I’m a bit excited, nervous, happy, and upset…

[brandy_z28]

Just wanted to get this off of my chest. I’ve had a busy week!

Recap - We’re having a small destination wedding at the Valley of Fire near Las Vegas in 7 weeks!

Excited and nervous: I booked our flights, rental car, and hotels today as well as upgraded our Limo from Las Vegas to the Valley of Fire. That was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders! And then it hits me, oh my, we’re really getting married?!?! It’s really going to happen!! I almost got sick to my stomach. Last week I had my first dress fitting so that’s coming along as well. That was motivation for me to start exercising again and I have. Now I just have to keep it up. We’ve also got our reception site booked yesterday for when we return from Vegas. Our reception happens to be on the very same day as one of my friends receptions, BUT I didn''t know that until we got the invite in the mail...yesterday...very little, if any, of our invitees should overlap though. Her reception starts at noon and ours at 4 in a different town, hopefully there won''t be any issues. I still hope to make hers and understand, totally, if she can''t come to ours.

Happy and upset: My fiancée’s mom is coming to Vegas and she is the only one that is going to be there for him out of all of his family and friends. At first, I was happy she was coming and then…she started in on us.
FMIL - “Why do we have to stay in Vegas?”
Me – “You don’t have to stay in Vegas you can stay wherever you’d like.”
FMIL – “I won’t know anyone. I’m the only one coming just for Stephen and I don’t want to gamble or do anything vegasy. I’ll just plan things for S (my fiancée) and I to do while you go have fun with your friends.”
At that point I was pretty much speechless. And then…
my fiancée, S, says - “I won’t have that much money to gamble anyway”
?!?!?! Excuse me?!?!?!?! Thank goodness she was at our house for my daughter’s birthday party so I got to conveniently make my exit to go check on the kids. S and I got into it after she left.
A) WE are in this together so if he doesn’t have that much to gamble then I shouldn’t either.
B) I’m very glad at least one person is going for him but WHAT?! Do NOT hold that over his head!
C) Don’t expect him/us to babysit or cater to you the whole entire time.
There are 14 people going and a few of them are her age, she should not feel weird or left out or out of place by any means, she’s met them and they seem to get a long well enough. They aren’t total strangers. I’m probably over reacting and being a bridezilla but I do not want to spend every waking moment in Vegas holding my FMIL’s hand. I’m ok with her staying in the same hotel with us, like she wants, but she won’t be right next to us, that would be very weird, especially honeymoon night...um no. She wants us to pitch in and pay for her plane tickets too, I’m still undecided. I do want her there but we’re not paying for anyone else’s tickets so again here I feel like she’s just trying to be manipulative. I’m still just floored that she wants my fiancée to ditch me and spend time with her on our wedding/honeymoon. Come on now… Am I being a bridezilla? I should just shut up and be happy she’s coming…yes, I’m happy, oh sooo happy, she’s coming…and that she wants to spend that much time with us, or um…her son.

Am I being terrible or are my thoughts and feelings justified?

Thank you for reading this longer than it should have been post! I hope it''s not too confusing...

 

[princesss]

No advice, all I can say is I would NOT be having my SO spend time with anybody but me for our honeymoon. At all. Before the wedding, I can get a little bit. Not really, but it''s more understandable than after.

I''m sure the wonderful ladies around here will have some advice. I just wanted to give youa *hug*

 

[Loves Vintage]

Hmmmmmmm, how far is she traveling from? How long will she be there, both before and after the wedding?

It seems like she doesn't have a good understanding of what boundaries are appropriate at this point. I'd try not to hold it against her, since it sounds like you're still getting to know each other at this point, yes?

Anyway, since she's not into gambling, maybe you can help her by pointing out some other things she can do, either on her own, or with members of your family/friends. Does she like going to the spa? Maybe you can suggest that she go to a spa with someone else from your group? I think you mentioned there are other people that will be there in her age group. Maybe you can talk to one of those people, explain that his mom will be there alone, and see if they wouldn't mind including her in some of their activities? Restaurants, sightseeing, etc. Perhaps you can work out these ideas in advance and then have your future hubby tell her about it.

Another idea (this is why I was asking how long she plans to be there) is that there are some great spas not far from Vegas, like the Red Mountain Spa, which is a 2 hour drive from Vegas. She can always stay there if she doesn't want to stay in Vegas. Maybe she can spend a few days there after the wedding? Or, Bryce Canyon or Zion if she is a nature fan. I'm guessing she might not be as interested in these ideas, though, because it doesn't sound like she's comfortable with the idea of being alone, which is why the first idea is probably the better one.

