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I want to move

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Allisonfaye

Brilliant_Rock
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Oct 18, 2004
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1,455
My husband and I moved to the suburbs two and a half years ago and I want to move. Here's why:

We built our house and made some mistakes:

1) I had NO idea how small our back yard would be. The neighborhood was new and you couldn't tell how back the yard would really be. In retrospect, I should have thought more about it beforehand. I was so happy to have ANY yard after living in the city for so long that I didn't think ahead. I hate it because there is not much room for kids to play. There is no privacy as the homes are very close together. The people moved into the house behind us about a year or so ago and they STILL have no window treatments. I know their whole life. I want to put a large hedge back there but we didn't have the $$ this last year to do it. I have a guy coming Monday to talk about it and some other landscaping. But I need some outdoor areas to hang out in. There are not a lot of outdoor things to do where we live so that is my only outdoor place to really hang out. My husband doesn't care about being outside at all.

2) We had the option to put a bay window on our kitchen like in the model. We thought the price was way too high for an area of angled glass. Well, the builder didn't tell us this but it turns out that the price included an additional 2-3 foot bumpout that you can only see from the outside of the house so I didn't even realize it til after we moved in. Our kitchen is too small. Our floorplan has a separate kitchen and family room so when we entertain, everyone congregates in our too small of a kitchen making it impossible to work. Also, the backyard is too small for entertaining. I love to have people over but the whole time I am tripping over them trying to find room to work.

My husband has a big family and when they come over it is always very congested.

We just hired a decorator to help with window treatments and such and I don't want to spend a bunch of money on furniture and window treatments and then move to another house. I honestly thought my husband might be getting a job in NYC so I figured I would wait it out but now it looks like we are staying here.

I found a wonderful house that would have been perfect for us at an open house one day. It had a huge, lovely and private back yard among a million other things I loved about it. It had a finished basement, which we had intended to do a few years down the road when $$ allowed and a bonus room, which we could never do here and I would LOVE to have for a kids play area.
That house sold which was fine. At this time, we couldn't buy it and it had power lines in the front yard which was a deal breaker for us. BUT it got me to dreaming about what I really want in a house.

Here is the issue. My husband. He would stay here until his cold, dead body was carried out. He HATES to move. He is a very routine kind of guy and doesn't adapt well to change. Also, we do live in a very lovely home and I think his feelings would be hurt if he thought I didn't love it. I do love it but I realize now it doesn't fit our needs and I don't want to be stupid and stay here and then finally get the nerve up in a few years to bring it up after spending a bunch of $$ getting this house fixed up. For example, this house would fit a round dining table. Most houses would fit an oblong one. I don't want to buy a round one and then move in two years only to find I can't use the table in the new house and then not be able to buy a new house that I love because he would say well, our furniture won't fit in this house. He would use that as another excuse not to move.

I should add that, our income was reduced by 1/3 last year because his company didn't pay bonuses. So we probably couldn't move for at least a year because we would need a couple of years of good bonuses back under our belts to afford anything decent and qualify for our loan. I expect interest rates to increase. They are relatively low now and they pretty much have nowhere to go except up (or remain steady). If they went up a lot, it would seriously limit our budget.

What would you do?

And BTY, if I see a house that I really love, I just send him over or take him to the open house hoping he will see something he loves too and get the hint. But so far, I don't think he is.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,757
Sorry to hear you''re having issues with your house, AllisonFaye!

The only thing I can suggest is that with my DH, if I want something to happen I have found in the past that it''s easier to find ways to make him think it was his idea...in your case if there are things your husband doesn''t care for about your current home I would start focusing on those things and maybe he''ll start to see that he isn''t totally content there either.

I''ve asked my DH to help me put in a brick walkway between our backsteps/patio through the backyard to the garage, because otherwise I have to tromp through the grass, or mud, or snow depending on the season and often times my shoes are not the "off road" type...FINALLY this spring DH agreed to do it because when the snow melted very quickly this year we were left with puddles in the backyard that were 1-2" deep and he came home from work that day and got his feet soaked!
 

