
 
If I was alone, no - sorry, I'm a jerk.

If I was with DH, then maybe. In general though, I'm not big on giving people rides. Most times I've done it, the person always smelled very strongly of booze and cigarettes and it wasn't pleasant. It would definitely depend on the person's appearance and why they needed the ride.

Just a few weeks ago DH agreed to give a ride to someone at the liquor store. "A short drive" turned into 10 minutes in the wrong direction from our house. It was kind of annoying and very awkward.
 
This thread has given me a lot to think about. I thank everyone for their replies. I do want to reply to some posts individually, but probably won't have time til tonight. I will say that until I read Bliss's post, I was still quite sure that I could determine when and whether to give someone a ride, but now I am thinking, why don't I give myself a bright-lined rule? I don't always have to be nice, even if it happens that the person does legitimately need help. I may not do well with bright-lined rules though because I am absolutely certain I would have stopped for the girl with the dog, like Deco did. And, I would still find it really hard to say, leave a woman with small children alone in the rain.

I also see how the luggage thing could have been a ruse. I immediately got out of the car when I arrived at the house to take the bags out for her . . .
 
No.

But I would feel pretty guilty for the rest of the day... :((
 
LV, you also have to be aware of crazy women who stalk pregnant women in hopes of stealing their baby. Admittedly pretty rare, but it has happened.
 
I wouldn't give anyone a ride, whether I was with my husband or not. I could see me *maybe* giving the lady with a sick dog a ride like deco did, but that's it.

People are just creeps. When I lived in my first (rental) house sophomore year of college this sketchy guy rang the door bell. I wasn't downstairs but my sister and roommate were and they OPENED the door for him. He made up some excuse about wanting to call a cab so my sister used her cell phone to dial whatever number he told her. Of course it wasn't a cab company's number, it was just some made up number. At this point I came downstairs and saw what was happening. I told the guy to get off our porch and that I was calling the police. He left immediately. I was FURIOUS that they opened the door for him and I told them how stupid and dangerous it was.

The police came quickly and recognized him from the description I gave. They said he was a crackhead and was probably on our porch because our bikes were locked up out there and he wanted to steal them.
 
This reminded me of the one time I really needed a ride and people passed me up - made me really mad. My dad and I were hiking in the mountains - my mom left us and drove up to the top while we hiked the 6 miles up to meet her. Half way up we hit 3ft of snow and the trail was impossible to find. We eventually turned around and went all the way back down to the road where we had to walk the 6 miles up the road to the ranger station where my mom was waiting (at this point we'd walked 3 miles out and 3 miles back, so we were pretty tired). It was really quiet out there, not many cars, and nobody would pick us up. We were a 13 year old girl and her dad, clearly just out of a hike but on the road instead, with no gear or anything, yet nobody would pick us up. I didn't get it!

Finally the 4th car (which took 30min) picked us up. They hardly had any room left for us to sit, but they were so nice and we weren't going to complain about a ride to the top.

So I keep that in mind - I think there are situations where I would pick up someone on the side of the road.
 
At first, I wanted to immediately say NO but then I remembered a situation months ago, where I was the one asking for a short ride.

It was raining heavily that day and ALL of the streets surrounding the courthouse where I work were flooded by at least TWO feet of rushing water. All the employees park two blocks away in a structure. I walked around the block to find an opening to cross the street but there was none. At a corner, there were cars leaving the courthouse, driving across the flooded street. I made eye contact with a woman stopped at the light and signaled for a ride across the street. She waved me in and gave me a ride all the way to the parking structure (thankfully, because there was ANOTHER flooded street that I'd have to cross).

So, in light of that experience, I'd have to say MAYBE, depending on the circumstances. I'm very grateful that that woman trusted me enough to let me in her car.
 
Loves Vintage said:
While you were at a gas station, and she seemed non-threatening, had luggage that looked heavy, was obviously struggling, and the ride was a really short distance (just a few blocks, but would have taken a while to walk, given the traffic and multiple intersections), would you do it?
Click to expand...
if they had a good story on why they were there, sure no problem.
 
Yeah, I was going to mention the women who target pregnant women too.


I'd say that in most cases I wouldn't, but in a few I would. I agree that finding out why the person needs help before that person asks for help (like in the vet or airport situations) would make a difference. So would an emergency situation like the hikers in the snow or the flood. IMO, those situations are totally different than the stranger who comes up to you and says, "Hi, I know you don't know me, but . . ." There's a guy who dresses in a suit and goes around our city claiming to be from out of town and just needing money for a bus ticket back to wherever. He has approached DH over the years at least 3 times. :roll:

My SIL had this terrible lemon of a car back in the 90s before she had a cell phone, and it broke down on the freeway three times. Once she was walking along on this sketchy stretch of road and a car with two women stopped to offer her a ride. She said no, and the driver pointed to her clerical collar and her friend and said, "I'm a minister and she's pregnant! We're safe; we promise!" So I guess the fear can go both ways.

But again it's when you see a bad situation, like at the concert, and offer that makes a difference. A person who is really having a crisis doesn't need to come and convince you of it, 9 times out of 10. Those people are the scammers. So would I help a stranger in need? Yes. But am I likely to call BS on somebody claiming to be in need? Definitely.
 
No, because you just don't know what people are up to these days. A person who travels with large suitcases should carry enogh money to take care of emergencies. The days of depending on the kindness of strangers are over.
 
LV-I would have done the same thing at the gas station. I believe you should trust if you feel fear. Like you I would have yelled NO gotten in the car locked the doors and sped away form the Macys parking lot. I am pretty cautious where I live (NYC) and take the usual precautions (stay in well populated subway cars, busier and better light streets, try to travel with others especially late at night, don't ever take out your wallet in public, keep your bag close to you at all times, know basic self-defense...) but I also took strangers into my home in Louisiana after Katrina and had several who lived with me for months.

I think you can usually tell when people are truly in need, and honestly, as much as I want to take care of myself, I don't want to live my entire life not helping others b/c I am afraid I will get hurt by the violent, but very very statistically small minority. I totally understand that's my choice though, and don't at all expect others to feel the same way ;))
 
thing2of2 said:
I wouldn't give anyone a ride, whether I was with my husband or not. I could see me *maybe* giving the lady with a sick dog a ride like deco did, but that's it.
Click to expand...

I'm the same. There is no way I would give anyone that I don't know a ride unless they had a sick animal or they're extremely elderly and need a lift. I think that if anyone else is really stuck there are police stations/pubs etc that they can make a call at.
 
No. Period.

Not in today's world.

If I were in Hawaii, maybe. On the mainland, never.
 
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