I have a SIZE question

[Cookiedough]

Jcard, I'm sorry......I plead temporary insanity after reading Obsessed comments. I think you made the perfect choice! I have 2 3-stone rings, one princess and one rb. She will love it!

YEAH PATS!

 

[Obsessed]

at said, Obsessed: what you pay for a ring depends on the people as well. My BF makes a very good salary. I make a good salary. One day for a few years I will be a "domestic engineer" while the little ones run around making me nuts. I may work, I may not. If we were in the e-ring mode THEN and not now, we would not have gotten the size we did. We would save money for the kids.

Sooooo true. Everyone is different...

but don't you agree to Jcard71's golfclub vs e-ring concept? regardless of what your situation in life is.... your fiance shouldn't be buying your a ring at walmart and then the very next week, going into Bloomingdales for his Armani suit.

 

[Obsessed]

e ring I bought was the 3rd biggest investment I've made in my life...


1) House
2) New SUV
3) E-RING

ditto that

!

for me it was
1)grad school
2)my car
3)E-ring

edited: yes, my retirement savings is somewhere in between the three.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 3/1/2004 4:34:05 PM Nicrez wrote:


Everyone give JCard a great big round of applause for effectively reclaiming his thread! YAY!

Go Jcard!!!


We got a nice size, and not because I bring so much to the table. We wanted to get a nice size (less upgrading) but we wanted to keep money in the bank for a house, for bills, for a wedding, for an E-party, for a honeymoon, for kids in the future. If we went on his 2 months salary we would feel completely irresponsible for spending so much on a RING! We could afforded total bling, but we agreed on a mutually painless percent.


quote]


The ring size/how much to spend is *indeed* dictated by one' financial situtation (at least it should be). It's not about a hard rule two months salary. It's not directly related to one's income. It's about a balance of many things & looking to the future. And, one would be reckless if one did not think of opportunity costs (i.e. downpayment for house &/or future investments, etc. ) when deciding on a budget. This is a thought process & a conscious sane decision. And, very mature way of mutually coming to a decision.

What Obsessed is saying (at least I think) is not what I wrote above. It's more about generosity, willingness to please & control. I think the guy who spent 3k on his wheels & 2k on his finacee's e-ring is cheap. To go to a higher issue, he is more concerned about pleasing himself than his to be. Also, it's very controlling to think that what someone else desires is not important just because you don't think it is. At the very least, he had no clue that she desired a nice ring. All not good things. I've seen this marriage fail.

At the end of the day, everyone needs to be on the same page. I would think just as unkindly to the gal that wants her finance to go into deep debt to get her "dream" ring. That is just as selfish, controlling, short sighted as the guy w/ the wheels.

Edited to add: Jcard - the ring sounds lovely - I'm sure she will be pleased!

 

[Nicrez]

F&I Absolutely agree with you. I guess that's what defines a happier time together, the communication of wants and desires and the other person's ability to understand that and communicate their own.




My BF's desire was to get me the best he could within reason. My desire was to get something sparkly, (yes my social status dictated that he did well, so I did have a size range in mind), but within that range, I told him my upmost limit, and my lowermost, suggested a quality type, and that mixed with several discussion on pricier stones, and YES Tiffany's (ridiculously priced), we decided to abide by his budget, and luckily our wishes coincided. I don't desire anything over 2cts...I couldn't, and I told him that from the get go (lucky guy!)




But I think that any guy who spends more money on his car rims (or anything else that is unecessary) than his girlfriend's ring is no more to blame than the woman who puts up with that. Men aren't forced to spend great amounts of money on a woman's ring to please them, but it's a now accepted social practice, and if they both decide on better rims than a ring, who cares? Or if they'd rather spend on golf clubs together, OK. But remember that a woman who doesn't notices a pattern that her guy cares more about ANYTHING else, than something important to her, is a fool herself!

Obsessed...Luckily, he's both into quality and into being frugal...He's into tailormade suits, but the ocassional Brooks Brothers. I have yet to introduce him to my friend Giorgio!!!

Sometimes, I have to push him to spend on himself!!!

 

[hoorray]

Wow jcard....ask a simple question...get a complicated answer!

F&I -- you forgot to offer the advice that how big a ring will look often has more to do with finger length than absolute ring size. That said, I think it sounds like a lovely ring, and it doesn't sound small for her size based on what you've said. The width of the 3 stones will add to the overall size appearance.

And...I agree that this whole discussion is indicative of how balanced and strong the communication between the couple is. However, I try to think back to all the rational and sage discussions we had when I got engaged, (hmm....can't really seem to remember lots of those!) At the end of the day, we just picked a ring we liked that was big but not over the top price-wise. It wasn't super scientific. We were semi-young and in love. Over our 17 years of marriage, we've learned to discuss, debate, plan, prioritize, save, invest, etc... We weren't pros at any of this when we started. I wouldn't agree with a guy who spends more on his toys than he does an e-ring. At the same time, the woman is part of that relationship and is responsible for standing up for herself and how they communicate and make decisions also. Many of the unbalanced marriages that I have seen have had a guy who takes control over and sets the priorities for the finances, and the woman has let him, and not spoken up. This typically turns to a destructive relationship, not a constructive one.

 

[lara]

jcard, I think your reasoning is totally sound and you should go with that. s. obsessed, no harm done, I just get a little annoyed when I hear that you can divine someone's "social status" like that. I've heard that Austrailans and Europeans are not as into this size is might thing. I know Asians are, which being that my husband is Asian you would think he would have gone for size, but he picked quality instead. He went in with a budget of $7500 for the whole thing, the setting, the diamond and the diamond band. And BTW, we've been married 10 years, and this is my UPGRADE diamond. Used to have a .25! I married him when he was poor, right out of college and on the bottom of the ladder. I stay home but am almost done with grad school. He just thinks that's quite enough to spend on a frigging ring!!!! But to each his own, and ladies go easy on a poor guy if he can't swing a huge rock.

 

[Obsessed]

Lara,
your ring sounds awesome. $7500 is nowhere near my definition of modest. I am just a regular guy and that is a huge amount of money for something so small. I guess its worth it for what it symbolizes, love and commitment. Like I said, your new diamond must be a high quality stone... I've seen people brag about their 1+ carat diamond that they purchsed for much less price... then i see why it is so big but relatively cheap.... no sparkle, ugly setting, etc. Congrats on your upgrade.... usually i don't condone upgrades, but in this case I wholeheartedly share your joy. I know what it feels like to be just starting out in a new career and wanting to buy my woman something really nice but being unable to do so

. When my fiancee was just my GF, she and I were much less financialy secure. Everytime things get better for me, I am happy and willing to do things for her that she never had in life... a trip to Catalina, very first Coach bag, and now we're about to go on a vacation to Europe to celebrate our engagement.

 

[lara]

That was the max he wanted to spend... he ended up spending a little less!!