I am so, so sad right now and don''t know what to do

[Italiahaircolor]

Wow, how completely inappropriate of her to behave that way...is she really mature enough to be getting married was my first though after reading your post....

Fiery, she was out of line. She behaved badly. She is incredibly immature. Shame on her. But if you leave now, and don''t show tomorrow, all that anyone will remember is what you did and that''s not fair because you haven''t done anything wrong at all.

I know that''s a lot to ask...and it does mean you''re going to have to be the big, bigger, biggest person of all...which is harder than hard when someone is so blantently rude. But by showing up, you''re basically telling her "I have nothing to be embarrassed about, and I''m not going to start giving myself something to be embarrassed about now!". If you show, and she tells you to leave, then you leave...but you''ll always know that you did the right thing even when it was terribly difficult.

Big, huge hugs...this girl is the one with the problem...not you...so hold your head up high!

 

[luckystar112]

Wow what a crazy story.
How recent was her hysterectomy? I''m not a doctor, but my mother has always been a little nutty...and when she had a hysterectomy her mood swings increased ten-fold while her hormones evened out. At least that''s what she blames her crazy evilness on now.

I would definitely leave though. Screw that.

 

[EricaR]

Oh Fiery, I don''t know what to say except *hugs*. You do NOT deserve to be treated like this and I''m glad you FI is there to support you.

 

[Gypsy]

Yikes!

Honey, first of all, HUGE HUGS.

Second, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I can't see a positive outcome for you. A) you show up and she continues to play the martyr and be a complete psycho, and god knows what she'll say or do and B) you don't show up and the same thing happens. If it were me? I'd like to say I would show up to the pre-wedding stuff, REALLY quietly and let her sister handle her, stick it out through the ceremony and pics THEN leave. But knowing my temper and DH's protectiveness (you've got a good man lady, bat sh*t crazy 'friend', but good man) I'd have already left.

 

[choro72]

My goodness

And your FI is a great guy! I hope you are talking to her as I write. If not, maybe try her family members? If you can''t reach anyone then my suggestion is to just leave. I think somewhere someone lied to someone about something because I don''t think things get this ugly all in a sudden. I smell something rotten...

((HUUGGGSS)), as if your FI isn''t giving you enough...

This really stinks.

 

[honey22]

Did she recently have a hysterectomy? Maybe she has guessed you are preggo and gone off the deepend.

That said, SHE SOUNDS LIKE A COW!!!! Do the right thing for you, your FI (he sounds like a knight in shining armour! Go FI!) and your bubby and tell her to PULL HER HEAD IN B*TCH!!!! She can start treating you with respect or you will be the hell out of there!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever she has going on, it''s totally out of line to speak to you like this. I kinda agree with Italia though, if you show up, hold your head high and know deep down you are the better person - that baby will be proud of Mama!!

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/5/2008 11:21:36 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 12/5/2008 11:13:07 PM

Author: princesss

Screw her.


Sorry to be blunt, but I''m with your FI. This girl has repeatedly treated you like you are her slave, she''s completely ignored everything you''ve done to help her. You''ve put your feelings aside for her, trying to save the friendship.


Well, if it were me, I''d sign the DNR on that friendship and leave. So what if you''ve spent the last six months on this. That''s a small price to pay to realize how toxic this person is before you really need her.

Yep. I have to agree. It would definitely be bye-bye for me.


If she''s pissed now, just wait until you don''t show tomorrow!!!

me too. She sounds like the biggest Bridezilla. You did tons of things for her. Just because you''re her MOH, it does not make you her slave. She treated you like crap the past couple of months and now this! Your FI sounds like a great man!!

 

[Rhea]

I''m sorry that she did that to you and embarrassed you in front of everybody. Your FI sounds very awesome and supportive.

 

[gwendolyn]

Oh honey, that is simply dreadful, especially after everything you have done for her. Regardless of whether you decide to stand up at her wedding or not (and if you leave the decision it up to her, I''d make her voice her decision in public so she doesn''t spread more lies about you to the guests), I think this might be the end of the friendship for me in your shoes. So sad, but real friends don''t act like this to each other.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 12/5/2008 11:02:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
If it is the same friend with the rental car snafu & the buying dresses/shirts for everyone BUT you ... she is not treating you like a 'friend' ... she's treating you like her punching bag ... her stress-release ... her SLAVE.

