"I love you" - how long until the words, and how?

[LilyKat]

I thought it would be fun and interesting to hear how long other peoples'' SOs took to first say "I love you", and how they did it. Who said it first? Did it change anything in the relationship?

 

[princesss]

Hmmm....4 weeks? Maybe?

We were in the car, and we were talking and joking around. I was making fun of something, and I said (without thinking), "I''m a b****, but that''s why you love me." He looked at me and said, "That''s not why."

So I didn''t say anything. I sat. And thought. And worried.

And then I convinced myself that I had misheard it, and he didn''t really say that, and he couldn''t possibly mean it....and then I realized I wanted him to mean it! So, me being the sneaky (

) girl I am, I decided to recreate the situation to the best of my ability. Re-enter BF, car, town, and line:

"Yeah, I''m a b****...but that''s why you love me."
*hopeful breath*
"That''s not why."
"But....do you? Love me, I mean?"
dramatic pause
"Yeah, I do."
relieved pause
"Oh, well...good. Because I love you, too."

-curtain-

 

[Bjedifish]

Wow...what a question!! We had been dating for 7 months, and we had already been on 2 big trips together! We had just gotten back from our trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras (soooo freakin'' fun!!) and the entire time I was thinking...hes gonna say it hes gonna say it...but he never did

. I was devastated and then decided, what the hell I''m just gonna say it to him first. So I called him up told him he needed to come over that night because I had something super important to discuss with him. I wrote an essay...yes I''m serious a freggin manuscript because I was so nervous. When he came over he was kinda annoyed I had asked him to drive all the way to my house (we lived like 50 miles apart back then) at 10pm on a school nite. I was reading my "essay" to him and then shaking and basically crying like a baby I told him I was so nervous because I loved him and I was terrified that I would lose him. I told him not to say anything and be on his way. He respected my request. 2 months later...still nothing...

. I KNEW he loved me at this point and he was just being a chicken SH!T (and mind you neither of us were young and inexperienced we were 26 and 30 respectively). I basically sat on his bed one day and let him have it. I was screaming my head off at him, "what the hell are you so afraid of?!" Oh man I have never been that heated in my life...I ended up leaving his house and not talking to him for a week. Long story short (too late!) he brought me an orchid a week later and a note...but no I love you and then on mothers day 2007 he said "you know what?" "I love you" and I was like, (straight out of the movie The Cutting Edge) "Just remember who said it first." Its will be 3 years for us July 18th and now I am just waiting the next big question...will you marry me!

Laura

 

[Squirrly]

lol i guess i''m the odd one out.

M and i had been together for 7 months, and when we started dating i had told him i didn''t want to say "i love you" or hear it for awhile, i wanted to be shown that i was loved first, and i also threw in i was going to try to not kiss him til a year (this was at the suggestion of a dear friend of mine who has a wonderful relationship with her now husband and she knew i have a tendency to get in over my head too quickly with this whole love thing and get fairly hurt in the process)
mind you the only reason this probably even worked is that we''ve been long distance from the beginning and he was in iraq for the first nine months we were together (thusly making kissing entirely impossible).
he respected my wishes because he knew i just had the second of two year long relationships in a row that ended far from gracefully, and he really truly cared about me. so i was being good at being difficult and lasted until about 7 months into being together and i finally slipped up and told him i loved him when we had our set AIM time one night. i really had wanted to wait to tell him until the night he came back to the states (i was at the base waiting for him).
M was ridiculously happy, he was so giddy i probably sent him skipping around the base, though he did tell me he had been getting tired of not telling me and then got all sappy and mushy and started to tell me how much he loved me. i have the entire aim conversation saved somewhere

oh and he got his kiss when he got back to the base. there''s no way i could''ve made it a whole year

i''m really glad i followed my friend''s advice though, there''s never been a question in either of our minds about how much we love each other because of it.

 

[ksluice]

This is fun!

Ok, so both my SO and I are in our 30s, and since we''re older, we''ve both been in fairly serious past relationships. Very early on, like in the first 2 or 3 weeks, we had developed this little routine where one of us would talk about the past relationship and then the other would say, "Wow, how did you put up with that?" and the first would say, "IDK, but it sure taught me to know what I like about you." (Can you see what''s coming already?)

