I talked to him....

[Bridget]

Hi everyone. I am very sorry to stir up something so controversial. I hope to end it now.

We talked last night. It was good, actually. He wants me to have the diamond size I want, "no matter what it takes". I said lets wait on an upgrade for another few months (I am losing a lot of weight, already down 80 pounds and 1.5 ring sizes) and see how the ring looks when I get to goal. If it still looks too small for my finger then we can upgrade when we purchase our bands. He very much agreed.

As for the proposal, he admitted he is not happy with how he handled it, and he got very caught up in the excitement that he did this all on his own (we have been on our own together for 4 years with nothing but each other...no family assistance, no nothing,). I understood then, only men know how it feels to ask a woman to spend her life with him. We laughed about it, actually, because it was very typical of him to lose it all under pressure.

I don''t feel there are other issues in our relationship as other posters have asked. To give you a brief history, he has always treated me like a princess. He has been more than accepting and understanding of a serious weight gain I went through, and I am now (THANK GOODNESS) losing it. He surprises me with with little things all the time, he calls me without fail every morning as I get ready for work, he kisses me every morning as I sleep before he goes to work. He broke his leg at work and couldn''t drive his stick shift truck, so he paid a friend to drive him an hour to my office on Valentines day when he showed up with roses and a gift...so am I luck ABSOLUTELY. Now maybe you know why I felt so horrible about my thoughts. He has always wowed me in many different ways, and he didn''t wow me for our biggest moment, I became concerned.

The engagement ring, to me, is not a symbol of anything, it is a piece of jewelry that our society has made a requirement. I for one do not need one, but since I got one I want it to be something that I will be proud of and happy to wear for the rest of my life. The important ring, is the wedding band, because it is with this ring that we wed. Considering I will be wearing both for the rest of my life, and also considering they are the only rings I will wear, I want them to be 100%.

I love my ring, it is beautiful, it''s just the size of the center stone that I FEEL needs to be bigger to go along with my fat fingers. I don''t want to change the way the ring looks, I love my side baguettes with my princess center stone. It''s very classy looking.

Thank you for all of your opinions, I greatly appreciate them!

 

[aljdewey]

Glad you came to a meeting of the minds on this, Bridget. That's what it's all about.

 

[tomatoe]

Yay!

Good for you and him, its fantastic to hear that you've managed to work things out amicably and all's well!

 

[Mara]

Yay I am so happy things are working out Bridget!

Sounds like a little communication was the ticket. Luckily, it sounds like you don't have an oversensitive male.

I highly agree on the ring not being the "ticket" to love, for me it's a pretty bauble to wear and lucky me that engagement rings are tradition! The wedding band is what we took special care for, we both discussed them at length because we DON'T plan to switch those out later. The e-ring to me is something to be played around with....I'm a variety gal on things like that. But the wedding ring we wanted to be classic and I am 100% happy with it. His should be spectacular as well, but honestly, if in the future he told me...I'd like a bigger diamond for my wedding ring, and it would have to be re-made (it's a tension set), I would support it. Nothing should be *so* set in stone when it comes to a marriage. Compromise.

In the end all of this is just material anyway...what is most important is the love you have found together, and that cannot be equalled by rings or cars or checks. So I tend to not even blink about the material stuff. Just because I love big diamonds doesn't mean I couldn't exist without 'em. Take away our sparkly baubles and designer clothes and we're still able to slouch around quite happily. As long as we know that...then bring on the big ole engagement rings!

Please do keep us posted...and if you are losing weight as you mentioned, your fingers may be a 'regular' (industry average?) size 6 in no time!

I bet that ring will look plenty big then. I tried on a similar ring and LOVED it on my size 6 finger. Bling bling! Congrats gal.

 

[valeria101]

Good for you ! Funny how of all those posts yours sounds just about the most level-headed.

