Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

I can''t believe this woman wouldn''t get up!!

hawaiianorangetree

hawaiianorangetree

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2009
Messages
2,692
Argh!!!! So angry!!!!!

I can''t believe what happened on the train today!!!! My mum and i were on our way home from her first oncology appointment today because she is adamant that she will be able take public transport for her 6 weeks of treatment.

The train was packed (peak hour) and there were no seats available so my mum who is 66 asks a young woman if she can have the priority seat that she was in and she REFUSED!!!

Mum: Can i please have this seat?
Her: No.
Mum: But it''s a priority seat!
Her: So? I''m a full paying adult.
Mum: I''m over 60 years old and i''m entitled to that seat.
Her: *stares blankly*
Me: She has cancer for god sake!
Her: How am i supposed to know?

Argh!!

Meanwhile the gentleman in the other priority seat who looked like he was at least 60 got up and let mum have his seat.

These seats are CLEARLY MARKED priority and this woman just didn''t care. What has happened to common courtesy??

So now i am wondering if mum is going to have this battle every day for 6 weeks, but i have started a facebook ''public awareness'' group to try and get the word out that this is not cool!

Ok, rant over!!
9.gif
 
Hm. Sucks, but some women just don't understand what those seats mean or are for. I would just consider her somewhat unaware.

Has your mum actually started chemo (or radiation or whatever she is having yet?). I am definitely not a doctor but I would not really "advise" public transport when she is in chemo. When going through chemo you have weeks where your immune system is VERY VERY vulnerable and they really advise limiting exposure to lots of people who just won't take the same precautions (i.e. will not cover mouth when coughing or sneezing). My mum was 47 when diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer, and while she definitely wanted to keep working through her treatments...she still had to cut back a lot on her work travel because of the risks of being in cramped spaces (i.e. planes) with other people. She wore a mask a lot of the time too when out in public. There would be some time in treatments she could still travel with precautions (i.e. she went on an Alaskan Cruise between her 4th and 5th rounds). There were many times I just could not see her as I would get a little sniffle...but a sniffle for me could be very dangerous for her.

That, and she just may not feel up to that sort of effort...it saps energy.

P.S. My mum is now 53 and doing very well after a double mastectomy, 10 rounds of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation, plus tamoxifen, etc. I wish your mother the best possible outcome!
 
Ugh, sorry about this! This kind of stuff drives me NUTS! I hate when pregnant women are standing, or elderly individuals, and nobody bothers to ask if they''d like a seat. Some people are just so freaking unaware of their surroundings and others, and so inconsiderate that they are unable to think beyond their own skin. That woman was a complete jerk! I hope she feels guilty all day long!
 
Rai, i completely agree!!! But my mum hates to drive in the city and its also a cost / stress factor also (peak hour traffic is a nightmare!)
It will cost her $2.98 a day to travel on the bus and train and the car would be double alone in petrol without even thinking about parking costs.
She is having 6 weeks of radiotherapy (sp?) and the nurse didn''t have any objections to public transport. I wish i could take her but i just can''t. I work about 10 minutes away from the hospital where she is having her treatment and i catch public transport as well.

Meg, urgh!! this woman just stuck her nose futher into her book and did not look up again. not even when she got off the train!! I hope she finds it hard to sleep tonight! (because i am not going to sleep either, i am still that angry!! lol)
 
Karma will come around. When that woman gets multiple cancers, she will be denied many seats on the bus.

Zero respect for people who wont give up seats for the elderly. I''ve yelled at grown men on buses before for the very same reason. Imagine a 12 yr old girl yelling at a 30 yr old man for being disrespectful and a discgrace to the human race...
 
Date: 4/28/2010 11:03:00 AM
Author: RaiKai
Hm. Sucks, but some women just don''t understand what those seats mean or are for. I would just consider her somewhat unaware.
Click to expand...
No. When people don''t RSVP for weddings or want to bring +1s even though the couple can''t afford it, then I''m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. In this case, she has got to know that (a) you should always stand up for an elderly person and (b) if you''re not that polite, you at least give up a preferred seat. No benefit of the doubt for that woman. Ugh. It really annoys me to death how selfish some people are.

I wish your mom all the best for a successful treatment, HOT.
 
So true fortekitty, when she got off the bus my mum said to her 'you will be old and sick one day too you know'

She just kept walking.
40.gif


Thanks mcushion, i have faith that she will be ok.
 
How rude!

I''m so the type of person who would say to the man who gave up his seat (loud enough for the woman to hear) "thank you soooooo much! Its nice when people aren''t rude and selfish like the woman over there and are willing to give up their priority seats for those who really need and appreciate them." I''m a guilt trip master.
 
Date: 4/28/2010 11:19:37 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Rai, i completely agree!!! But my mum hates to drive in the city and its also a cost / stress factor also (peak hour traffic is a nightmare!)

