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I met a guy...!

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Yummm... Enjoy!
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hi OUpeargirl :)

my FIL was an officer and went through Duntroon in australia (the army officer training facility in australia - also very prestigious). i''ve had numerous talks with my MIL about it and can only tell you what she told me.

it was tough. he went to vietnam and she was alone with 3 small kids. his home time could be even more difficult, because the apart times required such a high degree of independence...it was tough to reintegrate when they finally WERE home. parenting could be tough, too, as the children got into the routine of ''always going to mommy'', and i can still see the effects of this in my husband and his siblings even now. and - to the same extent that your life is filled with other things when he isnt there, HIS life is doubly filled with things that dont involve you during the away times (which were most of the time). so it can be incredibly lonely and disconnected for a great deal of the time. i think there would be times when you''d have to think "i didn''t get married to be alone - and yet i am." and if he does a 20 yr contract, this will take you right through to middle age. and asuming you stay in love during it, there''s all those goodbye''s...

however, it''s not forever....

my FIL did his degrees (economics) through the army and had finished his 20 yr contract by the time he turned 38. during that time, he''d developed an enormous collection of contacts and global experience, and he had a huge amount of drive and discipline. he went home to australia and started, owned and ran one of the 500 largest exporting companies in australia. he did that for the next 30 years, and retired a few years ago after selling the company, and now lives on a beautiful piece of property with his wife (my MIL) in australia. in some ways, it''s like their lives together only started at 38. but they are now financially very secure (army pensions are excellent, too) and that''s given them a freedom they wouldn''t otherwise have had. he was always pretty driven, but i dont know that he would have had the contacts or the knowledge to have started his eventual business had he not had his experiences in the army.

so there were down sides and up sides. but they always stuck it out, stuck together, and loved each other.

it seems to me that a lot of it depends on a) how independent you are and, perhaps even more so, b) how loyal you are. you have to get THROUGH the tough times to get to the good times, and you need loyalty for that. so i think it''s a case of who you both are as people.

personally, it would depend on whether i was in love with him. if i was - it wouldn''t matter what he did, i''d just stick it out. if i wasn''t, it could be the most cushy life in the world, and it wouldnt be worth it to me. but if it was early days and i wasnt in love *yet*, i''d give some thought to whether i wanted to go ''there''. regardless of how cute he is. for me, on paper, that life is too lonely; i like my partner to be there.
 
He''s a cutie!!

I have no advice to offer re: military man, but I do think that after we all get a good ogle at this guy, you should ask the mods to take the pics down. Not because I think he''ll find PS, but who knows...his sister might and say to him, "that peargirl you met is totally creepy!"
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It looks and sounds like you met a great guy.. My brother works for the State Dept. and is in the active Marines Reserve. He just left his family to go to Afghanastan for 10 months. All that a side, he makes a great living.. It is very difficult to get into any of the above mentioned academies.
I wish you all the happiness in the world.

My second thought was to ask that his picture be taken down. You never know who reads this.. and you wouldn''t want to take any chances by posting his picture with out his knowledge.. better to be safe .
 
Date: 5/12/2009 12:51:18 PM
Author: TravelingGal
He''s a cutie!!


I have no advice to offer re: military man, but I do think that after we all get a good ogle at this guy, you should ask the mods to take the pics down. Not because I think he''ll find PS, but who knows...his sister might and say to him, ''that peargirl you met is totally creepy!''
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He is very cute, but I have to agree with TG. You never know who will recognize him.
 
He sounds like someone totally worth your time! Handsome too! I look forward to seeing how this one unfolds for you.
 
I agree with Tgal and others that people might recognize him!


Though he is dreamy! He reminds me of Logan from Gilmore Girls. Maybe Logan can be your replacement picture. haha

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How typical. A girl meets a nice guy who's doing well and suddenly everyone talks about 'marriage', about landing a good 'catch'... I find it rather amusing.

Let's see how a guy may view the situation: I met an attractive gal last week. She's fun to be with. Sexually available if I play my cards right. Future wife? I dunno. I'm still young, good looking and with a prestigious career that makes me a good catch. There are plenty of women out there...

I don't mean to sound cynical and rain on your parade. Just offering a guy's perspective and sharing my experience. I was considered a good catch then: scholarships, job at a prestigious global company. Married a woman who as it turned out only loved that part of me being a good catch, and then left me when I quit. Women, please love a guy for being himself, not for his lucrative job. And don't start dreaming about that wedding just because a guy asked you out...
 
