How to help a cat cope with companion's death?

[YadaYadaYada]

We put out terminally ill twelve year old cat Murphy to sleep on Monday. The vet said we made the right decision because he was at a point of really suffering. My ten year old is very sensitive and devastated but we've been trying to keep him busy, he went to school yesterday because I thought it would be better for him than sitting in the house.

A serious concern is for the well being of my other cat, they were bonded although I think she knew he was sick and started leaning on us more. The last time we put down a terminal cat our other cat ended up passing away a few months later, I found her behind the couch, it never occurred to me that she wouldn't be able to cope. So this time around we want to make sure we do all we can for Carly, however getting another cat isn't an option so looking for suggestions other than that for her.

I am home most days so someone is almost always home, we do have dogs so there are other animals about as well. Thanks ahead for any input.

 

[Missy]

Oh gosh I am so so sorry about Murphy @StephanieLynn. All I can suggest is shower Carly with so much attention and love and just be there for her like you would for a human dealing with loss. It is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

 

[stracci2000]

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear this Stephanie.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
I will echo Missy's advice, to give lots of attention to your other pets, and reassure your children.
When our cat Vincent died a few years ago, the other cat became very thin and started urinating on the floor outside the litter box. I'm sure he was devastated, as we all were. They were together for 10 years.
He eventually gained weight again, but he still urinates outside the box..........*sigh*

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Thanks Missy, since it's mostly me home during the day I make a point to check on her often. It's funny because she's the only cat I've ever had that has been a cuddle probably because when we got her my oldest was four and he would literally carry her around the house all day, legs dangling and all so she loves attention now.

Thanks Stracci, it's tough because my oldest is so highly sensitive but I told him he can be sad but he still has responsibilities (school) that he needs to attend to just like his father who is sad and still goes to work. He is better today thankfully but he was a mess yesterday. The three year old thankfully doesn't really get it, he gets Murphy isn't here but doesn't comprehend the whole situation.

I love that name Vincent, I'm glad your remaining cat powered through but urinating outside the box.....ugh! We had a cat that used to do that when I was a kid and the smell is just unlike anything else and you can't get it out. The things we put up with for our pets! Honestly DH would probably be all for getting another cat but we currently have eight pets now and I take care of them almost exclusively by myself so it's no wonder why he is all for it!

 

[redwood66]

I am so sorry about your kitty and hope the other one is able to find comfort with your family.

 

[stracci2000]

Thanks Missy, since it's mostly me home during the day I make a point to check on her often. It's funny because she's the only cat I've ever had that has been a cuddle probably because when we got her my oldest was four and he would literally carry her around the house all day, legs dangling and all so she loves attention now.

Thanks Stracci, it's tough because my oldest is so highly sensitive but I told him he can be sad but he still has responsibilities (school) that he needs to attend to just like his father who is sad and still goes to work. He is better today thankfully but he was a mess yesterday. The three year old thankfully doesn't really get it, he gets Murphy isn't here but doesn't comprehend the whole situation.

I love that name Vincent, I'm glad your remaining cat powered through but urinating outside the box.....ugh! We had a cat that used to do that when I was a kid and the smell is just unlike anything else and you can't get it out. The things we put up with for our pets! Honestly DH would probably be all for getting another cat but we currently have eight pets now and I take care of them almost exclusively by myself so it's no wonder why he is all for it!

Well, we have a complicated system of landscaping plastic, newspaper and a "corral" around the 2 litter boxes to try to keep the pee in a manageable area. This is in the far corner of the basement. We go through alot of newspaper, which we change out several times a day. Believe it or not, we have eliminated any odor doing this. We tried everything, but he still pees on the newspaper about half the time.
Until he learns to speak English, we just cant reason with him......

 

[Bonfire]

Aww I’m so sorry StephanieLynn. Dust for you and your family.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Well, we have a complicated system of landscaping plastic, newspaper and a "corral" around the 2 litter boxes to try to keep the pee in a manageable area. This is in the far corner of the basement. We go through alot of newspaper, which we change out several times a day. Believe it or not, we have eliminated any odor doing this. We tried everything, but he still pees on the newspaper about half the time.
Until he learns to speak English, we just cant reason with him......