So one night, less than a month in, but I can''t remember the timing exactly, were snuggling on his bed and I mention something about how this moment is so much nicer than it ever was with the creepy old ex, and he says "Why did you put up with that guy?" and out slips "IDK, but he sure taught me why I love you..."

I heard it come out of my mouth before I knew I had said it...and so I was lying there stammering, and he rolls over and buries his face in my neck and he''s laughing and saying "I''m so glad you said it first!!!" And then he tells me that he''s been walking around for more than a week with this growing ache in his chest and he knew it was b/c he loved me but he didn''t want to say it b/c it was so soon, but since I went and blew it, now he can say it all he wants..and...*sigh* -- just thinking about it makes me want to squeeze him.

 

[ksluice]

Date: 6/23/2009 7:33:59 PM
Author: princesss
Hmmm....4 weeks? Maybe?


We were in the car, and we were talking and joking around. I was making fun of something, and I said (without thinking), ''I''m a b****, but that''s why you love me.'' He looked at me and said, ''That''s not why.''

So I didn''t say anything. I sat. And thought. And worried.


And then I convinced myself that I had misheard it, and he didn''t really say that, and he couldn''t possibly mean it....and then I realized I wanted him to mean it! So, me being the sneaky (

) girl I am, I decided to recreate the situation to the best of my ability. Re-enter BF, car, town, and line:


''Yeah, I''m a b****...but that''s why you love me.''

*hopeful breath*

''That''s not why.''

''But....do you? Love me, I mean?''

dramatic pause

''Yeah, I do.''

relieved pause

''Oh, well...good. Because I love you, too.''


-curtain-

Princess, this is totally crackin me up. I would have done the same thing, I just know it, but I especially like how you got to say I love you too at the end. Perfect!!

 

[princesss]

Date: 6/23/2009 8:56:34 PM
Author: TopoDazzle

Date: 6/23/2009 7:33:59 PM

Author: princesss

Hmmm....4 weeks? Maybe?



We were in the car, and we were talking and joking around. I was making fun of something, and I said (without thinking), ''I''m a b****, but that''s why you love me.'' He looked at me and said, ''That''s not why.''

So I didn''t say anything. I sat. And thought. And worried.



And then I convinced myself that I had misheard it, and he didn''t really say that, and he couldn''t possibly mean it....and then I realized I wanted him to mean it! So, me being the sneaky (

) girl I am, I decided to recreate the situation to the best of my ability. Re-enter BF, car, town, and line:



''Yeah, I''m a b****...but that''s why you love me.''


*hopeful breath*


''That''s not why.''


''But....do you? Love me, I mean?''


dramatic pause


''Yeah, I do.''


relieved pause


''Oh, well...good. Because I love you, too.''



-curtain-

Princess, this is totally crackin me up. I would have done the same thing, I just know it, but I especially like how you got to say I love you too at the end. Perfect!!

Yeah, lol. It cracks me up because it''s not like he actually said it. At all. So I just decided to act like he had.

 

[sammyj]

We had been dating for 6 months and I wrote it in a card/letter that I gave to my FI before he left for a month-long trip to Kenya. I asked him to wait until I left the airport to read it and I was literally shaking when I gave it to him. Since he was traveling to a remote place with limited internet access, I didn''t hear from him for a week and I was freaking out. He wrote the most heartfelt email (that I saved and printed) but he said he didn''t want to say "I love you" for the first time in an email.

When he returned home at the end of the month he came over and he had 4 cards that he had written for me while he was away. Each one was so heartfelt and the last one listed everything he loved about me. He also ended up sponsoring a child/student to go to university while he was there and the student had written me a letter telling me how much my FI loved me too. I was crying like a baby!!

 

[FrekeChild]

Two weeks. When we knew, we knew. And that was it. I was lying with my head on his chest, in the dark and he said, "I love you." And I said, "What?!" and started crying because I''d been restraining myself from telling him...

 

[sunnyd]

1 week. We win! LOL, just kidding.

We''d been friends for a long while already.

