I AM HORRID!!!

[soulsis]

Hi everyone! I am mostly a lurker and have only posted a few times. Some of you may remember me talking about "HOW TO GET YOUR MAN TO BUY YOU A BIG ROCK" topic.
Anyways...I have totally screwed myself. I am the worst girlfriend in history. My man and I have been talking about getting engaged for a while. I now know the reason that we aren''t yet. Several months ago we had a serious discussion about rings, upgrading, budget, etc. He is a firm believer in the "WHAT...YOU SPENT MORE THAN $600 ON AN ENGAGEMENT RING" kind of guy. He can afford, but doesn''t understand my point of view. He told me over the weekend that he would have asked me months ago, but he cannot afford the ring I want and he won''t be happy unless I am happy about it. I feel awful. I love him and don''t even want a ring now. I just want us to be together. Now I feel as if my selfishness has ruined things. I never should have said anything. We always go and look at rings in the stores and I am a big fan of pave, melee, art-deco...you name it! He thinks they are gawdy. Oh god...now I wish that he would have just bought me the $99 Wal Mart special. I feel petty.

 

[DOC TOO]

Don''t put yourself down, these things happen in relationships. I couldn''t afford the "REAL" thing for a while, so we settled on a CZ till the situtation changed. We were happy with the 3 stone $140.00 special. Very few (outside the Pricescope world) could tell without a close inspection. Then when things changed I found the perfect diamond here, and things turned out great. Good Luck to you.

 

[allycat0303]

Hey Soulsis,

I don''t think you are petty. My boyfriend would also have proposed to me a long time ago if it weren''t for my "ring requirements" It''s something that I am going to wear for the rest of my life, so I want it to be amazing. I don''t think there is anything wrong with that. I mean does your boyfriend have anything against buying a nice car? Here''s what I say "Any car will give you transportation so why buy a nice one? Why not the least expensive one?" Cars only last about 7 years, your engagement ring is going to last for the rest of your life. If you want a nice one, I don''t see what the problem is with waiting.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

Hey Soulsis I remember ya!

I think the most important thing is that you do feel bad about it. Obviously the man is more important to you than the ring. At the same time you''re not wrong for wanting something special. Maybe you could plan a romantic evening, make dinner, candlelight and flowers get down on one knee and ask him to marry you! You are right! you don''t need a ring now, you can always get one down the road.

Don''t beat yourself up too much. My BF and I are having similar issues.

 

[Libster]

I''m sorry this is happening to you. This whole ring thing can just be downright frustrating. If I had wanted a ring, I wouldn''t be married to my husband today. He had no money and especially no money for a ring. I think the reason it wasn''t such a big deal to me was that I had been engaged before, beautiful diamond, and a wedding planned. Just a few months before walking down the isle, the future groom called it off. I was devastated, but Know now that we really weren''t meant to be together and it was a blessing, as my husband is my soul mate and I can''t imagine life without him. So when my now husband asked me to marry him and explained that there was no money for a ring, but one day he would slip something beautiful on my finger. I just had to say "Yes"!! Tell him it''s not the ring you want...it''s him.

 

[snow_happy]

Hi soulsis,

I''m sorry you are feeling awful - but you shouldn''t! You were right in saying the most important thing is being with the man you love, with or without the ring. My boyfriend won''t discuss the "budget" with me at all because he wants to keep it a surprise but really we have no money. We are both students and would be married if money weren''t an issue.

It is important for your boyfriend to also be happy with the ring he buys you. I always point out these fabulous rings and my bf says they look so "industrial" (what does that mean exactly? I don''t know). But the rings he points out, I love them too and I want both of us to be happy. Maybe your bf could pick out some rings he likes and you two could compromise on the style, size etc.

It''s hard because you don''t want him to be uncomfortable about the purchase and you want to be happy with the ring you get. I''m sure there is a way for both of you to be happy!

Here is just a suggestion (as I like art deco and pave stuff too):

With a 0.60 ct center RB, total $2000+/-

or you can find something similar to this:

I know that a lot of guys like the basic solitaire setting (e.g. Tiffany 6-prong) and this one also has a few small stones on the band.

In other words, if he finds something you both are excited about maybe he will be more willing to spend more than 600 dollars on an engagement ring. Of course you should make it clear that you just want to be with him regardless of the ring but he should also acknowledge that you are not trying to be materialistic.