Oh, I also wanted to ask if she's been to Vegas before. I've only been once, and I did not gamble at all, and I spent a day by myself walking around, visiting the other hotels, shopping, etc. There's a lot to do besides gamble -- maybe she just needs some information/guidance on what there is to do.

Good luck!!

 

[musey]

Have you offered to let her bring a travel companion? That''s the only thing I can think of.

You''re not completely unjustified here. Ideally, people would not expect or ask you to babysit them during the time surrounding your wedding. Sorry this is going on, it''s a sticky situation

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Just checking for an update
this is quite the sticky situation

 

[bee*]

I''d be a bit peeved too if she wanted to spend lots of time with my DH just after the wedding. I think Museys suggestion is a good one-let her bring a friend with her so that will keep her out of your hair.

 

[brandy_z28]

I don''t have much of an update but S did call his mom last night. He told her that we''d booked our hotels and flights and from what I gathered she was a bit upset that we didn''t book an extra room or her flights with ours. He then told her that she was more than welcome to bring along a friend or someone to keep her company so that she wouldn''t feel so alone because we, or moreso he, wouldn''t be able to devote 100% of our time or attention to her. She complained that she didn''t think that any of her friends could afford to go. FMIL then when silent and started crying and told him that she couldn''t talk and that she''d call S back. She didn''t...so...this situation still isn''t resolved and I feel terrible. In S''s defense, don''t know why he waited so long to mention it to me, but he didn''t say anything to her when she originally made the statement about her spending time with S while I went and did things with my friends was that he didn''t want to argue with her then and there.

I really don''t know how to deal with her or what to say to her. We want this to be as much her vacation as it is ours and I haven''t asked anyone to do anything other than pretty much show up for the actual wedding. They''re free to do whatever they want and stay wherever they want.

Thank you ladies!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Well, it sounds like she has a lot of anxiety/nervousness about this trip. Yes, it would be much simpler, if she weren''t nervous, had lots of friends who could afford to make the trip with her and went off on her own and did her own thing before and after the wedding, but she is not in that place right now.

Since she is the only person that will be coming for your FI, then I don''t see a problem with you both paying for her airfare or contributing toward it, if you can afford it. Also, some people really are not that good at traveling on their own. My own mother, for example, would be hardpressed to get herself to an airport and on a plane on her own. This would be a HUGE undertaking for her and one that she would not look forward to.

Maybe I''m wrong. Maybe she flies a lot and can handle this stuff on her own, and she''s just adding drama, but it doesn''t sound like it, based on the information you provided.

I''d talk to your FI about talking to his mom about what she needs to make this trip more comfortable for her and then try to accomodate her within reason.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Some people aren''t built for Vegas...or they don''t understand it...

Its your wedding, try to let go of undo stress and relax.

 

[brandy_z28]

Good point LV. I guess I just don''t get that she is feeling so alone. I''m very independent as well as all of my friends. While we do like to have company, we don''t feel like we need to have company. She does seem to be a bit more "needy" if that''s the right word for it. I will definitey have to come up with something that will work for all of us.

Now...she did mention one other thing, that I just found out about, but I''m going to do my best to let it go...I''m sure she meant well, but she asked S if he really wanted to marry me. My friends have asked me that, but only jokingly, as I''ve been married before and at one point swore that I never would be again. From the tone of S''s conversation with her I can''t imgaine she was joking...So, I hope all of this blows over soon but I''m starting to believe she just flat out doesn''t like me. The only thing that''s ever caused any problems between us was when S''s twin called my two kids mistakes.

I let him have it and felt he deserved it. He can talk about me all he wants but don''t talk about my kids. S''s twin has never apologized. S''s mom cussed S up one side and down the other after it all happened and felt that I was wrong, not the twin and of course S sided with me and things haven''t quite been the same since...so...haven''t had that brought up or thought about it in a while, it happened about 6 months ago, but I''m thinking that''s still an issue with her. My kids are a blessing and that''s all there is to that. For the record, S''s twin and wife are invited to the wedding and S still talks to his brother, I just try to avoid him.

 

[princesss]

S''s twin said WHAT? And his mother defended him?

Honey, it sounds like you''ve got your hands full. *hug* I wish I knew what to say, but it sounds like you''ll be fighting similar battles with her for a while.