Oh I hear you and if I came across unsympathetic about the urination issue I apologize, I'm a bit hormonal lol!

We had a cat that would go just outside the box too and we did the newspaper thing, newspaper is amazing, good for cat pee and windows!

 

[junebug17]

I'm so sorry Stephanie I don't have anything useful to add, just wanted to send hugs and love to everyone during such a hard time.

 

[stracci2000]

Oh I hear you and if I came across unsympathetic about the urination issue I apologize, I'm a bit hormonal lol!

We had a cat that would go just outside the box too and we did the newspaper thing, newspaper is amazing, good for cat pee and windows!

Oh gosh, no worries Stephanie! I didnt take it that way at all.
I am feeling badly for you and your family. It is so hard to lose a beloved pet.
Please post photos of Murphy.

 

[tyty333]

I'm so sorry for your family's loss Stephanie...I really dont have any good suggestions. We had to put our terminally ill kitty to sleep last year. He was
kind of a loner. I didnt see any reaction out of our older cat (that I could discern). However, the younger cat (Palmer) seems to be a little lost.
We did get another kitten but not sure if its been a help or a hindrance to Palmer. Sometimes Palmer acts like he wishes the new kitten would just
leave him a lone and sometimes he acts like he wants to play. I think it was probably too much change for him at once. We do try to give Palmer
lots of attention but he is somewhat of a loner also so...we try not to over do it.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Here are some pictures of Murphy and Carly, it's weird having only one cat, we had four cats for a long time so two seemed strange even at first. Fiona (the sheltie) also managed to make the thread.

Tyty and June, thanks for the kind words.

A little background on Murphy, he was a street cat, we had just put our orange kitty Fozzie to sleep and then we came across Murphy. Actually he took interest in our dog Lucky while I was walking him one morning, I was working at the time though so I couldn't try to get Murphy then. Maybe a couple of nights later DH is walking Lucky and he finds Murphy at the church again, he asks the neighbors outside if he is theirs or if anyone is taking him in but nobody volunteered. So he picks him up and brings him home and because we didn't need another cat we named him after Murphy's Law. He was a good cat but a little rough around the edges like he wouldn't growl if you picked him up but he was all talk really and he LOVED people. Anyone who came in the house he just wouldn't leave them alone a second, he was more like a dog in that way.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Forgot to add this one, I put it on FB and titled it "There's always that one neighbor".

 

[Missy]

Here are some pictures of Murphy and Carly, it's weird having only one cat, we had four cats for a long time so two seemed strange even at first. Fiona (the sheltie) also managed to make the thread.

Tyty and June, thanks for the kind words.

A little background on Murphy, he was a street cat, we had just put our orange kitty Fozzie to sleep and then we came across Murphy. Actually he took interest in our dog Lucky while I was walking him one morning, I was working at the time though so I couldn't try to get Murphy then. Maybe a couple of nights later DH is walking Lucky and he finds Murphy at the church again, he asks the neighbors outside if he is theirs or if anyone is taking him in but nobody volunteered. So he picks him up and brings him home and because we didn't need another cat we named him after Murphy's Law. He was a good cat but a little rough around the edges like he wouldn't growl if you picked him up but he was all talk really and he LOVED people. Anyone who came in the house he just wouldn't leave them alone a second, he was more like a dog in that way.

Aww so beautiful! Thank you for sharing his photos and the backstory too. He was a special kitty and he was lucky he had you and your family as you were lucky to have him. You gave him a wonderful life where he was safe and loved and cherished. (((Hugs))).

 

[monarch64]

Stephanie, sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty. I have no idea what to tell you about helping the other cat cope, but I do have a suggestion for your son. When I lost pets as a child, I would make a book of drawings about them, and that helped me tremendously. Sort of a little memorial of my favorite things about the pet’s characteristics. Your son may be too old for that, but if he enjoys making things or painting or writing, those are great outlets through which to process all the feelings.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Stephanie; you write nice narratives. These lived experiences fulfill our lives. Thank you for sharing.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Austina]

So sorry to hear about Murphy @StephanieLynn , but we do what we have to, even though it’s so hard, they rely on us to make the decision when it’s time. He was a lucky puss to have found such a good home with you.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@missy Aw thank you Missy, I actually told my son that he had a good life, better than if he had lived outside and I think he gets it, he is doing much better today thankfully.