Date: 5/12/2009 1:23:15 PM
Author: DiamondFlame
How typical. A girl meets a nice guy who''s doing well and suddenly everyone talks about ''marriage'', about landing a good ''catch''... I find it rather amusing.

Let''s see how a guy may view the situation: I met an attractive gal last week. She''s fun to be with. Sexually available if I play my cards right. Future wife? I dunno. I''m still young, good looking and with a prestigious career that makes me a good catch. There are plenty of women out there...

I don''t mean to sound cynical. Just sharing my experience. I was considered a good catch. Married a woman who as it turned out only loved that part of me being a good catch, and then left me when my career nosedived. Women, please love a guy for being himself, not for his lucrative job. And don''t start dreaming about that wedding just because a guy asked you out...
reeeeeeeh rahhhhhh

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I don''t think OUpear is carrying a lock of his hair in her pocket...she''s just excited about meeting a nice guy with potential. What''s the big deal with that? She didn''t say anything about marrying the guy, she was just looking for opinions on a relationship with a military man should it become more serious. Geeze.
Also, I highly doubt we think she should date him because of his career only. If you read again, you''ll see that she said she can tell he''s different from other guys his age. He''s got a good head on his shoulders and treats her well.
I''ll stop there before I
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So glad you met someone who makes you happy! Can''t offer any military advice though. Don''t know anything about it!
 
Date: 5/12/2009 1:23:15 PM
Author: DiamondFlame
How typical. A girl meets a nice guy who's doing well and suddenly everyone talks about 'marriage', about landing a good 'catch'... I find it rather amusing.

Let's see how a guy may view the situation: I met an attractive gal last week. She's fun to be with. Sexually available if I play my cards right. Future wife? I dunno. I'm still young, good looking and with a prestigious career that makes me a good catch. There are plenty of women out there...

I don't mean to sound cynical and rain on your parade. Just offering a guy's perspective and sharing my experience. I was considered a good catch then: scholarships, job at a prestigious global company. Married a woman who as it turned out only loved that part of me being a good catch, and then left me when I quit. Women, please love a guy for being himself, not for his lucrative job. And don't start dreaming about that wedding just because a guy asked you out...

For such a good catch you are judgmental and not a very good reader.
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Date: 5/12/2009 1:27:31 PM
Author: luckystar112
Date: 5/12/2009 1:23:15 PM

Author: DiamondFlame

How typical. A girl meets a nice guy who''s doing well and suddenly everyone talks about ''marriage'', about landing a good ''catch''... I find it rather amusing.


Let''s see how a guy may view the situation: I met an attractive gal last week. She''s fun to be with. Sexually available if I play my cards right. Future wife? I dunno. I''m still young, good looking and with a prestigious career that makes me a good catch. There are plenty of women out there...


I don''t mean to sound cynical. Just sharing my experience. I was considered a good catch. Married a woman who as it turned out only loved that part of me being a good catch, and then left me when my career nosedived. Women, please love a guy for being himself, not for his lucrative job. And don''t start dreaming about that wedding just because a guy asked you out...

reeeeeeeh rahhhhhh

HAAAAHAAAAAHAAA OMG. THAT was funny!
 
OU! I''m really happy for you! You sound great, and you deserve to be dating a fabulous guy!

I haven''t read all your responses, but you might want to consider taking down his photo. I know it''s SUCH an off chance that he''d ever find this site, but I can''t imagine how the sh** would hit the fan if a guy (esp a successful one!) found out that his photo was being published on an open forum by a woman who he''s newly dating. When I''m posting a photo that has a friend or loved one in it here, I usually try to blur out their face to retain their privacy. Just a thought
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Great to hear you`re having fun!!! Very exciting!! (I`m not gonna even mention him being a pilot and owning a uniform
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I don''t know much about military lifestyle from personal experience, but DH and I were in long-distant relationship for 3 years between Canada and Australia, and saw each other on average 2x per year for about a month. It was tough. We talked on the phone for hours every day though, so we felt like we were ''together''. However in military I highly doubt you get anywhere near that much ''contact''.
 
You are all cracking me up!

Don''t worry... I was just about to message the mods and have them take his picture down tonight!
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Last thing I wanna do is scare off a nice guy!!

And most of you said it very well... I was just asking for advice on dating the guy. I appreciate all of the input on marriage. We''ll see where it goes. So far there are plans til the end of May hahaha! Thanks for the support. I''m having fun.

You are all wonderful and I
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you mucho!
 