Rod

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 28, 2005
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4,097
Well this is a guy''s perspective, but I''d just sit down with your husband and be honest and let him know exactly how you feel. Take him to those model homes you''ve visited and show him why they might fit your lives better. Then together, the two of you can put a plan in place that will meet both your needs.

Good luck with this..........
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,426
Allison, your post really hit home with me. No pun intended.


My advice? Tell him what you really want. Don''t necessarily "dog" the house you have, but point out all the things you have here, they ARE valid points. And if he balks, KEEP telling him. Until he gets it.

I''m not one to nag my hubby, but if I had it all to do over again, this is one time I would have.

I grew up in an old 2 story home, the kind with nooks and crannies, woodwork, built in cabinets, hidden bathrooms, character, imo. And that''s exactly what I wanted to live in "when I grew up". Fast forward to I''m married, and we buy our first home. Cute, and it had a lot of what I wanted, but too small. My gandmother goes in a nursing home and I jokingly tell my uncle we''ll buy her home, never believing we can afford it. Nice double lot, 3 bedroom brick with a fireplace and TONS of closets. Long story short, we got it. Now, I thought it was a "stepping stone" to my dream house. Wrong. Hubby got quite comfy here, wouldn''t even look at the one house I wanted, and went through, by myself.

Almost 20 years later, here we are. I know now we''ll die in this house, unless we win the lottery. I am mad I didn''t push it more. Like I said, it''s a nice house (has a lot of what you want). But it''s a brick ranch, the last kind of house I wanted. No woodwork, no character. (please, all brick ranch owners, don''t be offended, it''s just personal preference)

Homes are so important, we spend much of our lives in them, and tons of memories are built around them. I can''t really put into words what I''m trying to say, but, they should be something we love, every time we walk in the door....
 

golden

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
Messages
390
Allison where do you live? I am a realtor in NJ and the market is really picking up out here, but we are also very close to Manhattan.
 

AdaBeta27

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 7, 2004
Messages
906

"I should add that, our income was reduced by 1/3 last year because his company didn't pay bonuses. So we probably couldn't move for at least a year because we would need a couple of years of good bonuses back under our belts to afford anything decent and qualify for our loan. I expect interest rates to increase. They are relatively low now and they pretty much have nowhere to go except up (or remain steady). If they went up a lot, it would seriously limit our budget.


What would you do?"

Don't the 'burbs just zuck? I hate 'em. I'd live either in a city or on a farm, but I hate suburban housing developments.
First, cheer your self up. Go look up lyrics to Tom T. Hall's song "Subdivision Blues." You think you have problems...

WWID: Make a rule that company always gets kicked out of the kitchen "because I like to cook alone." Make all them go sit in the family or living room. Sell the house and look for a less expensive one that I like better. Maybe a drop leaf table would work for your space. Everyone goes through some house disillusionment sooner or later. If you built it, it's "we should have done such-and-such." If someone else built it it's same, only "They should have..."

Cancel the decorator & do my own window treatments. Professional decorator & window treatments sounds like wasted $$$ if you you don't want to stay in the house. Nobody likes somebody else's taste in window treatments, so it would most likely not be any selling point should you decide to sell. I'd go cheap on that. You could learn to sew and make something that would work well enough. Don't buy any of those cheapo new sewing macines for that, though. Go with all-metal oldie like Singer 66, 201, 15 series, 401, 500, 503, etc. or a Japanese made zig zag sewing machine from '70s or early '80s.

Both of you start following business climate and employment trends closely. If you can't afford a hedge, it sounds like you're tapped out. A 1/3 reduction in any income is very noticable. I'd be totally stressed out. No wonder the guy does not want to move. If he's in sales or a sales manager, he might be justifiably worried about losing a job b/c everyone is axing sales reps now. Seriously, most people are blissfully unaware of just how close they may be to long-term unemployment or underemployment.