@monarch64, I love this idea and he probably will as well, he is kind of a young 10 lol! He is also excited about donating the leftover cat food for Murphy to a local cat shelter (we normally feed dry food but he had to eat wet pate') so maybe that will also help him in the grieving process.

@canuk-gal Thank you so much for your sweet words Sharon!

@Austina thank you so much, it is so true the hardest part of pet ownership is knowing when to say goodbye, making that call is definitely not easy.

 

[Gabbycat]

So sorry about your kitty. I agree that the best gift we can give them of passing in peace is also the hardest one to give. I don't have any advice since my two cats can barely stand each other, but I'm sure Carly will be fine with time and your love.

 

[stracci2000]

HI:

Stephanie; you write nice narratives. These lived experiences fulfill our lives. Thank you for sharing.

cheers--Sharon

This is true, Stephanie! I always enjoy your thoughtful stories and musings.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

You guys are all too sweet, I'm always so thankful for PS and the forum, it has taught me so much and given me so much support when I was down and out. Can't thank you enough really.

'

 

[AprilBaby]

What beautiful photos! Your pets look well loved! I’m so sorry for you and for them that they lost their brother.

 

[TooPatient]

So sorry for your loss. It is never easy even when it is the right thing to do.

One thing I noticed with our cats is that they did better when we had the vet come to our house and they all got to watch and be a part of. They licked and sat with both my cat and dog when each of their times came. As soon as they were gone, the others walked away. There was still some adjusting, but they did very well.

One of our cats passed in her sleep while I was holding her in our bed. We didn't let the others see her. DH built her a little casket and I wrapped her in a blanket. We put her in her casket and carried her out without letting them see her. I regret that decision. They smelled her going by in the casket. They spent weeks clearly disturbed and looking for her. It was a big trauma to them.

So, I guess my advice is to make your other cat as much a part of things as you can. Let him see her if possible. Don't clean her stuff away entirely just yet. Be aware of any anxieties he seems to have about random stuff. Our guy got very anxious over the heater ducts. I don't know why, he just did. I sat with him and talked. Whether he understood the words or was just comforted by the sitting and petting, it did help.

 

[monarch64]

^Oh, that makes sense, Too Patient. At first I was like, who would want their other fur children to see one of the family die? But then it made total sense because it’s closure. Stephanie’s cat is probably sick with worry over where her companion went instead of knowing M has passed on.

How do you get a vet to make a house call for a euthanization of dogs or cats? I grew up on a farm and of course there were professional euthanizations of cows and horses, but never dogs or cats. It seems like a comforting option to have.

Note: the euthanizing of our horse, Cricket, left an indelible scar on both my mother and brother who were present. I was at school and my dad was working. It took two injections instead of one. Even when I imagine it it still breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Losing a beloved animal is never easy and the pain never fully goes away.

 

[TooPatient]

^Oh, that makes sense, Too Patient. At first I was like, who would want their other fur children to see one of the family die? But then it made total sense because it’s closure. Stephanie’s cat is probably sick with worry over where her companion went instead of knowing M has passed on.

How do you get a vet to make a house call for a euthanization of dogs or cats? I grew up on a farm and of course there were professional euthanizations of cows and horses, but never dogs or cats. It seems like a comforting option to have.

Note: the euthanizing of our horse, Cricket, left an indelible scar on both my mother and brother who were present. I was at school and my dad was working. It took two injections instead of one. Even when I imagine it it still breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Losing a beloved animal is never easy and the pain never fully goes away.

