if PS had a PM option will you activate yours?

[Laila619]

I'd turn PMs on, but only for talking about bling and buying/selling. I wouldn't use it for gossipy stuff.

 

[Dancing Fire]

History. And Kenny, yes, there are people who will be nasty in a PM because they don't want everyone knowing how nasty they can be.

back when we had PMs i never did received any nasty PMs from any PS members,but then I am sucha nice guy no one dare to send me nasty PMs.

They just talked about you behind your back.

i hope so... did you hear something on FB?.. ...

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Oh ya, cuz people are just DYING to talk to me.....

cheers--Sharon

 

[Imdanny]

I'm with Yssie, too.

Based on my past experiences with forums where PM's were available, the feeling of Pricescope would radically change. Now, if you have something to say, you post it, and it's all out there. If someone wants to respond to that post, it's also all out there, bad or good. In my experience, what tends to happen on forums with PM's is that cliques form. Someone may post something with very little public response, but there's a whole wad of PM's going on behind the scenes. Drama can certainly be one of the results, and I avoid drama if I possibly can.

This.

I think it would be a huge mistake to have PM's here. The drama on a forum with PM's is never-ending. I post on another forum where most of the people are gossip-mongers in private, every day, for years, no matter what is going on in public, the gossip and backstabbing never end- just yuck. And, btw, I'm here to tell you a person can be falsely accused of sending nasty PM's. I was. By a guy to whom I had sent a PM just trying to tell him something he apparently didn't want to hear. He immediately became belligerent, the whole thing washed over onto the forum (he hadn't reported nor had he saved a single PM that he said was a personal attack ), and between him and one of his friends attacking me, it became one of the biggest food fights in the history of that forum. It was actually so out of control that all three moderators up and quit in the middle of it. That's over now, but even now, you can still tell that certain people are talking to certain other people and talking (&^%.

 

[centralsquare]

I don't think I would. Only for special circumstances. I like the public back and forth (even if it can be brutal). It best supports a sense of community in my mind.

 

[zoebartlett]

I think I'd activate it. Why not? I don't see the harm. I would like to have the option of deactivating it at some point if I felt the need though.

Ditto! I ain't scurred.

Thritto. I know there's the option of FB, but, frankly, it's too much of a hassle to keep up with two different platforms, and I don't like the format nearly as much. It'd be nice to have the kind of long, meandering conversations we have in our threads* without worrying about periodically derailing said threads ....

*Though, frankly, threaded posting would accomplish much the same, as long as we're tossing ideas out there.

I don't know how anyone can keep up with chatting on FB. I'm part of the PS FB group and I logged on a week or so ago. I couldn't read it fast enough before more comments were made. It goes way too quickly for me.

There are definitely PSers that I'd love to be in contact with off PS but I prefer the slower pace of regular ol' e-mail.

 

[Maisie]

I used to moderate a forum and it would let me read pm's. I didn't though. That would feel like an invasion of privacy.

I don't want PM's here. I can't stand the drama. It would be horrible. Far too many people with a nasty streak for my liking.

Long time no see! Or maybe just me no see

I wouldn't activate PM's as I fear verbal attacks. Especially when the other person thinks I'm the only one who can see it (be it the case or not)

 

[yssie]

I would keep mine deactivated except in very specific circumstances: reaching out to someone specific, contacting people regarding GTGs, selling/finding stuff, personal communications about something...

The thing is... if YOU keep yours deactivated except when YOU want to reach out... no one else can reach out to you and if everyone else followed that no one would be available for you to reach out to.

I would do it. But I'd be happier if there were a block feature to block accounts that were bothering me. And a report button that would send it to admin. Yay - more work for them! I'd like it though.

I thought about that... I'm okay with it though. I think it's like any other social networking medium - some people *will* use it, even if others choose not to, and as those people are often some of the most outgoing there's always the friend-of-a-friend way to get hold of someone in particular. Otherwise there are GTGs, and people from GTGs who know other PSers, sending a message to someone through admin, there are lots of PSers on etsy...

