I feel like a horrible person...

[No Stone Unturned]

Hey guys I''m kinda new at this forum...I''m facing a huge problem...well my bf bought me an engagement ring (I picked out) and I LOVEEEEEEE IT!!! its unique and beautiful...I posted pics on show me the ring...well anyway...the center is a 1.51ct cushion, but when i look at my cuz ring which is a 1.52ct princess mine looks like a 1ct...I''m not trying to be greedy and I knew from before that cushions look smaller than rounds...but it''s really bothering me...everytime I tell someone it''s a 1.51 center they look at it and say it looks smaller...My bf spent a lot of money on this ring more than i expected and I Love him for being so generous...MY PROBLEM IS... SHOULD I ASK FOR A BIGGER STONE OR A DIFFERENT SHAPE? WOULD THAT MAKE ME A HORRIBLE, UNGREATFUL BEAST???? HELP I NEED ADVICE...ANYONE???

 

[No Stone Unturned]

THIS IS A PIC OF MY RING ON MY 4.5 SIZE FINGER

 

[Splinter]

Hmmm... I don''t know. I wouldn''t ask for a "bigger" stone in carats, but maybe a round brilliant instead (If you do decide to swap - Read below for reasons why you shouldn''t). If you''re set on the cushion, then you''d have to go larger in carats obviously.

As far as being a horrible person, well, I wouldn''t say that. I think it''s natural for people to want to have a bit of a fuss made about the ring at this point. The last thing you want to hear is "Oh, it looks smaller". However, I would say that this time will pass and at the end of the day you still have a stunning 1.51ct stone which you love. So is it really worth it?

I can imagine how you feel, I think we''ve all been in similar situations, but as long as you know you have what you want, I wouldn''t worry about it.

Also: I think it''s pretty mean spirited of someone to say "It looks smaller" when you excitedly show them your new ring. If someone newly engaged showed me their 0.1ct set in tinfoil I''d gush about how beautiful and big and fiery it is. It will always be beautiful to them and that''s all that matters.

 

[cushionawesomeness]

No, you are not a horrible person at all. I have the same size cushion as you and my sister has a 1.5 round and mine looks significantly smaller. My bf says it''s all in my head but I can see the difference. I''ve also had a lot of people say that mine looks like a 1 ct as well. I love mt cushion but I just wish it faced up better. Maybe you could have it reset in a delicate halo?

 

[Isabelle]

By virtue of the way they are cut, cushions usually appear smaller on the surface than what they weigh. They have to be deeper cuts. Asschers are the same way. I would probably opt to keep the cushion that you already picked out and that you love. Remember that the way a stone appears in size is only part of the equation. I mean no disrespect to princess cuts, I know a lot of people love them. But I would never trade in a 1.5 carat cushion for a 1.5 carat princess. (I think cushions are beautiful and princess cuts are stark. --Just my opinion. I know a lot of people don''t like RB''s and that is what I have. It''s all personal preference.)

But the thing I would really emphasize to you is this: you will ALWAYS come across people who have a larger stone than you, either by carat weight or appearance. You will always find someone whose ring cost more or whatever. The joy you feel from your ring should come from the fact that you fell in love with it when you saw it, that your fiance generously paid more than he had planned to get you the ring you wanted, and also what that ring signifies to you. I feel very strongly that if you trade it in for a stone that looks bigger, you will regret it. I think you know this yourself already which is why you feel so conflicted. Your post makes clear that you are deeply attached to the stone and you "LOVEEEEEEE IT!!!" Don''t trade it in based on external factors like how ''So and So''s'' ring looks. If you didn''t love your ring, that would be a different story. But you do. So I say, keep it and love wearing it. (I also hesitated to put this in here, but I think it''s true so I am going to: Your fiance generously got you a more expensive ring in order to make you feel wonderful, and he based that decision on how much you loved this particular ring. It would probably hurt him to discover that a ring that he thought you loved so much is now a ring that you are thinking about getting rid of, NOT b/c there is a problem with the ring, but b/c of *someone else''s* ring. This is just my opinion, but I wanted to share it with you b/c I think you sincerely want some input. Whatever you decide to do, please know that I am giving you this opinion only b/c I want you to be happy and when I read your post I think that you will be unhappy if you trade it in.)

 

[Babyblue033]

I think it''s easy to feel this way. Many of my coworkers got engaged recently and they all have stones bigger than what I''ll be getting (we''re in the process of making the final decision!

