::hugs:::: to CraSh

[MustangFan]

Sorry to hear your V-day wasn''t so hot!

I wanted to give you a virtual hug...
Did you talk to him about how much it hurt you??..


If you wanna vent, I''m hear to listen!!!

 

[cRaSh]

Ahhhhh.. Thank you!!!!

I did tell him how much it hurt me.

A few weeks ago my b/f said he had no idea what to get me for V-day. I told him flowers. He said, "Pffffff.. FLOWERS". And I mentioned that I love them and that''s what I really wanted. And I said, "Well, get me a necklace then" He said, Ok. A few days later one of those commercials were on for the journey necklace, and he nudged me, and gave me a big smile.

Well, he was 20 minutes late yesterday, and I knew that he was out shopping at the last minute. The same thing happened on my birthday. He comes in and hands me two unwrapped used DVDs and a kids sized looney tunes box of chocolates.

Ya''ll I cried. I couldn''t help it. It was the most thoughless, last minute gift. I got him 2 concert tickets, a CD and a little bear that said, "Our First Valentine". I normally just keep things to myself, but I told him how hurt I was. He spent the day delivering flowers and gifts to other women for the radio station. TELL me he didn''t know what to get. He''s been pitching getting this and that for your sweetie all week.

I was just devistated that he thought so little of me.


I have vented quite a bit to my girlfriends. I haven''t been so hurt in my life. I treat him like a King, everday of the year. It wouldn''t have hurt him to treat me special one day out of the year.

 

[MustangFan]

What happened on your b-day?
Mine was kind of a disaster also, hence how we was guilted into taking me e-ring shopping...
He didn''t have anything planned and I had high expectations that he would, since my b-day landed on a weekend!
Oh well, i''m really hoping that he makes up for it soon, otherwise he''ll be in the dog house with you.

In the time that we''ve been together I have only received one piece of jewelry from him. He bought we an anklet off ebay, for like $30 and I can''t even wear it anymore because it got all stretched out.

 

[luckystar112]

Crash--did he give you a reason for giving you the gifts that he did?
I''m so sorry about your situation.

My boyfriend also has a tendency to wait until the absolute last second before shopping for me. As I said in the other thread about last V-Day about flowers on his way home from work. Which, I know everyone loves flowers...but he had gotten me flowers for my birthday the month before. Plus, he stood in line for an HOUR AND A HALF after work to get them, (apparently there are a ton of last minute guy shoppers.) And if I had known I would have just rather had nothing, because he works 13 hours a day as it is. I wanted the time to be with him!

This year, since my birthday is in January he again waited until the last minute and got me a coffee maker. I already HAVE a coffee maker. Granted his was way more expensive and efficient (and I love it) but I really wanted him to do something sweet and thoughtful, but it seemed like he wasn''t capable of that. So when V-Day came up, I told him that although I loved the coffee maker, we aren''t married and he should still be trying to "woo" me. I think he got the hint. I read about how romantic some guys are on here, and mine definitely doesn''t fit the bill...but I know he loves me in his own way. He got me jewelry this year after talking to some of his female co-workers or else I probably would have ended up with a toaster or an area rug!

 

[cRaSh]

On my birthday, he told me he hadn''t gotten me anything. He hadn''t been anywhere. I was hurt. He had to go to work, and after he came to visit and brought me three used CDs, and a card. He told me he was just "joking" he had gotten them. I found the receipt in the car, and saw he had gotten them THAT DAY. I never told him I knew. I let it go. I figured he wouldn''t do it again.

He said that he thought a DVD would be ok. Even after I told him I wanted flowers and a necklace. He says he doesn''t remember the "nudging" during the jewelry commercial. He said he was sorry, he screwed up.. blah blah blah. But I''m sure he won''t even attempt to make it up.

 

[luckystar112]

He could have at least gotten you a NEW DVD or NEW CDs.

What is wrong with boys today!!!!?????
Did he at least take into account if you liked the movies or music that he picked out? Please tell me he at least did that!
I feel so sorry for you.

You have every right to be hurt.

 

[cRaSh]

Kinda... He knows I like Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell. I had saw The Longest Yard, and didn''t like it. I have mentioned it before. But I HAVE been wanting to see Taledega Nights. So one out of two isn''t bad.

I don''t really MIND they are used. Money is not an issue though. If he were strapped for cash, I wouldn''t care. I''m not a materialistic person at all. It just hurt he put NO thought into it. If he would have written a letter telling me how he felt, it would have meant a lot to be, because he put effort into it.

 

[anchor31]

Ugh... I''m sorry this happened! It''s so strange when they do those thoughtless things... I''m not sure they''d appreciate it if we did the same!

 

[cRaSh]

I asked him last week if he knew what I had gotten him. He said, "No, but I''m sure it''s something amazing, and thoughtful."

UGH!!!!! OF COURSE!!!! AS USUAL. But if he knew that, why didn''t he put forth the same effort.

