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I was trying to play it cool, but...

mjertl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
203
...I have come down with LIW-itis...
Hi, I'm new here. My BF and I have been together about 6 months, and yeah I realize that that isn't very long (at all), but it feels like 6 years and our relationship has been pure magic. I am 29, he is 28, we've both been in very serious relationships before (me in a 6 year LTR that ended 3 years ago, him married when he was in his early 20s and divorced 4 years ago, didn't think he'd ever marry again, then he met me...), and neither of us ever thought we'd be so lucky to fall so in love as we are. Since pretty early on (yes, earlier than now...) we've talked about marriage - we both have very professional careers, and I am at the point where I am finishing my residency training and looking for a "real" job for a year from now. This change coming up in my life has brought about a lot of conversations about where we see ourselves in the future, and our hopes and goals line up so perfectly that between that and all the chemistry and fun we have together I almost feel like I'm in a dream. When I look at everything I hoped for in a man, he is exactly all of that and more, and he makes me feel SO cherished every day.
Anyway, about a month ago he mentioned we should probably go ring shopping together so that he knows what I like. Obviously I got very excited. But then he didn't initiate any shopping trips... Then, about 2 weeks ago we were talking about the future and how happy we are, and I said I was so excited to get to spend my life with him. He said all he needed was my ring size. Honestly, I don't know it, and I have big, non-feminie (um, capable and strong...) hands, so I told him if he wants to know it we need to go to a store! He said one of these days coming up when we're both off from work. Well, to be fair, we haven't had any of those days yet, but we have had mornings and evenings where we've both been off. I'm getting kinda antsy though. Every time I ask "what do you want to do today," I want him to say "go look at rings," and whenever he asks me what I want to do, I want to say "go look at rings," but I feel like HE needs to suggest it, since he's the one buying it (and he does have plenty of money saved - I'm not a fancy girl. I am kinda picky in that I want something very simple and sleek and elegant and a little unique (I know, simple AND unique...), and high-quality, but not too blingy...) I am trying not to get crazy about this because I think that is really unattractive (and irrational... I already know we're going to end up together, I should just feel fortunate for that rather than wanting a ring to symbolize it) but I am so EXCITED and want to go shopping! We both have next weekend off - pray for rain, if it's crummy outside it's easier to justify an indoor activity, like ring browsing...
Anyway, just wanted to say hi. I've enjoyed lurking for the past few weeks and already learned a lot. I think I'm going to end up with a ring I'm happier with in the long-run because of this site!
 

Hospatogi

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2010
Messages
668
Let me start off by saying that I am very excited for you and am really happy that you found someone that you are so in love with !!! :) However no guy no matter how perfect can be a mind reader hehe :). He probably has no clue how much you are looking forward to finding out your ring size because you havent mentioned it when he asks you what you would like to do ! Next time he asks you suggest going to the mall and hopefully when you both pass by one of the jewelry stores in the mall he will ask you to go inside. Good Luck :) :)
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,101
I reckon you're ready to get engaged when you're ready to stop playing mind games. And asking him what he wants to do and then being disappointed when he doesn't say what you want to hear without any input from you is the definition of 'mind game'.

Just tell him that you want to go shopping. Just like that: "you brought up looking at rings some weeks/months ago, I've been looking forward to it and I would like to go this morning". He's not a mind reader - no one is, how in the world should he know you're excited about it if you don't express it? You are planning to spend the rest of your life with him, trust me, there are plenty of irritating and irrational discussions ahead of you, high time to leave behind all that saving face nonsense of that first blooms of romance stage.

I'd recommend telling him - or better yet, showing him - *exactly* what you're looking for in the ring, or just picking it out together: you obviously have some very specific requests/ideas, and I can't see how him choosing it all on his own without lots of input from you - which wanting just your ring size seems to imply - can end well. Again, no matter how much he loves you and how well he knows how you think and feel he's not a mind reader, you can't expect him to decipher your ideals of "sleek and simple and unique" to your precise specifications without your direct input.
 

mjertl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
203
well, I don't think we've been playing mind games. It's not like I get angry or despondent when he says he wants to go for a hike or something, rather than saying he wants to go ring shopping. Because I want to go hiking too. It's not like I'm trying to trick him or being passive aggressive with him - which would be playing mind games. I'm just really excited that it's something he's brought up, but I don't want to seem obsessive about it.
At any rate, we were talking about future-type stuff last night, and I asked when we might be able to go look at sparkly things. He said "how about this weekend." I told him if the weather's gorgeous I'd be OK with waiting until another day, but it's supposed to be roasting hot and humid, so I think we'll be ring browsing this weekend :)
 

AmeliaG

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
880
The next time he asks you what you want to do, how about, "Wanna go check out my ring size?"
 
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