I have noticed something in Rocky Talky...

[RaiKai]

I notice this too.

It may be due to language style, however, what I tend to notice more is that they will ignore any concerns raised by women regarding style. Such as when his FF has said she likes plain solitaires and he is picking a.shared prong setting..or that he does not know her size and he is choosing a tension..etc. The response to these at times is ''my Ff is the kind to love whatever I get her''. I see it both as a dig for those who have stated preferences (as if they must be ungrateful?) and I feel for their FF..as I imagine it says something deeper about things in their relationship or personalities unless she has expressly said she wants a complete surprise and given no input at all (which I find does not fit for me either but that is another topic!).

It is like giving a skateboard as a gift when they expressed they would like a bike. Yes they both have wheels and get you moving..but they are very different and do not appeal to everyone!!!

I think I read more into it than may be there (though that does not mean it isn''t there)! .

 

[stone-cold11]

I think it is the case of whoever starts dealing, interacting with the OP first and mostest.

 

[HVVS]

reply to the OP: I noticed the same, but I have been working in male environments so long that when I probably think like one by now. When I give advice, I don't expect thanks. I don't except anything, as a matter of fact, lol. I just talk, and if they don't listen, it's not my problem. Let them waste their money and have to re-do it if it's not what she wants. And I like some of those chunky & contemporary architectural settings, but in my case, it's because I don't already have a ring like that in my jewel box.

And in other forums, I might issue a few mighty mean spirited put-down to some guy who shows no respect for an intelligent and well-thought-out answer. But PS frowns on that, so I just never respond. But I do truck and car forums, too, and I can blister 'em, lol.

 

[Regular Guy]

I don''t know...for me...when I write, I like it when someone starts to interact with me. So, for example...

Date: 3/30/2010 8:36:45 AM
Author: Stone-cold11
I think it is the case of whoever starts dealing, interacting with the OP first and mostest.

Oh, hey, Stone...now there''s someone to interact with!


Actually, I have my own problems. You''d think on a diamond forum, people would be interested in engaging in issues of ethics, or at least ethics as a function of selection, but some efforts I''ve made for discussion, limited success.

As to how to tell the poster''s gender, careful about what Avatar''s you either attribute or expect...

 

[yssie]

That really is blatant! How appallingly rude

I''ve noticed it, too.

 

[princesss]

I''ve noticed it too, dreamer, and it really bothers me. It seems like there are one or two men over there that get a disproportionate amount of thanks compared to the number of women that say the same thing in multiple threads (and often say it first).

I don''t get why the OPs don''t just issue a general "Thanks" instead of being so specific.

 

[Regular Guy]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:12:02 AM
Author: yssie
That really is blatant! How appallingly rude

I''ve noticed it, too.

Yssie, you talking to me?

I really haven''t noticed this.

I had to find thread my friend Lisa pointed to...this one.

I wonder if we''re unfairly picking on Stone just now...because he''s a fairly active poster, and frequently dead on. I saw Lorelei call him out recently for advice on another thread.

Anyway, Stone''s observations seem flippant above, but in the case of the referent link, are right on, right now. His response was first, and his responses are one short of half the total responses of the thread.

Anyway, I''m not on enough anymore to have an opinion about this, and though I haven''t noticed it, I wouldn''t dispute it. I''ll support showing deference to all knowledgeable posters, especially women, and since we think they''re 90 plus % of the folks on this board, that''s a good thing.

More attention for ethical shopping wouldn''t be bad, though.

 

[jewelz617]

This happens to me all the time IRL. I used to work in an office and whenever I'd suggest anything in meetings, if a guy chimed in after me WITHOUT FAIL, one of the male managers would say "I think Ted (or whoever the guy was) makes an excellent point."

Um, yeah except it was MY point

It's an unfortunate fact of life.

 

[yssie]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:34:12 AM
Author: Regular Guy

Date: 3/30/2010 9:12:02 AM
Author: yssie
That really is blatant! How appallingly rude

I've noticed it, too.

Yssie, you talking to me?

I really haven't noticed this.

I had to find thread my friend Lisa pointed to...this one.

I wonder if we're unfairly picking on Stone just now...because he's a fairly active poster, and frequently dead on. I saw Lorelei call him out recently for advice on another thread.

Anyway, Stone's observations seem flippant above, but in the case of the referent link, are right on, right now. His response was first, and his responses are one short of half the total responses of the thread.

