I have a plan but need help with the details...

[Guido]

Hi all! This turned out longer than expected...sorry.

I have a rough plan for a proposal but I need help filling in the details. Here''s what I have so far:

I''d like to do it on the fist Saturday following her b-day (Nov. 15) so she''s not too suspicious about the proposal.
The Friday night I''ll hide a card somewhere in her apartment. Early Saturday morning I''ll phone her wishing her a happy belated b-day, etc. and tell her where the card is located. I''ll hang up, she''ll read the card that has instructions to eat breakfast and change into something comfortable and be at the door at approx 10 AM. I''ll be waiting there with flowers and a little gift (dunno what yet) and drop her off at a spa for a couple hours. In the meantime I''ll go back to her place and decorate it with flowers and some other small gifts plus I''ll *try* to make lunch for the two of us. I''ll hide another envelope. When I pick her up from the spa (with a rose in hand) we''ll go to her place and eat the lunch I made (poor her). Then I''ll leave, but before I do I''ll tell her about the 2nd hidden envelope which will contain a few hundred bucks in gift certificates and further instructions to go shopping and splurge herself, and I''ll be back at approx. 4 PM to pick her up. While she''s shopping I''ll bring more flowers and another envelope to her house and leave it with her mother. I''ll pick her up and we''ll head to downtown Toronto to a show that starts at 6:30. While she''s out of the house I''ll ask her mother to place the flowers in her apartment and the envelope on her bed. After the show (9-ish) I''d like to bring her to a nice cafe and possibly (not sure yet) have her parents waiting at one of the tables as a surprise - this is when she will first break the news to her parents. Then I''ll drop her off at home (11PM-ish), she''ll go in and see the new flowers and gifts and when she heads to bed will have a sentimental letter waiting for her. I''ll be driving home with a huge smile and MAJOR sweet-guy points to be used next time I really screw up (probably the following day!

OK, if you''ve been reading closely obviously I''m missing something... the actual exchange (ring for shackles). I''d like to do it sometime in the afternoon, while downtown, and just before the show so she can wear it to the show. I have no idea how to do it. My only criteria is that it''s somewhere private, indoors, and at least semi-romantic (the lingerie section in Sears won''t cut it). A hotel is not an option because I don''t want to rent a room for 1/2 an hour. And that would be too suspicious.

Can anyone give me idea on how to spice this up, and how to actually give her the ring? I''m estimating I''ll have a 2 hour window to do this. Any ideas appreciated - you can even butcher my whole plan - it''s not cast in stone. Here are some details about her for assistance:

Early 20''s, highschool teacher, very active (walking/hiking etc. not a problem), likes everything from watching operas to watching drag races. Very religious. Loves jujubes, is a vegetarian (but eats chicken - figure that out?), plays guitar, violin and piano. Very easy going. She lives at home with her parents, brother and sister, but lives in her own private basement apartment.



Some "rules":
* No limo - her house to the spa and mall is literally 1 mile. I''d rather spend the money elsewhere (upgrade parts for my motorcycle come to mind - but that''s beside the point

* When I give her the ring before the show, I don''t want her to be able to call her parents. I will invite her parents "for a coffee" and not tell them about the ring so everyone will be surprised when they see each other at the cafe.
* The exchange should take place indoors as Toronto in November has unpredictable weather.
* Keep in mind we''ll be dressed for a nice show (so no skydiving or "find the ring in the mud-wrestling pit" suggestions please).

Concerns:
* Is a cafe too public for her and her parents to share the news? Should I allow her to phone her parents as soon as she receives it?
* Is it too impersonal that she''ll spend a large part of her "b-day" without me (in the spa and shopping)?
* I''d really like to ask her dad for his daughter''s hand, but at the same time I''d like for it to be a surprise to her parents. Which should I chose. I don''t want to seem disrespectful.

So go ahead and throw out your opinions - the good, bad, and ugly.
Thanks in advance!

Guido

 

[YoavShapira]

Obviously these things are very subjective and personal, so don't take anyone's opinion if you don't like it

Your plan seems a little too complicated and involved

Hidden envelopes all over the place, coordinated meetings with parents, etc. She's not going to be able to enjoy the show (neither are you probably) if you propose right before: you'll both just want to call people. Instead, you could propose after the show on the way home: a friend of mine in NYC did exactly that, and it worked out well

 

[Arlington]

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On 9/30/2003 5:15:57 PM Guido wrote:

OK, if you've been reading closely obviously I'm missing something... the actual exchange (ring for shackles).
----------------

Classic!

