Wedding if guest are not attending wedding can I not invite them

[blissfulbride]

to my bridal shower ? I''m only allowed to have 40 guest and if they arent making it to my wedding I dont see the point of them showing up to my shower.

 

[angielea]

I think you should invite them, they probably feel bad about not making it to your wedding, so they might like to make it to your shower. Those than cannot make it due to distance, probably wont make it to your shower, but a courtesy invite would be the nice thing to do, especially if you''re sending them a wedding invite.

 

[musey]

Who you invite to your shower and/or wedding should have nothing to do with their ability to attend either event.

If you want to have them at your shower, invite them. If you don''t, don''t. Simple as that.

Quite a few people attended our shower that couldn''t make it to the wedding due to budgetary (they would have had to travel quite far), health (some are elderly), and/or scheduling (October isn''t the easiest time to travel) reasons. I knew they wouldn''t be able to go to the wedding, but it didn''t stop me from inviting them to both if I wanted them there in the first place.

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 11/26/2008 11:01:25 AM
Author:blissfulbride

to my bridal shower ? I''m only allowed to have 40 guest and if they arent making it to my wedding I dont see the point of them showing up to my shower.

If you invited them to the wedding but they are unable to attend, then it would still be nice to invite them to the shower.

The point is that you could possibly spend time with more friends and family.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 11/26/2008 11:01:25 AM
Author:blissfulbride

to my bridal shower ? I''m only allowed to have 40 guest and if they arent making it to my wedding I dont see the point of them showing up to my shower.

It sort of sounds, to me, as though even if they were to attend your wedding, you still would not want them at your shower. It could just be your choice of words, however, if this is the case, then no - you don''t "have" to invite them.

While I concur with the previous posters, it would be nice to invite potential wedding guests to your shower - regardless of whether or not they will be able to attend, I also believe that you should invite who you would like to invite to your shower as well. If you wouldn''t have wanted them there in the first place, don''t invite them.

 

[honey22]

I am assuming a shower is like a hens night/bachelorette party? Not sure, but in Australia the Hens night/weekend is the chance for the all the girls to get together and have a ball. I am in the opposite situation, we are having a tiny destination wedding with immedate family only, and I am inviting all my girl friends to my hens night and we will get out on the town and play up!

I think you should only invite who you want to celebrate with. It''s your day!

 

[swingirl]

I've always heard it was inappropriate to invite someone to the shower and NOT to the wedding. The reason is the shower is specifically a gift-giving party. It's all about showering the bride-to-be with gifts. So it's like asking someone for a gift but saying they are not special enough to witness the wedding.

But everyone invited to your wedding does not have to be invited to a shower.

Of course, everyone has a different take on this nowadays. And with the high cost of weddings maybe people are okay with attending one and not the other.

 

[honey22]

Date: 11/26/2008 3:46:44 PM
Author: swingirl
I''ve always heard it was inappropriate to invite someone to the shower and NOT to the wedding. The reason is the shower is specifically a gift-giving party. It''s all about showering the bride-to-be with gifts. So it''s like asking someone for a gift but saying they are not special enough to witness the wedding.


But everyone invited to your wedding does not have to be invited to a shower.


Of course, everyone has a different take on this nowadays. And with the high cost of weddings maybe people are okay with attending one and not the other.

I guess a way around this would be to call it a Hen''s party - we don;t give gifts for a Hen''s Party, and I honestly don''t get the idea of having a shower and expecting gifts anyway. I think it''s a bit much to expect a gift at the shower and then again at the wedding.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''d still invite them. I know that I''ve been invited to weddings before and I wasn''t able to attend. I still got an invitation to the showers though, and I really appreciated the invite. It was a nice gesture on the part of the hostess and my friend who thought to include me, even though she knew I couldn''t attend her wedding.

It''s always nice to spend time with friends and family, so if they''re able to go to the shower, I assume that''d be a good thing.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/26/2008 3:54:28 PM
Author: honey22

Date: 11/26/2008 3:46:44 PM

Author: swingirl

I''ve always heard it was inappropriate to invite someone to the shower and NOT to the wedding. The reason is the shower is specifically a gift-giving party. It''s all about showering the bride-to-be with gifts. So it''s like asking someone for a gift but saying they are not special enough to witness the wedding.



But everyone invited to your wedding does not have to be invited to a shower.



Of course, everyone has a different take on this nowadays. And with the high cost of weddings maybe people are okay with attending one and not the other.

