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i can''t get myself wear my ring (help?!)

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I think it''s a personal decision - at least for me it has been.

After our engagement, we had one heck of a fight about his speeding while I was in the car. He wouldn''t slow down so I threw the ring on the dash and left it there overnight. When he came over the next day, we had a ''discussion'', and after the apology, the ring went back on.

Much more currently, while we were in the heat of our reno from hell, I left my rings off until I felt like putting them back on. It bothered him...Whatever...Anyway, they''ve been back on for a year now as the bulk of the dispute is old news.

My advice to you is to leave the ring off until you feel comfortable wearing it.
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b.anna, I''m going to contribute something that I know will initially sound harsh, but it''s incredibly well-intentioned and I hope that comes through.

That ring is a promise of marriage and commitment, and that''s what it should symbolize. Not JUST the happy portions of marriage, but the whole of marriage. A marriage is a conscious choice to bond together with someone else; it''s a choice to share the joys of your life together and to WORK at the tough parts even when it would be easier to leave. All marriages experience arguments and fights; all marriages experiences patches where it''s tough to get along. All marriages experience periods where one will hurt the other''s feelings or disappoint him/her.

You''ve said you love him and you want to marry him. If that''s really true, you need to know that you are marrying the whole package. You are marrying the person who will make you happier than you ever thought possible AND the person who will infuriate you to no end.

What you see when you look at that ring is your choice. Right now, you are choosing to focus only on the trauma that happened shortly after you received it. You are choosing to only look at half the picture and dwell on the negative. If you choose to, you could see something else. You could look at your ring as a symbol of your FULL relationship, one which already weathered some difficulties and is still standing. You experienced incredible joy in receiving the ring, followed very closely by serious disappointment in something that happened shortly after. This is what marriage is; it''s weathering the ups and downs and choosing to stay together.
 
Marriage is tough. Most the time, if people are being honest, everyone admits there was a certain point where they considered getting out. Life is unpredictable and often takes its toll on relationships. I did not read all of the responses but I like SS''s idea of creating NEW memories while wearing the ring. I understand not wanting to wear your rings when things are tough and you are angry with him but put things in perspective. Remember the night he proposed, the promises you made, the reasons you love him...
 
I don''t want to pry because you clearly don''t want to share the details (nor would I). But, could you say if you''re upset because he didn''t live up to your expectations, or did he disregard your preferences, or did he maliciously hurt you??

If he maliciously hurt you, it is something that you absolutely NEED counseling to get through. Those forms of attack just get worse over time.

If it''s something that he did not live up to, it''s something that YOU need to get through with or without counseling, but probably without his help also.

If he disregarded your preferences but without really trying to hurt you, it''s something that you can likely get through together as long as you are both willing to lay your cards on the table. This is often the hardest concept to get through because one party is severely disrespected and the other party can''t REALLY understand why. So, besides the issue that has taken place, further reconciliation needs to be made over the WHY. Why the initial party has the preference to begin with, and Why the second party didn''t consider it during their choice making. Often it''s because the second party doesn''t really get the big deal about the preference.
 
I didn't have a chance to ready through all the replies, so sorry if I repeat somebody. I just have to say that marriage is hard. It is hard when you go in excited to marry someone. If there are already problems going on even before the vows, I have to say I think things may get worse when you are actually legally bound to each other. It just kind of sounds like a recipe for disaster going into a marriage not even being able to look at your ring without bad thoughts. This should be one of the happiest times of your life....getting married is not going to make these things go away. I would take a long, hard look at things to really see if this relationship is worth going to the next level. If the answer is yes, I would strongly suggest seeking therapy NOW and possibly pushing back the wedding date until things are all worked out. Remember, problems you had going into marriage only get bigger, not the opposite and you can't go into something hoping to change a person.
 
Date: 10/5/2009 5:48:17 PM
Author: Allison D.
b.anna, I''m going to contribute something that I know will initially sound harsh, but it''s incredibly well-intentioned and I hope that comes through.


That ring is a promise of marriage and commitment, and that''s what it should symbolize. Not JUST the happy portions of marriage, but the whole of marriage. A marriage is a conscious choice to bond together with someone else; it''s a choice to share the joys of your life together and to WORK at the tough parts even when it would be easier to leave. All marriages experience arguments and fights; all marriages experiences patches where it''s tough to get along. All marriages experience periods where one will hurt the other''s feelings or disappoint him/her.