We had just had dinner at a fabulous wine bar talking for 2 hours, we got in the car and he started crying (he''ll kill me for this, BTW) because he''d been really burned in relationships prior and was terrified because he''d fallen in love with me. I was so stunned, I just said ''I love you too.'' I meant it, but wasn''t expecting it so soon!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 6/23/2009 9:49:20 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Two weeks. When we knew, we knew. And that was it. I was lying with my head on his chest, in the dark and he said, ''I love you.'' And I said, ''What?!'' and started crying because I''d been restraining myself from telling him...

Too freaking adorable. Ah, l''amour.

 

[radiantquest]

i dont remember how long into the relationship we were, but i remember that the first time i said i love you it was on accident. i was on the phone with him and was watching my sister leave. at the exact same time i was getting off the phone she was walking out the door so i got confused and wasnt thinking and was saying the normal good bye things on the phone and out came i love you. i said oh, i didnt mean to say that and then i said its ok i do love you. he said that he loved me too and that was our first time. not romantic, but memorable

 

[lilmissrugger]

Awww, I''m loving all of these so far!!!

Me and the FF didn''t officially say it until around 6 months, but at around 4 months, I started saying "Hey, I less than three you" (<3 see? the less than sign, and a three- I know, I''m a nerd). From there, it grew to "I heart you" which we said for about a month-- finally, the second half of June, he and I started talking about saying it- we both wanted to, but we also were too scared to- so there were a ton of times where we started off saying, "Hey, I llll.....". We both really really wanted it to be special, and I''ve always been the one to say it first, so I didn''t want to be the first one this time.

Finally, the fourth of July rolls around, and we went to fireworks, and right when the finale started, he leans over to me, grinning from ear to ear, and says "I love you"-- it was amazing! I said it back, and it literally felt like I could feel the fireworks finale in my stomach!

(This is also one of the reasons I am 99% sure he''s proposing on the fourth!)

Aw, I love him!

 

[Jessie702]

So my story isnt as happy, we had been together for about a month officially. Really like 2.....C''s mom was in the hosiptal, and he called me at 10pm on christmas, and said, can you please come to my moms house i need you. i said of course, and rushed over, was there in 10 minutes, when the drive should have taken 30. When i got there he looked horrible. Shit im gonna cry writing this. But he looked like the ghost of the man, that i knew i loved, but we hadnt said it yet. So i get there and we are sitting and talking, and im trying to cheer him up. We than, like 5 minutes later got a call from the hospital to come, she was done with her emerengy surgery. Well, we got there and he buzzed and sat down. As soon as we sat down the nurse came out and said that she had passed while we were on our way. Crap, im firggin crying. So he left to go say goodbye.
After that, i took him and we sat on here couch, looking at all of her stuff, at the christmas tree, the unopen gifts, the gifts needing to be sent, all of her decorations(this lady did the whole house, 40 something years of christmas stuff) and he was just crying on my shoulder and all i could do is hold him. C is very strong emotionally, and to see him broken down like that, with one of the dogs in his lap, broke my heart. I reached over, and took his face in my hands, and looked him in the eyes and said, "i know this isnt the right time, but know that i love you, more than i could ever say. We will get through this, and be our own family". After i said that, he kind of jumped in my arms and we just cried together. That was the first night i had stayed with him, but he needed me more than anyone at the moment. I woke up the next morning to take my sister to the airport and to go home and change and get him so clothes, than i went back to his mom''s. I was making him some soup, and he hugged me and said, " i love you too, and you are all i have now besides the dogs. We are our own family now"
I havent looked back since. I love him more than i can ever say. We have had ups and downs, and i know that if we have made it through what we have, we can make it through anything. It still breaks my heart sometimes remebering him so very broken, but he is the love of my life. Now, im just waiting on him to make our little family official, with a wedding, and hopefully we add in a baby.