Anyway, I'm not on enough anymore to have an opinion about this, and though I haven't noticed it, I wouldn't dispute it. I'll support showing deference to all knowledgeable posters, especially women, and since we think they're 90 plus % of the folks on this board, that's a good thing.

More attention for ethical shopping wouldn't be bad, though.

Haha not you RG.
The RT thread, indeed.

SC gives great responses, and is pretty much always dead on, no disputing that

. It does happen that the OP completely and visibly ignores the efforts of some posters... I'll give another example: when OP comes on asking if he/she got a good deal, several posters reply "no, return it if you can" and detail why, one poster will say "if you love it then that's all that matters!" and, well, guess the only poster the OP acknowledges? Irritating, but rather like a fruit fly - not worth getting huffy over.

I for one enjoy the debates over ethics, though I don't have much to contribute..

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:34:12 AM
Author: Regular Guy

Date: 3/30/2010 9:12:02 AM
Author: yssie
That really is blatant! How appallingly rude

I've noticed it, too.

Yssie, you talking to me?

I really haven't noticed this.

I had to find thread my friend Lisa pointed to...this one.

I wonder if we're unfairly picking on Stone just now...because he's a fairly active poster, and frequently dead on. I saw Lorelei call him out recently for advice on another thread.

Anyway, Stone's observations seem flippant above, but in the case of the referent link, are right on, right now. His response was first, and his responses are one short of half the total responses of the thread.

Anyway, I'm not on enough anymore to have an opinion about this, and though I haven't noticed it, I wouldn't dispute it. I'll support showing deference to all knowledgeable posters, especially women, and since we think they're 90 plus % of the folks on this board, that's a good thing.

More attention for ethical shopping wouldn't be bad, though.

I think Stone understands what is meant and that we aren't calling him out as doing anything wrong at all, its just thread dynamics - and also I think it is possible maybe for new posters to perhaps find it easier to maybe just thank one person in many of these threads rather than address each person individually, not saying its right but maybe thats part of it....

Stone is a very helpful poster and I know I can ask his advice on matters other than diamonds as in the recent thread such as computers, I was confused and thought he used a particular model to be able to help but he didn't use that one, but he will always try to help and thats the name of the game!

We are so lucky to have many other helpful and extremely knowledgeable posters here too, it would be good to see them get a shout out for their great efforts now and then! I do think Stone has a point also that the one that often gives early responses tends to get thanked more than those that join in later but I would like to say again even if folk are sometimes remiss at saying thank you, that doesn't necessarily mean that they don't read and listen to what you have to say! Everyone here brings something different to the table and are valued as such.

 

[dragonfly411]

I actually noticed this yesterday while perusing an older thread, a guy blatantly ignored some advice Lorelei was giving, and only responded to a male poster.

I don''t post much in Rocky Talky at this point, but if I ever do my name is dragonfly the dragonslayer.RAWR

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:51:14 AM
Author: dragonfly411
I actually noticed this yesterday while perusing an older thread, a guy blatantly ignored some advice Lorelei was giving, and only responded to a male poster.

I don't post much in Rocky Talky at this point, but if I ever do my name is dragonfly the dragonslayer.RAWR

It doesn't bother me as for the occasional person that is not appreciative, there are countless others that are! It goes with the turf, but it is good to have this discussion if others are getting fed up with it so we can try to address the issue and at least make sure these posters know they are appreciated.

I appreciate each and every one of you and it is a joy interacting with you!!!!!!!!!!

Also this is not a new concern, this thread might be of interest on a similar issue,

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/posters-i-cant-believe-i-even-have-to-say-this.79527/

 

[steph72276]

I don''t post in RT often, but it just seems like a lack of politeness in general not to send a quick thanks to those that have taken their time to help you. I wouldn''t take it personally, just realize that some people just don''t have manners.

 

[Laila619]

What I notice is more often this:

1) Say two posters respond to someone''s question. The more popular poster will get thanked, but the lesser known poster who answers will sometimes be ignored. So rude!

Stone Cold and Lorelei always get thanked because they are the most visible pros of Rocky Talky. But that doesn''t mean other posters (who are just as knowledgable) shouldn''t also be thanked for their input.

 

[Steel]

Date: 3/30/2010 10:06:20 AM
Author: FL Steph
I don't post in RT often, but it just seems like a lack of politeness in general not to send a quick thanks to those that have taken their time to help you. I wouldn't take it personally, just realize that some people just don't have manners.

Yeah, I used to hang in RT but I got sick of 'wasting my time' posting. Whatever about the conversational topics in F&H and Hangout, I get annoyed when OP asks outright for help then ignores the reply.

