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I love my diamond, but it also makes me a little sad. Anyone else?

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Oct 24, 2012
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4,749
Once you have it, you will love it & treasure it. There are heaps of fabulous comments to on here, and sure, we'd ALL like something we haven't got, but what we HAVE got is ours & unique to us.

My engagement ring is a D colour, VS2 clarity. It's damn near perfect because that's what my husband wanted to buy. At first I was blown away, but after PS, I learned I could have got a much, much bigger diamond for the same price if I'd have dropped down the colour to a G or H. As much as that niggles me, I do enjoy diving into my chubby pear & wallowing in it's perfect glory.
 

mellowyellowgirl

Ideal_Rock
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May 17, 2014
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3,128
No words of wisdom but hopefully you'll find comfort in the TONNE of dodgy stuff that I have bought!

Some were bought at the beginning of my jewelry journey and some in the last year (so there really was no excuse, just pure madness and stupidity).

I have given so much stuff away, some of it to children due to various poor choices that I now do not like! There was this hideously made emerald and spinel ring! Ugh! I ended up giving it to an 7 yr girl and she loves it as it sits in her jewellry box as "treasure" and she gets to wear it to school on special days.

But what can you do! Live and learn! hehe I am broke now so no more funds for gems for a while but I will be ever so careful from now on.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
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31,517
For background, my partner and I got the diamond (which I love!) at a B&M store/chain. We did that because he adamantly would not purchase online, and he wanted to physically have someone/somewhere to look at the ring etc. etc. It’s his money, and to be honest I also prefer we got it at a B&M store. I LOVED the diamond, but then after when I went online I saw that the deal wasn’t AMAZING and my mind started thinking about the ‘what ifs’...

I’m comforting myself with the thought that my partner would 100% not get a ring online so it was never a possibility... but now being on this forum I know you can get even more amazing stones, and for the $ he spent we could have got one with better specs... The more I browse, I’m finding that I’m getting a bit sad as we could have gotten more bang for our buck! We’re in Aus where the mark-up is already huge and diamonds are more costly than the US. I don’t want to stop browsing though because your rings are all gorgeous!!

Anyone feel similar/have any pearls of wisdom so I can go back to just loving my ring? :)
Please remember what the ring represents. It represents the love you share with your DH. And he bought it for you from a place of unconditional love and respect. And the main thing is you are sharing your lives together. So much happiness and joy and love and gratefulness spending your life with the love of your life. So the ring is just gravy so to speak and you loved it before you found PS. As others wisely write (and I love this quote and remember it always) Comparison is the thief of joy. Unless you can use it for the good. What do I mean by that? In the future perhaps you will change your minds and go online and upgrade or not. It doesn't matter. Be happy in this moment knowing and take life one day at a time.

And continue to love this ring that you loved before knowing it represents the true love you share with your DH. And nothing is better than that.

Gratitude goes a long way in being happy with one's life and you have a lot to be happy about indeed. Beautiful marriage and yes a beautiful ring.
 

AV_

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
3,391
@Rubymal Does your first diamond have a report? It looks as not transparent as this FW oval www
 

qubitasaurus

Brilliant_Rock
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Dec 18, 2014
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1,019
Maybe unhelpful but you are going to lose a lot of money over the next few years to various things.

Having a child somehow ends up costing an arm and a leg and you will be shocked by the things you end up paying for and sometimes dismayed by the fact that they could have been avoidable (i.e. if you made a different choice 1 year ago... or had known something in advance).

Holding a wedding has similar unexpected (and sometimes probably avoidable) costs. And a house is the same.

The diamond is going to be small change in the wash. But if you let these things get to you then you'll miss a chunk of the best part of your life which will be a real tragedy.
 

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Sep 23, 2017
Messages
2,165
Ditto and bravo to all the comments here. There is always bigger, better, more on just about everything from sweaters to husbands. But it is often hard to stop that invasive thinking.