). I haven''t even gotten my ring yet but I still find myself thinking about how mine will be smaller than everyone around me.

But like everyone said, I think the most important thing is that YOU love your ring. My boyfriend and I have painstakingly picked out the stone and the setting that are perfect for us, and while the stone may not be the biggest I''m just so excited because this ring is OURS (well, MINE really but I let him think it''s ours

). I chose a setting that''s different from the usual solitairs which makes it that much more special in my eyes and makes me feel less concerned about what other people will think.

I would try not to spoil your happiness by worrying about other people. It''s such a special time in your life, you have a ring you love, so why ruin it just because of what other people have/say?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I completely agree with Isabelle!

I definitely understand how you feel--the first time I showed a non-family member my ring, the woman said "wow, is that a full carat?" and I felt a stab of guilt that my husband had shelled out the money for a carat and a half stone and it didn't really matter. I told DH that I was sorry he paid for something that looked smaller and he said "What do I care how big somebody thinks it is, I care that you love it. I bought it for YOU!" And it's so true, I love my stone, love my ring, love how much thought and effort he put into it, I love the story behind it, I love that it's unique and I couldn't bring myself to change a single thing about it!!

You love your ring and love the stone and who cares how big people think it is! As Isabelle said, I see women walking around with bigger rings all the time--or more accurately, I see women with similarly-sized rings that LOOK bigger all the time, haha. You just can't let that affect how you feel about your own ring!

ETA: I have to say, your 1.5 carat looks huge on your teeny tiny 4.5 fingers! I envy you ladies with small hands!!

 

[cushionawesomeness]

Totally agree with you NEL, I feel really guilty that my BF paid for something that looks smaller than it really is. But I love my ring, and a RB that does face up bigger is just not my style.

 

[DRSDMS]

When I got engaged 15 years ago, I didn''t like the setting my husband chose and the diamond was smaller than I wanted (1.21 versus the 2 I had in my mind). I thought it was important to keep my mouth shut because my husband saved for the ring and spent almost all of his savings on it. A few years later, I got an anniversary band that I wore most of thetime instead of the e-ring. When we finally could afford to upgrade, we did. And I am totally happy now. I wouldn''t have changed the way this worked because I didn''t want to hurt my husband''s feelings...it wasn''t worth it.

 

[DRSDMS]

Also, I meant to say you are not a horrible person.

 

[Imdanny]

Yes, that would be very rude. Geez, just enjoy it.

 

[sklingem]

I''m sorry, but how can you be bothered by it so soon after getting it and raving about it in "show me the ring" about 4 days ago?? Or were you just trying to convince yourself that you really liked it? (Not to sound too harsh here). It seems to me that your unhappiness started after comparing the stone to other people''s stones of similar or smaller carat weight and letting yourself be influenced by it. So I am not sure whether the size bothered you in the first place (I guess not since you picked it) or only afterwards! You are always going to find people with bigger stones and it would be very sad if you let yourself become unhappy because of it. "Walking by his side has made me stronger": Time to show some strength AND rationality. Enjoy your beautiful ring and remind yourself of why you got it in the first place and what it signifies to you and your fiance.

 

[purrfectpear]

It wouldn''t make you a horrible person, just a fairly insecure and shallow one.

I would feel differently if this ring was just sprung on you and you felt some disappointment, but this is the ring YOU picked out. Sorry for the tough love, but it''s time to suck it up and smile for at least a year. Once you''re married feel free to lobby for an upgrade, but for now, it would just make you look like you were greedy IMO.

I am surprised that you think your cuz'' princess looks larger than your cushion. It''s pretty well known that princess cuts face up smaller than average for their carat weight. As an example many 1 carat princess cuts will face up like a 3/4 round. I would think your cushion and her princess would be similar in size?

 

[Cravin My Emerald cut]

It looks pretty sizeable to me. Do you know the dimensions? What the depth % is?

It''s possible that it''s cut deeper than necessary. Also, I find that smaller bands make a stone look larger....is the princess on a thinner band than yours?

As someone else mentioned...someone will ALWAYS have a bigger stone than you, so just enjoy it. It''s not a waste of money if you love it.

 

[LegacyGirl]

You could always halo it. That tends to make the stone look larger.

 

[sklingem]

Good point legacygirl!