End Story

 

[princesss]

Date: 6/23/2009 10:21:49 PM
Author: Jessie702
So my story isnt as happy, we had been together for about a month officially. Really like 2.....C''s mom was in the hosiptal, and he called me at 10pm on christmas, and said, can you please come to my moms house i need you. i said of course, and rushed over, was there in 10 minutes, when the drive should have taken 30. When i got there he looked horrible. Shit im gonna cry writing this. But he looked like the ghost of the man, that i knew i loved, but we hadnt said it yet. So i get there and we are sitting and talking, and im trying to cheer him up. We than, like 5 minutes later got a call from the hospital to come, she was done with her emerengy surgery. Well, we got there and he buzzed and sat down. As soon as we sat down the nurse came out and said that she had passed while we were on our way. Crap, im firggin crying. So he left to go say goodbye.

After that, i took him and we sat on here couch, looking at all of her stuff, at the christmas tree, the unopen gifts, the gifts needing to be sent, all of her decorations(this lady did the whole house, 40 something years of christmas stuff) and he was just crying on my shoulder and all i could do is hold him. C is very strong emotionally, and to see him broken down like that, with one of the dogs in his lap, broke my heart. I reached over, and took his face in my hands, and looked him in the eyes and said, ''i know this isnt the right time, but know that i love you, more than i could ever say. We will get through this, and be our own family''. After i said that, he kind of jumped in my arms and we just cried together. That was the first night i had stayed with him, but he needed me more than anyone at the moment. I woke up the next morning to take my sister to the airport and to go home and change and get him so clothes, than i went back to his mom''s. I was making him some soup, and he hugged me and said, '' i love you too, and you are all i have now besides the dogs. We are our own family now''

I havent looked back since. I love him more than i can ever say. We have had ups and downs, and i know that if we have made it through what we have, we can make it through anything. It still breaks my heart sometimes remebering him so very broken, but he is the love of my life. Now, im just waiting on him to make our little family official, with a wedding, and hopefully we add in a baby.


End Story

I''m so sorry for his loss, but it''s amazing how things like that truly bring the people that are meant to be together....well, together. I''m so glad you were able to be there for him. That''s a wonderful story. Bittersweet, but beautiful.

 

[Jessie702]

Yes, i think it brough us together, or at least closer. We have had his mom pass away, my cousin was murdered in a cemetery, i have had mulitple surgeries, he has had skin cancer burned off his skin, and my Godfather pass away, car accident...lots of us

 

[princesss]

Holy moly, Jessie! That''s a lot of stuff to have happen to you in a short amount of time.

 

[Jessie702]

Yes it is for almost 2 years, but it has made us stronger and we both know it

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I knew I was in love with him long before we had passed from being the best of friends to dating. I was determined to take everything just a little slower than any previous relationship. Thus, I had resolved to wait for him to say it first. I didn''t have to wait long. 7 months into our relationship I called him to tell him my flight had changed and I would be arriving a bit earlier than my first flight. He said, "have a safe flight. I love you." I hung up without saying it back.

It took an additional 4 months for me to feel ready to say it back to him. We were at our friends wedding and stole a moment alone. I was hugging him and I whispered, "I love you too". He responded, "I knew you would tell me when you were ready."

Doesn''t seem it, but it was pretty romantic for us!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Wow.

C and I were together for a few months before I whispered I love you behind him (I didn''t think he''d hear, but he did and said it back) during a back massage. Before then we were saying "I really really like you."

 

[Haven]

He first said it one year into our relationship.

We were just lounging in his car, having a discussion about something I no longer remember, and he told me that he had known this since shortly after we met, and he just couldn''t keep it in any longer. And then he told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him, too.

 

[jaylex]

It''s strange, but I''m not exactly sure when the "first" time we said "I love you" was.

At the very beginning of our relationship, like even in the first two weeks, I would crack a joke and he''d say "ha ha! i love you" or I would help him through a fight with his parents and he''d be like "thanks for being here for me, I love you". Honestly, it made me a tiny bit uncomfortable because I figured that "I love you" was something he said to all of his gfs since he started saying it so early to me..
So even though I knew from our first date (seriously... sounds corny but it''s true) that I loved him or at least that I could fall in love with him.. I would only say things like "i love how happy you make me" or "i love how handsome you are".. ect.


Eventually we somehow started saying it more and more seriously.. from I am totally falling for you "I love you" to the mushy, stare deep into your eyes, love you so much that I could cry "I Love you"s but I think that it somehow "evolved" into that.

