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I love my diamond, but it also makes me a little sad. Anyone else?

hedgehog93

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
39
For background, my partner and I got the diamond (which I love!) at a B&M store/chain. We did that because he adamantly would not purchase online, and he wanted to physically have someone/somewhere to look at the ring etc. etc. It’s his money, and to be honest I also prefer we got it at a B&M store. I LOVED the diamond, but then after when I went online I saw that the deal wasn’t AMAZING and my mind started thinking about the ‘what ifs’...

I’m comforting myself with the thought that my partner would 100% not get a ring online so it was never a possibility... but now being on this forum I know you can get even more amazing stones, and for the $ he spent we could have got one with better specs... The more I browse, I’m finding that I’m getting a bit sad as we could have gotten more bang for our buck! We’re in Aus where the mark-up is already huge and diamonds are more costly than the US. I don’t want to stop browsing though because your rings are all gorgeous!!

Anyone feel similar/have any pearls of wisdom so I can go back to just loving my ring? :)
 

the_mother_thing

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2013
Messages
5,962
The only ‘pearl’ I can offer is this: when pangs of guilt/‘what-if’ creep in, take yourself back to the moment he proposed & presented it to you, and remember that it was with YOUR ring and not anyone else’s ring/diamond you see on PS/the internet. Your ring is incredibly special and unique as it represents YOUR relationship alone. :wavey:
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
20,182
HI:

Welcome. I have an idea, why don't you start a thread in the SMTB forum, so we all can oogle over your new ring. That might make you feel better! That an me emphasizing that guilt is a useless emotion--it drains you of joy!

cheers--Sharon
 

hedgehog93

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
39
The only ‘pearl’ I can offer is this: when pangs of guilt/‘what-if’ creep in, take yourself back to the moment he proposed & presented it to you, and remember that it was with YOUR ring and not anyone else’s ring/diamond you see on PS/the internet. Your ring is incredibly special and unique as it represents YOUR relationship alone. :wavey:
Thank you! Proposal is coming in April! I’m just living vicariously in the meantime... :lol:
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 22, 2014
Messages
3,965
Don’t be sad, we all have our “rathers” so reflect more on the proposal and the special part of your heart that belongs to “this” ring.
There are plenty who would settle for a ring pull off a drink can if it meant a proposal!
Many of us have gone on to upgrade, many of us still love and wear our original engagement ring even when our knowledge, tastes and finances have changed.
Perhaps work towards a right hand ring with a beautiful diamond now you have more knowledge, if and when finances permit.
Don’t focus on what you don’t have or what others have, it is guaranteed to make you feel bad.
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,829
I hear you on that and I've been there! But life is too short to waste even a single moment on regret. It's impossible for anyone to make "perfect" purchases every time. Without exception, we all end up wasting tons of money on things we overpaid for, don't really need, or just don't like anymore.

When DH and I got engaged, we knew nothing about diamonds and paid waaaaaaaay over what that diamond was worth (Pricescope wasn't around then). My stone isn't the best quality, but it IS lovely. I still have that ring and I love what it represents...the specific stage in our lives when we were young and in love and excited about the future. I believe that over time, you'll stop looking at your ring as a financial "misstep" and will appreciate it for symbolizing that very special time in your life together. :)

That said, your e-ring doesn't have to be the end of the story. Now that you've been "Pricescoped" and you're more aware of how much further your dollar can go, you can start saving up for future bling projects and get something special for an upcoming anniversary or birthday or another special occasion. :bigsmile:
 

bespokecarmel

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
89
‘Comparison is the thief of joy’; what a wonderful truth, Elizat!

The sentiment behind your ring has not changed one iota. You are now studying and learning more about diamonds; perhaps in five years you’ll be looking for an upgrade with a more informed mind. And perhaps the memory of choosing this stone will make it all more meaningful to you!

bespokecarmel
 

CSpan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 7, 2016
Messages
421
Ditto and bravo to all the comments here. There is always bigger, better, more on just about everything from sweaters to husbands. But it is often hard to stop that invasive thinking.

