Hugs, please?

[Lady_Disdain]

Why is it so hard to break up with someone who has treated you badly, broken every promise and done a lot of harm to you?

Why do I feel so broken, even when I know it is best for me and that I should have done it weeks ago instead of waiting for him to do it? Or, even better, to not have taken him back after he had done something terrible to me?

Why did he have to revert to the old, sweet self I fell in love with for an hour, just before breaking up with me?

Why am I such an idiot and such a fool?

 

[dragonfly411]

1) because even though they suck, you cared for them

2)because you still cared about him.

3)because he wanted to keep you and still get what he wanted

4)You arent.... you left... you are intelligent and strong

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Lauren8211]

*hugs*

It hurts.

I know it does. Sounds like it was the right thing to break up. You are better than that. No one who loves you would treat you that way.


Just try to take care of yourself, Ok?

 

[Octavia]

Aww, Lady_D, huge hug coming your way.

I know it's tough, and it's normal to feel this way for a little while. But the sooner you start living your life for you, rather than for someone who treated you so badly, you're never going to look back. Be strong, and don't feel bad about posting here if you need someone to talk to or just need to vent! We're here for you.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 4/6/2010 1:09:35 PM
Author:Lady_Disdain
Why is it so hard to break up with someone who has treated you badly, broken every promise and done a lot of harm to you?

Why do I feel so broken, even when I know it is best for me and that I should have done it weeks ago instead of waiting for him to do it? Or, even better, to not have taken him back after he had done something terrible to me?

Why did he have to revert to the old, sweet self I fell in love with for an hour, just before breaking up with me?

Why am I such an idiot and such a fool?

this is classic "control" behavior. classic emotional abuse.

1-its hard to break up despite the bad treatment, broken promises, and harm done to you because you remember the good times and how the relationship began.

2-you feel broken because you loved, because you wanted it to be something it was not, because you''re beatinig yourself up for taking him back.....

3-already answered above but it makes you out to be the "bad" guy: afterall, why would you break up with me and stop being my emotional punching bag when i''m such a nice guy?

4-you are not an idiot and/or a fool: however, you do need to seek counseling and do some self-help reading to understand why you got into this relationship in the first place, why you continued in it, why you took him back, and why YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CONTINUE FEELING BAD AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE HIM BACK AGAIN. in this way yo will learn to not repeat this behavior.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL! take that control and use it to learn, live, and move on. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

mz

 

[CasaBlanca]

Date: 4/6/2010 1:17:30 PM
Author: Octavia
Aww, Lady_D, huge hug coming your way.

I know it''s tough, and it''s normal to feel this way for a little while. But the sooner you start living your life for you, rather than for someone who treated you so badly, you''re never going to look back. Be strong, and don''t feel bad about posting here if you need someone to talk to or just need to vent! We''re here for you.

Perfectly said, Octavia! DITTO!

but just wanted to add one more HUGE hug, and a teeny piece of advice....

CHOCOLATE! Girlfriend, there is power in that creamy silky sweet stuff. You just may find a smile is lurking within you, with the first bite.

You are going to take one step at a time, one hour, then a day, then a week. Clarity will return where that cloudy confused state is now. Honest. Just one step. Keep going forward. Keep looking ahead. And don''t forget the CHOCOLATE!

(these little smileys are meant to bring you a smile sweetie! And with them hugs!)

 

[Bia]

I''m sorry Lady...

Keep your chin up.

(((BIG HUGS)))

 

[tyty333]

Big hug Lady_D. Stay strong.

 

[geckodani]

 

[purselover]

****HUGS****

I''m sorry you''re going through such a tough time

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Thank you for all the hugs, support and for plain being the best.

Dragonfly - you are perfectly right. I care too much about people. Curiously, my therapist pointed this out to me just this morning.

Moviezombie - as you said, I need to understand why I allowed this to happen and why I stayed for so long. I was writing everything down in my makeshift journal and I surprised by what I wrote. If a friend had told me the same story, I would have told her to get out a long time ago.

Casablanca - great advice. Chocolate is always good. Specially Easter chocolate bunnies and truffles given to me by people who care and love me (parents, grandma, aunt, a friend). Although there is chocolate egg that I will use for voodoo practice (I hate to waste chocolate, but the egg he gave me would probably give me major indigestion).

Elledizzy, Octavia, Bia, tyty, geckodani, purselover - thank you for the hugs, kisses and encouraging words.

I am going to make my PS friends proud. I will be strong, smart and independent. I will not take him back or even talk to him. I will spend the day looking at sparklies, reading my favourite books and eating chocolate. I won''t get bogged down by this. Tomorrow, I will get back to planning my super wonderful trip.

