How to know your partner better?

[traceyjane]

Hi!

We are about to get engaged soon, and funny as it sounds, I often get this feeling, that I don''t really know my fiancee at all. You can see it from small things and sometimes bigger things as well. And the thought of getting engaged kind of adds to this little anxiety of unfamiliarity. I really love my fiance to be, but sometimes I wonder whether we should know each other better by now (we''ve been togethr for little over two years). I came across this site relationship-games.com and thought of giving it a try. Sounds interesting, but does anyone have experience with their service?

Any other pointers for how to engage your fiance for some deeper mutual understanding would be greatly appriciated!

TraceyJane

 

[lucyandroger]

Hi Traceyjane,

It''s hard to answer this without knowing more about your relationship so forgive me if you already do this or it just seems like silly advice.

I tried to think back to the times when I really got to know my BF (of a little over 3 years). My answer would have to be through the really stressful times and through new adventures together. Driving a loaded Uhaul truck down the east coast overnight, navigating the Italian railways, being stranded in a tiny Puerto Rican village, walking to the bar exam together, etc.

Then there''s the everyday things. Every night before we go to bed, we just lie there and talk about whatever is on our minds. We usually end up getting to sleep about an hour after we actually go to bed. My BF always says that''s his favorite part of the day.

So I guess my advice to you would be to: take an adventurous trip together, get to know each other''s families (you learn a lot about a person from their interactiosn with family), include each other in those stressful times (it can be great support and bonding time), talk about EVERYTHING (news stories, gossip from work, thoughts on religion).

I''m not sure if any of that rambling is helpful. Anyway, good luck and let us know what you try!

P.S. I''ve never tried the relationship game but if that seems like it''ll help you get the convo started, I say go for it! It can''t hurt, right?

 

[Mannequin]

Lucyandroger gave excellent advice.

There are many books available with questions for couples to ask each other. These are good to open up communication on important topics you and your SO will need to discuss before/during engagement and marriage. I''ve used The Hard Questions: 100 Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" and 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last before. Maybe combining a book with what you are using on the website would help.

 

[somegirl932]

I agree that I learned a lot about my boyfriend from the stressful times. I think in a lot of ways, it''s the only time some of the true undercurrents of a person are going to make themselves apparent, if that makes any sense.

Also, believe it or not, I think we learned tons about each other when we started fighting. We learned what the other person''s bottom lines really were, the things that made them tick, and the things that ticked them off.

Finally, the one summer that neither of us had school commitments, but lived on campus together was probably the three months that brought us the closest. Just living with someone day after day, seeing the little things, and having time to talk about everything and anything.

Good luck!

 

[Londongirl1]

It takes time to really get to know someone. As long as you agree on basic principles of your relationship, values and have a shared understanding of where you''re headed then (to me) that''s what''s important.

My other half gave me a promise ring 3 months after we met - we''ve been together over 2.5 years now and I still don''t know everything about him but I know enough

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I''d been with my now FI for about 15 months when we got engaged and I learned about him in all the ways that Lucyandroger suggested to you.

We initially met at work and I already knew that he was extremely intelligent and very respected in our industry. When we started dating and I met his friends, I learned how truly loyal he is (most of his friends have been around for almost 10 years!) and after meeting his family, I completely understood why he is so quiet and reserved.

Traveling everywhere together, I learned how focused he can be when he wants something. We spent a full hour in Tokyo with a map trying to differentiate between the different Japanese street names so that we could have dinner at this one place he absolutely would not allow me to leave Tokyo without. When I arrived in Madrid to meet him in the middle of a business trip and accidentally cancelled our great hotel reservation, I found a different hotel about 2 blocks away and he just rolled with it. When my passport was stolen the next day, I learned that he excels at balancing his priorities and I realized that I absolutely am a priority when he changed both of our flights (me back home and him to a different country) and booked our hotel for an additional night while I was at the police station reporting my loss on a Sunday.

And finally, when I was crumpled in a heap on the floor of our closet because I couldn''t fit into a dress the night before a formal event, it was him that pulled me up and explained that the damned thing must have shrunk, probably because he steamed one of his suits near it earlier. (I know! It doesn''t make sense, but it did when I was despairing over the size of my thighs.)

That is how I know that no one else will ever make me feel the way that he does and I am going to marry him!

I bet your guy has done amazing things to convince you that you are the one, but you haven''t yet strung them together. Look back over your relationship and ask yourself what qualities you want your husband to have. Then ask if your BF has those and how you know he has them...and there''s your answer.
Good luck to you, I wish everyone the kind of love I''ve found because it is the most amazing feeling in the world!