A
Anonymous
Guest
So, I guess since I've officially started shopping for my dress, etc. that it's time for me to at least emotionally deal with the very real possibility that my parents will not be at my wedding. I don't want to go into great detail, but whenever I ask my mom about coming she immediately launches into the same excuse that she's used about visiting for holidays, and even for why she doesn't call to talk to us.
I have two girls, ages 5 and 7 that miss her very much, and ask me frequently why grandma and grandpa don't visit, call, etc. My 7 year old, who rarely cries, breaks down about once a month about it. It breaks my heart into a million little pieces to watch her hurting because of my own parents.
I gave my parents 15 months notice, offered to pay for their flights, or to at least help if needed, and my FMIL has an entire HOUSE that she's offered them to use for just the two of them for the week of the wedding, all in hopes that they would feel welcomed and would come. Still, I get the same wishy-washy "well I don't know, I can't commit because I'm dealing with your grandmother" excuse that she gives for *everything*. Now, I have to explain why this just isn't a valid excuse because it COULD be - however, my grandmother is in a nursing home about 200 miles from my mom, and she only goes to visit her maybe once every month or so. Also, she only goes if my father has an appointment there as well, or it's absolutely necessary. So it's not like me asking her to take ONE week (less, actually) away to be at my wedding is an unreasonable request.
Ugh, this is all jumbled, and probably not coming out well at all.
So here's the thing - how do you deal with it? I fully expect to not have my mother, or my father there. I can deal with it, I think, but I know a big part of coping with it is having a "game plan". I have one living grandfather, and I'm thinking of asking him if he'd like to give me away, however it's definitely not a guaranteed thing because he's getting older and it would require him to fly to NY from AZ with plane changes, etc. and I'm nervous about him missing connecting flights.
The only family that I can guarantee to be there will be my two girls, who will be 6 and 8 years old at the time. My youngest will be the flower girl, and my older daughter will be a jr bridesmaid because she's just too tall to pass for a flower girl at over 4'6". I thought about having my girls do it somehow, but that just seems weird...so maybe just figure out how to skip that part completely? Anyhow, that's enough rambling for my first post on this subject. I've been holding a lot of this in and ignoring it, but I know it's starting to surface in my dreams, and questions are being asked, so I need to start figuring it out sooner rather than later.
If you made it this far, thank you!! If you aren't completely confused, you're doing better than me.
I have two girls, ages 5 and 7 that miss her very much, and ask me frequently why grandma and grandpa don't visit, call, etc. My 7 year old, who rarely cries, breaks down about once a month about it. It breaks my heart into a million little pieces to watch her hurting because of my own parents.
I gave my parents 15 months notice, offered to pay for their flights, or to at least help if needed, and my FMIL has an entire HOUSE that she's offered them to use for just the two of them for the week of the wedding, all in hopes that they would feel welcomed and would come. Still, I get the same wishy-washy "well I don't know, I can't commit because I'm dealing with your grandmother" excuse that she gives for *everything*. Now, I have to explain why this just isn't a valid excuse because it COULD be - however, my grandmother is in a nursing home about 200 miles from my mom, and she only goes to visit her maybe once every month or so. Also, she only goes if my father has an appointment there as well, or it's absolutely necessary. So it's not like me asking her to take ONE week (less, actually) away to be at my wedding is an unreasonable request.
Ugh, this is all jumbled, and probably not coming out well at all.
So here's the thing - how do you deal with it? I fully expect to not have my mother, or my father there. I can deal with it, I think, but I know a big part of coping with it is having a "game plan". I have one living grandfather, and I'm thinking of asking him if he'd like to give me away, however it's definitely not a guaranteed thing because he's getting older and it would require him to fly to NY from AZ with plane changes, etc. and I'm nervous about him missing connecting flights.
The only family that I can guarantee to be there will be my two girls, who will be 6 and 8 years old at the time. My youngest will be the flower girl, and my older daughter will be a jr bridesmaid because she's just too tall to pass for a flower girl at over 4'6". I thought about having my girls do it somehow, but that just seems weird...so maybe just figure out how to skip that part completely?
Anyhow, that's enough rambling for my first post on this subject. I've been holding a lot of this in and ignoring it, but I know it's starting to surface in my dreams, and questions are being asked, so I need to start figuring it out sooner rather than later. If you made it this far, thank you!! If you aren't completely confused, you're doing better than me.
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