Its a shame it has to come to a head the night before her wedding but ultimately you have to be YOUR OWN best friend.

Ditto.

Also I am not telling you what to do, but if I was in that situation, I would make this ' friend' realize that her behaviour has consequences and let her find another MoH at a moments notice, as I would certainly not be attending her wedding.

 

[girlie-girl]

I have to say I would not attend either. I could not stand up for a person who treated me so horribly. I would take your FI''s cue and get the hell outta dodge! Let her suffer the consequences of her actions. Why should you give her another opportunity to hurt you so badly? I can''t imagine such negative feelings toward you going away over night. She''s got herself all in a huff about what you supposedly didn''t do... let''s see how she acts when she has to find someone else.

I''ve recently gone through some negative things with women who were supposedly my ''friends''. After countless phone calls ending in me crying my husband finally said to me, "People who treat you so badly that they make you cry are not your friend, why do you allow them to hurt you so?" After much thought I came to the realization that I was hurt because I had been THEIR friend and I didn''t get the same in return. In the end it was easier to walk away from them than to be the ''target'' of all negativity. It''s a hard thing to do, but sometimes we really must just look out for ourselves. Women can be catty and jealous and sometimes they''re just toxic.

Good luck with this Fiery. I hope you''re able to come to a resolution that you can live with. Listen to your gut, listen to your fiancé (who sounds like a real stand up guy btw) and you''ll know what is right.

**hugs**

 

[Sabine]

Oh Fiery, I''m so sorry. You do NOT deserve to be put in this position. There is no excuse for her ongoing behavior towards you, and this is just downright rotten. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do, but I sincerely hope that you don''t let this girl hurt you any more because you do not deserve it.

 

[princesss]

Fiery, hun, how are you doing today? We''re here to support you no matter what.

 

[Sha]

Date: 12/5/2008 11:46:25 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Wow, how completely inappropriate of her to behave that way...is she really mature enough to be getting married was my first though after reading your post....

Fiery, she was out of line. She behaved badly. She is incredibly immature. Shame on her. But if you leave now, and don't show tomorrow, all that anyone will remember is what you did and that's not fair because you haven't done anything wrong at all.

I know that's a lot to ask...and it does mean you're going to have to be the big, bigger, biggest person of all...which is harder than hard when someone is so blantently rude. But by showing up, you're basically telling her 'I have nothing to be embarrassed about, and I'm not going to start giving myself something to be embarrassed about now!'. If you show, and she tells you to leave, then you leave...but you'll always know that you did the right thing even when it was terribly difficult.

Big, huge hugs...this girl is the one with the problem...not you...so hold your head up high!

Big ditto! I would go. Or at least call her and see if she does want you there first. Not going would just create more fodder for her to use against you, when you've done nothing wrong here.

 

[elrohwen]

Oh. My. Goodness.

That is so ridiculous. I''m so sorry someone you thought was a friend turned on you like that

If I were you I wouldn''t go to the wedding. And you''re lucky that your wonderful FI was there to stand up for you and be on your side. He did exactly the right thing.

 

[katamari]

I am so sorry to hear about this, Fiery. I certainly hope she has calmed down and will make a public apology worthy to counter her public hissy fit and slandering of you. She will hopefully realize that her expectations were unreal. At least you can be done with her after today.

 

[Deelight]

Hun, you have gotten so much good advice already so I am just going to send you a big hug I feel for you what she did was uncalled for and terrible.

If a person has an issue with another person it is best resolved talking to that person in private. I think she is the one that should be embarrassed not you.