 

[firebirdgold]

Aaaand he deserves you... why?

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh, Crash, that's so terrible. I can actually imagine how you must feel!

My EX-FF once came home very late on my birthday (leaving me in the cold to wait for him since he refused to give me keys to his place) with a big bag of CD's he'd just bought at a music store. He pulled ONE of them out and it was for ME! The REST were for him. That was horrible.

So, I hear ya! I hope he makes it up to you.

Here are some virtual flowers and chocolate for you OOO UUU

(I hope that looks enough like flowers and chocs! I suck at that stuff)

 

[cRaSh]

(((EVERYONE)))

That''s for all the virtual gifts, and lending an ear. I was so disappointed. I HONESTLY didn''t expect that from him.

Now I''m not expecting a proposal at all. But actually, right now I don''t even want one!

 

[Pandora II]

Oh Crash, you poor thing. I know exactly how you feel.

I had an ex who I lived with for 7 years and he only once bought me a birthday present (because his mother took him shopping). Every B-day, xmas and v-day I used to think that this time he would be different. I spent every penny I had - and some I didn''t on him and he never thought about me or sacrificed a night out with his friends to buy me something pretty. I didn''t care if he spent £10, I just wanted him to put some thought into it. It even got to the point that I bought my own presents from him because I was too embarrassed to admit to my family and friends that he was a total shit! He committed suicide in 1997, and rang me the night before to ask me to marry him (6 months after I finally left him.) and he said he was sorry then for never thinking or caring about me enough to buy me something I''d like.

When I first dated FI, the first xmas we were together he didn''t give me anything (we''d been together 4 months). I was devastated, I had designed and handknitted him a guernsey fisherman''s jumper as I had no money. Then I found he''d taken a whole load of my designs and had been trying to have a piece of silver made for me incorporating all my designs. My brother and loads of our friends told me he''d been trying so hard to have it done, but didn''t know where to go (and didn''t realise how long it took.) When I heard all that I asked him to give me the paper design he''d drawn out, and it means the world to me - I didn''t need the actual piece. Every other special date has been amazing as have many non-special dates.

I really think you need to take a good look at your relationship and whether you want to be with a man who doesn''t put you first. You deserve so much more. Being with a man who treats you as worthy of used cds and kiddies chocolates will do untold damage to your self esteem. This will just make it so much harder for you to see how badly he is treating you. I''m glad that you are angry and not making excuses for him - that is how you should be.

You could have a man who treats you like a princess - you just have to be strong enough to go out and find him. My advice - show that boyfriend of yours the door, he''s not worthy of your time, energy or affection.

Big hug to you!

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 2/15/2007 5:56:07 PM
Author: Pandora I
He committed suicide in 1997, and rang me the night before to ask me to marry him (6 months after I finally left him.) and he said he was sorry then for never thinking or caring about me enough to buy me something I''d like.

That is a CRAZY story.

I can only imagine how you must have felt.

 

[Pandora II]

Final crazy end to a crazy relationship luckystar. Took me 3 years and a great shrink to begin to feel normal again and I only stopped having nightmares about finding him last year.

Anyone who ever thinks of doing something like that, please don''t - I never believed how awful someone killing themselves could be until it happened, it tears a huge number of lives apart for many, many years and most people end up hating you, not feeling sorry for you. His mother has never recovered.

Now though I have a wonderful FI and life is as near perfect as possible.

Sorry to hijack there Crash, and I don''t suggest for a moment that your BF is going to do anything like that. But I do see similarities in my ex''s way of treating me and yours.

The apology actually pissed me off even more because it meant he understood what he should have done and still didn''t do it. Somehow would have been better if he just didn''t realise.

When they know and still do nothing it''s almost like a challenge - "How much will she put up with?". I used to tell myself he just hadn''t been loved enough and was testing me to see if I''d leave. How stupid was I???

 

[MustangFan]

Crash, I don''t blame you for not wanting a proposal now, he''s had plently of chances to make things right.
You''ve stated how much it''s hurt you, so you''ve done your part, if he really truely cares about where the relationship is going he NEEDS to make it right.
I would also mention that you have your doubts about the proposal being remotely thoughtful from his past actions and are just not into it.

Maybe after telling him this, he''ll know your not kidding.

 

[gail013]

Crash,

I hope you treat yourself, and buy yourself something nice, or go have a long massage. How your BF can be so thoughtless is hard to understand, and it is cruel. Please don''t put up with it, and please give yourself the respect you deserve. Obviously it is not about gifts, but it is about being with someone who appreciates you and takes the time to show you that.

 

[cRaSh]

Yes, I AM going to treat myself. I''m taking a nice road trip this weekend to buy myself a new guitar.

That will cheer me up. And thanks to all of you!! You guys are so great for listening, and offering advice, etc. I love it here!

I don''t consider myself a LIW anymore, because I''m not expecting a proposal. But I love it here, so I''ll hang around, and cheer you guys on!!