You''ve said you love him and you want to marry him. If that''s really true, you need to know that you are marrying the whole package. You are marrying the person who will make you happier than you ever thought possible AND the person who will infuriate you to no end.


What you see when you look at that ring is your choice. Right now, you are choosing to focus only on the trauma that happened shortly after you received it. You are choosing to only look at half the picture and dwell on the negative. If you choose to, you could see something else. You could look at your ring as a symbol of your FULL relationship, one which already weathered some difficulties and is still standing. You experienced incredible joy in receiving the ring, followed very closely by serious disappointment in something that happened shortly after. This is what marriage is; it''s weathering the ups and downs and choosing to stay together.
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+1


You need to decide if this is about ''the ring'' - if it is, get a new ring and see if your hard feelings about the issue clear up.

Or if it is about the relationship. My gut tells me it is about the relationship...which will take hard work.


Not to trivialize your problems, but it should not be about the ring...a ring is an object...yes it is symbolic of the relationship, I get that. But, lots of people marry without beautiful engagement rings...they wear a plain band to symbolize their love and commitment and that''s enough.


If you want to keep the ring, take it to a jeweler, have it professionally cleaned...have it ''re-plated''...start over with a clean surface, ready for new memories. And maybe you should do that with your SO as well...clean up your acts, refresh your relationship and pick yourselves up and start fresh...if you do get married, you will have to get used to that process. It never ends.
 
While I think Tgals advice is great, I NEVER go without my ring, no matter how mad and angry I am at FI. To me, the ring symbolizes the love we have for each other and the impending marriage, and I believe not wearing it would be extremely insulting to him. There will be tough times, and I'm not going to remove the symbol(s) (eventually, with the WB) that represent our marriage because I'm mad or angry at him. If he cheated, I'd pull a Tgal though.
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You siad your situation is not a deal breaker, so you need to do some serious soul searching as to whether or not you can ever wear the ring again.
 
Hmm, it doesn''t sound like this is about the ring. At all. It''s hard to say without knowing exactly what went down, but it sounds like there are deep, unresolved resentful feelings that are still very raw. I''d work on resolving whatever it was that happened as fully as you can, and don''t give the ring another thought until you figure things out.

I know that the ring is just a THING, but heck, unless my fiance was beating me up or cheating on me, I''d *always* have it on because wearing it symbolizes your promise to do whatever it takes to work things out....even if it hurts really bad. If anything, wearing my ring would probably help to give me the strength that I''d need to focus on figuring things out. Unless there was a dealbreaker situation going on here - which you said it wasn''t - I would highly recommend that you have a heart-to-heart and maybe even get counseling help.

Best of luck to you. I hope everything works out.
 
Clearly there are not enough details here to know the situation, but I will say this, because it''s what''s on my mind, and please ignore it if you wish.

If you are working this hard to make your relationship work now, to fix it, so that it will be ready for marriage, is this what you want forever? Because there are plenty of SITUATIONS in relationships that are hard, but I don''t think that relationships themselves have to be hard. I have friends who are always fighting to fix their relationships, and they are EXHAUSTED! I have friends who were in counseling so that they could fix issues before they got married, and now they are back in counseling to fix the same issues which were never resolved.

If this is a relationship issue, which it sounds like it is, think long and hard about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is making you stressed and sad and upset and hurt... and if the issue isn''t him, and you just hold on to things forever, then maybe that is something that you can work on... letting things go, so that you can be happier. You are in control of your emotions, and I actually do choose to create new associations for things... songs, items, places, etc... it''s kind of fun!

Once again, sorry if that''s off based.
 
This really isn't about the ring. I have a feeling that if you take enough time by yourself to think through your thoughts and get to the bottom of your feelings it will become very clear whether you should keep and wear the ring proudly or give it back.
 
Drama.
 
I didn't read the responses. I always do, but it's been a crazy night...

Here are my thoughts:

He proposed to you, you said yes. That was a happy time, right??? I remember the proposal.


If things have taken a turn, it's not the rings fault!!! It's sooooo not about the ring.....


It's about your relationship.


The ring is still a symbol of a very happy time where he proposed, and you were thrilled.