 

[D&T]

LD- Big *Hugs* I''m sorry you are going through this. With every relationship, just makes you that much stronger....

 

[lulu]

No wisdom, just hugs.

 

[CasaBlanca]

Date: 4/6/2010 2:06:53 PM
Author: Lady_Disdain

"Casablanca - great advice. Chocolate is always good. Specially Easter chocolate bunnies and truffles given to me by people who care and love me (parents, grandma, aunt, a friend). Although there is chocolate egg that I will use for VOODOO PRACTICE (I hate to waste chocolate, but the egg he gave me would probably give me major indigestion)".

This made me spit peanut butter at my new flat screen! The laughter was worth the mess! WOO HOO! You go You go You go girlfriend!

"I am going to make my PS friends proud. I will be strong, smart and independent. I will not take him back or even talk to him. I will spend the day looking at sparklies, reading my favourite books and eating chocolate. I won't get bogged down by this. Tomorrow, I will get back to planning my super wonderful trip."

You know Lady, you already are making this one proud. You found some humor, came up with a great revenge tactic, (though I never would consider using chocolate as a weapon, with pins you just may be on to something! More power to you woman!), and you have a plan!

What is not to be proud of?

So in the vain of moving on, what book are you reading?

 

[movie zombie]

reading your journal and having the realization of what you would have said/done if it had been a friend of yours means you''re going to be a great friend to yourself! may i suggest that any time you start to doubt your decision that you go back and re-read your journal?

i know this is a painful time but i want to congratulate you for making the decision to split with him and acting upon it..........emotionally painful, yes, but so was the relationship. you deserve so much more. go for it!

mz

ps do a search at amazaon.com for ''women who care too much'' and see all the books that pop up. some 20+ years ago i needed one of those...wish i remember which one it was....and found it extremely helpful in understanding myself.

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 4/6/2010 1:09:35 PM
Author:Lady_Disdain
Why is it so hard to break up with someone who has treated you badly, broken every promise and done a lot of harm to you?

Why do I feel so broken, even when I know it is best for me and that I should have done it weeks ago instead of waiting for him to do it? Or, even better, to not have taken him back after he had done something terrible to me?

Why did he have to revert to the old, sweet self I fell in love with for an hour, just before breaking up with me?

Why am I such an idiot and such a fool?

Im sorry that this has happened to you.Remember though to keep going and dont let him get the last laugh by making you cry about the past.Its a new day and you must look out for yourself and not close yourself off to people or future possibilities.We learn from our experiances no matter how rough they have been on us.Take what you have learned and make it work for you and not against you.This break up is a good thing and while you are not happy in the moment,you will be so much better off having the time to focus on yourself and finding a person who will be your equal.If he hadnt left today then you wouldnt have a positive future,but now you can!

 

[Burberrygirl]

*hugs*

 

[oddoneout]

Hugs. I''m very sorry it''s happening but it sounds like it''s for the best.

 

[Gayletmom]

Lady D, I am sending hugs and prayers for healing your way. Hang in there and constantly remind yourself what a good, caring, loving person you are inside. And remember, the only way out of the tough parts is to put your head down and walk on through them-one step at a time.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Hugs - Im glad to hear that you have left someone who is so unhealthy for you and that you are in counselling now.. You will make it through this!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Sending major hugs. You are a strong woman, stay strong. We are here for you!

 

[Kaleigh]

{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}} Stay Strong!!!

 

[kenny]

Hugs to you.

I spend 13 years in a relationship with the wrong person.
It too me two years to break up.

Best thing I ever did.

 

[Indylady]

Hugs and more hugs LD.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 4/6/2010 1:35:46 PM
Author: geckodani

That about sums it up.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Hugs! I''m so sorry, but I promise you will be better off. You will move on and I promise it will stop hurting.

The way I get through tough times is working out, good music, hanging out with the girlfriends, and WINE!

 

[junebug17]

I''m already very proud of you Lady, and you are much stronger than you think! You''re gonna get through this, and you''re gonna be ok! In fact, you''ll be better than ok, you will be happy and at peace with yourself and your life. Take one day at a time and hang in there, and ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))).

 

[BeachRunner]

((hugs))

I was in a crappy relationship that sounds a lot like what you were describing. I ended it, and never talked to him again. Soon enough, I came to my senses and realized how foolish I was to let him walk all over me.

Good for you! I promise you''ll feel better about your decision.

 

[missydebby]

hugssssss

 

[loriken214]

BIG HUGS LD! Take time for YOU and enjoy planning your trip! Stay strong and know that you deserve much better!

Lori