 

[Blackpaw]

im with everyone - B*&!h

she needs to get over herself, its a wedding, not the first african-american being inaugurated as president

ive recently come to the conclusion that no-one really gives a crap about your wedding (not yours in particular fiery...just in general people dont put other people''s weddings on their life-altering moments list...) and she needs to remember that, that NO-ONE GIVES A CRAP

Phew ok i have my anger out for you. As for advice that''s tough, if this is just a bridezilla moment on her part and you know you''ll still be friends, then try to work it out (but dont take the blame!), if she''s often like this maybe you shouldnt be in her wedding?

I was removed from a bridal party a few months before the big day once, and in hindsight it was the best thing as i was never going to maintain the friendship you know, we''ld just grown apart.

but hugs to you because you must feel crap because of her...chin up...we all think you''re great

 

[Blackpaw]

blah im stupid...in my rage for you i replied without reading all the posts and im a bit late of the starters blocks!!

well i hope things work out, thinking of you...

 

[Gypsy]

Okay, just hunted up old posts on this woman.

1. You used your airline points to fly her sister out to her wedding because the sister is experiencing financial difficulties.
2. You spent hours registering stuff for her wedding.
3. You picked December 5th as your date (for 2009) a while ago and then she changed her date, again and again, only to coincidentially settle on Decemnber 5th 2008 (I realize you''ve since changed your date but still).
4. You planned her bachelorette party, and I believe you were the only member of the bridal party in attendance.
5. She''s paying for everyone else in ther bridal party''s attire, except yours.
6. And now this?

And the list goes on an on. Honey I''m incensed for you. You kept calling this woman your ''best friend''... no, no, no. You are HER best friend, and she''s NOT even a friend, let alone best. Kittybean''s had it right. She''s a selfish, PITA, bridezilla. Hysterectomy or no, there is no excuse for this behaviour. Today is the sixth... and I hope that whatever you decided on her wedding day, for your own health, you RUN away from this woman. She''s toxic.

 

[neatfreak]

Fiery, just checking in on you. We are all thinking about you!

 

[Haven]

Fiery, honey, how are you?

I can''t believe this girl. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt with the attire situation, but seriously, she sounds like a nightmare.

I hope you''re okay with whatever choice you made. I''m sure it wasn''t easy, but at least you know that you did everything you could in your power to be a good friend, even if this cow didn''t deserve you.

And I hope you''ll be much happier once you eighty-six her from your life.

Thinking of you, sweetie. Check in when you can.

 

[robbie3982]

Fiery, I just saw this thread. ::hugs:: I''m so sorry that she''s being so evil to you. I''m amazed at your restraint. I would screamed right back at her at the rehearsal dinner and that''s pre-preggo hormones. At this point DH would have to hold me back if someone did that to me.

 

[mimzy]

fiery, i hope that you realize that this girl is OUT OF HER MIND and that you don''t internalize one ounce of her BS. you know that you have been a fabulous friend and have gone above and beyond, and if she can''t recognize that then she will never be satisfied with what you do for her. i hope you booked it out of there last night, but in case you stayed I hope the day goes/went well. <3

 

[pocahontas]

Hey Fiery, I just wanted to check in on you today.

 

[Pandora II]

Wow, unbelievable - whatever you decided to do on the day, I hope you will cut your losses from now on - she is no friend.

I am amazed by your dignified way of behaving - I would have likely removed parts of her anatomy. My temper has been a revelation to a lot of people since I got preggo.

You have gone above and beyond for this girl and I am horrified at how she has tried to paint you in front of other guests. I hope her sister realised that she was there partly thanks to you when she came to have a go at you.

Frankly, if it was me, I would have sent a message to the bride to tell her that I could make her wedding as my obstetrician said the stress was too much for me at this stage of my pregnancy. I think that might pay her back for the hurt she has caused you(But you''re probably much nicer than me!)

Anyway, big hugs and I hope you feel better soon sweetie.

 

[swimmer]

Wow. How did you put up with her for so long?
I''m assuming from your silence that you attended. I hope she hugged you and thanked you for going beyond the rational scope of friendship for her for .5 a year...or that she at least was not abusive to you during her wedding.
You deserve better lady!