You can be mad at your FI but putting the ring away is like punishing the ring... Yanno??

I hope that made some sense.

Work out your problems , see a counselor. But don't attach negative feelings to the ring. The ring had nothing to do with it...

Here's hoping he puts that ring back on your finger, and you will want him to with all the love in your heart....
 
Honestly, if my husband and I had a fight which resulted in his no longer wishing to wear his wedding ring, I could only assume that meant he was no longer very invested in our commitment of marriage.

If you''re committed to the relationship and the engagement, wear the ring. Try to think of it as the symbol if mutual love that it is meant to be. If you''re not 100% sure, then that''s a different situation entirely.
 
Date: 10/5/2009 8:21:35 PM
Author: neatfreak
This really isn't about the ring. I have a feeling that if you take enough time by yourself to think through your thoughts and get to the bottom of your feelings it will become very clear whether you should keep and wear the ring proudly or give it back.
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*ditto*

You can't take the ring off every time you have a fight. You can either:
(A) accept the proposal, remain engaged and work through the issue. Or,
(B) take the ring off and return it to him because you aren't ready yet to get engaged etc.

Marriage is HARD WORK. It gets harder than it is now. Playing games about the ring doesn't really get to the guts of the issue. Leave the ring out of it. Stay committed to your relationship and work it out. Or, not. But you can't play in the 'in between' everytime your feelings get hurt about something.

LS
 
HI:

In short, you've been tryiing to work through issues/problems that seem to be beyond your scope to resolve without professional help--so much so that you've posted on an anonymous forum. Please seek profefssional help--and allow those who are devoted to helping people like yourself/partner get through and over stumbling blocks like you now face. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness--it comes from a postiion of strength--hence wanting to change and embrace wellness.

kind regards--Sharon
 
Date: 10/5/2009 9:24:59 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

In short, you''ve been tryiing to work through issues/problems that seem to be beyond your scope to resolve without professional help--so much so that you''ve posted on an anonymous forum. Please seek profefssional help--and allow those who are devoted to helping people like yourself/partner get through and over stubling blocks like you now face. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness--it comes from a postiion of strength--hence wanting to change and embrace wellness.

kind regards--Sharon
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Well said-I agree completely.
 
thank you thank you everyone! all your thoughts have been very insightful and has helped me organize my own head of a mess.

it''s so true that if it''s hard now it will only get harder. i already told him that i am not ready to marry him the way things are now. the hardest part right now is that he says he "understands" but still does not really get it. which to me, means he doesn''t understand. am i being illogical? the big problem is that he is very happy, mostly because he is so low maintenance and sometimes i feel, more interested in other things, making it easier to ignore what is going between us.

he doesn''t want to go to counseling, he doesn''t think we need it. the things that happened after we got engaged were reflective of me feeling like he is acting carelessly and doesn''t really take me into consideration. i depended on him to be there for me when i told him i really really really needed him (i rarely tell him how important things are to me) and he wasn''t there for me. in fact, he chose to be somewhere else by choice, and later decided to rip all the details about it in front of me, further adding injury to insult. i think this really set the tone for the following months. i couldn''t rationally talk to him for two weeks, i rarely ate. then after that i just kind of gave up hope, contemplated moving out, but decided to be mature and confront him. he thought all that was needed was an apology. usually i''m accepting of this, but this time it was not. i told him i really needed more and he said he didn''t know what he could do except apologize and never do it again. so i accepted, but was still upset about the whole thing. three months later, he FINALLY "understands" why i was so upset. and i know he feels badly about it, but the way he dealt with it i think is a testament to us needing some form of counseling. i''m not ashamed but he is just not into it which really surprised me.

anyway, i think i need time to think. at this point i really don''t know what to do because i don''t know what i can do help myself except walk away. i guess i could beg... but that''s not my style. it seems like he is not nearly as invested in resolving our problems than i am.

i think it''s hard trying to illustrate exactly what our relationship is like... but i know in my heart things are not right and i really can''t move forward until they are. but if he''s not willing i''m not sure if i have a choice.

thanks for all the advice everyone, it''s really great to know that there are so many helpful people around, even when it''s not about bling :) you''re all amazing!
 