Cut any and all unnecessary expenses. Start living like you are going to be on reduced income forever. For all you know, you are. Start saving as much money as possible. If you need it later, you'll have it. If income goes up, the extra cash can be used for the next home. Sell any extra stuff you don't use. Start becoming more of a DIY-er and make good friends with others who are good amateur landscapers or remodelers or "seamsters" who can sew. (Sorry, I had to invent a new gender-neutral b/c "sewers" might be misunderstood, LOL). If you don't have money, do not always be paying somebody else to do things for you.

Get a job if you don't have one. Upgrade your skills now if you need to to get a good job.

 

gailrmv

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 8, 2005
Messages
3,136
I think there are always things you wish you could change about your home, whether you built it or someone else did. I don''t think the perfect home exists! I''d try to appreciate the place you have while building up your downpayment funds and casually shopping around.
 

Allisonfaye

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2004
Messages
1,455
Date: 3/29/2007 9:02:39 PM
Author: AdaBeta27

''I should add that, our income was reduced by 1/3 last year because his company didn''t pay bonuses. So we probably couldn''t move for at least a year because we would need a couple of years of good bonuses back under our belts to afford anything decent and qualify for our loan. I expect interest rates to increase. They are relatively low now and they pretty much have nowhere to go except up (or remain steady). If they went up a lot, it would seriously limit our budget.



What would you do?''

Don''t the ''burbs just zuck? I hate ''em. I''d live either in a city or on a farm, but I hate suburban housing developments.
First, cheer your self up. Go look up lyrics to Tom T. Hall''s song ''Subdivision Blues.'' You think you have problems...


WWID: Make a rule that company always gets kicked out of the kitchen ''because I like to cook alone.'' Make all them go sit in the family or living room. Sell the house and look for a less expensive one that I like better. Maybe a drop leaf table would work for your space. Everyone goes through some house disillusionment sooner or later. If you built it, it''s ''we should have done such-and-such.'' If someone else built it it''s same, only ''They should have...''

Cancel the decorator & do my own window treatments. Professional decorator & window treatments sounds like wasted $$$ if you you don''t want to stay in the house. Nobody likes somebody else''s taste in window treatments, so it would most likely not be any selling point should you decide to sell. I''d go cheap on that. You could learn to sew and make something that would work well enough. Don''t buy any of those cheapo new sewing macines for that, though. Go with all-metal oldie like Singer 66, 201, 15 series, 401, 500, 503, etc. or a Japanese made zig zag sewing machine from ''70s or early ''80s.

Both of you start following business climate and employment trends closely. If you can''t afford a hedge, it sounds like you''re tapped out. A 1/3 reduction in any income is very noticable. I''d be totally stressed out. No wonder the guy does not want to move. If he''s in sales or a sales manager, he might be justifiably worried about losing a job b/c everyone is axing sales reps now. Seriously, most people are blissfully unaware of just how close they may be to long-term unemployment or underemployment.

Cut any and all unnecessary expenses. Start living like you are going to be on reduced income forever. For all you know, you are. Start saving as much money as possible. If you need it later, you''ll have it. If income goes up, the extra cash can be used for the next home. Sell any extra stuff you don''t use. Start becoming more of a DIY-er and make good friends with others who are good amateur landscapers or remodelers or ''seamsters'' who can sew. (Sorry, I had to invent a new gender-neutral b/c ''sewers'' might be misunderstood, LOL). If you don''t have money, do not always be paying somebody else to do things for you.

Get a job if you don''t have one. Upgrade your skills now if you need to to get a good job.

I guess maybe it sounded like we were in a bleak financial situation. Actually, the opposite is true. He is in a very hotly demanded field and not to sound braggy but he is one of the top people in his field. He works in the insurance industry and they didn''t pay bonuses in 2006 due to Katrina payouts. The reason it affected us so much is because we had just moved to the suburbs from a 1500 sf townome to a 4,400 sf house so we needed a lot of stuff. You''d be surprised how much a 55 tree arbor vitae hedge across the back of our lot would cost.

I do love the area that we live in. It is just near enough to the city to have some culture but not too far out. We have great shopping, amenities and freeway access. We are also a stones toss from the airport if we need to escape.
 
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