If there was some way to *reliably* automatically filter out all the "OMG can you believe what so and so said last night?!?!" trainwreck threads and keep just the personal discussions I would be completely on board. But there isn't, and as I have every confidence that the former will vastly outweigh the latter and no desire to spend my time weeding through the rubbish, I'd use the facility strictly to get contact info.

 

[liarudd]

100% Yes because it takes so long to get answers back or have a more flowing conversation

 

[Amys Bling]

Hm, jury is out on this topic for me.

I like that people will post questions/topics/stories for all to see and be apart of- if there were PMs then they might just message it to certain people. I think having the PM feature can cause gossip- exclusivity- or even prevent people from socializing with others through threads.

On the other hand- when it comes to GTG or getting info for whatever reason, the PM would help.

 

[liarudd]

if they are worried about gossip or people not using the boards to post and involve everyone (and lurkers lol)....

Then maybe there can be a PS chat room where everyone can go.... or there can be chat rooms based ON certain topics.......

Or public chat options per topic - now wouldnt that be cool if everyone who responded to the question was actually in a chat?

 

[Maisie]

I think a realtime chatroom would be harder to moderate.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Until a month ago, I would have said "sure!" (but I am not very good socially so few people ever PM me in other forums). However, I watched an apparently nice, polite, well moderated forum collapse because of PM intrigues, backstabbing, organized hackling, etc. This is the second time I have seen this in very reasonable, solid forums. So, now I prefer that everything be out in the open.

 

[Sky56]

No. I used to moderate several forums. PMs always opened cans of worms.

 

[Imdanny]

T e r r I b l e I d e a.

I've posted on forums that had one? I've never posted on one until now that didn't.

NOBODY will agree on what was said in private when pm's involve fights. It would be a small percentage but it would happen and there is no way to stop two people fighting on the internet from throwing everything at their disposal at the other person.

I have posted on forums where the pm function turned the forums into viscious 24 hr a day gossip, used by different 'factions' to go as far as tying to get a person shunned in order to make this person (the girlfriend of a forum member who died instead of the girlfriend they knew) quit. I was included on a pm list. I actually read this. Its not a guess and these were people I respected and liked trying to do this.

With a high value item like jewelry as the focus of our hobby why on earth would you want to add a security risk?

I don't want a pm function at PS although it would be nice to be able to exchange email addresses sometimes.

 

[Pandora II]

I'm 50/50 about PMs here.

I do belong to a FB group with a lot of PSers in it, but it's not one where we all talk about what goes on on PS, we all have kids and enough RL stuff to agonise over ... and no drama has been created that I can remember.

I also belong to a couple of other big forums - one I've been a member of since 2001 and the other since 2009. Both have PMs and not once has it been abused in any way to my knowledge.

There are times I have wanted to get in touch with people on here and vice-versa. I'm good friends now off the board with a couple of PSers and having PMs would have made it a lot easier for us to get in touch rather than having to guess that one of us might hang out in another forum.

 

[Imdanny]

Sure, I can't imagine anyone would send nasty PMs.

When people want to be nasty they want to insult you in public.
No?

Why would anyone disable PMs if a board allowed them?

Ha! They wouldn't. People don't personally attack, or use adifferent tone, or fight when they otherwise woulnt bebause they're in private. BUT people playing the victim will accuse others publicly of doing baaad things in private when magically they never reported it to any moderator at the time and both partiesdeleted all of the emails and they can't do anything other than slander the other person.

For the record, it was a 'citizen' poster/ volunteer AS WELL moderator who did this to me.

In the last and to me because I QUIT round of unpleasantness same person told me he was giving me a chance to "self-moderate" a post he kept barking at me to delete THAT VIOLATED NO FORUM RULES.

He's the jerk who doesn't understand the job he voluteered to do who made the false accusations and started a gossiping campain in PM's taking advantage of the fact he knew many of the people IRL to try to get me shunned.