Date: 10/5/2009 11:08:22 PM
Author: b.anna
anyway, i think i need time to think. at this point i really don't know what to do because i don't know what i can do help myself except walk away. i guess i could beg... but that's not my style. it seems like he is not nearly as invested in resolving our problems than i am.


i think it's hard trying to illustrate exactly what our relationship is like... but i know in my heart things are not right and i really can't move forward until they are. but if he's not willing i'm not sure if i have a choice.
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Did you read what you wrote? You could BEG??? He is so non-committed to your relationship that something is seriously wrong and you need to BEG him to work it out?

I'm sorry but he isn't ready to be married. Period. And you deserve better.
 
Well here is my insight after having tons of pre-marital issues- and ending it soon thereafter.

First of all, don''t think about the ring, think about the issues. And I am not going to tell you if they are fixable or how to fix them because I am not in your shoes.

All I can say with 100% confidence is: Make sure you are 100% sure everything is completetely worked out and he completely understands every inkling of what the problems were and how to never repeat them. The real tragedy of this situation isn''t about the tarnished image of the ring or a potential break-up/move out-- it would be you brushing this off, or giving up on getting through to him, and still getting married. I think that would be the real nightmare that could be imminent depending on the course of action you take from here.

Also, sometimes it is easier to just give up on getting through and go back to being peachy. But the issue will always resurface. Just to reiterate what I said above, don''t forget about this and let it resurface post-wedding vows!
 
There are too many red flags for me to count. I hope you take stock in YOU and move on... If you decide to move on with him, make sure he''s as invested in you as you are with him. That''s where I saw the Disconnect...

I know it''s hard, Life is hard. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
 
I know you said that the initial situation you went through right after your engagement isn''t a deal breaker...but it seems as though his lack of willingness to work on the situation, his lack of respect for the relationship (in refusing to go to counseling), and his lack of remorse for intentionally hurting your feelings IS.

Now granted, this is what I have gleaned from what you have said. If you feel you have to beg him to do anything--really truly BEG--then it is time for a hard, potentially nasty look at your relationship.

Also, if he won''t attend counseling with you, it may be beneficial for you to go on your own.

I am sorry you''re going through this.
 
the ring isn''t the problem, it''s merely the recipient of your disappointment, anger, ambivalence, etc.

go to counseling without him to get yourself clear. then and only then can you think about counseling as a couple.

mz
 
Date: 10/5/2009 11:08:22 PM
Author: b.anna
thank you thank you everyone! all your thoughts have been very insightful and has helped me organize my own head of a mess.

it''s so true that if it''s hard now it will only get harder. i already told him that i am not ready to marry him the way things are now. the hardest part right now is that he says he ''understands'' but still does not really get it. which to me, means he doesn''t understand. am i being illogical? the big problem is that he is very happy, mostly because he is so low maintenance and sometimes i feel, more interested in other things, making it easier to ignore what is going between us.

he doesn''t want to go to counseling, he doesn''t think we need it. the things that happened after we got engaged were reflective of me feeling like he is acting carelessly and doesn''t really take me into consideration. i depended on him to be there for me when i told him i really really really needed him (i rarely tell him how important things are to me) and he wasn''t there for me. in fact, he chose to be somewhere else by choice, and later decided to rip all the details about it in front of me, further adding injury to insult. i think this really set the tone for the following months. i couldn''t rationally talk to him for two weeks, i rarely ate. then after that i just kind of gave up hope, contemplated moving out, but decided to be mature and confront him. he thought all that was needed was an apology. usually i''m accepting of this, but this time it was not. i told him i really needed more and he said he didn''t know what he could do except apologize and never do it again. so i accepted, but was still upset about the whole thing. three months later, he FINALLY ''understands'' why i was so upset. and i know he feels badly about it, but the way he dealt with it i think is a testament to us needing some form of counseling. i''m not ashamed but he is just not into it which really surprised me.

anyway, i think i need time to think. at this point i really don''t know what to do because i don''t know what i can do help myself except walk away. i guess i could beg... but that''s not my style. it seems like he is not nearly as invested in resolving our problems than i am.

i think it''s hard trying to illustrate exactly what our relationship is like... but i know in my heart things are not right and i really can''t move forward until they are. but if he''s not willing i''m not sure if i have a choice.

thanks for all the advice everyone, it''s really great to know that there are so many helpful people around, even when it''s not about bling :) you''re all amazing!
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These two things jumped out at me.