Sometimes I think I am crazy for doing all this "ring research" because it''s not as though the size or cost of the ring reflects my love for him or our relationship. So I guess it''s kind of like an expensive proclamation that I have someone I want to spend the rest of my life with? I know it doesn''t make a whole lot of sense but for most women it''s not about the ring but the man...but it still doesn''t mean we can''t get excited about something shiny right?

 

[blueroses]

Or find a relatively cheap setting that you love (DCD?) and get a sim! I''m so sorry--i know how you feel and it is awful to feel that he doesn''t get that the ring is secondary to HIM!

 

[soulsis]

Yes...I know I shouldn''t feel bad. To be completely honest, my man had it all years ago. A 6 figure income and his own oil company and then he lost it all. Broke his leg in 4 places and had to sell the business. Now he works to live...that''s it. He doesn''t drive an expensive car or own expensive things. I know that if he had $10K to spend on me he would. I also thought about tattooing our rings on. That would be great for him because he''s a mechanic. And cheap! He told me that he knew I was the one because it didn''t bother me that he had nothing. He worked his ass off for his ex and it was never enough for her. I told him it was because I was independant I own my house and my car...I don''t need a man to take care of me

Three weeks into our relationship he told me:

"I''ve been living my whole life in a box, without food or water in the dark. One day I saw light coming through the corner and knew that I could go on without food or water if I could continue to see the light. You are my light and you make my life worth living". Do you believe that?????

 

[Kaleigh]

OMG, that is sooo sweet, he sounds like a very special person!!

 

[Julian]

Oh, that is so sweet!

See? The man's the real gem - and don't worry. He will come around once he sees how happy you are to be engaged to HIM, not the ring.

At least you figured out that the ring isn't important in the end... Some people never do.

No diamond can make you as happy as he can, right?

 

[snow_happy]

That is so sweet and not cheesy but just totally pure of heart. As the postings above mention there''s no shame in getting a small ring to represent the engagement and then just getting something more later in life. Does his mother have any heirloom jewelry you could wear? I think that is the sweetest thing. Sometimes there is estate jewelry for very affordable prices. (e.g. a replica art deco band shown below that is about $500)

But seriously, other than the ring and whatever money you put on it - you are so lucky to have each other. If he feels bad about the whole ring situation maybe it would be nice to cook his favorite meal, favorite dessert and have a special romantic evening and tell him that the time you spend together in each others lives is why you love him, not a shiny thing on your finger.

I''m not trying to push rings on you (even though i keep posting pics- sorry

)

Have you seen "father of the bride"? When the daughter gets engaged with a ring her and her fiancee bought from a street vendor in italy for like 100 bucks. I think that is so great (even though it''s just a movie). I mean, doing something that you love or being somewhere where you are enjoying each other''s company and then just saying...hey let''s get engaged. (even if it''s a ring-pop!)

 

[Julian]

What a great idea!

Why should your ring be any less unique than the two of you?
Try an antique ring or a non-traditional e-ring if you''d like.

I really love the band posted above.

 

[k8]

Hello,
I would suggest skipping the traditional engagement ring and getting your dream wedding band instead. Smaller diamonds are much less expensive than the larger ones found in many solitaires. For a future anniversary you can buy your dream engagement ring. It gives you something you would really like now, and also something to look forward to in the future.

I got engaged with a moissanite ring. Most people can''t tell the difference it is durable and something my now husband could afford. Although I got married with a platinum band, and had a pretty engagment ring, I still really wanted a diamond. For my 2 year anniversary got a 10 stone 1 tcw wedding ring from facets/signed pieces. It was reasonably priced, is beautiful, and seems to have quelled my diamond desires for the time being. I look forward to getting my dream ring for my 15th or 20th anniversary, in the mean time I have some lovely diamonds to wear with my regular wedding band.

- k8

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear of the stress this has created for both of you! I love the idea of having rings tatooed onto your fingers. This is perfect and VERY unique. You can have a thin "band" around your finger that can be also have a ring over it without the tatoo showing through.

You've got to keep in mind that many of the ladies here are upgrading after years of wearing smaller stones. Not everyone here or in the real world is being proposed to with 2-carat well-cut stones. The average is much smaller and most are happy with their diamond size.

There are many options, two of which already have been recommended, like an antique ring from antiqueengagmentrings and also eternity bands from Facets. I think the Facets idea is PERFECT, but maybe bring up the idea of this at a first year anniversary. Marrying with a simple gold or platinum band may be your best solution now just so you and your boyfriend can be together and not see your wedding ring as being a symbol of anything negative.