I am not even sure if talking about the diamond was ever among those 80-odd posts. All in all, princess cuts vary allot in size for the same weight due to the way they are cut. If the poor stone ever gets in the way for one blessed reason or another, you can probably get a larger princess cut for just about the same weight and different cut proportions.

Shopping for diamonds feals just as good as wearing them, after all,... as that darn number of posts of mine might show

 

[PMR]

I am glad you had a talk with your fiance. Communication is the key thing in a relationship. I have been married for 19 years and if anything bothers me, I make sure we talk about it. Both parites feel better afterwards. I also agree that the engagement ring is not as sentimental as the wedding band. I have upgraded my engagement ring. I wear my wedding band 90% of the time and only wear my e-ring when I go out. If I were to ever lose my wedding band, I would be crushed as it is a symbol of being a husband and wife. Good luck!

 

[dbgaap]

Don't be sorry to stir up something controversial! I am sure everyone has enjoyed posting and reading.


A diamond purchase is like no other, so you just can't compare it to anything else.




I am so glad you talked to him! Increased communication leads to more intimacy.


It's a win-win.




Congrats on your weight loss, too.


I have a friend going through something similar. Dealing with a weight issue takes a lot of courage. Our culture is hard on people with weight issues, so good for you!!

 

[Nicrez]

Briget I am so happy for you! YAY! It seems you have so much to look forward to! You'll be starting a life with a great guy who understands you and loves you, and that's always key! Also, it's great to get a good self-image, so if you are happy about your weight loss then I wish you well and congrats on such a tough step!

Communication is KEY people always told me, and it's funny how before this serious relationship I am in, it SOUNDED so easy. Well, such delicate things sure arise, and feelings, emotions, etc always make a difference in how EASY it is, but I am so glad that you two have a strong enough relationship to work it out so easily. Again, sentimentality is key, but so is logic!

All the very best to you and your hubby-to-be, and don't forget to post pictures of the ring and of all the wonderful details of your wedding to be, etc! Congrats to you both!!!

 

[sumi]

I'm really glad to hear that you were able to talk this out with your fiance! It sounds like he's a very considerate person.


Can I make one small suggestion? You can take this advice or leave it, but I feel like I just want to get it out there. Whether you keep your center stone, or exchange it in the near future, I hope you will look at your e-ring in a different light. I hope you can see it as more than just another ring that you wear. I certainly don't believe that the e-ring is any sort of symbol of your love. The real symbol of your love is how you treat each other everyday. However, I do tend to think that the e-ring is an extremely sentimental gift. You won't receive another gift with as much significance. I mean, this gift was given with the intention that you two will be married and with the desire to spend your lives together. My e-ring is very, very special to me because my husband went to great lengths to find a super stone, and he designed the setting himself. I saw some of the design concepts he worked through before he came up with my ring. I absolutely love it and I couldn't have chosen a better ring for myself. I guess I'm lucky because we have very similiar tastes and he hit the bullseye with my ring. I also know that he saved his money for a long time to buy my ring in cash. In other words, when I look at my e-ring I think about the small sacrifices he went through to get the ring, and I think about the work that he put in to giving me something really special. It just makes wearing the e-ring that much more special.


I have a diamond ring that I wear on my right hand. THAT is just another ring. However, it's so much fun to wear your e-ring when you realize that it's something special and it's not just another ring. No, it's not meant to symbolize your love for each other, but I hope you will look at it as more than just another ring. Whether you wear your current ring with the intention of upgrading in the future, or if your wear your ring thinking that you will never upgrade, I think it adds something of value to view the e-ring in this light.


I've only been married for a year, but marriage is different from just going out or even from living together. I lived with my husband for three years before we got engaged. There's a subtle change in the relationship (a good one!) once you get married, even if you've already been sharing a home and a bank account for a while. It's not just a name change, I never changed my name after I got married. There's just something more there once you get married. My e-ring reminds me of our engagement period and how my husband saved his money for me. It really adds to the pleasure of wearing the e-ring when it's viewed in this way.