I guess some OP's just like to hear themselves type.

You know who you are.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/30/2010 10:29:26 AM
Author: Steal

Date: 3/30/2010 10:06:20 AM
Author: FL Steph
I don''t post in RT often, but it just seems like a lack of politeness in general not to send a quick thanks to those that have taken their time to help you. I wouldn''t take it personally, just realize that some people just don''t have manners.

Yeah, I used to hang in RT but I got sick of ''wasting my time'' posting. Whatever about the conversational topics in F&H and Hangout, I get annoyed when OP asks outright for help then ignores the reply.

I guess some OP''s just like to hear themselves type.

You know who you are.

Steal...can we run away together???

 

[AGBF]

Well...if everyone can put a pink shoe into his avatar for a day, everyone can put a robot into his avatar for a day and call himself, "Butch". (I think "Butch" is better than, "Bob".) Then we will all be equal on Rocky Talky.

AGBF

 

[stone-cold11]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:08:26 AM
Author: Regular Guy
I don''t know...for me...when I write, I like it when someone starts to interact with me. So, for example...

Date: 3/30/2010 8:36:45 AM

Author: Stone-cold11

I think it is the case of whoever starts dealing, interacting with the OP first and mostest.

Oh, hey, Stone...now there''s someone to interact with!

Actually, I have my own problems. You''d think on a diamond forum, people would be interested in engaging in issues of ethics, or at least ethics as a function of selection, but some efforts I''ve made for discussion, limited success.

As to how to tell the poster''s gender, careful about what Avatar''s you either attribute or expect...

Never said I was the best in interactions. :p

Anyway, just posts to help but do not expect to be thank. Sure it may be rude of some posters not to thank everyone but why be bother by that?

Do a good deed for the sake of the good deed, not to feel good about yourself or expect gratitude, it cheapens the good deed done.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:08:26 AM
Author: Regular Guy
I don't know...for me...when I write, I like it when someone starts to interact with me. So, for example...

Date: 3/30/2010 8:36:45 AM

Author: Stone-cold11

I think it is the case of whoever starts dealing, interacting with the OP first and mostest.

Oh, hey, Stone...now there's someone to interact with!



Actually, I have my own problems. You'd think on a diamond forum, people would be interested in engaging in issues of ethics, or at least ethics as a function of selection, but some efforts I've made for discussion, limited success.


As to how to tell the poster's gender, careful about what Avatar's you either attribute or expect...

See, I would actually love to debate over ethics related to the gem trade...but for me that also involves being open to discussing "alternatives" that are verboten on PS (which I understand, as this is primarily a natural diamond and natural gemstone forum!) so I just take such debate elsewhere

I agree, you cannot go based by avatars, but I think it is detectable who is male and female in some way.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Stone is awesome as are all the people who help in RT. My observation was NOT against the helpers but perhaps about the people asking for help.


Stone, your alternative theiry is a good one. We need to run an experiment. Two independent variables with two levels each, male versus female respondends and first versus second respondent.

 

[Dreamer_D]

And also, I am not moaning for thanks, I just thought it was an interesting pattern I had seen a couple of times.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 3/30/2010 12:08:39 PM
Author: dreamer_d
Stone is awesome as are all the people who help in RT. My observation was NOT against the helpers but perhaps about the people asking for help.


Stone, your alternative theiry is a good one. We need to run an experiment. Two independent variables with two levels each, male versus female respondends and first versus second respondent.

Dreamer don't worry, we know what you mean!

 

[kenny]

Very interesting topic.
I never thought about this, but I see your point.
BTW, I didn't even know Stone was a guy and I'm sure newbies don't.
But as is frequently the case, when you are not in the discriminated-against group you are not even aware of the discrimination.
That doesn't mean it's not real.

Most PS regulars are women.
I'd guess a large percentage of newbies seeking advice (which are guilty of what the OP points out) are newbie men seeing an engagement diamond/ring.
Men and women are frequently more comfortable communicating with those of their own gender.
They frequently think/communicate similarly.
It's not always an evil thing; it just is.
But when seeking an ering a man should obviously listen more to women, unless he's gay and the ring is for a guy.
I think a man should be called out when he ignores the input from women, not just for the equality aspect but for not understanding a woman is more likely to know what another woman many want.

Today men and women are equal. (Rather, we understand they should be.)
That does not mean they are the same.
I believe besides having differing equipment down there men and women also have different brains/minds/ways of being, partially from nature and partially from nurture.
This is a touchy subject, but I believe there is something to it.