It will cost her $2.98 a day to travel on the bus and train and the car would be double alone in petrol without even thinking about parking costs.

She is having 6 weeks of radiotherapy (sp?) and the nurse didn't have any objections to public transport. I wish i could take her but i just can't. I work about 10 minutes away from the hospital where she is having her treatment and i catch public transport as well.


Meg, urgh!! this woman just stuck her nose futher into her book and did not look up again. not even when she got off the train!! I hope she finds it hard to sleep tonight! (because i am not going to sleep either, i am still that angry!! lol)
Click to expand...

Okay if she is in radiotherapy perhaps it is not as much a concern. She may still be dog-tired and feel quite sick though some days - though radiation is more targeted and not so bad these days. I have witnessed several family members over the last 30 years go through cancer treatment and I can say the treatment my grandmother had access to 25 years ago versus the treatment my mother had a few years ago looks almost archaic in comparison! My mum really did not have too much of an issue with her radiotherapy, though did get some skin burns in the targeted areas that were painful. Hope your mother does well!

She may even meet some "cancer buddies" and they can help one another out too with carpooling and such.
 
Date: 4/28/2010 11:36:10 AM
Author: mscushion
Date: 4/28/2010 11:03:00 AM

Author: RaiKai

Hm. Sucks, but some people just don't understand what those seats mean or are for. I would just consider her somewhat unaware.
Click to expand...

No. When people don't RSVP for weddings or want to bring +1s even though the couple can't afford it, then I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. In this case, she has got to know that (a) you should always stand up for an elderly person and (b) if you're not that polite, you at least give up a preferred seat. No benefit of the doubt for that woman. Ugh. It really annoys me to death how selfish some people are.


I wish your mom all the best for a successful treatment, HOT.
Click to expand...

I am not saying being unaware is a good thing or made her actions less selfish from our point of view. I think plenty of unaware people can be complete jerks in their unawareness.

It just means I am not going to waste much more time worrying about their motivations or take her actions personally....they are what they are. Whether she did not think that her mother looked a day over 60, or had no idea what a preferred seat means, has not grown up learning to stand up for elderly people, or is maybe sick herself and just does not want to say anything to strangers, or was just a selfish b**** is not something I would dwell on very long. I don't know what is really going on in her head and for her and am not going to waste too much time trying to assume it either.
28.gif
 
I''m so sorry to hear about your mom''s illness and I''m sorry you had to deal with this.

Just a thought though - when a close friend of mine had leukemia, he used priority seats on public transport (and disabled parking spaces, with the correct badge displayed on his car). He did not look particularly unwell, but somedays he was very weak indeed. I lost count of the people who challenged his use of the seats and parking spaces. I understand why they did so, because he looked young and reasonably healthy, but he was very, very ill. He eventually stopped explaining to random strangers who called him out, and just looked out of the window instead. I expect some people had this conversation about him. Not saying that''s what happened today, but it isn''t always rudeness or ignorance.

I hope your mom''s treatment goes smoothly and that she makes a speedy recovery. I know how hard it is to support someone you love through chemo and I hope you take some time to look after yourself too.
Thinking about you.

Jen
 
hawaiian - I''m very sorry to hear about your mother''s cancer.
7.gif
I also agree that many people are extremely rude on public transport and will not give up priority seats. Many times when I was pregnant people would just stare at my belly and let me stand...
20.gif
 
Hawaiianorangetree, I''m so sorry this happened to you and your mom.

I''m so appalled after reading this story, that I don''t even know where to start. I really believe our society has deteriorated, and people just don''t have love and compassion anymore, and without getting all preachy, I personally believe it has to with lack of religion. When you have no higher power to hold you accountable for your actions, this is what happens to society. Stepping off soapbox....

I probably would have tried to reach out to this poor person, and make her open her eyes to the needs of others, but I''m not sure how open you are about sharing your mom''s illness to total strangers. I would have stood there talked her ear off until she wept with remorse.

I''m saddened after reading about this. Continue to be a blessing for your mom, she is lucky to have you. Hope the rest of her treatments go well so that she makes a speedy recovery.
 
I was pretty much going to post just as Mrs. Mitchell did.

While we have no control of the actions of others, we have much control over how we respond to them. This rude girl may have some very serious issues, either healthwise or psycho-social. What is great is that you don''t have to deal with her again or live life with her. Just forget about it. "Karma" is not wishing ill to others (not that you did). The universe may already have taken a piece out of this girl and in any case, if she is simply a rude, uncompassionate person, think how her life is right now - probably pretty bad and getting worse.
8.gif


Don''t lose even one minute of your life considering her strange behavior - you can never get that minute back!! Just wish her well and hope that whatever her problem is, it eventually resolves so she can be a happier and more community oriented member of society.

