I just narc''d on my teenage neighbor

[vespergirl]

All that I have to say is, if he finds out that it was you who told on him, watch out for your house on Halloween

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I have to say that not all schools have the same weeks for spring breaks...do you specifically know it wasn''t that boy''s spring break?

When I was that age my parents trusted me enough to let me have boyfriends or friends who were just boys over while they were not home. In fact I once even threw a small get together for a bunch of us who were in a play together and needed to work on our lines...and guess what? nothing happened with the exception of an ice cube fight that i ended up mopping up after everyone left.

My parents completely trusted me and when I have kids I know I will be the same. Like someone else said, they are almost 18 and about to go off to college (or whatever else) they can probably handle themselves.

 

[purrfectpear]

At 17 unless he''s setting fires, or leaving crack pipes and/or beer cans on the front lawn, I would have minded my own business.

If it was a friend I talked to every day, then I might have mentioned it, but it sounds like you have an aquaintance with the neighbor but not a real BFF relationship?

 

[mrscushion]

If I were the parent, I would want to know. Kids at that age are so good at hiding stuff from the parents. It does take a village.

 

[HeartingDiamonds]

I am the mother of a 15y and a 10.5 (the half year matters!)yo, I would personally want to know. Its too darn easy to turn the other way, but the truth is, kids DO need to be saved from themselves. At that age, they are just too impulsive and rash with decisions.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/12/2009 5:12:24 PM
Author: CrookedRock

Date: 3/12/2009 5:06:23 PM
Author: luckystar112
Eh, I was pretty bad in high school (and yes, with boys...). I totally snuck them in my house, and snuck in their house too. I guess I was just a little trampy compared to the rest of you. haha!
I still wonder why no neighbors ever told on me.

Finally someone admits it!!! LOL I knew not all PS''ers were angels!

Oh, please. I was a really bad teenager, in fact I was the worst kind--I was the nice, outgoing, well-groomed (albeit pierced) girl who all the adults just adored, which meant that I got away with everything.
Why else would I be so overprotective of my students? I know *exactly* what they are getting into.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/12/2009 5:12:24 PM
Author: CrookedRock

Date: 3/12/2009 5:06:23 PM
Author: luckystar112
Eh, I was pretty bad in high school (and yes, with boys...). I totally snuck them in my house, and snuck in their house too. I guess I was just a little trampy compared to the rest of you. haha!
I still wonder why no neighbors ever told on me.

Finally someone admits it!!! LOL I knew not all PS''ers were angels!

Seriously though... I started dating FI at 17. I remember the first time he stayed at the house and my Mom didn''t know til the next am when she woke me up for school. He was in college at the time and home for spring break. She cried and yelled a lil, but the next day she came to me and told me she was just happy that I wasn''t sneaking around.

I don''t think I was "bad" in high school, but I certainly had a healthy curiosity about sex...I never disrespected my parents'' home by sneaking around in it, but I definitely explored boundaries, and I was actually informed enough and intelligent enough not to get myself in any sort of trouble. I kept my actions on the DL, and by that I mean I didn''t do anything to develop a "reputation" in my hometown, but when my parents took me on vacation twice a year...let''s just say I had an out of town friend (who was also 17--so was I) and we very much enjoyed each other''s company.

Upgradeable, since you think highly enough of your neighbors to exchange housekeys with them, let''s hope that they can be given the benefit of the doubt and are raising their children to also be well-informed and exercise good judgement when it comes to having relations with the opposite sex, and if he is on spring break and not skipping class, and this young lady friend of his isn''t harming anyone either, the only issue here really is that he may be deceiving his parents?

I don''t know...I''m a bit wishy-washy on this issue, I think, but I can''t figure out why it''s a big enough deal for you to narc him out. And just for the record, I''m 32 but don''t have children of my own. I might, however, take a perverse satisfaction in ratting out the high school kid across the street just because I felt like it.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

If it were my son I would want to know.

 

[Kaleigh]

I think you did the right thing. I was a bad teenager. I didn''t have any supervision at all. Thus I got away with a lot.

But the bad thing? My kids didn''t get away with much. I watched them like a hawk. Funny how that works.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/12/2009 9:01:40 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think you did the right thing. I was a bad teenager. I didn''t have any supervision at all. Thus I got away with a lot.

But the bad thing? My kids didn''t get away with much. I watched them like a hawk. Funny how that works.