I got the original recommendation from a pet crematorium in my area. Since then I have seen several others recommended. The first lady is amazing so I kept her contact info and have had her back as I have to make that decision. She charges about $20 more than my regular vet would to take them in to her. Money well spent for a more peaceful end! (As an idea, my house call vet charges $140 for after hours extended drive. My vet charges $120 to do an in office appointment to euthanize. My vet has another lady who goes out to houses as well but she charges over $600...)

I definitely suggest every pet owner look into options even of it is just for end of life calls. It is better to have than be searching for at a difficult moment.

The first time, I was worried it would be hard on them to see. It was surprising to see their reaction. They knew something was wrong and watching really made a huge difference. Each sat with her and appeared to say goodbyes. My dog was part of their family (as was my kitty a year later). I could see my girl slip away and as I saw her leave, they each took a last look and walked away. We had a similar experience when one of our kitties went the next year. Instead of searching frantically, they seemed a bit sad but mostly okay.

I feel like they never really knew what happened to our girl who went in her sleep. They weren't with her. All they knew is that she was with us then we carried her out and never brought her back.

As to selecting, I got lucky. Now I know what to look for and suggest others check into. This lady takes enough details that she can know what she is coming into. She is available to be here within just a few hours of calling and faster in emergency cases (where our other vet could be out in a day or two at best). When she comes out, she sits with us and chats a bit about what has been going on while carefully checking over the animal. You'd hardly even notice the exam. She told me that first time that she would offer suggestions if there was a chance at saving the animal. (I have never had any options left, but get the feeling she would be delicate and handle this well). She brings everything she needs. Every step is explained with great care. She sedates them first to ensure a quiet, comfortable passing. Every step is only done as we are ready. She never rushes us. Only after the sedative has had time and she confirms sedation through touching does she set up the final injection. After, she offers to transport to the crematorium or help us load into our car if we prefer to take.

 

[monarch64]

Thanks for that insight/info, TP. She sounds like an angel.

 

[Arkteia]

I am very sorry for your loss, Stephanie.

I wonder if you have any videos of Murphy that you can show on TV screen? For Carly to see? Show her the video of Murphy.

Observing my cats, I came to the conclusion that they do not see "flat" photos, but can recognize people and objects in movies, on large TV screen.

The idea is to keep Murphy with Carly, in her memory, longer. This works very well for people, is very comforting, and I see no reason why it shouldn't work for animals.

And maybe, Murphy's toys and blanket could help, too?

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@AprilBaby, thank you, the other animals seem to be okay so far and Carly seems to be getting on okay. I hope you are feeling a bit better, I saw your thread about having the flu.

@TooPatient, we have a friend that has the vet come to her house, I had never heard of that before but really it makes sense. I always thought they should have a back door you could go out so you didn't have to walk through the waiting room afterwards a hysterical mess. I never thought that might also benefit the other pets but it's something to consider for the future. Thanks for the suggestion.

@Arkteia, that's a great idea, how many times do we catch our cats watching tv? Makes sense really, I'll have to see what videos I have. Thanks for the suggestion about the blanket and toys too.

So far Carly is doing okay, she is eating and spending lots of time with us. Maybe with the other cat that passed away I didn't notice (because I was pregnant with health complications) that she stopped eating. That sounds horrible but there was simply too much going on back then, this time around I'm staying on top of it. I appreciate all the thoughts and well wishes for Carly!

 

[Bron357]

I’m sorry for your loss. What a beautiful life he had with you as his family. And yes, it’s heartbreaking when the time comes and thank you for Murphys sake being strong and courageous for him.
When we had to say goodbye to Zoomie boy, my heart broke into a million pieces. He was my heart dog. He was a retired racing greyhound and had bone cancer. The specialist vets were lovely, though for our 43kg 10 year old boy with a bad back, amputation wasn’t an option. At the vets the have a “goodbye” suite. It has big cushions on the floor and you can all sit and cuddle until you’re ready. Then they give a sedative and you can sit a bit longer until you’re ready. Because he was such a large dog, they looked after everything and called us when his urn was ready. I had a water colour done of him.
This is how we keep him close.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@Bron357 I love that name, Zoomie and what wonderful way to honor his memory. It's hard losing a heart dog, it's like a sadness that is always there,
Thanks for sharing.