I hope your mom is doing very well!!! Good luck to you and your family as her health is restored.
1.gif
 
Date: 4/28/2010 12:42:08 PM
Author: Beacon
I was pretty much going to post just as Mrs. Mitchell did.

While we have no control of the actions of others, we have much control over how we respond to them. This rude girl may have some very serious issues, either healthwise or psycho-social. What is great is that you don''t have to deal with her again or live life with her. Just forget about it. ''Karma'' is not wishing ill to others (not that you did). The universe may already have taken a piece out of this girl and in any case, if she is simply a rude, uncompassionate person, think how her life is right now - probably pretty bad and getting worse.
8.gif


Don''t lose even one minute of your life considering her strange behavior - you can never get that minute back!! Just wish her well and hope that whatever her problem is, it eventually resolves so she can be a happier and more community oriented member of society.

I hope your mom is doing very well!!! Good luck to you and your family as her health is restored.
1.gif
Click to expand...
Agree
 
I am so sorry that you and your mom had that experience.

I wish I could tell you this was an isolated experience, unfortunately, I''ve seen it repeated many times and in many places. And while I completely understand that some folks may have disabilities and issues that aren''t apparent to strangers, I don''t think that is what is driving a lot of this.

I recently had a similar experience, though my health problem was much less serious than your mother''s and I am far younger. However, I recently was on a trip to a major American city, and I had a fractured foot and was wearing a very prominent cast on my foot. Pretty much every single time I got onto a subway car, I had to ask someone, and sometimes multiple people, if they could please allow me to sit down. As I said, I can certainly accept that there may be a handful of those in the priority seats who have difficulties I can''t discern by sight alone, but I find it hard to believe that all 12+ individuals in the priority seating section have such difficulties, or that it is ever acceptable to be rude to someone asking for such a seat, even if you do have a good reason for occupying it.
 
That was very rude of that woman. I hope your mom gets well soon.
 
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and well wishes for my mum and her speedy recovery. It''s very kind of you all.

Now i know that there is always someone playing devils advocate here on PS (and that is the beauty of PS) but this time i have to say i respectfully disagree on the points about mental illness etc. This woman was a well dress proffessional travelling home from the city after 5pm, presumably from her work. I see her type ALL the time. The get on the train head straight for the priority seat, sit down and put their head in a book and not dare look up until its time to get off. The shocking thing to me me how she refused as she was a full paying adult. People''s selfishness and and sense of self entitlement is just astounding.

Now you are all probably right about needing to just let this go, i will, but when my mum starts her treatment i will be wondering every day if she is sitting in a seat or fighting for one from someone who shouldn''t be in it.
 
I hope your mother''s treatment goes well. A face mask would be a great idea both for protecting her from others'' germs and to get her that seat!

Yesterday when my train braked suddenly I accidentally slammed my gargantuan baby belly into the personal space of a man seated, he glared at me. I laughed at him. That is what you get for not offering your seat to a woman a week from her due date! Then again, several people have apologetically/cautiously asked me if I did want their seats but didn''t want to imply that I was impaired...apparently some women are angry if seats are offered to them even when it is clear that they are elderly or in need of some TLC. It is hard to read minds, your mother did the right thing to ask. I hope that she finds kind people in the future. Again, good luck to your mom and hopefully she and you wet wipes/purell, public transport really is a germ-fest.

ETA: Where I live there is special public transportation for Sr. Citizens who have medical issues, you simply make an appt and they come to get people to take them to appointments. Perhaps that exists where you are?
 
gosh, I''m sorry, that really sucks. I hope your mom is OK.

When my GF had just had surgery on her ankle and was in a cast no one stood up at a movie theater (we were in line, there were seats for some) to her let her sit down either. what is WRONG with people these days?
 
Hawianorangetree I''m sorry that your mum is unwell and I am equally sorry that she was treated so rudely. Unfortunately it seems to be something that happens often. I remember being heavily pregnant and stepping onto a crowded CAT bus in West Perth. The bus was crowded with men in business suits and not one of them budged an inch, to the point where I was unable to even get close to any thing to grab hold of to steady myself. Thankfully a young girl graciously gave me her place at the handrail as those buses are hard to stand up in the best of times.

Best wishes to your mum for a full recovery.
 
Now stuff like this makes me feel ashamed to be Aussie! How can a sick woman get on a train here and not get a freakin seat. So pisses me off!!