I'm not saying that the ring is a symbol of your love or your relationship. At the end of the day, it IS a material possession, but it is special in its own way.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Bridget,

Glad to hear everything worked out for you!

Congratulations on your weight loss. . .keep up the good work!

Michelle

 

[Nicrez]

Well said Sumi! My guy worked in a job he HATED for months just so he could get his bonus for MY RING. I know what it took to get this ring, and I appreciate every moment and every day he spend in his mind numbing existence just to get me a nice ring. I even told him there was a nice inexpensive one I liked at Walmart (which I called the Walmart Special) that i would be ahppy with, almost less than 1/4 the price of my current stone...(before Price Scope people!)

But Walmart Special would have been special only because it WAS a gift, and if he decided to switch it for a better ring I wouldn't cry over it. If he chose my ring now to switch to the Walmart Special to put more money towards a house, I wouldn't cry over it. I acknowledge the effort, not the item. Granted, this is the same gal who kept our first wine cork from our first fancy dinner...

I suppose any person can put sentimentality on ANYTHINg, but because you do or don't it really shouldn't make you a BAD person. It's just a difference of opinion and personality and a true testament to Bridget and her guy that they can safely and happily come to such an accord without hurt emotions.

But of course, if he made me throw out my cork, I'd hurt him!

 

[sunseeker]

Bridget, I am so happy you worked things out with your fiance. I didn't get a chance to post when all the commenting was going on and am glad to get a chance to now.

Today, I went and purchased a diamond, engagement ring and wedding ring (I can't wait to pick them up!). My HUSBAND and I have been shopping for these as a gift for me for our 20th wedding anniversary in May. We were very young when we got engaged, and he couldn't afford to buy me an e-ring. He came to me and told me he wanted to propose but was embarassed because he didn't have the funds for a ring, but wanted us to be married. I will say I was a little disappointed in not getting a ring then, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to marry him and THAT was what was important, not the ring. We hoped to get the e-ring before we got married, but that didn't happen so here we are, 21 years after our engagement FINALLY making that purchase.

Of course when we got engaged the first thing everyone wanted to do was see the ring. I felt embarrassed a lot of times that there wasn't a ring on my finger, but I knew we were engaged in our hearts. Corny, I know, but I knew that one day I would eventually have that ring! As we had our daughters, even they would ask where my e-ring was!

Be happy you have your ring and it's ok to upgrade eventually if you both choose to. The main thing is you have each other. If you were to lose that ring tomorrow, would it mean you aren't engaged anymore? No, it would just mean that you LOST YOUR RING. Engagement is in your hearts, it's a promise of a lifetime together. And as long as you are together, as my husband and I have been for all these years, that's what's really important.

BUT YOU WEAR THAT RING, GIRL!

Good luck and best wishes on your engagement!

~Sunseeker

 

[Bridget]

Thank you so much, to everyone. I have a pretty BAD picture of the ring on my PC at home. Once we get our new digital I can attempt to get a better picture if you all don't mind helping me. Yes, we lost our digital on a ski trip...he was so upset, he says we keep having stuff like this happen to us as a test LOL.

Mara, I love your attitude!!!!

 

[diane5006]

Hi congrats on your engagement...am glad you chatted...

Also congrats on your weightloss...keep up the good work...

If you decide to charge your ring...it might be fun for you two to work on it together...

Best of luck...keep up updated

 

[diane5006]

oops

 

[strmrdr]

kewl
glad things are working out.

 

[Jennifer5973]

great news! I am glad it worked out.

And CONGRATS on your weight loss!!!

As someone who has been trying to lose the same 25 lbs for 5 years, I am truly impressed and in awe of your accomplishment! Way to go!

 

[pqcollectibles]

Oh, Bridget!! This is wonderful news!! Good communication is a big key to success in any partnership, but most especially marriage. Men and women don't think alike. Each couple needs to view issues from the other person's position. Seems like you 2 are already doing that!!

Many Congrats on your Engagement to such a wonderful guy!!