I have breast cancer.

[HockeyMama]

Well jeez. You are certainly getting kicked while you are down, aren't you? I hope you have a support system given those close to you aren't ready to show up for you. Be kind to yourself and forgiving of your mistakes. Practice some deep breathing or something, you are going to need it.

My son turned 13. This summer was the summer he basically lost his mind to hormones, but there are glimpses of my sweet boy in there. You raised your daughter and that girl is still there, she'll figure it out, it just would have been nice if it was when you needed her the most.

It's OK to wallow a little or a lot. I'm really sorry.

(p.s. get lots of protein while you can, your body will need good nutrition in the coming months, Core Power drinks have gotten me through days I don't want to eat, and are dairy but lactose free!)

 

[Star gazer]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers @monarch64 , and wrapping you in warm hugs!!

 

[Autumn in New England]

That is so helpful to read. I’ll beat the ever loving sh*t out of this. Thank you.

Yesssss! That's the spirit!! And you're young and strong... my mom is much older.

Listen, I also want to send big hugs about the issue with your daughter. You shouldn't have to be dealing with all that and these recent health issues. You need peace right now, and I hope you find it. I also pray, regardless of whose fault it was, that your daughter comes to her senses and supports you through this. I know she's young... we've all been there. But she'll only ever have one mom, and I know you're a great one.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Wow. I am crushed by the lack of compassion and empathy by your ex-husband. WE ALL do and say things we regret. Part of life. But honestly this is probably NOT the time for him to play the superiority card. Has he NO ability to self reflect? Withholding information from, and contact with your daughter could seriously backfire. You have rights. Just sayin'.....

xoxo--Sharon

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Again, thank you all.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to share this sort of thing. But one of the first things I thought of was what will I tell my Pricescope people? You’ve all been my friends and almost like family for so many years, and I’d rather tell you all than even people I grew up with.

I’m so sad. And mad!

I’ll get through this, I think.

Idk if any of you were around wayyyyy back, but I did an Avon Walk for Breast Cancer years and years ago. I had a thread about it. And I organized various Relays for Life, etc. when I had time while my dad was going through cancer:

Thread 'Avon walk...anyone done this? Advice?'

May 2, 2007

So, my BF and I have signed up for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in LA. It''s not until September, but we are starting early so that we have time to fundraise and train for it. It is a marathon the first day and a half marathon the second day (!) AND you have to raise a minimum of $1,800 each AND (they didn''t tell us this until after we signed up) it''s actually in Long Beach and you have to be there at 5:30 in the morning.

If anyone has any tips or words of encouragement, please send them my way!

Thanks,
RZ

• rockzilla
• Replies: 10
• Forum: Hangout

Deep breath.

This is hard. I have something else I need to talk about here and I don’t have the energy tonight. But let’s just say my ex knows about my probable diagnosis and is refusing to speak to me and won’t let me see my daughter. That will kill me faster than some stupid cancer ever could. I truly cannot believe a man could be told that the mother of his child 95% probably has breast cancer and he won’t let her see her child, even on the first day of school as always.

Of course there’s more to that story: my daughter and I had a falling out this summer over her not cleaning her bedroom and bathroom. I begged him for a meeting which he ignored. The consequence I put up was that she’d spend the rest of the summer with him. She tested the boundary: I enforced the consequence, now she hates me. And he won’t let me speak to her nor will he communicate with me. It is awful.

Apparently I f’d up.

I’ve been tired. Exhausted, really. Anytime I do anything now it’s like I have to rest afterwards and I think I’m too young for that at 48. But that was one of the symptoms.

Anyway, thanks for reading/listening. I appreciate and love you all.

i am leaving out the swear words but imangine them where approprate
stupid man !
what an .....
this is the cruelist f'ing thing ive heard of and im so angry on your behalf
and a parent's job is too F up sometimes, its how you learn just like at any age of our lives
and for that matter i dont think you did F up
she was testing boundries, its as old as time
for F sake- what is wrong with the man ???
and im not sure how old your daughter is but she should also know better

you need kindness right now from the people who should love you

 

[seaurchin]

Again, thank you all.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to share this sort of thing. But one of the first things I thought of was what will I tell my Pricescope people? You’ve all been my friends and almost like family for so many years, and I’d rather tell you all than even people I grew up with.

I’m so sad. And mad!

I’ll get through this, I think.

Idk if any of you were around wayyyyy back, but I did an Avon Walk for Breast Cancer years and years ago. I had a thread about it. And I organized various Relays for Life, etc. when I had time while my dad was going through cancer:

Thread 'Avon walk...anyone done this? Advice?'