You will have to tell your Mum to make sure she pukes on her feet next time she feels crook after treatment and feeling a little green
2.gif
 
This kind of thing drives me mad!!!!!! I was in a train going to the airport last Christmas, and it was packed. I got a seat, but my luggage had to go in a different area, so about 10 mins into the journey I went to check on it. In the other section there was this little old lady standing. I sort of could nt believe all the young people around had allowed her to stand. I gave her my seat, and I stood where she was standing. I had an almighty cold at the time, and I was coughing like nothing you had seen before in your life. The people who were sitting around me (standing) were really not pleased I was standing there (there were a few comments), but given their general rudeness I was quite happy to pass on my cold.
When I come across this sort of behavior and it makes me mad, I remind myself of this: In a good life people are happy and pleasant to one another; if people treat other people badly in public they probably treat the people in their private life worse; in turn those people probably treat them quite badly; that is not a happy life. I would prefer to live my life, and sometimes be angered by these people. I am so happy I live among people (BF, Mom, friends) that would happily give their seat to someone in need, and would never show anger at being asked.
By the way- I am sorry to hear of you Mom''s ill health. I hope she gets better soon!
 
hawaiianorangetree - I''m sorry that this happened to you mom - there are many disrespectful, selfish and rather stupid people out there. I hope it doesn''t happen again
7.gif

I''m sorry to hear your mom is ill - you''re all in my thoughts
 
sorry to hear this.I wish your mother well.I can relate in a few ways with this...when i was in a wheel chair a few years ago i discovered how hard it was to travel by bus or car.Watching as people without a handicap tag in their car use the handicap parking was always a problem/issue.Even when we went to the store management they always refused to inforce the parking policy (another one of the many reasons not to shop a your local Walmart!).
 
So your mother was standing there and that was not enough of a clue for this woman to get up. Your mother actually asks and the young woman looks at her and says no!!! As my mother would say, was she raised by wolves? I would have wanted to strangle that person.

I have seen and heard some really bad behavior. When my boss was going through chemotherapy and was seated in a clinic room, the phlebotomist (who was very heavy), seats herself across the room, and then asks my boss (frail at this time, using a walker) to come to HER to get her blood taken (which would mean my boss would have get up using her walker, navigate across the room and then sit and lean way over in an awkward position for this person to take her blood). My boss asks if she could get it taken where she was seated. Answer no (this is done all the time but this woman didn''t want to get her ass up). My boss, trying to do this, ends up falling and bruising her hip so badly that after the blood was taken she had to be taken to the ER. But while all this is going on, the woman takes her blood, gets up, and leaves, no apology! I think my boss was in such shock she didn''t say anything but I was so upset when I heard I wanted to go down there and take names.
 
I don''t know if maybe the fact that I''ve always lived in small towns and never really used any public transportation because they aren''t available is really skewing my view on this or what, but wow, I''m just not getting it.

Ok, so the girl didn''t give her seat up to someone she would have perceived as an elderly woman when she was asked. I agree that that is the wrong thing to do. But it''s also wrong to judge her when you have no idea what her situation is, and I think the assumptions you made about her based on her appearance are pretty unacceptable as well.

Honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was that Rosa Parks stood her ground to get a seat in the front of the bus. So with equal rights for EVERYONE, that meant that seats were first come, first serve. That girl had the RIGHT to sit there, even though common courtesy would tell you differently.

I wonder if your emotions over your mom''s situation are coloring your view of the situation, as that would be totally normal. But this girl didn''t know what you and your mom are going through, just like you don''t know what she''s going through.

I''m sorry for what you''re going through and I''m sorry this girl upset you, but don''t let her moment of poor judgment turn into something ugly reflecting on you.
 
Sabine, Perhaps it's difficult to understand if you do not take public transportation. Priority seating is NOT first come first serve. I'm not sure if it's written in law, but PT rule is that these seats are to be vacated in the event that people who necessitates them come on board.
Edited, because it's really not fair if you didn't know how priority seats are supposed to be used.
 
Sabine, in Australia, there are designated seats near the exits for special needs/priority travellers. They are ONLY to be used with the proviso that you vacate them for an eldery/sick/disabled/special needs person. The sign clearly displays this fact. So, in this case, it''s not first in best dressed. You are welcome to use ANY OTHER seat and stay put in it the entire time but if you chose to take these priority seats, then you do so with the knowledge that you are obligated to give it up when requested.

And, really when it comes down to it, it''s about common decency. What kind of person refuses to give their seat up to someone who''s sick just cos they got their first. What a world we would live in if everyone had that stinking attitude
15.gif
 
Hawiian, that''s just shocking.
38.gif
I would have been absolutely livid if I were you, and I think I probably would have caused a bit of a scene. As Honey corrected Sabine, those seats are blatently marked for elderly/sick/pregnant passengers. There are dozens upon dozens of other seats for regular passengers, and only a small number marked for those who need them. I don''t sit in those seats at all -- I''d rather stand for the entire trip than run the risk of not seeing someone who really needs the seat.

I think people who don''t give up the clearly reserved priority seating should be ticketed.

I hope your mum''s treatment goes well and she doesn''t experience any more self-absorbed, unsympathetic people on her travels. Maybe it won''t be as much of a problem if she can arrange to stay out of the peak hour rush?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top