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I hate that there's stories like these...

voce

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 13, 2018
Messages
2,859

Why stay in a relationship like this? Why even get into a relationship with somebody who treats you this way? Does love cloud people's heads so they make excuses for people like this?
 

gregchang35

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 11, 2012
Messages
2,693
It is sad and was hard to read and I could only read about 1/2 of it.

there are many sides to the story..from what I did read: he doesn’t seem to have trust in anyone.... no connection with his adult kids or previous partners... but he married her....I am not an expert bu could it be PTSD.

there was something between them prior to marriage otherwise they wouldn’t have married.

too many unknowns to make full comment... and I couldn’t read it as it was sad to hear what has occurred so far...
 

StephanieLynn

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
5,321
Two sides to every story and then there's the truth. Maybe she has a spending problem, maybe he grew up watching his parents struggle financially which might influence his greedy tendencies. Perhaps she has given money to family members against his wishes. Of course this is all speculative, but we really are only getting her side.

I would get a really good divorce attorney if I was he.
 

Arkteia

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
7,537
Two sides to every story and then there's the truth. Maybe she has a spending problem, maybe he grew up watching his parents struggle financially which might influence his greedy tendencies. Perhaps she has given money to family members against his wishes. Of course this is all speculative, but we really are only getting her side.

I would get a really good divorce attorney if I was he.
Well, but it is not that she married a 26-year old and is now cooking and cleaning for him and not getting any financial aid from him, either. He is 70, no fun in the house and also, a miser. Yes, I’d get a divorce attorney.
 

StephanieLynn

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
5,321
Well, but it is not that she married a 26-year old and is now cooking and cleaning for him and not getting any financial aid from him, either. He is 70, no fun in the house and also, a miser. Yes, I’d get a divorce attorney.
That should say HER not HE :wall:

What a place for a typo!
 

voce

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 13, 2018
Messages
2,859

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
5,335
Better the devil one knows than being on one's own?

That is the case for my own mother, and I know of others in similar situations.

Although my dad was very generous with money and never restricted my mum's spending, she never put any money away for herself, and was always dependent on my dad.

Hence I was determined to be financially independent from about 14 onwards, so that I would be able to get out of any relationship without hindrance.

Being independent has its downside, in that I am unwilling to compromise, and am wary of people's motives.

Good job I am happy and content being on my own with my fur kids, with a roof over my head and good job security, doing what I like to do, and being able to make decisions without having to consult anyone. Life is grand.

I would encourage anyone in a rut of a relationship to strike out on his/her own.

DK :))
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
30,963
Yeah, nope. I would not remain in an unhealthy relationship such as the above examples. My dh and I are not perfect but IMO those examples are dysfunctional in an extreme way.

1. we share the money. What my dh earns is our money. What I earn (used to earn) is our money. There is no his/hers as we are a team together. That might not work for everyone just sharing what works for us.

There are jokes there (as in his money is mine and my money is mine lol) but will leave that alone for now because I am being serious above.

2. It doesn't matter what the backstory is IMO what matters is moving forward in a healthy relationship however one gets there. When one partner uses money as a control that is unhealthy. In fact anything one partner uses to control another in a relationship is not healthy IMO.

I am by no means saying there is one right way to do it. But I am saying when one partner uses money to control another that is
not OK. So whether the individuals keep their money separate and that works for them great but not when it is used to control another. That is not great.

For me, trust, respect (and honesty) are critical in a healthy relationship. Without trust and respect what kind of relationship can one enjoy?
 

doberman

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2012
Messages
1,638
Sorry, she's a fool. This is what you get when you marry a man who never married, had 4 kids and doesnt have a relationship with any of them.
 

Snowdrop13

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 27, 2011
Messages
1,816
I’m just amazed at the size of his pension! $8000 per month sounds like a lot to me.

Totally agree this woman should get out, no idea how she can live like this.
 
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