It is funny how that works, because I feel like I grew up so sheltered that even at this point in my life I imagine having teenage kids someday and cutting them a ton of slack!

 

[lyra]

Date: 3/12/2009 3:34:28 PM
Author: Upgradable
Well, they''re out ''key exchange'' neighbors. You know, the one''s who have your key for when you''re out of town. Oh, and we always get the call when their house alarm goes off for no reason, usually between 2 and 4 am!

And I''m not saying that I wasn''t ''doing it'' at 17, I''m just saying that if he''s old enough to be ''doing it'' he''s old enough to have to handle his parents finding out!

See, that part makes me see the whole thing differently. Like someone said, it could go either way with the neighbour now, so you''ll know soon enough on that count. But if someone had a key to my house and I wasn''t trusting of them or their kids, I wouldn''t want them to have the key probably. I''d worry that the kid might use it or something. I don''t know. It''s all a grey area to me knowing about the key business. It''s not like it''s just some random neighbour. This is someone you have a bit more of a relationship with I assume. Hope it goes okay.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I might have emailed her and casually asked, "Is John on spring break this week? I happened to see him and a friend there in the middle of the day." Then, if she replied with more questions, I''d give her the details. If not, then I''d know she didn''t want the info.

As a mother, this would not have been acceptable in our home, and I would have wanted to know if my child was skipping school and having people over when we were not there.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/12/2009 9:31:13 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 3/12/2009 9:01:40 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think you did the right thing. I was a bad teenager. I didn''t have any supervision at all. Thus I got away with a lot.

But the bad thing? My kids didn''t get away with much. I watched them like a hawk. Funny how that works.

It is funny how that works, because I feel like I grew up so sheltered that even at this point in my life I imagine having teenage kids someday and cutting them a ton of slack!

I give them slack now, they have earned it.. Do I love it. No. But I trust them. They are great kids., well young adults. DD is turning 21 very soon. My how the time flies by. DS is turning 19 . Just floors me.

 

[Clairitek]

I definitely think you did the right thing. If I had kids and someone whom I trusted (well, enough to give them 24/7 access to my house with a key!) saw my child up to something questionable I would hope they would say something.

I recently dog-sat and the owner of the dog I was looking after wanted me to stay in the house for the time I was working. He had two sons, 17 and 14, who were in and out of the house a few times (the owner and the mother of the sons are split). When I came by the house to let the dog out on the weekend I saw cigarettes on the kitchen counter and it was obvious that the bottle of Crown Royale that had been a much darker hue of brown the night before had been drunk and then replaced with water. I was tempted to say something because drinking and smoking at 17 probably aren''t the best things but since I hardly knew the guy or his kids I kept my mouth shut. In hindsight, I realize that I am not doing anyone any favors by keeping this a secret.

 

[swingirl]

Has the mother thanked you for your email? If it's not causing anyone harm and nothing illegal is going on I don't think it's anyone's business what a 17 year old is doing in his house during the day. The rules set up by his parents are unknown to you as is his school schedule. Unless you've been asked to "keep an eye" on him I'd say you crossed the line.

However you could have innocently mentioned how it's so early for spring break and what nice weather her son had for his break. That way, if she was suspicious, she could have addressed it with her son. But they wouldn't feel like their neighbor is keeping track of their moral behavior.

 

[Lynny0780]

hmm when i was 17 i had my bf over, that doesnt mean i was "doing it". and if i was i dont think it would be any of my neighbors buisness.
unless they are doing something that is disturbing the neighborhood then i dont care what anyone does on my street.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 3/12/2009 6:02:27 PM
Author: purrfectpear
At 17 unless he''s setting fires, or leaving crack pipes and/or beer cans on the front lawn, I would have minded my own business.

If it was a friend I talked to every day, then I might have mentioned it, but it sounds like you have an aquaintance with the neighbor but not a real BFF relationship?

Ditto - honestly, there are alot worse things that 17y/olds can be getting up to, kwim?
I would''ve mentioned the no school thing - if you were genuinely concerned - but not the girl thing.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 3/12/2009 3:31:58 PM
Author: Haven
But I''m a high school teacher and I start out by telling my kids that I am the biggest snitch they''ll ever meet because I''m determined to save them from themselves, if they need saving. And guess what? They respect me even more for it, because they know it''s our job as adults to protect them.