P.S.
We''ve been together (going on) four years and it turns out that bf was not in the habit of telling girls he loved them.. especially right away he just felt something "special" with me!

Gosh I love him! what a mushy post this was.

 

[Lilac]

I met DH and it took him about 2 weeks to ask me out on a date. We went out on our first date August 1st, and we were sitting in his car August 8th and suddenly he said he was falling in love with me. So it took 8 days and he was the first to say it out loud. He was scared it would freak me out, but I had felt it a couple days before (for some reason, I had this urge to start writing in a journal the night of our first date, and on August 5th I had written in my journal that I was falling in love with him but I didn''t want to tell him yet because I was worried about scaring him off - it''s funny to show him now because it''s proof that I felt it before he even said it, so he knows I didn''t just say it back to reciprocate!)

He told me he was falling in love with me, I cried and told him I was falling in love with him too, and we talked about how before we met each other we thought we were too young to even know what love was (I had just turned 16, he was 17) but we were so sure we were in love. Now it''s almost 5 years later and we''re still just as in love (and even more so!) than we were back then.

 

[Lilac]

double post (not sure why that happened)

 

[Porridge]

Such sweet stories! I''m sorry to hear about all the tough times Jessie.

We were together about 2 or 3 months I think. Once or twice during the week it had *nearly* slipped out of my mouth by accident. I hadn''t put much thought into it, and didn''t want to say it because I thought it was too soon. Anyway that weekend we were out with friends, he kept saying "c''mere" and I''d lean over, and he''d say something like "...you look beautiful" or "c''mere...I think you''re fantastic". So it went on all night, and he listed out all the things he loved about me. Then later we were home cuddling on the couch, and he says "c''mere...I''m really going to freak you out now...I love you." It was verrrry sweet and romantic. I said "I love you too", and laughed about how I had nearly let it slip during the week. He was so relieved!

 

[AdiS]

DH and I started dating December 3rd. On December 8th (Students Day in Bulgaria) we were celebrating with our friends and fellow students in a small town which is a famous ski resort. The party went on the whole day and night and at one point I was already so tired, that I was basically sleeping with my eyes open. DH saw me, started laughing and jokingly asked "What are you thinking about? You look so deep in thought"

The first reply that came to my mind shocked me so much that I woke up with lightning speed. I was about to blurt out "I love you" and mean it!

I said "Sorry, but I can''t tell you. It''s too early."
He said nothing and seemed undisturbed so I was absolutely sure there was no way he could''ve guessed what I meant.

The next morning he brought me some coffee and while I was drinking it, he announced, completely out of the blue:

"You know what? It''s not."
(me, flabbergasted) "It''s not what?"
"It''s not too early. I love you."
(me, spilling coffee all over the place) "I love you!!!"
(him, smug) "Yeah, I know"

So, that makes 6 days I suppose? sunny, hand over the medal! lol

 

[suchende]

Like, a week.

Him: I love you
Me: Huh? No you don''t, you don''t even know me!

 

[Shoopy]

It took us two years roughly. I can''t remember how/when/where it was said but we never stopped saying it after.

 

[CristinaRuns26.2]

We had been dating for around six weeks when he said it. One evening, we headed to the beach, one of our favorite places to hang out, talk and kiss

We were sitting on the sand, and he was sitting behind me, with his arms around me. He seemed very nervous, and wasn''t saying much. DBF isn''t much of a talker, but he was dead silent.

All of a sudden, the sky opens up and it starts pouring cats and dogs. We ran from the beach into the car, but we were soaked. He drove us to his house, where we were attacked by sprinklers that had just started going off. Once again, we got soaked running up the driveway into the house. We dried off and hung out for a while longer.

When I had to leave, he walked me out to my car. He put his arms around me, hugged me and said, "I love you." To which I responded, "I love you, too." And that was it

 

[princessplease]

Aw, princesss, too cute!!!! Great post!!!

FI and I were down in NC at the Nascar race, and we were walking back to the car in the dark, just talking about how much fun we had that day. He stopped me, kissed me, and said "You know, I love you". I said "Really?" He said "Yea, I do love you". I said I love you back, and the rest is history.
That was 2 months in.