Good luck!

 

[kaylagee]

I have a book _With This Ring_ about wedding jewelry and acc''d to the authors:

Audrey Hepburn had a thin diamond engagement band.

Marilyn Monroe had a band of baguettes too for her marriage to Joe DiMaggio.

Grace Kelly was propsed to with a ruby and diamond eternity band(however, this was quickly upgraded to a 12ct. EC).

>>>

I was proposed to with. jack squat.poof..rien, nada, nothing except dh''s wonderful continental countenance

. I thought he was low on cash so I chose a garnet e-ring a month later. Then, after we married, I decided I wanted(and had figured out that he could afford) diamonds. So, we''ve upgraded since then.

My parents married with gold bands and mom got her e-ring later too.

For my first marriage I had an ering during engagement and well, it was a bust. So, it''s nice to get what you want but it''s not *everything*. The grade of man is far more important than the jewelery which will come later. Dh(french) had some sticker shock about the prices too at first. Most French don''t go in for large ''blingy'' engagement rings to the extent that we Americans do. My MIL has a dainty marguerite style sapphire surrounded by very small diamonds. Dh''s aunt has a similar e-ring but it''s a little larger.
I''ve met very few other women wearing diamond solitaire/center e-rings at all and none have been over .50 ct so far.

I''ve read that diamonds are big in Japan too. Just a little FYI, international, and personal perspective.

 

[amytude]

Just wanted to chime in on this one...who cares about the ring? WHAT? Did I just say that?? LOL..I did and I mean it! I''ve been married 10 yrs and my ring was stolen from some people that cleaned our house. I am getting a new one made, but I would trade it to have my other (MUCH smaller) one back. It is very difficult to lose perspective here on PS. I mean I love it here and it''s great, but I hear people complaining about their measly 1 carat or so and want to scream. My girlfriend got engaged around the same time that I did (many years ago). She had a rock (well, it was around 1 ct, but we were in college and that sucker was HUGE to us!). She is now divorced--hmmm, that piece of jewelry suddenly lost all its "value".

Anyway, good luck to you and I absolutely adore that wedding band posted above. I love the idea of simple, but elegant wedding band.

 

[windy1365]

You could get something other than a diamond as a center stone... such as a pink sapphire, if you don''t like the idea of getting something ''fake''. Then, just get a diamond engagement ring later on when you can afford it.

 

[valeria101]

Don''t think you have any reason to feel bad. After all, these rings mean something for the guys as well. At least for some of them. Given the choice to show off their girls & associated ring... you know. Not that any of the guys I know would admit to it easily, but once the crucial moment has passed they do.

Would it hurt to tell him the same you wrote here ?

It wouldn''t be giving up the prospect of a nice diamond ring. Now that he knows you want one

 

[pearcrazy]

My mom got married with a plain 3 mm white gold band. My father put an engagement ring on layaway when they settled into their first apartment on the AFB in Alaska where he was stationed. He spent the whole year paying for it and got it out of layaway one week before their first anniversary. It cost him $450 for an I colored I1 .72 stone in white gold solitaire setting. She still wears both to this day. The engagement ring is almost completely worn through after 45 years of marriage. My dad and I can''t seem to interest her in an upgrade or even a resetting of her diamond in a more elaborate setting. My dad acquired a 1.4 carat diamond from a man as payment for a bad debt. He mentioned putting that diamond in a ring for her but she wasn''t interested. She''s happier with her sentimental favorite.

Why don''t you tell your sweetie what you''ve told us and maybe the two of you can go pick out some wedding bands

 

[Jennifer5973]

Don''t feel bad--like my mom always says, you can''t help how you feel but you can help what you do about it.

It''s okay to want a diamond ring.... but I think you''ve discovered that it''s not worth damaging your relationship. Most of us, including myself, have been there. When we got engaged, I got a lovely ring that was the best he could do and I was happy for many years with it. Why don''t you tell your boyfriend how you feel--tell him that like every girl, you may get carried away with the commercialized notion of a fancy ring but what you really want--what is really important to you--is being with him and building a life together. Tell him you can find a special ring within your budget to symbolize your commitment. If you want to marry this man, this is the sort of approach I''d take.

There will always be another ring, another diamond--trust me, but usually there is just one special person meant to be with each of us.... I think you know what to do.