May 2, 2007

So, my BF and I have signed up for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in LA. It''s not until September, but we are starting early so that we have time to fundraise and train for it. It is a marathon the first day and a half marathon the second day (!) AND you have to raise a minimum of $1,800 each AND (they didn''t tell us this until after we signed up) it''s actually in Long Beach and you have to be there at 5:30 in the morning.

If anyone has any tips or words of encouragement, please send them my way!

Thanks,
RZ

• rockzilla
• Replies: 10
• Forum: Hangout

Deep breath.

This is hard. I have something else I need to talk about here and I don’t have the energy tonight. But let’s just say my ex knows about my probable diagnosis and is refusing to speak to me and won’t let me see my daughter. That will kill me faster than some stupid cancer ever could. I truly cannot believe a man could be told that the mother of his child 95% probably has breast cancer and he won’t let her see her child, even on the first day of school as always.

Of course there’s more to that story: my daughter and I had a falling out this summer over her not cleaning her bedroom and bathroom. I begged him for a meeting which he ignored. The consequence I put up was that she’d spend the rest of the summer with him. She tested the boundary: I enforced the consequence, now she hates me. And he won’t let me speak to her nor will he communicate with me. It is awful.

Apparently I f’d up.

I’ve been tired. Exhausted, really. Anytime I do anything now it’s like I have to rest afterwards and I think I’m too young for that at 48. But that was one of the symptoms.

Anyway, thanks for reading/listening. I appreciate and love you all.

Hmm. I wonder what a family court judge would say about your ex taking it upon himself to shut you out of your child's life.

As far as laying down the law with your daughter in the first place, I'd have done the same thing. When kids get to a certain age, don't we know many/most of them will try to test you. And if that results in them learning they can walk all over you, I doubt the results would have been any better.

Hopefully, it WILL all get better soon, though.

 

[stracci2000]

Geez @monarch64
This is all crappy news.
You are a strong and determined woman, and I know you will power through this.
I am sending massive positive vibes your way

 

[molinePDG]

Just wanted to make sure I stopped by and wished you all the best, letting you know thoughts are sent your way from Colorado. All the digits crossed for whatever good news possible.

 

[nala]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. More than ever, you need support now. There has to be a way to make contact with your daughter. Don’t give up.

 

[Pumpkin Sparkles]

My heart breaks with you, that is horrible. No one deserves to be treated in such way.
With that being said, I don’t know what that pain feels like.
But I have felt deep betrayal, I don’t have a village.. it’s just me my kids and my fiancé. So I’ve had to just cope through whatever life throws at me, I have a son that was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy so I’ve felt that heart break. But I do know this, people eventually pick the fruit from which they themselves planted. No one leaves this earth without paying their dues IMO.
You are stronger than you could ever imagine, there is always a rainbow after the storm, but if you want to vent, let yourself vent. Take a moment to cry or scream, whatever it takes to let it out. Then fix your crown because you are a queen, don’t let him put you down. Your daughter doesn’t know any better and probably feeds off of his energy towards you. I wasn’t the best daughter, myself so I can speak as to that aspect.
One day she will rethink the way she acted and realize how of an amazing mother you are. This too shall pass… praying for you.

 

[Matata]

Apparently I f’d up.

You did not *uck up. Take that incorrect assumption out of your head and heart and burn it. Kids are hard and this situation shall pass -- let it run its natural course. Take care of yourself. You are #1 numero uno the most important person and you need to keep your emotional and physical strength all for yourself. It's not selfish to do so and it doesn't make you a bad mom. Don't let your ex pull you into a trap of self-doubt or emotional blackmail.

 

[Gypsy]

I'm sorry if I am going to ask stupid questions right now, but I've been away for a long time.

1. This ex is the one who gave that oval engagement ring?

Also, he should be set on fire for how he is treating you. Let me know if you need someone to get some gasoline and a torch.

I have no patience for people who lack empathy and use children as weapons.

I am sorry. That is the last thing you need. Where are you living now (state)?

 

[viggy_luvs_bling]

thank you for sharing with the community and sending healing vibes virtually your way!

 

[whitewave]

Yup.

MRI early tomorrow. Needle biopsy next week. Mamm and ultrasound did not look good. BI-RADS 5.

I’ll find out with the next tests what kind it is and what stage.

I had a few really good, fun, interesting, and beautiful years with my daughter, traveling, jewelry, etc. I guess we only get so many good times here away from worrying or dealing with something unpleasant.

I’ll check back tomorrow (Late Thursday for Americans). Could use the good old PS support now.

I’m sorry to hear this, good luck

 

[Calliecake]

Thinking of you Monnie. I’m hoping your ex can put himself in your shoes and changes his mind.