Realistically, we have to accept that our partners cannot read our minds (nor we theirs) and that we will sometimes make the wrong choices. Hopefully, we learn from doing that. HOWEVER.....if you don''t have faith that you can have your fundamental needs met in a relationship, then it''s the wrong relationship to be in.

It''s hard to know without knowing particulars whether your issues stem from a fundamental or non-fundamental standpoint; only you can know that. Perhaps you can utilize the counselling to help you determine which it is, which may make your path clearer.
 
Date: 10/5/2009 11:08:22 PM
Author: b.anna
thank you thank you everyone! all your thoughts have been very insightful and has helped me organize my own head of a mess.


it''s so true that if it''s hard now it will only get harder. i already told him that i am not ready to marry him the way things are now. the hardest part right now is that he says he ''understands'' but still does not really get it. which to me, means he doesn''t understand. am i being illogical? the big problem is that he is very happy, mostly because he is so low maintenance and sometimes i feel, more interested in other things, making it easier to ignore what is going between us.


he doesn''t want to go to counseling, he doesn''t think we need it. the things that happened after we got engaged were reflective of me feeling like he is acting carelessly and doesn''t really take me into consideration. i depended on him to be there for me when i told him i really really really needed him (i rarely tell him how important things are to me) and he wasn''t there for me. in fact, he chose to be somewhere else by choice, and later decided to rip all the details about it in front of me, further adding injury to insult. i think this really set the tone for the following months. i couldn''t rationally talk to him for two weeks, i rarely ate. then after that i just kind of gave up hope, contemplated moving out, but decided to be mature and confront him. he thought all that was needed was an apology. usually i''m accepting of this, but this time it was not. i told him i really needed more and he said he didn''t know what he could do except apologize and never do it again. so i accepted, but was still upset about the whole thing. three months later, he FINALLY ''understands'' why i was so upset. and i know he feels badly about it, but the way he dealt with it i think is a testament to us needing some form of counseling. i''m not ashamed but he is just not into it which really surprised me.


anyway, i think i need time to think. at this point i really don''t know what to do because i don''t know what i can do help myself except walk away. i guess i could beg... but that''s not my style. it seems like he is not nearly as invested in resolving our problems than i am.


i think it''s hard trying to illustrate exactly what our relationship is like... but i know in my heart things are not right and i really can''t move forward until they are. but if he''s not willing i''m not sure if i have a choice.


thanks for all the advice everyone, it''s really great to know that there are so many helpful people around, even when it''s not about bling :) you''re all amazing!
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....so he apologized, said he would never do it again and understands why it was wrong. To me, it''s problem solved. Many times in a marriage we are disappointed by the expectations we put on our spouses.
I think that you should give him back the ring until you forgive and see yourself marrying him. You can''t change him, and it sounds like it''s his personality to move on and it''s not yours.
 
DItto hera. Your fiancé doesn''t have a time machine, so I''m not sure what you''re expecting from him. If you can''t forgive him after he sincerely apologized, maybe you''re not ready for marriage, either. I''m sure there will be more disappointments than this one in your relationship with him in the future.

And I''m confused-I thought you said earlier in the thread that he did want to go to counseling? Am I making that up?
 
b.anna you sound just miserable in your post. I really think counselling would benefit you, with or without your FI.

{HUGS}
 
There are a lot of issues here - first of all, I understand that you have associated bad thoughts with that engagement ring based on what happened right after you got engaged, but I really don''t understand why you would take it off if you still plan on marrying him. If you were still reconsidering the wedding and you didn''t want to get married to him anymore at all then I could understand a little more the idea of you taking it off and leaving it in the box, but if you are moving ahead with the wedding, then that must mean you are willing to put those things behind you. So I guess I just don''t understand why you would be ok with putting those negative things behind you to MARRY him but not to wear the ring he gave you and the ring that clearly means a lot to him.

I think you need to realize that in marriage there will be fighting, arguing, disagreeing, and possibly sometimes some hurtful things may be said or might happen. But that doesn''t mean that you can just take the ring off each time you feel upset or hurt because the ring reminds you of the negativity. You should try to look at it as a symbol of the GOOD things - the things you love about him. If my husband took his wedding ring off when I said or did something that hurt him I would be crushed. To me that would tell me he was no longer committed to being married to me and working THROUGH our problems together.