One of my favorite books of all time is the Paradox of Choice, of course I can't recall the author. In it the author who is a researcher discuss 2 types of people and the strategies they use to confront choice: satifisers and maximizers. In a world of dizzying choice (which is one of the book's thesis') too much choice is almost worse than no choice. But in the West we mostly encounter too much choice and have to make a decision. To take this back to diamonds, there is no end to the research you can do, and no end to the deal you might miss or the spec you might seek. The maximizer agonizes over all this. They must have the best, at the best price hence maximizing their choice. To be fair this is 90% of us all at least on some choices. The satisficer has a list of criteria, when those or most of those are met they make the choice, and do not look back, do not seek comparisons, and are satisfied with the decision. It is REALLY hard to be a satisificer, it actually takes practice for most people. But in his research the author finds that maximizers almost immediately receive less joy from their choice once it is made. And over time their satisfaction drops signficantly. Whereas satisficers don't look back, stop comparing and move on to the next choice, satisfied that their choice is great. He uses the new car example, someone researches, test drives, searches high and low for the best deal and then once the car is theirs they can only seem to see better cars and better prices, basically they keep looking even after the car is in their garage. The satisficer doesn't see better or cheaper, they aren't even looking, because they are done making the choice. They have faith in their choice, it met their criteria and now they have time to focus on other things or the next choice.
So long way to say, you guys made this choice together and whatever else is out there (are there bigger. Whiter, clearer, rounder, of course none of us own crown jewels or the Hope diamond) it doesn't matter any more. Look at setting your criteria for a band or an anniversary stone or check your wedding dress or venue. That ring is a decision made and regret will only rob you of the happiness it will represent. It is a choice made, and if you can close the door and say (honestly) I'm satisfied what's next you will be fine.
Don't look at the bigger, better cut, cheaper as part of this choice, look by all means. But for your next choice.

Full disclosure this is hard, we are wired for iver analysis and regret and it's hard to change that mindset, only practice can turn most people into satisficers. I'm still a work in progress on even little thing (if I had looked further I could have bought cheaper gas)


with so much information available, it is easy to want to maximize every transaction. i do this on EVERY big ticket purchase and i am not happier in the end than when i had less info available in my 20s and just went ahead and got the 1st thing that fit the bill.

OP if your eyes loved the diamond in person then there is every chance that the better specs you may have been able to get online wouldn't make that much difference in your day to day enjoyment. instead you had the experience of picking out this special ring together, and you also have a local store that you can go to if you need a polish, have questions, etc. most importantly, you are or are about to be engaged, congrats!
 

Rubymal

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
249
@Rubymal Does your first diamond have a report? It looks as not transparent as this FW oval www
Yes it does, GIA. It's the clouds/wisps not plotted that make it appear milky. Fancy white sounds much better than cloudy, lol.
 

bibiloves

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
160
@hedgehog93 I also found PS after I already have my ring. I know we paid a lot more for it vs buying online but it was too late for return at that point. My only consolation is that we actually picked a great diamond, it was small but great (.7 ct, AGS 000, G VS2). So despite the marked up price that we paid, I absolutely love my diamond. We set it in a simple 4 prong stock solitaire setting and I want to upgrade the diamond or the setting every single time I see a beautiful ring on PS but here I am 9 11 *gasps* year later and my ring remains the same. I love looking at beautiful rings and it's ok to love and admire beautiful rings while appreciate what you actually have. You are actually starting out with a diamond size that is bigger than the average engagement ring and I have no doubt that it will be a beautiful and fabulous ring when you get it. Congrats on the engagement and enjoy your beautiful ring.
 
Last edited:

CSpan

Shiny_Rock
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Mar 7, 2016
Messages
422
@KristyDarling I love that book, your local library probably has it. Fast read but I'm not exaggerating when i say it changed my life, when we got married I set a list of criteria and moved to the next thing once I met the criteria. Dress found in 4 hours, next, cake decided on, next.

My photographer, who's husband is friends with mine, apparently gave us super affordable prices (she is seriously out of my budget but I never knew that) because I asked her about 3 questions and was like ok. She gets a lot of maximizers in her business.
 

prs

Brilliant_Rock
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Dec 26, 2017
Messages
1,005
For background, my partner and I got the diamond (which I love!) at a B&M store/chain. We did that because he adamantly would not purchase online, and he wanted to physically have someone/somewhere to look at the ring etc. etc. It’s his money, and to be honest I also prefer we got it at a B&M store. I LOVED the diamond, but then after when I went online I saw that the deal wasn’t AMAZING and my mind started thinking about the ‘what ifs’...
You and your partner paid a premium for the experience of shopping together and choosing the diamond together. This is the same as paying to go to a concert and watching your favorite rock stars in person, rather than seeing them on television for free.