 

[Bron357]

What a turd your ex is.
Good thing both @Daisys and Diamonds and I (for two) are on the other side of the world or we’d be giving your ex a wake up call.
Is there a way you can communicate with your daughter ie through the school or a friends mother? Just to get her to give you a call or to receive a note from you. Even if she is at the rebellious teenage age she still should know. And you are still her mother.
You don’t need this extra drama right now so try not to stress about it.
There are also a multitude of health forums where you can ask questions and get support / information from ladies who are where you are. Having used such resources for my mother it’s a beautiful and loving community. It’s important to realise you aren’t alone in your journey, that heaps of people will support you along the way. Dont be afraid to ask for help or express your feelings.
Chin up, one foot in front of the other.
You’ve got this.

 

[autumngems]

My thoughts and prayers are with you

 

[AGBF]

I was shocked to read your news tonight, Monnie. I have many, many friends who have had breast cancer (and all of them have survived) but I just think of you as younger than I am. (Which you are.) Even though some of my friends got breast cancer decades ago, which means at your age or younger, I wasn't expecting a woman younger than me suddenly to post that she had it.

I am so sorry. Of course you will come through it medically, but it is a horrible ordeal and I am so sorry that you are also experiencing family concerns. I am glad that you can still come here. It is your 20th anniversary on Pricescope today. Was it celebrated somewhere?

Hugs,
AGBF

 

[junebug17]

Thinking of you @monarch64, and I'm sorry about the issues with your ex and daughter. I hope he starts showing you some compassion and kindness. Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs.

 

[monarch64]

Just wanted to make sure I stopped by and wished you all the best, letting you know thoughts are sent your way from Colorado. All the digits crossed for whatever good news possible.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I “sold” the pearl studs I purchased from you to my mother, who has them safely away and one of us (me or my daughter) will see them again when she passes.

Your items are true heirlooms and I am so grateful I had the chance to find you through this site and purchase heirloom-quality earrings through you.

 

[monarch64]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. More than ever, you need support now. There has to be a way to make contact with your daughter. Don’t give up.

Unfortunately he’s playing dirty as always and has filed for sole custody and slapped me with a protective order. All because I kept texting him when he wouldn’t answer.

Yes, there are 3 sides to every story. I wish this story was like that.

Yup, drama, everyone.

 

[monarch64]

I was shocked to read your news tonight, Monnie. I have many, many friends who have had breast cancer (and all of them have survived) but I just think of you as younger than I am. (Which you are.) Even though some of my friends got breast cancer decades ago, which means at your age or younger, I wasn't expecting a woman younger than me suddenly to post that she had it.

I am so sorry. Of course you will come through it medically, but it is a horrible ordeal and I am so sorry that you are also experiencing family concerns. I am glad that you can still come here. It is your 20th anniversary on Pricescope today. Was it celebrated somewhere?

Hugs,
AGBF

I forgot about my PS anniversary. Thank you for the reminder!

I’ve made so many friends through this website and gained so much knowledge be it life wisdom or jewelry/diamonds! It’s been an invaluable resource for me over these two decades and I hope for several more.

Thank you for being a friend and for caring. Of course I have followed you for years and paid attention to your life. I have deep respect for you and I’m grateful for your support.

 

[monarch64]

Thinking of you @monarch64, and I'm sorry about the issues with your ex and daughter. I hope he starts showing you some compassion and kindness. Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs.

Thank you! Oh @junebug17 I wish life was easier. I just want our daughter to have a good, happy life.

 

[monarch64]

What a turd your ex is.
Good thing both @Daisys and Diamonds and I (for two) are on the other side of the world or we’d be giving your ex a wake up call.
Is there a way you can communicate with your daughter ie through the school or a friends mother? Just to get her to give you a call or to receive a note from you. Even if she is at the rebellious teenage age she still should know. And you are still her mother.
You don’t need this extra drama right now so try not to stress about it.
There are also a multitude of health forums where you can ask questions and get support / information from ladies who are where you are. Having used such resources for my mother it’s a beautiful and loving community. It’s important to realise you aren’t alone in your journey, that heaps of people will support you along the way. Dont be afraid to ask for help or express your feelings.
Chin up, one foot in front of the other.
You’ve got this.

Thank you from one strong b*tch to another!!!

I spoke to the principal of our daughter’s school a few days ago. She assured me that she will personally keep communication open between herself and A, who is taking an early (before classes officially start every morning) accelerated math class that the principal herself is teaching, so they can maintain an open line of communication. That made me feel much better.

Unfortunately, my ex spouse has obtained a protective order which means I’m not allowed to come near any place they typically go. Nor am I allowed to send digital messages or snail mail, or anything. He has waged full warfare. I never thought he would go this far.

I’ve turned the other cheek so much that my neck has broken. I’ve always felt sorry for him. I still do.