 

[No Stone Unturned]

Hey guys...I''m not shallow atleast not up until this ring...well a lot of you made great points and i want to thank you for your wise words...when i was purchasing the ring i DID notice how big the round looked and it did bother me but i really didnt want a round...the thing that is getting to me is that ppl keep pointing out that it looks smaller than it should(meaning close family...me n my bf are not offically engaged yet) i know that my family is not being mean...they''re just concerned out of love. Now my bf does not know about this as it would hurt him...i guess i can just stick it through and get an upgrade when time and money permits...BUT IF ONE MORE PERSON POINTS OUT THAT IT LOOKS SMALL FOR ITS SIZE I MIGHT POP!!! Im sure you girls know how i feel...I just want ppl to gush over it the way i would for their rings...BTW my cuz''s ring is chunky...its got a lot going on...maybe thats why it looks bigger...I dont know...but thanks for all the replies.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 4/18/2008 2:09:53 PM
Author: No Stone Unturned
Hey guys...I''m not shallow atleast not up until this ring...well a lot of you made great points and i want to thank you for your wise words...when i was purchasing the ring i DID notice how big the round looked and it did bother me but i really didnt want a round...the thing that is getting to me is that ppl keep pointing out that it looks smaller than it should(meaning close family...me n my bf are not offically engaged yet) i know that my family is not being mean...they''re just concerned out of love. Now my bf does not know about this as it would hurt him...i guess i can just stick it through and get an upgrade when time and money permits...BUT IF ONE MORE PERSON POINTS OUT THAT IT LOOKS SMALL FOR ITS SIZE I MIGHT POP!!! Im sure you girls know how i feel...I just want ppl to gush over it the way i would for their rings...BTW my cuz''s ring is chunky...its got a lot going on...maybe thats why it looks bigger...I dont know...but thanks for all the replies.

Hmm...well I understand that your family loves you, but the size of your diamond really should not warrant any concern. That being said, if you love your ring as much as you said in your first post, then I would not let how big it does or does not look bother you. I am surprised that several people are telling you that it looks so small...I would never just come out and say that to someone!
Your ring is beautiful, just enjoy it.

 

[isabel]

Just so you know, one issue does NOT make you shallow. You have a concern and you are voicing your feelings honestly to people who can give you good advice and hopefully help you figure this out. You WOULD be shallow and unrealistic if you went to your almost-fiance and demanded a "redo" after he let you pick it out. Personally, I believe every couple is different...and each handles these kinds of situations differently.

But I''m sorry that you feel this way about your e-ring!

Are you only feeling this way when you''re around your sister with her ring?? Maybe by itself you still love it more than anything? I mean, after the initial look at the ring maybe those annoying comments will go away and you''ll be able to focus on loving the ring that you picked out?

 

[sklingem]

Again,
I think that a good solution would be to get a halo. This way it would look bigger to you and others and you couls till keep the stone. You could frame it as a change in design that would make you even happier and avoid getting into the issue of "this stone is not big/good enough" with your FF. Just my two cents. And honestly, your family is NOT very helpful/considerate in this matter, even if they may mean well. Never heard that some was "concerned out of love" by pointing out that the stone looks small. I''ll refrain from describing this attitude in much less flattering terms.

 

[lyra]

Are you being totally honest with yourself? Let''s say it wouldn''t hurt FI''s feelings at all if you changed your ring. What do you think would be the best compromise? Would you want to go to a RB to maximize size and finger coverage? Or do you just want a larger cushion? Do you still love your setting, or are you thinking maybe you''d like something simpler? Can you return and exchange the setting and diamond to the place where they were bought? I''m really just curious, not making any judgements at all.

You might find down the line that you just are never satisfied by the diamond size or setting. That happens to people. It happens to people here on PS sometimes. I personally get bored with settings rather quickly, but since we''re talking about luxury items, I just have to suck it up and give each piece a fair amount of time (5-15-25 years!) before I''m able to upgrade. It really sounds like you will not be happy unless you change something about your ring. I think it''s beautiful, and it does look like what a 1.5 ct cushion should look like. It''s definitely not small looking on your finger. I''d like to hear more about how you''d change things, hypothetically at least.

 

[No Stone Unturned]

Well Lyra...to be honest in a hypothetical sense i never liked the round...i always wanted my ring to be different, I was very particular about getting a cushion (since my senior yr of HS) ...i think i would opt for a bigger stone in the long run...I cant dream of hurting my bf feelings by telling him my insecurities...thats all it really is...and to be honest i might figure out a way to get a bigger stone for like my 1st yr anniversary...