One of my favorite books of all time is the Paradox of Choice, of course I can't recall the author. In it the author who is a researcher discuss 2 types of people and the strategies they use to confront choice: satifisers and maximizers. In a world of dizzying choice (which is one of the book's thesis') too much choice is almost worse than no choice. But in the West we mostly encounter too much choice and have to make a decision. To take this back to diamonds, there is no end to the research you can do, and no end to the deal you might miss or the spec you might seek. The maximizer agonizes over all this. They must have the best, at the best price hence maximizing their choice. To be fair this is 90% of us all at least on some choices. The satisficer has a list of criteria, when those or most of those are met they make the choice, and do not look back, do not seek comparisons, and are satisfied with the decision. It is REALLY hard to be a satisificer, it actually takes practice for most people. But in his research the author finds that maximizers almost immediately receive less joy from their choice once it is made. And over time their satisfaction drops signficantly. Whereas satisficers don't look back, stop comparing and move on to the next choice, satisfied that their choice is great. He uses the new car example, someone researches, test drives, searches high and low for the best deal and then once the car is theirs they can only seem to see better cars and better prices, basically they keep looking even after the car is in their garage. The satisficer doesn't see better or cheaper, they aren't even looking, because they are done making the choice. They have faith in their choice, it met their criteria and now they have time to focus on other things or the next choice.
So long way to say, you guys made this choice together and whatever else is out there (are there bigger. Whiter, clearer, rounder, of course none of us own crown jewels or the Hope diamond) it doesn't matter any more. Look at setting your criteria for a band or an anniversary stone or check your wedding dress or venue. That ring is a decision made and regret will only rob you of the happiness it will represent. It is a choice made, and if you can close the door and say (honestly) I'm satisfied what's next you will be fine.
Don't look at the bigger, better cut, cheaper as part of this choice, look by all means. But for your next choice.

Full disclosure this is hard, we are wired for iver analysis and regret and it's hard to change that mindset, only practice can turn most people into satisficers. I'm still a work in progress on even little thing (if I had looked further I could have bought cheaper gas)
 

hedgehog93

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
39
I’ve only been on PS for a few days so I didn’t know what to expect, but thank you all for the thoughtful responses. It’s definitely given me a lot to think about!

100% agree that if you search hard enough, there’ll always be something out there that was better ‘value’, but I wasn’t considering the sentimental side as much as I should.

I don’t have the ring yet (SO won’t let me see the finished ring) but I am very excited for when I get it, and also what it means!
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
6,907
Run like hell from this forum! ;)2 It’s too late for me but save yourself!

Oh @Bonfire, Thank you for the laugh!

@hedgehog93 After the proposal, please post pictures. Enjoy this happy time in your life. Perfection is the thief of joy. Nothing in life is perfect. It’s often the imperfections we love the most. They can make for a wonderful life.
 
Last edited:

MRBXXXFVVS1

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
268
Just another thought - if the diamond is still within the return period, may be worth exploring that option even if there is some sunk cost with the setting. It's only too late when he's proposed with it due to the sentimentality! Otherwise, just enjoy the ring, there's always something nicer, bigger out there. Can't wait to see pics of your ring!

In regards to the satisfier, satisfiers are the ultimate maximizers because they maximized their happiness and time! They move onto the next thing!
 

vintageloves

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 30, 2013
Messages
390
My mom said this to me when I was picking a wedding dress and again when I was building a house: "when you find 'the one' stop shopping."

There's always going to be a better deal, a more perfect something. With the advent of the internet, it's so easy to drive yourself nuts with the thoughts of missed opportunities. In time, this will probably pass. You'll be so busy showing off the ring, and wearing the ring, and admiring the ring to worry about what could have been.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
4,789
I'm old and have made peace with myself. I mostly never visit show me the bling now. I can, when I choose, and I do, but not very often. I need to be happy with what I have. Wanting bigger, better, different, it could go on for a lifetime. Don't lose your head here. But also don't think people here think less of anyone else's belongings. We all love bling.
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
12,058
It’s too late - I already want a 3ct emerald cut future RHR :eek2:
LOL Hedgehog! Try your best not to let what you've seen on this forum take away your joy and excitement over your ring. I saw your specs in your other thread and it's going to be a beautiful diamond and ring...try not to worry... just relax and enjoy this exciting time in your life. And come back with pics!
 