Kenny, someone else quit and I quit in solidarity. I wouldn't go back even if that person did. Nobody listens to anyone else. People who get power use it at will and lie about the majority having a different opion. The previos owner started posting again and didn't bother to hide her feeling that she should still be involved in making rules. It was many things but I finally had enough.

 

[missy]

Hm, jury is out on this topic for me.

I like that people will post questions/topics/stories for all to see and be apart of- if there were PMs then they might just message it to certain people. I think having the PM feature can cause gossip- exclusivity- or even prevent people from socializing with others through threads.

On the other hand- when it comes to GTG or getting info for whatever reason, the PM would help.

This is how I feel. I think that the PM feature would hurt the socialization on the PS threads and lots of interesting topics might not get posted. I moderate on a (health related) forum where we do allow PMs and I am always getting asked questions via PM that should be posted for everyone to learn from...I do always ask that the members post for all to see but inevitably useful info is not shared with the larger community.

I think that PS admin should share email addresses with people who are planning GTG's though as long as all parties give permission. Not sure if they do this now but if they don't this would definitely be a good addition. I see no harm in PS members who want each others email addresses not to have them. It's nice to be able to strike up friendships with fellow PSers. All in all a great bunch of people here!

 

[liarudd]

Its really sad to see that so many people feel negative about PMS. I guess I thought the world was a better place than it is...

I still would prefer to have them tho : even with all of the cons I have not changed my mind *like someone said if there is an ignore button then I dont see why it matters.....

As far as the issues of "gossip" go, maybe I am too new to know but I dont understand why people would even do that!!!!!

I guess I dont know anyone on her well enough, I just meant having the option of PM instead of the topic threads, so that they would be easier to discuss....

There has to be some internet nerd that can make this happen while being moderated properly no?

 

[Maisie]

As far as i'm aware there used to be PM's on PS years ago. It all turned quite nasty by all accounts. I definitely wouldn't like to have them and I wouldn't activate mine if it was an option. I have managed to contact quite a few people away from PS, and most of them are lovely. There have been one or two who turn out to be not so nice though. I'm happy to just interact on the forums here. Arms length and all that.

 

[Aoife]

When this thread first started I said that I wouldn't like to see PM's on PS, and I haven't changed my mind. Like Danny and others who have participated in forums that had a PM function, my experience is that the potential for gossip and backbiting goes up exponentially, and adds little to discussions. And even if other posters aren't gossiping behind another members back, it creates a paranoia where you wonder if they are, and what is being said.

I think contact with other PSers on FB is quite a bit different, in that the "friend" function allows you to limit who can access your page, and who you interact with.

 

[Imdanny]

Well, the world can be viscious and the Internet is no exception. The are people who use the anonymity of the Internet to attack people they don't even know IRL and to caricature them because other people on the Internet don't know Tyne person they're attacking either- there is a lot of room to create dobt about people, to shun them, and even to bully them into leaving even when we're talking about public forums not private clubs.

And Ame, for the record, I DO take your word that that happened.

I hope you did, or will in the future, keep copies a of all communication with the other person, and report immediately any kind of personal attack made in private to the moderators.

The person who made false allegations about me and then treated me like a pariah for the next year and a half sending gossiping pm's about me the whole time did neither. I think somewhere deep down in his messed up viewpoint, he understood there wasn't a bleeping thing to report, and if I had ant clue he was capable of this, I would have kept copies myself.

 

[liarudd]

I can see that I am obviously in the MINORITY of wanting PMS... But after seeing everyones opinions I still keep the same position of wanting them....

Perhaps it could be limited of who you could message then? Since for me, I don't know any other members, I really don't care to message them for personal things...

I am more interested in having an area where you can "chat with an expert" on different subjects, ex. princess, round diamonds or types of gold etc....

I dont know who the mod's are here, but I assume they know a lot about this stuff.... could there not be a spot where you can have "experts or mod's" that you can request to chat with about stuff in specific?? and who better to moderate it then them??