There is a lot of truth in this, I think. I was a real ''latch-hey'' kid (haven''t got around to contributing to that thread, yet, unfortunately) and even though I was pretty highly-motivated values-wise, I have to confess I did get a little lost. Okay, a LOT lost (within myself, perhaps not from an outsider''s perspective, depending on their expectations).

I think I would have benefitted from having someone look out for me more with the ''tough love'' and, yes, ''pull me in line''. Long term and short term behaviours / consequences flow from teenage behaviours.

 

[Maisie]

I would definitely want to know. I am not ready to be a grandma yet!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 3/13/2009 7:27:27 AM
Author: arjunajane
Ditto - honestly, there are alot worse things that 17y/olds can be getting up to, kwim?

I would''ve mentioned the no school thing - if you were genuinely concerned - but not the girl thing.

I see what you''re saying as well, AJ, but my little nephew has two children to two separate mothers ... and he''s 24 years old. Yes, he''s still single and dating furiously!

I guess he never took drugs though, he has a hectic work schedule and a great job...

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 3/13/2009 12:56:14 AM
Author: swingirl
Has the mother thanked you for your email? If it''s not causing anyone harm and nothing illegal is going on I don''t think it''s anyone''s business what a 17 year old is doing in his house during the day. The rules set up by his parents are unknown to you as is his school schedule. Unless you''ve been asked to ''keep an eye'' on him I''d say you crossed the line.

However you could have innocently mentioned how it''s so early for spring break and what nice weather her son had for his break. That way, if she was suspicious, she could have addressed it with her son. But they wouldn''t feel like their neighbor is keeping track of their moral behavior.

I''m with swingirl on this one...

Unless, like PP said, you are fairly close with them and it''s more than just an acquaintance relationship. Even then though I''d choose my words carefully.

 

[Girlrocks]

I would want to know. I think you did the right thing.

 

[Upgradable]

Wow! What a great bunch of replies! I''ve had no reply from the mother yet, so I don''t know what that means. I''m going to quote the email I sent to her. I didn''t accuse him of anything, I just let her know he was home and had a visitor. Again, however she responds is fine with me. I''m not implying anything or trying to project my moral values onto her family. It was just an FYI.

"This is totally none of my business, but if it were Erin, I''d want to know. A young blonde girl driving a white Mercedes has visited Micah a couple of times this week during school hours. They had the door open today when they were "saying goodbye."

Geez, I feel like Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched."

 

[beach]

I don't think that anything needed to be said but if I were to have said something it would have been in person. The school should notify the family if he is skipping school. Now, you have no idea how the mother responded. She may be happy, mad, embarrassed or maybe even annoyed that you sent the email. Email and texting is not the way to go IMO when it is dealing with emotional stuff. It delays things that could have been handled quickly and leaves the situation with no closure.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 3/12/2009 6:02:27 PM
Author: purrfectpear
At 17 unless he''s setting fires, or leaving crack pipes and/or beer cans on the front lawn, I would have minded my own business.

I disagree.

You have to look at the bigger picture. If he is 17 then the girl has to be between 15 to 18 (unless he likes older women

). What if this girl''s father finds out she''s been hanging out with this boy during the day and decides to go after him regardless of whether they are doing anything sexual or not? Can you imagine having an angry parent at your door accusing your son of all kinds of things when you had absolutely *no* idea that the girl was even in your home?? It protects the parents from being liable in the event that something does occur.

We had a very strict rule growing up: no one was allowed in the house when our mother was not home. That includes friends of the same sex (family excluded). My brother had a girlfriend his last year of high school. She used to come over after school when my mother wasn''t there and would tell her parents that my mom was there so that they''d give her permission. One day her dad shows up unexpectedly because the family wanted to go out to dinner. He was there to invite my brother and mother along. Let''s just say that finding the two of them alone in our home without my mom didn''t go over so well

 

[CrookedRock]

I agree with some of the others in saying that if you really felt the need to narc, I would have left out the girl part and the "saying goodbye" part. What were you trying to imply by it? Obvi they weren''t doing it in the doorway, so I''m going step out on a ledge and assume they were making out.

Who cares?
I understand the concearn about missing school, but I think if it were me you wrote that email to I would consider it a bit nosey.
Do you have history with this boy? Or reason to assume the worst?