 

[magna2]

Guido,

I agree with YoavShapira that the plan is too complicated. Some of the details that you described just doesn't sit well with me. Belated birthday? Are you nuts!! Unless you tell her well in advance that you can't celebrate her birthday with her or that your birthday present for her will be delayed, you are literally and figuratively in the dog house with her.

I know you mean to be romantic and all but your plan isn't. Why complicate things by getting her parents involved. So are you to surprise her parents too by having them at dinner with you at another table?? If I were her, your gig will be up when you go back to her apartment during one of your trips back with the flowers and having her mother spread flowers and place an envelope. Too much running about and lots to do about nothing. Don't you think she and her mother will discuss what the heck is going on when you tell her about some hidden envelope with several hundred dollars for her to go somewhere and splurge?? Oh brother!!

Just plan for some private time together in some quaint place to ask for her hand in marriage. Simplicity, my friend, presents more opportunity for surprise.

 

[lols99]

Hi all!

I just signed up to the site since I have been referencing it for a few days now and wanted to be able to get in on the conversations. Anyway, I HAD to answer here since as a woman who was engaged and married not too long ago this just had me on the floor...laughing with tears in my eyes (my husband can attest! he wants to know what I am reading).

Your intentions are commendable but if this were happening to me I would certainly think something is up. Especially waiting past the birthday and planning everything as a belated event. That just wouldn't fly.

Why don't you eliminate some of the activities and do this ALONE. No need to involve Mom and Dad. There will be plenty of that when you are planning the wedding

Best of luck!

 

[Guido]

Thanks to everyone for their excellent input - I'm glad I posted this.

I gave it some thought and I have to agree with most of you - it is too complicated and kind of detracts from the proposal itself. I've made some changes.

First off - I can see everyone's concern over "postponing" her b-day, but it's really not that bad, we've done it before. It's not like I'll forget her actual b-day - we'll still have the cake and nice dinner and small gifts - but there's only so much you can do on a Tuesday night. She's a school teacher and can't afford to be out too late. We usually move these special events to the following weekend so it may be enjoyed in relaxation and for the whole day, not just a few hours after work.

Also, I really don't think she'll suspect anything "weird" is going on, she'll think all the gifts and flowers are just part of her b-day. But having said that, here is my revised plan:

Wake her up early Sat. morning with roses in hand and a card or small gift. I'll bring her breakfast in bed to start off her day.
When she gets out of bed I'll bring her to a spa for a few hours then I'll return to her house and make lunch for her. This could be when I break the news to the rest of her family. Pick her up from the spa and have a nice romantic lunch waiting for just the two of us with music playing and the wood burning stove on. I hope her family can keep a straight face while she walks in the door, but luckily we'll be in the basement during the meal (and away from her family). Then I'm guessing sometime near the end of lunch I'll make it look like I'm giving her more b-day presents and give her the ring.
She'll have most of the afternoon to break the news to her friends, then in the early evening we'll head downtown for dinner and a show. I'm thinking by then she would have calmed down a bit. If the afternoon is going by slowly and we need to kill time then I'll take her on a shopping spree.

How's that sound? It's a lot less complicated - but I wonder how she'll react to getting proposed in her basement. That's not really romantic is it?
It will sure make life a hell of a lot easier for me, and I can still slip a little note under her pillow for her to read before going to bed. Just something to give her happy thoughts while she falls asleep after such an eventful day.

 

[magna2]

Definitely a lot less complicated. I would suggest that you not fill the afternoon with too much activities so that your soon-to-be can have time to fully appreciate the moment and allow you to decompress from the stress in planning and proposing. Otherwise, sounds like a winner.

 

[Guido]

Finally I decided as to how I'll actually propose.
After she returns from the spa and stuffs her face with the meal I cooked for her I'll mention "what's a b-day without a cake?" And while she's sitting at the table I'll ask her to close her eyes and put a cake infront of her and light the candles. Then she'll open her eyes and instead of "happy b-day" it'll say "will you marry me?". At this point I'll be kneeling by her side with ring in hand and start off with the speech.
I'm not too worried about the speech because I was told that the girl will be so freaked out at the moment that she won't remember a word I say.

My only dilema is I want to be respectful to her dad and ask him for her hand in marriage, BUT I don't want to ruin the surprise for her mother. Would it be rude to ask her dad to keep it a secret from his wife?

 

[Arlington]

I asked a similar question a little while ago, because I had a similar concern. The consensus seemed to be that it would be OK to ask the dad and keep the mom in the dark.