I don''t know what to feel...

[somegirl932]

Okay, starting my first thread (besides my introduction)... hopefully I won''t spell anything wrong in the title this time...

Okay, so there''s a few positives/negatives in my life right now, and I''m not sure if I''m looking for advice or what, but I just have to get this out.

Next week is my spring break. I was supposed to go on a volunteer work trip with my church, but I have a ridiculous cold that might actually be the flu, and I had to pull out of the trip today. So that''s not good.

But, my SO wasn''t going on this trip, he had to stay on campus for his graduate studies. So it looks like I''ll get to spend some extra time with him, just chilling out. So that''s good.

First though, we''re going home for a weekend with our families. And I know for a fact that he''s going ring shopping with his mother (she knows a lot about diamonds and is willing to share with him). So that''s good.

But, while we''ve both talked to her about our plans (we''re planning to get engaged in the next nine months, after my SO has time to save), she just seemed to catch on to the ''we''re planning to get engaged'' part and really seems to be pushing SO to do it NOW NOW NOW. So that''s not good.

I mean, not that I wouldn''t mind sooner rather than later, but I know he''ll propose when the time is right for us. I''m not impatient, the wedding definitely isn''t going to be for a few years, and I don''t want him stressing any more about it. She (and his brother''s wife) almost seem more excited about this than I am! Any ideas how to... encourage her to let him take his time?

Other than that, I guess I''m just trying to see the positives in staying home, getting better, and having some quality time with SO. (And being excited that he''s going ring shopping!)

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

focusing on the positives is always harder than we want it to be. seems like youre doing a good job, though

Why do you think your SOs mom is pressuring him to propose so soon?

 

[misskitty]

Aww, sorry that''s stressing you out! My guess is she''s probably just very excited, and this is how it''s coming out. I''m not entirely sure what I''d say to her in your situation, but I''d probably start off with "I''m very glad that you''re so supportive of our relationship," and then go from there, so it''s not like you''re ambushing her.

Hope your cold/flu goes away soon!

 

[somegirl932]

Date: 3/19/2009 11:03:29 PM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
Why do you think your SOs mom is pressuring him to propose so soon?

I don't really know!

He's the middle of three boys, and his mom was excited to get her first "daughter" - but that happened when his older brother got married.

We've been dating for three years, but are only 21/22, so it's not like it's been an unreasonable amount of time by any means. That said, ever since older brother and wife got married (at 22), I guess all the attention has been on us (and they've been married for 1.5 years now...)

I kind of think it stems from her thinking that I'm getting impatient, but I've tried really, really hard to never give her that impression, because it's not true. I'm just afraid she's thinking it, and is hoping to push SO for my sake. =/

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Date: 3/19/2009 11:25:52 PM
Author: somegirl932

Date: 3/19/2009 11:03:29 PM

Author: SailorsSweet<3

Why do you think your SOs mom is pressuring him to propose so soon?

I don't really know!


He's the middle of three boys, and his mom was excited to get her first 'daughter' - but that happened when his older brother got married.


We've been dating for three years, but are only 21/22, so it's not like it's been an unreasonable amount of time by any means. That said, ever since older brother and wife got married (at 22), I guess all the attention has been on us (and they've been married for 1.5 years now...)


I kind of think it stems from her thinking that I'm getting impatient, but I've tried really, really hard to never give her that impression, because it's not true. I'm just afraid she's thinking it, and is hoping to push SO for my sake. =/

I can completely relate - SO and I are 22/23 and we've been dating for almost 3 years. We're in a weird transition phase because it feels like we went from feeling "too young" for all the right reasons to waking up one day being ready to get engaged yet wanting to do it on our own time - just like you're explaining. A couple weeks ago SO's mom joked about my proposing to him. Shes a great woman and in no way meant it to be anything other than something to let me know that she's excited for it to happen too - but its still hard to feel like others feel the two of your are dragging your feet. Just know that you need to do what feels right - which you seem to be doing just fine with. Let your SO know that you dont want him to feel pressured at all and that your timeline is perfect in your mind and let his mom know that you two need your own time to progress but youre just as excited as she is.

 

[jcarlylew]

i hope you have a wonderful spring break! His mother just sounds excited, which is awesome for you! no worries of whether or not she''s okay with the engagement.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 3/20/2009 6:40:33 AM
Author: jcarlylew
i hope you have a wonderful spring break! His mother just sounds excited, which is awesome for you! no worries of whether or not she''s okay with the engagement.

I agree with jcarly and misskitty. I think when you shared the news with SO''s mother she just heard the word "ENGAGEMENT!!" and everything else was mumbo jumbo. If you keep feeling pressure from her to get engaged sooner than later, then I would ask your SO to explain to his mom that he''s waiting to save up enough money...and then you can chime in that you''re not in a big rush either.

 

[somegirl932]

Thanks guys... I know this is one of those good problems to have... I''d much rather she''s overly excited than upset about the prospect... SO has said he''s going to talk to her again this weekend when we''re at home, so hopefully she''ll get it and their ring shopping will just be a pleasant experience for both of them.

(And hey... maybe he''s more ready than I''m aware of and will buy something, right?

)