justthisonce
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2009
- Messages
- 5
I''m posting under a new user name, just this once, as FI knows my other and I don''t want to hurt him by posting on a public forum, but I honestly don''t know what to think.
The situation:
I have a gorgeous e-ring right now. It''s a triple 0 1.6 ctw 3 stone with a 1 ct center. There is a certain amount of money that is available for one purpose only - jewellery, from a particular jewellery store, and this money, if you will, ''expires'' mid-June. I love my ring but I''d love a bigger center. The available money would allow me a 2 ct excellent performer by any ps standards.
The background, because I think it explains our thoughts better: A boy, let''s call him K, proposed before, once (I said no, we somehow managed to stay good friends after that). In a tale of real tragedy he got sick and passed on, and I got the ring that he''d kept. I couldn''t stand having it around, even in a deposit box, so I had it sold and part of the proceeds were given away, and part of it retained as store credit (K bought the stone partially through store credit himself, so the vendor would only cash back what was given as cash, which is clearly stated policy and I was fine with it). K''s mother hated me for a long time after he passed - she blamed me for his car accident, a continent away, though quite honestly I blamed myself too. Fastforward three years, I''m in a much better place emotionally, I''ve found a wonderful man (call him F) who knows everything there is to know about it all. K''s mother has expressed regret for the way she treated me. I can only upgrade my current stone for a certain amount of time (through mid-june), though I''m sure asking nicely could extend that time - I just don''t think the way we feel is likely to ever change!
I''d love to upgrade for my birthday (June) or as a wedding ring (I''ll only wear the one ring). We''ve been engaged for almost a year, and we''re not getting married for another year and a half still, so it''s not as though it''s been weeks... I''m not attached to the history at all - I think fondly of K, and I remember him, but - this sounds callous - even though I don''t feel right using the money on anyone else, or anything else but an engagement ring, somehow, I have no problems using it for MY ring. I don''t wear any other jewellery anyway, not even earrings, even wearing a ring took some serious getting used to! I feel horribly guilty, because when we started dating I had absolutely no interest in jewellery of any sort, and now he''s stuck with a diamond-craving fiend. I could just not use any of it, it''s not coming from my pocket, really, but it''s taunting me.
F feels pretty much the opposite way. I suggested using part of it for his wedding ring, and he flipped - I felt like an idiot after thinking about what I''d just suggested. To him, this store credit is a reminder of past relationships, and the fact that he and K didn''t think much of each other exacerbates everything he''s feeling. He''s not thrilled with the idea of upgrading at all, but he''s really, genuinely okay with it if it''s what I really want and if it''ll make me happy. He just doesn''t want to feel like K would be paying for part of our engagement/wedding ring. He''s a romantic in every way. I can understand what he''s saying but the practical part of me is screaming "free bigger diamond", and I know that I''ll want to upgrade for the wedding anyway - even better if we can do that without losing money we could use for the wedding! We''re both young, I''ve just started working and he''s still in grad school, so we wouldn''t be able to save up this much anyway, and I don''t want to upgrade again after that wedding ring, whatever it winds up being.
So.. the substance of the novel is that I don''t know if I want a hug or if I need a good telling off. I know I''m being a greedy creature, but... ugh, I still want it!
The situation:
I have a gorgeous e-ring right now. It''s a triple 0 1.6 ctw 3 stone with a 1 ct center. There is a certain amount of money that is available for one purpose only - jewellery, from a particular jewellery store, and this money, if you will, ''expires'' mid-June. I love my ring but I''d love a bigger center. The available money would allow me a 2 ct excellent performer by any ps standards.
The background, because I think it explains our thoughts better: A boy, let''s call him K, proposed before, once (I said no, we somehow managed to stay good friends after that). In a tale of real tragedy he got sick and passed on, and I got the ring that he''d kept. I couldn''t stand having it around, even in a deposit box, so I had it sold and part of the proceeds were given away, and part of it retained as store credit (K bought the stone partially through store credit himself, so the vendor would only cash back what was given as cash, which is clearly stated policy and I was fine with it). K''s mother hated me for a long time after he passed - she blamed me for his car accident, a continent away, though quite honestly I blamed myself too. Fastforward three years, I''m in a much better place emotionally, I''ve found a wonderful man (call him F) who knows everything there is to know about it all. K''s mother has expressed regret for the way she treated me. I can only upgrade my current stone for a certain amount of time (through mid-june), though I''m sure asking nicely could extend that time - I just don''t think the way we feel is likely to ever change!
I''d love to upgrade for my birthday (June) or as a wedding ring (I''ll only wear the one ring). We''ve been engaged for almost a year, and we''re not getting married for another year and a half still, so it''s not as though it''s been weeks... I''m not attached to the history at all - I think fondly of K, and I remember him, but - this sounds callous - even though I don''t feel right using the money on anyone else, or anything else but an engagement ring, somehow, I have no problems using it for MY ring. I don''t wear any other jewellery anyway, not even earrings, even wearing a ring took some serious getting used to! I feel horribly guilty, because when we started dating I had absolutely no interest in jewellery of any sort, and now he''s stuck with a diamond-craving fiend. I could just not use any of it, it''s not coming from my pocket, really, but it''s taunting me.
F feels pretty much the opposite way. I suggested using part of it for his wedding ring, and he flipped - I felt like an idiot after thinking about what I''d just suggested. To him, this store credit is a reminder of past relationships, and the fact that he and K didn''t think much of each other exacerbates everything he''s feeling. He''s not thrilled with the idea of upgrading at all, but he''s really, genuinely okay with it if it''s what I really want and if it''ll make me happy. He just doesn''t want to feel like K would be paying for part of our engagement/wedding ring. He''s a romantic in every way. I can understand what he''s saying but the practical part of me is screaming "free bigger diamond", and I know that I''ll want to upgrade for the wedding anyway - even better if we can do that without losing money we could use for the wedding! We''re both young, I''ve just started working and he''s still in grad school, so we wouldn''t be able to save up this much anyway, and I don''t want to upgrade again after that wedding ring, whatever it winds up being.
So.. the substance of the novel is that I don''t know if I want a hug or if I need a good telling off. I know I''m being a greedy creature, but... ugh, I still want it!