Sad thing is if I tell him i want a bigger stone i know he would get it for me...he''d be hurt but he would do it in a heart beat....thats whats killing me... I dont want to be that girl...nothing is every good enough...because im not that girl. I love my setting I''ve never seen this type of setting...so There are no problems with the setting

Thanks all for ur input...

 

[Fly Girl]

Date: 4/18/2008 6:32:23 PM
Author: No Stone Unturned
Well Lyra...to be honest in a hypothetical sense i never liked the round...i always wanted my ring to be different, I was very particular about getting a cushion (since my senior yr of HS) ...i think i would opt for a bigger stone in the long run...I cant dream of hurting my bf feelings by telling him my insecurities...thats all it really is...and to be honest i might figure out a way to get a bigger stone for like my 1st yr anniversary...

Sad thing is if I tell him i want a bigger stone i know he would get it for me...he''d be hurt but he would do it in a heart beat....thats whats killing me... I dont want to be that girl...nothing is every good enough...because im not that girl. I love my setting I''ve never seen this type of setting...so There are no problems with the setting

Thanks all for ur input...

You have a beautiful ring...it sounds like it is just what you have been wanting for years...and it''s what you can afford. It''s pretty common to second guess your decision, especially when people say things like isn''t it small. They said that to me too, and my ring was small, only 0.18 ct. Good grief, my upgrade after 25 years is 1.5 ct, and that is what you have right now. Your diamond is NOT small.

My advice is to do your best to ignore comments about it being small and say that is a characteristic of cushions, and you always wanted a cushion. Do not change out the stone now. Live with it for a few years at least.

Good luck!!

 

[iheartscience]

I guess I''m shallow, because the way I see it, if you''re not even officially engaged yet, why don''t you try to swap out the diamond for something that faces up larger? Would your boyfriend really be crushed?

Probably not, if you tell him that several people have said it faces up smaller than it should, and you want it to look like the $XXXXX dollars he spent on it. I don''t know, only you know how he would react, but if you don''t think it would crush him I would tell him how you feel.

Not that it takes away from the specialness of the ring, but you did pick it out yourself, so it''s not like he picked it out himself and surprised you and you don''t like what he picked. I picked out my ring also, and if I had changed my mind before my boyfriend even proposed, I don''t think he would have been too upset.

I''m probably too honest, though, and I don''t really keep anything inside, so I know I couldn''t keep my thoughts a secret from my boyfriend about something like this!

 

[Isabelle]

Date: 4/18/2008 8:29:10 PM
Author: Fly Girl

Date: 4/18/2008 6:32:23 PM

Author: No Stone Unturned

Well Lyra...to be honest in a hypothetical sense i never liked the round...i always wanted my ring to be different, I was very particular about getting a cushion (since my senior yr of HS) ...i think i would opt for a bigger stone in the long run...I cant dream of hurting my bf feelings by telling him my insecurities...thats all it really is...and to be honest i might figure out a way to get a bigger stone for like my 1st yr anniversary...


Sad thing is if I tell him i want a bigger stone i know he would get it for me...he''d be hurt but he would do it in a heart beat....thats whats killing me... I dont want to be that girl...nothing is every good enough...because im not that girl. I love my setting I''ve never seen this type of setting...so There are no problems with the setting

Thanks all for ur input...

You have a beautiful ring...it sounds like it is just what you have been wanting for years...and it''s what you can afford. It''s pretty common to second guess your decision, especially when people say things like isn''t it small. They said that to me too, and my ring was small, only 0.18 ct. Good grief, my upgrade after 25 years is 1.5 ct, and that is what you have right now. Your diamond is NOT small.


My advice is to do your best to ignore comments about it being small and say that is a characteristic of cushions, and you always wanted a cushion. Do not change out the stone now. Live with it for a few years at least.


Good luck!!