 

[Gailey]

UG,

I''ve read through both pages of this thread and seem some very different responses to your question. The first thing that strikes me about it is you were obviously caring enough of your friend and neighbour to be concerned and there''s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I commend you for it.

We also don''t know what sort of relationship you have with your neighbour or what sort of people they are. You do, and you obviously felt this was something they should know about. Although, I guess you are second guessing your decision otherwise you wouldn''t be posting about it. The good thing to note here is that is that you are vigilant about your neighbour''s property and although it was a domestic situation you were reporting, it might well have been something far, far worse.

It still might have been a far, far worse situation with this boy. I mean think about it for a minute. 17 year old lad is being called on by a young woman we are assuming to be older because she is driving a mercedes. For all we know and you know Uppy, she may well have been selling him drugs. We''ve all jumped on the sex band wagon because of the inference of them saying "goodbye" in the open doorway and while that''s more than likely the case, whose to say what was going on.

Now to play devil''s advocate for a minute, the lad is 17 and I daresay his hormones are racing as fast as the mercedes. I''ll hold up my hand and say I was no different. Heck, I was engaged to my first husband at sixteen and I thought I knew everything! Today? I look back and shudder.

I don''t know that there''s any good in telling you that you over reacted, or you should have done something different. What''s done is done and you did it with the best intentions in mind. You certainly don''t strike me as a "lace curtain twitching, afternoon sherry drinking, old biddy", who just loves to stir up trouble for the sake of it, so I don''t think you should reproach yourself.

As to how your neighbour will react, who knows. I know parents who would rather things went on in their own home because at least they know where their kids are and that they are safe. I know others who in these circumstances would bring the wrath of God down on their kid for such an indiscretion. I''m sure there are plenty in between. We all parent differently and thats what turns out a society.

I think had it been me in your situation I perhaps may have spoken to the young man first and depending upon his reaction would then have gone to his parents but that''s just me.

Bear this in mind, a neighbour that spots an indiscretion on a doorstep, is probably the neighbour who is also going to spot abused kids, burglaries, crack houses and grow-ops. The world needs more neighbours like that.

Don''t beat yourself up UpG, you did good.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 3/13/2009 9:36:59 AM
Author: Gailey


I think had it been me in your situation I perhaps may have spoken to the young man first and depending upon his reaction would then have gone to his parents but that''s just me.

I had to LOL at this statement.

I didn''t think about the drugs concept. If it was drug related or sex related or if they were just inside studying, I still think the mom should be made aware of another person in her home when she isn''t there. And you know what, even if the mother did know I still think you did the right thing UG.

Also on the mercedes thing...I don''t know where you live Gailey but in Miami 15-yr-olds get Mercedes as Christmas gifts so you can''t really tell her age based on that

 

[Upgradable]

Date: 3/13/2009 9:42:32 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 3/13/2009 9:36:59 AM
Author: Gailey


I think had it been me in your situation I perhaps may have spoken to the young man first and depending upon his reaction would then have gone to his parents but that''s just me.

I had to LOL at this statement.

I didn''t think about the drugs concept. If it was drug related or sex related or if they were just inside studying, I still think the mom should be made aware of another person in her home when she isn''t there. And you know what, even if the mother did know I still think you did the right thing UG.

Also on the mercedes thing...I don''t know where you live Gailey but in Miami 15-yr-olds get Mercedes as Christmas gifts so you can''t really tell her age based on that

We are friends with these neighbors. Not best friends, but we have dinner at each others'' homes about once a year, and in the summer pull chairs out front and share a bottle of wine. These are the type of friends that we bring a gift to at holidays or as a thank you for keeping an eye on our house when we''re away. Last week the mom stopped by as she was leaving for work because she thought she saw smoke coming from our roof (it was steam, I guess I don''t normally do laundry that early in the morning). She just wanted to make sure everything was okay because they''d had a roof fire a couple of years ago. We let the kids sleep here that night. We''ve also been the neighbor they call in the middle of the night to watch the kids because she had to take her husband to the ER (this was when the kids were much younger), and she will forward me interesting emails she receives. So, that updates you on our relationship with these neighbors. Again, the visitor could be totally innocent, or the parents could know all about it, but if they didn''t, I just felt it appropriate to give them a "heads up."

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/12/2009 3:21:28 PM
Author: CrookedRock
Wait! Serously? I''m not sure how old everyone here is, Dragonfly you''re 22! Come on! What were you doing at 17?