diamondsR4eVR

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
448
Don’t be sad, we all have our “rathers” so reflect more on the proposal and the special part of your heart that belongs to “this” ring.
There are plenty who would settle for a ring pull off a drink can if it meant a proposal!
Many of us have gone on to upgrade, many of us still love and wear our original engagement ring even when our knowledge, tastes and finances have changed.
Perhaps work towards a right hand ring with a beautiful diamond now you have more knowledge, if and when finances permit.
Don’t focus on what you don’t have or what others have, it is guaranteed to make you feel bad.
I agree with this entire post.
I love my ER too, also purchased at a B&M store. However, I knew we were going to pay more due to employee overhead, rent etc. I was okay with that, honestly. For me, my issue is I wish my stone was a little larger and knowing what we paid I definitely could have purchased a bigger stone online. However, I also traded in a diamond. So that’s another story.
When I’m feeling like you OP I take a step back from PS and clean my ring real good and actually do fall in love again. With that said, since being on PS I have purchased ACA little studs that I adore! And guess what, although my ER is no where near ideal she hold her own next to my ACA studs! So, back to what @Bron357 said, when funds allow, buy yourself little goodies.
With some income tax money I’m looking at CBI stone for a pendant or even RHR. Smaller stone.

And a dream of mine would be to own a OEC and perhaps a large EC diamond ring.:kiss2: Again, baby steps and of course when funds allow. GL and enjoy your beauty!
 

hedgehog93

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
39
LOL Hedgehog! Try your best not to let what you've seen on this forum take away your joy and excitement over your ring. I saw your specs in your other thread and it's going to be a beautiful diamond and ring...try not to worry... just relax and enjoy this exciting time in your life. And come back with pics!
Thank you! I will! It’s a gorgeous diamond, I just need to not think about how much extra was spent (unnecessarily :wall:).
 

diamondsR4eVR

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
448
Ditto and bravo to all the comments here. There is always bigger, better, more on just about everything from sweaters to husbands. But it is often hard to stop that invasive thinking.

One of my favorite books of all time is the Paradox of Choice, of course I can't recall the author. In it the author who is a researcher discuss 2 types of people and the strategies they use to confront choice: satifisers and maximizers. In a world of dizzying choice (which is one of the book's thesis') too much choice is almost worse than no choice. But in the West we mostly encounter too much choice and have to make a decision. To take this back to diamonds, there is no end to the research you can do, and no end to the deal you might miss or the spec you might seek. The maximizer agonizes over all this. They must have the best, at the best price hence maximizing their choice. To be fair this is 90% of us all at least on some choices. The satisficer has a list of criteria, when those or most of those are met they make the choice, and do not look back, do not seek comparisons, and are satisfied with the decision. It is REALLY hard to be a satisificer, it actually takes practice for most people. But in his research the author finds that maximizers almost immediately receive less joy from their choice once it is made. And over time their satisfaction drops signficantly. Whereas satisficers don't look back, stop comparing and move on to the next choice, satisfied that their choice is great. He uses the new car example, someone researches, test drives, searches high and low for the best deal and then once the car is theirs they can only seem to see better cars and better prices, basically they keep looking even after the car is in their garage. The satisficer doesn't see better or cheaper, they aren't even looking, because they are done making the choice. They have faith in their choice, it met their criteria and now they have time to focus on other things or the next choice.
So long way to say, you guys made this choice together and whatever else is out there (are there bigger. Whiter, clearer, rounder, of course none of us own crown jewels or the Hope diamond) it doesn't matter any more. Look at setting your criteria for a band or an anniversary stone or check your wedding dress or venue. That ring is a decision made and regret will only rob you of the happiness it will represent. It is a choice made, and if you can close the door and say (honestly) I'm satisfied what's next you will be fine.
Don't look at the bigger, better cut, cheaper as part of this choice, look by all means. But for your next choice.

Full disclosure this is hard, we are wired for iver analysis and regret and it's hard to change that mindset, only practice can turn most people into satisficers. I'm still a work in progress on even little thing (if I had looked further I could have bought cheaper gas)
So many great posts here! ITA with @CSpan. Glad you posted about this OP.
 

Rubymal

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
248
Yes, I felt this way about my first diamond. My husband did zero research and relied on the sales guy who ultimately sold us an overpriced diamond that was cloudy. I wrestled with it for a while and ended up buying myself a new diamond from whiteflash, that I got to pick out. Replaced it and couldn't be happier with my ring now.