OUpeargirl:

Here is another guy''s opinion - and one who served 5 years in the US Navy:

Congradulations - sounds like it could be a great catch and by all means dream big...

I wish you and this hunk a great time and I do hope it works out between you. I disagree with a previous poster and that there is nothing to indicate that this hunk isn''t looking for his life partner too. Military guys need to find great gals too; and while I don''t post much (I tend to read vastly a lot more than I post) - the post I''ve seen from you indicates a quality gal. Too bad I never found one when I was looking.


Others have mentioned some of the difficulties - and benifits. Yes it can work - and it can work very well if you can be two independent people who enjoy each others company and want to have a life together. However, for the unprepared - or the ones who have to be dependent - it often does not work out.

Here are a couple other things you should think through (and any guy dating a Military Gal should also think through).

1) While all jobs have risk - and everyday life has its accidents. Military people have a substaintially higher death rate than civilians for several reasons. This does not mean that they are not great people and marrying them is a bad choice. I just want you to understand that there are a number of training accidents not to mention conflict deaths.

Can you with confidence understand and be proud to have joined with someone who is willing to put his life on the line - perhaps many times each year - doing things that civilians just don''t do in order to protect and defend this country. Can you envision yourself as a widow saying I was proud to have had such a husband. Not saying that he will die or be severely injured - the vast majority of military personnel are not. Just that if you cannot concieve and accept the possibility - then it will cause difficulties when he has to do something dangerous - or is asked to deploy.

I cannot count the number of relationships I saw where the wife (or Girlfreind) would try to hold him back - the strain it would cause; and then he would worry about it (and guess when people makes a mistake - and mistakes in the miliitary tend to have more significant consequences).


2) I cannot predict the future; but if a Military person goes into combat - or any really dangerous situation where their life is threatened.... especially if it is a continuing situation. Some things change in a persons behaviour and certain situation standards and events routinely appear.

Specifically, the desire to reproduce and find comfort with the other sex (and it affects both gals and guys).

These people do not mean to be unfaithful; its just that the "bad situation" they are in means they will do things that are not normal in civilized society to survive the situation until they can get back to civil society and relax enough to recognize they are no longer in that bad of a situation. Viet Nam saw a great many married guys return and later bring their kids from Nam home.

As a civilian I was personally stalked for a while - and all my normal rules on sexual contact went out the window for the most intense period of that time (I was single and they were all single and willing - and their could concievable be a kid out there I do not know about; but I did some things that I wish I had not).

Can you understand that should such a situation occur - that your marriage is not just about sex; and that at times people do what they need to survive the situation - and surviving the situation is the most important for them to do.

The people I know who became involve just because of their reactions to a very stressfull and dangerous situation reverted back to faithful and supportive spouses once removed from that situation - as long as the spouse understood that it was an unusual situation. However, the people who depend on absolute fidelity - regardless of the situation - do not have marrages that survive such things (or likely even last long in the civilian world). Note that I am not approving routine infedelity when the person is long term in a normal environment - that is a different matter. I just want you (and everyone considering a Military spouse) to be aware up front.

There is actually a subset on this issue that probably does not apply if your husband is to be a pilot. But, should your husband (or anyone) become in certain forms of surveliance and gathering of information - sometimes sex is just part of that job. It has nothing to do with love or how much they care about their spouse. Few people have such positions; but they do exist in the Military. That takes a different kind of understanding from a spouse - and at that point you need to have a really big discussion (or if he even mentions the possibility of working in "intellegence").


Other than that - I hope things work out for the best between you. I am sure that he is a great catch for someone...

Have a great day (and future life)

Perry
 
Cute, smart, mature, treats you well? What''s the catch ;)

Best of luck!
 
Moses
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Im gone two ticks to go to work and look at the dish that gets posted
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wow he really is a dish oupeargirl
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and thats a finely tailored uniform that he''s wearing
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Perry--very well said, a most interesting post and perspective.

L - not only do you know diamonds, but you are one smart cookie!
 
Date: 5/12/2009 10:30:45 AM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

Hotgratualtions on meeting someone new! It is always hotciting isn''t it? Seems like a nice fella and appears interested in the same things you are. Other than that, I do hot think it would be hotappropriate for me to comment on his looks
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cheers--Sharon
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You are a riot woman.