Thank you FlyGirl for inserting some MUCH NEEDED perspective. A 1.5 carat stone is quite something. I doubt such a stone could ever look small, and it clearly does not look small judging from the ring shots on her hand that she posted. It would look a bit too large on her 4.5 fingers if she got a much bigger ring. All this talk about changing the setting, the stone,--now the idea to upgrade after ONE year? I think that if changes the ring, she will deeply regret that decision. I am having a hard time picturing any family member saying the stone looks "smaller than it should" not motivated by cruelty but rather "out of concern." What on earth could the "concern" be regarding the apparent size of her diamond? It is a beautiful, wonderful ring and I feel bad that a time that should be a huge celebration of happiness has been dampened by the bride''s doubts about the size of the ring. This is especially true b/c the ring is beautiful. If there weren''t comparisons being made to the rings owned by other people, none of these doubts would be arising at all. An e-ring is simply a symbol of the bride''s commitment to the man she plans to spend her life with. It shouldn''t be a source of anxiety, and frankly it shouldn''t be analyzed in the context of comparing it to other people''s rings. A ring that she supposedly "LOVEEEES" should be cherished. I also wonder what message it would send to the "concerned" family members to see that after they drop a few hurtful comments, she runs out and gets a bigger ring? If someone was trying to get to her by petty, mean comments about this gorgeous ring, what better way to let them know it worked than to run out and replace it with something else?

 

[tulip928]

Geez . . . I think your ring is just absolutely gorgeous.

(green with envy) Wow! I can''t imagine trading it.

It looks huge to me on your hand . . . I''d take that ring in a heartbeat and never think twice. I guess it all depends on one''s perspective though. Lucky you!

 

[LostSapphire]

Maybe instead of giving out the specs to all and sundry, you just say (if anyone asks the size that is...), that "its just the perfect size for me".

The more information you give them sometimes generates commentary/discussion. And I see that you are drawn into that and feel the need to justify the size of the stone to people.

Stop doing that. LOVE it as it is. And may I also suggest that you may never get an upgrade: life happens, financial tides turn, we make choices that preclude the ability to spend $$ on diamonds when the mortgage is due.....that suggestion pops up frequently on this board and in many cases, it is not realistic.

You have a stunning ring. And, as others have said, there will always be people with bigger diamonds, faster cars, fancier houses, etc etc the list never ends.

Perhaps try to focus inward to you and your BF and enjoy the memories of picking out the stone and the ring together. You have beautiful, elegant fingers and your ring looks stunning. Keep talking up the positive points with your BF (everyone else can go jump in the lake or whatever they want to do).

After all, in the end, it is the TWO OF YOU who chose this symbol of your love for each other. Don't let outside input interfere with this. It is a very special moment for you both and your future together.

 

[honey22]

I hope this doesn''t come across as condescending, but IMHO if you are going to marry this man you should be able to discuss your feelings with him. I see this a lot on PS, woman asking whether they should tell them or not how they feel about the ring etc, but I believe the man you marry should be your best friend, and you should be able to discuss anything with them. I know if my partner found out downt the track that I was totally happy with the ering, he would be devasted for two reasons, 1. because I didn''t truly love it, and 2. because I kept it from him. I really am not trying to have a go at you here, so I hope I havn''t offended you, but I really think you will feel so much better after telling him.

When I first got my ering home (I also picked it) I was so taken with the sparkly diamond I ignored a little nigglly feeling about the band being ''not rounded enough'' and this making it look thicker than I wanted. I stressed over this for several days and finally broke down and told him. He was totally fine about it, and let me take it to the jeweller the next day to be fixed. He said afterwards when I got it home again, that he was so glad that I was totally happy with the ring now. He doesn''t mind what kind of ring I had, as long as I was happy with it, he was happy with it. I am pretty sure he is secretly proud of the ring, and I reckon he will be chuffed with all the compliments (I hopefully receive).

The worst thing he can do is say he is disappointed and doesn''t want to change the stone. At least the weight is off your shoulders and you have told him the truth.

 

[bee*]

Isabelle and NEL summed up what I wanted to say. I think that there will always be bigger and better rings, what''s important is that you love yours, which you seemed to until people commented on the size. What I''d be afraid of is that if you upgrade again you''ll see a bigger ring a little bit down the road, and want to change again.

 

[Babyblue033]

Honey22, I agree with you. If it were me and there was something wrong with the ring, I would tell my BF. He knows that I''m the type of person to obsess over it forever and he would want to be sure that I''m perfectly happy with the ring we worked so hard to pick out together. He is my bestfriend and I couldn''t keep something like that from him.

However, if OP''s issue is simply with the size of the stone when compared to others'', then there''s no way to "fix" it IMO. Like everyone said there''ll ALWAYS be someone with larger stone so even if OP got a bigger stone will she truly be happy? What if she meets someone who got a 2ct stone? When does it end?