Yeah it''s the hen night (without giving gifts)in Ireland as well. I think that if they can''t attend the wedding due to whatever reason, if you were going to invite them in the first place, then they should be invited to the shower. However it does sound like you don''t want them there so don''t invite them. Personally I''m inviting anyone that wants to come to my hens.


I guess a way around this would be to call it a Hen''s party - we don;t give gifts for a Hen''s Party, and I honestly don''t get the idea of having a shower and expecting gifts anyway. I think it''s a bit much to expect a gift at the shower and then again at the wedding.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/26/2008 3:54:28 PM
Author: honey22

Date: 11/26/2008 3:46:44 PM

Author: swingirl

I''ve always heard it was inappropriate to invite someone to the shower and NOT to the wedding. The reason is the shower is specifically a gift-giving party. It''s all about showering the bride-to-be with gifts. So it''s like asking someone for a gift but saying they are not special enough to witness the wedding.



But everyone invited to your wedding does not have to be invited to a shower.



Of course, everyone has a different take on this nowadays. And with the high cost of weddings maybe people are okay with attending one and not the other.

I guess a way around this would be to call it a Hen''s party - we don;t give gifts for a Hen''s Party, and I honestly don''t get the idea of having a shower and expecting gifts anyway. I think it''s a bit much to expect a gift at the shower and then again at the wedding.

Honey I could be wrong but I think the shower is like a Kitchen Tea here where everyone comes around and buys you stuff for your kitchen.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

ETD: Oops didn't read all the way.

Only invite to the shower if they're invited to the wedding in my opinion.

 

[cara]

If they are not coming to the wedding b/c you are not inviting them, then do not invite them to the shower either.

But if they are to be invited to the wedding but will not be able to attend, then its a different matter. Are they local to the shower? Would they want to come? Are other people they know going to be invited? Ie. you are inviting Aunt Bee (who is attending the wedding) to the shower but want to not invite her sister Aunt Dee (who can''t make the wedding).

That would be bad. If there is a little more social distance between people you want to invite to the shower and people you want to leave off, then maybe its OK.

Honey, I think:
shower = kitchen tea (never heard that one before)
hen''s party = bachelorette party

The guest lists would likely be different for each. This post reads like the OP doesn''t want to invite her XX relatives whom she doesn''t care for much and who woln''t even be attending her wedding to her shower. Might be OK, might not be OK, depending on who these people are to her and how likely they are to be offended. good luck blissfull!

 

[honey22]

Okay - I get it now

I am not having a kitchen tea, sounds a little conservative for me

I am glad you guys have a bachelorette party too, they sound like fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am getting married in 9 months (OMG

) and I am already thinking about my hens night - bring on the sexy topless waiters, Honey is thirsty

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/27/2008 12:31:40 AM
Author: honey22
Okay - I get it now

I am not having a kitchen tea, sounds a little conservative for me

I am glad you guys have a bachelorette party too, they sound like fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am getting married in 9 months (OMG

) and I am already thinking about my hens night - bring on the sexy topless waiters, Honey is thirsty

Hehehe I am getting married sometime in winter 2010 and I already have ideas *cough suggestions* for mine

, a couple of friends and I have even contemplated having a practice hens night sometime like NOW LOL.

 

[bee*]

I thought that underwear and things like that are given at a bridal shower?

And on the other note, I pretty have my hen night planned already

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/27/2008 8:51:45 AM
Author: bee*
I thought that underwear and things like that are given at a bridal shower?


And on the other note, I pretty have my hen night planned already

Depends on the kind of shower. Some people host lingerie showers, some do kitchen themed showers, etc. It also depends on whether it''s just friends or if your older female relatives are invited too!

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/27/2008 11:25:43 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/27/2008 8:51:45 AM

Author: bee*

I thought that underwear and things like that are given at a bridal shower?



And on the other note, I pretty have my hen night planned already

Depends on the kind of shower. Some people host lingerie showers, some do kitchen themed showers, etc. It also depends on whether it''s just friends or if your older female relatives are invited too!

Ah thanks for that NF! We don''t have them over here so I''m always intrigued by the idea of them! LOL at the thought of my older relatives buying me underwear

 

[Rhea]

Date: 11/26/2008 11:32:34 AM
Author: musey
Who you invite to your shower and/or wedding should have nothing to do with their ability to attend either event.


If you want to have them at your shower, invite them. If you don''t, don''t. Simple as that.

Agreed!