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How to tell boyfriend what kind of diamond I want....

To me, you should always be yourself.

If you want to be in on the decision for the ring I think you should say, "Hey, I respect that you don't think it is appropriate for one person to badger another about engagement, and I agree, and I promise not to badger you. I am hoping you can respect that it is important to me to be in on the ring shopping process. So how about when you are ready to propose, you let me know and we'll go shopping together."

That's how I'd handle it.

And if he says: but I want it to be a surprise! Or something like that say: then please propose without a ring, and then we'll go shopping after.

That's all.
 
^That's a good point. Why not just spell it out for him in those terms? That way, he understands you're not badgering and you get what you want.
 
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