PhotoGrid_1554258184160.jpg

Sometimes the heart wants what it wants and you just gotta oblige! :roll2:
 

diamondsR4eVR

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
448
Yes, I felt this way about my first diamond. My husband did zero research and relied on the sales guy who ultimately sold us an overpriced diamond that was cloudy. I wrestled with it for a while and ended up buying myself a new diamond from whiteflash, that I got to pick out. Replaced it and couldn't be happier with my ring now.

PhotoGrid_1554258184160.jpg

Sometimes the heart wants what it wants and you just gotta oblige! :roll2:
I can relate to your cloudy ring! It’s so hard to love your stone when it looks like that. My very first engagement ring had VSF and it was milky/hazy. I felt so bad but I just didn’t like that stone. I loved my setting tho- and it seems you did too. I love your setting and your new stone. Congratulations!
 

Rubymal

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
248
I can relate to your cloudy ring! It’s so hard to love your stone when it looks like that. My very first engagement ring had VSF and it was milky/hazy. I felt so bad but I just didn’t like that stone. I loved my setting tho- and it seems you did too. I love your setting and your new stone. Congratulations!
I do love my setting..I picked it! Haha :) it was just so hard to stick with it because the side stones were outperforming the main stone. The kicker- the original store tried to upsell me another crappy diamond and said "your setting deserves a great diamond." Well, duh?
 

hedgehog93

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
39
Yes, I felt this way about my first diamond. My husband did zero research and relied on the sales guy who ultimately sold us an overpriced diamond that was cloudy. I wrestled with it for a while and ended up buying myself a new diamond from whiteflash, that I got to pick out. Replaced it and couldn't be happier with my ring now.

PhotoGrid_1554258184160.jpg

Sometimes the heart wants what it wants and you just gotta oblige! :roll2:
Your ring is beautiful, and love the setting!!
 

Jimmianne

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 9, 2013
Messages
5,888
LOL Hedgehog! Try your best not to let what you've seen on this forum take away your joy and excitement over your ring. I saw your specs in your other thread and it's going to be a beautiful diamond and ring...try not to worry... just relax and enjoy this exciting time in your life. And come back with pics!
^^^^^^^
This
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,829
Ditto and bravo to all the comments here. There is always bigger, better, more on just about everything from sweaters to husbands. But it is often hard to stop that invasive thinking.

One of my favorite books of all time is the Paradox of Choice, of course I can't recall the author. In it the author who is a researcher discuss 2 types of people and the strategies they use to confront choice: satifisers and maximizers. In a world of dizzying choice (which is one of the book's thesis') too much choice is almost worse than no choice. But in the West we mostly encounter too much choice and have to make a decision. To take this back to diamonds, there is no end to the research you can do, and no end to the deal you might miss or the spec you might seek. The maximizer agonizes over all this. They must have the best, at the best price hence maximizing their choice. To be fair this is 90% of us all at least on some choices. The satisficer has a list of criteria, when those or most of those are met they make the choice, and do not look back, do not seek comparisons, and are satisfied with the decision. It is REALLY hard to be a satisificer, it actually takes practice for most people. But in his research the author finds that maximizers almost immediately receive less joy from their choice once it is made. And over time their satisfaction drops signficantly. Whereas satisficers don't look back, stop comparing and move on to the next choice, satisfied that their choice is great. He uses the new car example, someone researches, test drives, searches high and low for the best deal and then once the car is theirs they can only seem to see better cars and better prices, basically they keep looking even after the car is in their garage. The satisficer doesn't see better or cheaper, they aren't even looking, because they are done making the choice. They have faith in their choice, it met their criteria and now they have time to focus on other things or the next choice.
So long way to say, you guys made this choice together and whatever else is out there (are there bigger. Whiter, clearer, rounder, of course none of us own crown jewels or the Hope diamond) it doesn't matter any more. Look at setting your criteria for a band or an anniversary stone or check your wedding dress or venue. That ring is a decision made and regret will only rob you of the happiness it will represent. It is a choice made, and if you can close the door and say (honestly) I'm satisfied what's next you will be fine.
Don't look at the bigger, better cut, cheaper as part of this choice, look by all means. But for your next choice.

Full disclosure this is hard, we are wired for iver analysis and regret and it's hard to change that mindset, only practice can turn most people into satisficers. I'm still a work in progress on even little thing (if I had looked further I could have bought cheaper gas)
I'm going to print this out and frame it. Thank you, @CSpan! Profoundly wise words. Off to look for "Paradox of Choice"!
 
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