I still vividly remember when DW and I bought her ER together, and that was back in 1981. :eek-2: Thank God there was no internet back then, we'd have had to postpone the wedding till we figured out what diamond to buy!! :mrgreen2:
 

AV_

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
3,391
@CSpan I tend to recall often a saying of a great aunt [who lived through war as if it weren't there! - she certainly knew how to choose in life, so I paid attention] - approx. 'Measure ten times, cut once!'; my list of wants take a long time to get to a ToDo list, and make me happy once they get done; there are trifling exceptions. Expecting good things, the hunt is fun.
 

AV_

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
3,391
@Rubymal I never knew what are GIA's criteria for 'Fancy White'. Prices are ever surprising.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
3,259
No words of wisdom but hopefully you'll find comfort in the TONNE of dodgy stuff that I have bought!

Some were bought at the beginning of my jewelry journey and some in the last year (so there really was no excuse, just pure madness and stupidity).

I have given so much stuff away, some of it to children due to various poor choices that I now do not like! There was this hideously made emerald and spinel ring! Ugh! I ended up giving it to an 7 yr girl and she loves it as it sits in her jewellry box as "treasure" and she gets to wear it to school on special days.

But what can you do! Live and learn! hehe I am broke now so no more funds for gems for a while but I will be ever so careful from now on.
The happiness that little girl gets from your ring is priceless
I bet she sits and looks at it heaps !
 

gregchang35

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 11, 2012
Messages
2,699
such great advice froM PSers!

it is a humbling lesson to learn, and I think you are doing a great job learning. Asking and reflecting....

It takes a lot of practice to realise what “it” is truly worth.

can’t wait to see how your ring turns out!
 

WindyCityCoco

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2020
Messages
43
On the opposite end of the spectrum- I never wear my E ring because we got such a good deal on my stone ( through an estate sale) and I am so afraid to lose it or have it stolen in the city- I feel like it could never be replaced to the extent that it wouldn't be the same from the insurance company. its probably just my paranoia. it makes my husband mad but it spends a lot of time in the safe :(
 

doberman

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2012
Messages
1,640
For background, my partner and I got the diamond (which I love!) at a B&M store/chain. We did that because he adamantly would not purchase online, and he wanted to physically have someone/somewhere to look at the ring etc. etc. It’s his money, and to be honest I also prefer we got it at a B&M store. I LOVED the diamond, but then after when I went online I saw that the deal wasn’t AMAZING and my mind started thinking about the ‘what ifs’...

I’m comforting myself with the thought that my partner would 100% not get a ring online so it was never a possibility... but now being on this forum I know you can get even more amazing stones, and for the $ he spent we could have got one with better specs... The more I browse, I’m finding that I’m getting a bit sad as we could have gotten more bang for our buck! We’re in Aus where the mark-up is already huge and diamonds are more costly than the US. I don’t want to stop browsing though because your rings are all gorgeous!!

Anyone feel similar/have any pearls of wisdom so I can go back to just loving my ring? :)
I'd love to go back to 1985 and 1991 knowing what I know now about diamonds. Id have had a good time with the jeweler who told me that fancy cuts were more expensive than rounds. Back in the day we didnt have all this information at our fingertips. However the price or quality of my earlier diamonds didnt affect me or my marriage. Could I have gotten a better deal and a better diamond? Certainly. Did it matter in the scheme of life? Certainly not. Reading PS encourages you to be nitpicky about diamonds, but it can also be a rabbit hole. There's always going to be a better deal, a better stone. Truly it does not matter.
 

eapj

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 3, 2017
Messages
592
I understand! We inherited a family stone and needed a setting. We paid WAY too much and had no idea what we were doing. I never liked the stone or the setting and never wear it. Makes me cringe about how much we overpaid and how took the advice of a jeweler we shouldn’t have.

If you love your ring, then forget about the money and enjoy it! We’ve all wasted lots of money in our lives and will overspend for other things in the future. If you love it, it’s worth the money.
 

MakingTheGrade

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Mar 2, 2009
Messages
10,972
Money is only a means to an end and is only worth the happiness it can bring you, so if it made him happy to buy it for you and you're happy to be marrying him, then it's money well spent! Could you have gotten a better deal for a diamond? Sure, we all could. But the diamond he bought is special and sentimental when you think of all the work he put into it and all the times he thought about you while buying it!

Also, if you're dying to put all your pricescope knowledge to bargain hunting use, maybe start brainstorming about some wedding jewelry to gift yourself. ;-)

Hehe, I also caught the DSS bug and wanted bigger rocks and ended up learning a bunch about moissanites and lab diamonds and now I'm a convert. Go figure. My original love is colored stones though and lab/synthetics just don't cut it for me there, I've tried lol.
 
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