Yes! I have lots of friends (women!) I can count on who are holding me up now and supporting me. We’ve all done so for each other. It’s my turn, and I’ll get better and do it again for them.

 

[monarch64]

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Thank you. I’m agnostic but I have always welcomed any well wishes and will always offer you the same. I appreciate you.

 

[monarch64]

I'm sorry if I am going to ask stupid questions right now, but I've been away for a long time.

1. This ex is the one who gave that oval engagement ring?

Also, he should be set on fire for how he is treating you. Let me know if you need someone to get some gasoline and a torch.

I have no patience for people who lack empathy and use children as weapons.

I am sorry. That is the last thing you need. Where are you living now (state)?

1. Yes
Indiana
D was finalized 2020 even tho I left in 2016.

 

[monarch64]

You did not *uck up. Take that incorrect assumption out of your head and heart and burn it. Kids are hard and this situation shall pass -- let it run its natural course. Take care of yourself. You are #1 numero uno the most important person and you need to keep your emotional and physical strength all for yourself. It's not selfish to do so and it doesn't make you a bad mom. Don't let your ex pull you into a trap of self-doubt or emotional blackmail.

Thanks. You’re totally right, as usual. Unfu*kingfortunately, this ex spouse decided to go scorched earth and has now filed papers (pro se) along with a letter he coached our child to write to demand sole custody, even after I texted him there was a 95% chance of malignancy. He’s been waiting.

Bad news: I’m older and meaner.

Good news: thank you for reminding me of my Absolute Inner and Outer Bitch.

 

[monarch64]

My heart breaks with you, that is horrible. No one deserves to be treated in such way.
With that being said, I don’t know what that pain feels like.
But I have felt deep betrayal, I don’t have a village.. it’s just me my kids and my fiancé. So I’ve had to just cope through whatever life throws at me, I have a son that was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy so I’ve felt that heart break. But I do know this, people eventually pick the fruit from which they themselves planted. No one leaves this earth without paying their dues IMO.
You are stronger than you could ever imagine, there is always a rainbow after the storm, but if you want to vent, let yourself vent. Take a moment to cry or scream, whatever it takes to let it out. Then fix your crown because you are a queen, don’t let him put you down. Your daughter doesn’t know any better and probably feeds off of his energy towards you. I wasn’t the best daughter, myself so I can speak as to that aspect.
One day she will rethink the way she acted and realize how of an amazing mother you are. This too shall pass… praying for you.

Thank you for your absolutely lovely words and sentiments. You made me feel validated and hopeful.

 

[monarch64]

Geez @monarch64
This is all crappy news.
You are a strong and determined woman, and I know you will power through this.
I am sending massive positive vibes your way

Thank you. It’s gotten worse. But I shall always persevere. *hair flip* (you know me)

 

[monarch64]

Hmm. I wonder what a family court judge would say about your ex taking it upon himself to shut you out of your child's life.

As far as laying down the law with your daughter in the first place, I'd have done the same thing. When kids get to a certain age, don't we know many/most of them will try to test you. And if that results in them learning they can walk all over you, I doubt the results would have been any better.

Hopefully, it WILL all get better soon, though.

I’ve had to seek legal counsel at this point. He’s filed for sole custody after I told him (I am such a dummy) that I probably have breast cancer. I didn’t realize what a vindictive and mean person he is. I thought we were just trying to co-parent. And I was wrong. So, now I have to figure out the money thing, the lawyer stuff, all while dealing with cancer BS and with him keeping our child from me.

Am I innocent?
Yes. I spent 12 years making sure never to raise my voice to our daughter bc I hated that when I was growing up. I’ve done every single thing I can think of to make our child happy and comfortable and given her every opportunity. I’ve bent over backwards and given up a percentage of parenting time so that she has a little MORE with her dad! She has grandparents and other family on my side here that she’s been close to all her life. He has nobody and no one. I always felt sorry for him and tried to bring him into our fold. When A came along he all but ripped her from my chest and ran away with her. But she needed to be in the NICU thank god so he couldn’t take her.

Well jeez. You are certainly getting kicked while you are down, aren't you? I hope you have a support system given those close to you aren't ready to show up for you. Be kind to yourself and forgiving of your mistakes. Practice some deep breathing or something, you are going to need it.

My son turned 13. This summer was the summer he basically lost his mind to hormones, but there are glimpses of my sweet boy in there. You raised your daughter and that girl is still there, she'll figure it out, it just would have been nice if it was when you needed her the most.

It's OK to wallow a little or a lot. I'm really sorry.

(p.s. get lots of protein while you can, your body will need good nutrition in the coming months, Core Power drinks have gotten me through days I don't want to eat, and are dairy but lactose free!)

I relate so much.

I don’t wallow.

Thank you for the nutrition advice!