And lol at luckystar!
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Date: 5/12/2009 10:51:11 AM
Author: OUpeargirl

Date: 5/12/2009 10:34:20 AM
Author: tlh
What a looker! I think I''m gonna rent officer and a gentleman this weekend... swoon!
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Haha I watched Top Gun with my roommate last week... She has now started playing ''Take My Breath Away'' and ''Danger Zone'' whenever I come home. It''s hilarious, but man alive are those songs irritating!
Haha, have her play the Top Gun theme instead... it''s so much better!! Or Van Halen''s "Dreams" for the Blue Angels - check it out too and tell her to replace her picks with those 2 songs!!
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Date: 5/12/2009 1:13:59 PM
Author: luckystar112
I agree with Tgal and others that people might recognize him!


Though he is dreamy! He reminds me of Logan from Gilmore Girls. Maybe Logan can be your replacement picture. haha
Logan is totally who I was thinking of when I saw the pic!!! Good thought there Luckystar!

Hehe and ROFL on the name of your pick, peargirl...... hahahahahaha I didn''t notice that at first, but so funny!!
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Congrats Opear! Nicely done.

My thoughts on being in a relationship a man in service: Perry''s points are really well thought out. I''m not certain about the last bit on "intelligence" but perhaps that is b/c my DH is a reservist in just that field. I know that young super-fit women throw themselves at my DH with total disregard for his marital status and while that does happen to some men normally, mine seems to just garner that response only when serving. Fortunately he seems too dense to notice, but I don''t judge others who succumb to the temptation. There are moments when you wonder if the other half of your heart is still alive and that is terrifying. The real pain is not knowing what is going on, where he is, what he is doing, when he will be back. Perry and SDL and PP and any military family will know what I''m talking about. Its the not knowing that kills.

The flip side is if you are an independent person, having time and space for your own hobbies and pursuits is wonderful, just know that the honey do list will become yours to do. When he gets back however, it is just the best. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. I guess the highs are just higher and the lows are just lower than in a civilian relationship.

Yes you are just at the beginning of this journey, but it is good to go in with your eyes open. He doesn''t have too much time left at home eh? And he wants to spend his weekends with you? Sounds like its getting serious. A person who has faced life and death situations is far less likely to sweat the small stuff and wallow in indecision. He seems to know what he wants...
 
Date: 5/12/2009 2:15:01 PM
Author: Steel

Date: 5/12/2009 1:23:15 PM
Author: DiamondFlame
How typical. A girl meets a nice guy who''s doing well and suddenly everyone talks about ''marriage'', about landing a good ''catch''... I find it rather amusing.

Let''s see how a guy may view the situation: I met an attractive gal last week. She''s fun to be with. Sexually available if I play my cards right. Future wife? I dunno. I''m still young, good looking and with a prestigious career that makes me a good catch. There are plenty of women out there...

For such a good catch you are judgmental and not a very good reader.
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Taking it literally, eh? Have you considered the possibility that I''m not really the one with those 2 problems you highlighted...?
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To the OP, enjoy the romance. But keep it real...
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Oh, shoot! I missed the picture!
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I just wanted to say that my daughter started dating someone in early January and it was sort of an instant connection, too. Obviously it is a little too soon to predict your future, but it is wonderful when you meet "the one" and you both just know!
 
Oh, sweetie, what a great guy! My friend''s husband is an AFA grad, and my dad graduated from another one of the academies, and I''ve got to tell you those are some of the cream of the crop in terms of 20-something men. Responsible, driven, smart, and respectful. Grade A!

My friend has had to give up starting a career she loves because he''s in flight school in TX, but once they get settled somewhere and she has a chance, she''ll be interviewing. It is a life where you have to be comfortable with yourself, being alone, and trusting your partner. It makes traditional dating difficult, but I''d say it''s worth it. Just be ready for plans to change fairly rapidly sometimes.
 
GO GIRL.....HOW EXCITING!!!!
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Darn, I missed his photo.....
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Lori
 
Hahah I haven''t had this feeling of "new boy" in quite awhile. I forgot how fun it was! Also, even if this doesn''t work out.. It''s a definite reminder of what it''s like when a guy is ACTUALLY into me as opposed to various scenarios of "he''s just not that into me"... Let me tell you how many of THOSE I have been through in the last few months... Overanalyzing things... etc. It''s much more enjoyable when I''m not questioning if he likes me or not.

I mean... Some of you know I am a musical FREAK. Second "real" date is to a musical? He''s already a major upgrade from ex-pearlboy.
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Thanks for the advice and giggles! I will let you know how things go this weekend!
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I am so happy for you. I''ve read/follow your other thread, and this sounds so exciting. Good luck.
 
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