 

[onedrop]

I CANNOT believe she embarrassed you like that!!! I really have no words except to say that you need to cut her out of your life. I have been in a similar situation (though not as ugly) and I did end up standing up at the wedding though I would have much preferred not to. In retrospect I feel I did the right thing for me. So I do understand how you feel about not wanting to get slandered if you don't show up, but I feel like you have done so much to support her only to be embarrased and attacked for no reason, and to stand up for her would be like condoning her behavior and that should NOT happen. Your FI sounds like a really classy guy, and I think you should lean on him and just go on home and go on with your life. I am so sorry you were treated this way. {{{{HUGS}}}}

ETA: In my haste to respond I realized now that today was the wedding. Hopefully you aren't responding because you are on your way home after deciding not to attend. If not, you probably did the right thing in the end.

 

[missjaxon]

Date: 12/6/2008 1:25:04 PM
Author: Gypsy
Okay, just hunted up old posts on this woman.


1. You used your airline points to fly her sister out to her wedding because the sister is experiencing financial difficulties.

2. You spent hours registering stuff for her wedding.

3. You picked December 5th as your date (for 2009) a while ago and then she changed her date, again and again, only to coincidentially settle on Decemnber 5th 2008 (I realize you''ve since changed your date but still).

4. You planned her bachelorette party, and I believe you were the only member of the bridal party in attendance.

5. She''s paying for everyone else in ther bridal party''s attire, except yours.

6. And now this?


And the list goes on an on. Honey I''m incensed for you. You kept calling this woman your ''best friend''... no, no, no. You are HER best friend, and she''s NOT even a friend, let alone best. Kittybean''s had it right. She''s a selfish, PITA, bridezilla. Hysterectomy or no, there is no excuse for this behaviour. Today is the sixth... and I hope that whatever you decided on her wedding day, for your own health, you RUN away from this woman. She''s toxic.

I totally agree with Gypsy here, a MOH is not supposed to be a slave to the Bride, she is there to support and help out when needed and you have already seemed to have gone above and beyond. It does sound to me like you are her best friend and not the other way around. She was fortunate to have you helping out in all of the ways that you did and then for her to embarrass you like that and have you feeling so terrible is incredibly cruel and extremely selfish and immature. I respect you for being so classy even after her extremely rude behavior and can see your kind heart through your now concern for her and her wedding day even after what she has done, and no doubt is the reason why you are such a good friend. She truly does not deserve you and also you are lucky to have such an amazing FI. I had to smile when I read that he grabbed your purse and marched into the ladies room

I wish you all the best and hope that you are feeling better.

 

[fieryred33143]

Hi everyone.

I haven''t had a chance to read through all of the comments but wanted to give an update.

I didn''t leave and did go to the wedding this morning. I went in and fulfilled my duties as the MOH. She was a beautiful bride and the ceremony was very beautiful. At the reception I just sat with FI and smiled/chatted with people. When it was time for the toast, I had a long speech prepared but cut it down significantly but still made sure it was tasteful. Then i went over to their hotel room as I had originally planned and prepared it as I was planning to.

She hasn''t said anything to me at all and I haven''t said anything to her. Today was not the time nor the place and maybe one day we''ll chat but as of right now I''m done.

I realized after a friend of hers gave me a call yesterday to tell me that she''s just being a "bridezilla" that this isn''t a case of bridezilla. This is a case of a bad friend.

Don''t get me wrong. I know that brides get stressed out and with all the honesty in the world had she just pulled me aside and said that she was upset with me I would have taken a moment to realize she''s under a lot of stress, apologized for not being there for her more, and then asked how to help (and then come here and complain about her

) But the way she went about doing this was very inconsiderate. It was beyond the crazy bride. After 8 years she knows that I''ve always been there for her so as a friend she should have known that if I "wasn''t there" for her this week then either something''s going on or there''s miscommunication between us. Instead she just decided that I was the "worst MOH" and embarrassed me in front of everyone. I can never forgive that.

Anyway after the reception they all wanted to hang out but FI and I just decided to hang out alone. We ran into them because Key West is a pretty small place and we mentioned passing by to hangout but we''re back in the hotel LOL.