I''m not really sure what to tell you, but I definitely think you should find a way to both go for some counseling together because to me, you taking off the ring shows you have a lack of commitment to him, and him being unwilling to go for counseling shows he has a lack of commitment to you. I think there are a lot of issues you need to discuss together and work through.
 
well after reading all this, i do question whether i am ready to marry him. for me, i would be more than ready to marry him but IF and only IF we got through this situation together. it''s definitely not my style to say sorry and move on, esp if the sorry didn''t mean anything. i can''t count the number of times he''s said he''s sorry and has not meant it. he has a tendency to repeat bad habits, and i''m afraid this is going to be one of them again. in our situation, i don''t think it''s too much to ask of him to be more understanding and emotionally supportive of why i am so sad by feeling let down and abandoned while he ignores the fact that i am in not in a good place now. he''s being better than he would be in most situations where he tells me why i shouldn''t be upset. now he just asks me to talk to him and says nothing in return.

i''m sorry i if i wasn''t clear earlier: he has no stigma towards counseling, as his parents went through it (individually though). his mom had a very very messed up childhood and went through 10 years of counseling and now she''s in a great place in her life. he has always supported therapy too (his business partner has a therapist and he''s doing great too). but for some reason, he does not see the benefit for us. my suspicion (and i have no evidence to this theory) is that everyone in town knows him (we live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone else''s business) and he''s afraid that someone will find out we are going to counseling and talk about it.

i feel like i am really committed to this because i am trying so hard to find a solution, but feel like he''s not really cooperating. even though i am not wearing the ring does not mean i love him any less or am telling him that i have no interest in this anymore. if i wasn''t as committed as to when i was wearing the ring, i would have taken my puppy, packed up my stuff, and be living MUCH closer to where i work a long long time ago!

the only thing i see working now is for us to spend some time apart, for me to seek individual counseling and figure out if it''s just me and not him at all.

freke, i really agree with you on that, i think you hit it spot on. i never thought he could be so insensitive about this whole mess. he isn''t the most outgoing, talkative, animated person, but he really needs to show something because at this point i don''t even know if he loves me at all. he makes it seem like its so easy to ignore and push out of his mind while i am in many ways falling apart.

i''m not trying to shift blame to him, as i know i have things to work out on my own too that i''m working on currently. but i am just done with him apologizing and moving on, because it hasn''t benefitted our relationship at all. i almost feel like he gives me a sense of false hope when he does that because history has shown that he forgets that he apolgoized and promised not to do it again, and then months later, commits the offense again! now i am all for apologies, but if you''re not going to fix what went wrong the first time and commit the same thing again later, then to me that apology really means nothing and you ddin''t mean it when you said it.

thanks for all your help, guys. i know i keep saying thanks, but it really means a lot to get feedback from so many of you. thanks for taking the time out :)
 
I completely understand, and I don''t think you''re being unreasonable.

I''ve been there.

I''m not going to sit here any tell you to "get over it, wear it" because it is unreasonable. If you are anything like me, its not easy to just move from your memories. You are haunting yourself...and SPEAKING from experience the only thing you can do, is sit down with YOURSELF and figure out what you want to do.

Trust me that "sucking it up, and moving forward" will not fix it, figure out why you don''t want to wear it, and what it will take for you to wear it. Figure out what past memories are haunting the symbol of your relationship. Obviously the ideal situation is that you will be able to wear it as is...but if that''s not the case, then don''t.

In the end, its about making peace with yourself- not anything we say...because trust me, the last thing you want to do is move on when you haven''t solved what was bothering you because you WILL blow up. (ahem...yes, I did.)

Anyways, try and work it out with YOURSELF, and then talk to your SO and let him know how it is for you and see what he has to say...I mean, there is probably other things that are haunting you that haven''t been resolved (or haven''t been resolved to your satisfaction) so best advise i can give you is figure out why you feel this way and tell him.
(from my experience, SO just wanted it to be fixed so he WAS willing to listen, and do what it took for us to move forward). We''re married now!

Good luck!
 
sounds to me like you need to make NEW memories around your ring! You have good ones already and some not good ones... I would wear it even if it makes me a little bit sad and in time all sorts of new and positive things will also be attached to it - it will represent the long and winding road that is your relationship, for better or worse.
 
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