I think we have to be careful, this thread can quickly slip into misandry, which in the last few decades is not only tolerated it is popular and encouraged. (The rubber band effect.)
Comments here like need to grow balls, ovaries prevent being technical or pick an ering like he pics a truck reinforce stereotypes we are trying to leave behind, and if switched around would be insulting to women and not be tolerated here.

I believe in equality.
I believe we are gradually being dragged towards it.

 

[stone-cold11]

Date: 3/30/2010 12:12:51 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 3/30/2010 12:08:39 PM

Author: dreamer_d

Stone is awesome as are all the people who help in RT. My observation was NOT against the helpers but perhaps about the people asking for help.



Stone, your alternative theiry is a good one. We need to run an experiment. Two independent variables with two levels each, male versus female respondends and first versus second respondent.

Dreamer don''t worry, we know what you mean!

Ya, I know.

I do not even acknowledge the thanks sometimes. I know I am bad that way...

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 3/30/2010 12:37:08 PM
Author: Stone-cold11

Date: 3/30/2010 12:12:51 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 3/30/2010 12:08:39 PM

Author: dreamer_d

Stone is awesome as are all the people who help in RT. My observation was NOT against the helpers but perhaps about the people asking for help.



Stone, your alternative theiry is a good one. We need to run an experiment. Two independent variables with two levels each, male versus female respondends and first versus second respondent.

Dreamer don''t worry, we know what you mean!

Ya, I know.

I do not even acknowledge the thanks sometimes. I know I am bad that way...

You are bbaaaaad Stone

 

[Dancing Fire]

they don''t thank me cuz i always tell the OP they got a POS, if they did.

 

[Steel]

Date: 3/30/2010 11:02:53 AM
Author: monarch64

Date: 3/30/2010 10:29:26 AM
Author: Steal

Date: 3/30/2010 10:06:20 AM
Author: FL Steph
I don''t post in RT often, but it just seems like a lack of politeness in general not to send a quick thanks to those that have taken their time to help you. I wouldn''t take it personally, just realize that some people just don''t have manners.

Yeah, I used to hang in RT but I got sick of ''wasting my time'' posting. Whatever about the conversational topics in F&H and Hangout, I get annoyed when OP asks outright for help then ignores the reply.

I guess some OP''s just like to hear themselves type.

You know who you are.

Steal...can we run away together???

Hop in Mon,

!

 

[Gailey]

Wow, we must be a mighty refined lot over in Coloured Stones, because I have never noticed this kind of thing happening over there. Maybe for the most part we are women helping women, I wonder what our resident male oracle (Ma Re) thinks about this.

I''m certainly going to be on the look out to see if I am missing anything from now on.

I must admit I get a real kick out of hunting down gems for people or suggesting cutting resources. Maybe so much so that I don''t notice if I get a thank you or not. I think I do get thanked. I think I would notice to because I''m quite the stickler for manners.

Interesting thread.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:01:49 PM
Author: Gailey
Wow, we must be a mighty refined lot over in Coloured Stones, because I have never noticed this kind of thing happening over there. Maybe for the most part we are women helping women, I wonder what our resident male oracle (Ma Re) thinks about this.

I''m certainly going to be on the look out to see if I am missing anything from now on.

I must admit I get a real kick out of hunting down gems for people or suggesting cutting resources. Maybe so much so that I don''t notice if I get a thank you or not. I think I do get thanked. I think I would notice to because I''m quite the stickler for manners.

Interesting thread.

DITTO!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 3/30/2010 10:23:18 AM
Author: Laila619
What I notice is more often this:


1) Say two posters respond to someone''s question. The more popular poster will get thanked, but the lesser known poster who answers will sometimes be ignored. So rude!

Stone Cold and Lorelei always get thanked because they are the most visible pros of Rocky Talky. But that doesn''t mean other posters (who are just as knowledgable) shouldn''t also be thanked for their input.

1) Societal norm. No, I''m not condoning it, but it happens in all areas of life.

2) Guys! See above.

3) It''s self-perpetuating, as per Laila''s observation. Most posters have probably lurked for awhile. They''ve observed which posters respond more frequently and which are given the most deference. So when they post a question to all of RT, they''re hoping for one of those "knights in shining armor" to ride in and give them THE RIGHT ANSWER.

& BTW it does happen in other parts of the board as well. I guess most of us are more alert to the responses from some posters than from others...