I just find it hard to believe in 2011 that there is no way around PM without it going sour...
It sounds like something happened here in the past that I have no idea of ... but one bad apple shouldnt ruin it for the whole bunch!

 

[missy]

I can see that I am obviously in the MINORITY of wanting PMS... But after seeing everyones opinions I still keep the same position of wanting them....

Perhaps it could be limited of who you could message then? Since for me, I don't know any other members, I really don't care to message them for personal things...

I am more interested in having an area where you can "chat with an expert" on different subjects, ex. princess, round diamonds or types of gold etc....

I dont know who the mod's are here, but I assume they know a lot about this stuff.... could there not be a spot where you can have "experts or mod's" that you can request to chat with about stuff in specific?? and who better to moderate it then them??

I just find it hard to believe in 2011 that there is no way around PM without it going sour...
It sounds like something happened here in the past that I have no idea of ... but one bad apple shouldnt ruin it for the whole bunch!

Lia, that's what the Rocky Talk section of this forum is all about. If you PM people for this info the community as a whole cannot share in that learning experience...

 

[Imdanny]

I wasn't posting at PS when we had PM's. But the fact it got bad... this comes as no surprise to me at all.

 

[Amys Bling]

I can see that I am obviously in the MINORITY of wanting PMS... But after seeing everyones opinions I still keep the same position of wanting them....

Perhaps it could be limited of who you could message then? Since for me, I don't know any other members, I really don't care to message them for personal things...

I am more interested in having an area where you can "chat with an expert" on different subjects, ex. princess, round diamonds or types of gold etc....

I dont know who the mod's are here, but I assume they know a lot about this stuff.... could there not be a spot where you can have "experts or mod's" that you can request to chat with about stuff in specific?? and who better to moderate it then them??

I just find it hard to believe in 2011 that there is no way around PM without it going sour...
It sounds like something happened here in the past that I have no idea of ... but one bad apple shouldnt ruin it for the whole bunch!

From what I understand, in the past there were PMs on PS and there is a reason it was shut down. If you have questions for experts, RockyTalky is where everyone posts, and any experts that want to chime in and help do.

 

[Dancing Fire]

never gotten any nasty PM from PSers back when we had PM, but then i'm sucha nice guy...

 

[packrat]

I would activate it. It would've made things easier a long time ago when D&T and I were trying to figure out how to find each other offline and we had to side step the rules to do it. Now we can email whenever, and if I have a question that I don't feel like doing a thread on (b/c I get very anxious and am indecisive, who wants 47 "I don't know what to do, help me!" threads?) I can just message someone on FB, even if we're not on each others list.

Another forum that I (rarely since I've been here tho) moderate, has PM's and occasionally there's issue, but never a big issue b/c the pm's can be forwarded on to a mod. And quite a while back, it was nice to have PM's when I took issue w/someone's postings on a subject that was very personal and traumatic for me, and it was not something I wished to go into detail on in public, so we had a discourse thru pm's about it and it was very helpful.

 

[rainwood]

I would activate it. I found PM's to be useful on PS before and missed them when they were gone. I generally used them when there was some very specific info I could offer to someone that I wouldn't have shared on the larger forum. I still run into those situations where I'd like to leave someone a PM but, because we no longer have that option, I post nothing at all.

 

[liarudd]

I just like the fact that someone will get back to you faster, I guess I just don't have a lot of patience....

its too bad there isn't a way it could be moderated.... e-mails suck and are old fashioned...

the one thing i do understand tho is that people would talk in pm instead of posting on a forum and then there wouldnt be as much "help" for others...

the way I found this forum was goolging diff. key words and i obviously read a lot before i actually decided to join the site...

But I have been on some other forums where they have pms and i have personally never had a problem! maybe im intimidating lol jk

ANYWAY we could always make it so that we have "WALLs" like facebook on our personal profile... so you can still talk back and forth quicker - and it is still public???? haha i love pushing PMS

and what about an option to LIKE someones comment ?