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How to Handle a Regifter - tee hee!

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Ann

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For about 10 years DH and I have exchanged gifts with a couple. We are both very close to guy, his wife is sorta the outsider in the group, but certainly isn''t made to feel that way. We have know him for over 30 years, her for only about 12. Ok, enough history. She is an obvious regifter. I started realizing this a few years ago. Our male friend''s sister has even told me her tales of the wifes gift giving screw ups. I have always given very nice gifts, usually a giant basket with untold goodies in it for the entire family, but personal gifts were also in the basket. I started noticing that the Radko or Waterford ornaments that I always attached to the basket were never on her tree. Her tree was always a mismash of ornaments, so it wasn''t like it wasn''t her style. We also noticed other gifts we gave were never seen again. Then last year, she gave me back the same Christmas basket I used 3 years ago. It was a gorgeous basket with red velvet trim and little jingle bells. So, she put our gift in it, but there was dirt in the bottom. And 90% of the goodies in her basket were old, worn out looking things. She is an elementary teacher and most of the gifts looked like things her students probably gave her. Stuff like 1 single envelope of chocolate drink mix, outdated, little ceramic knick knacks .... They are not poor. She is lazy. Most of her gifts over the years are given after Christmas Day. Kinda makes you wonder that you are getting her throw offs. Her husband is aware she is a lousy gift giver, but I don''t think he knows what is in these baskets she whips up. I know I might it blasted on this subject. We honestly appreciate the gesture, but it is becoming comical.
DH and I decided to cut our gift to them way back. I used to spend around $1,000.00 on them, not so this year. So this year we are giving him a bottle of the special CR Crown Royal whiskey, and her and the kids cookies. Now you can''t regift cookies, can you!!
 

TravelingGal

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Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 12/10/2006 9:41:54 PM
Author:Ann
For about 10 years DH and I have exchanged gifts with a couple. We are both very close to guy, his wife is sorta the outsider in the group, but certainly isn''t made to feel that way. We have know him for over 30 years, her for only about 12. Ok, enough history. She is an obvious regifter. I started realizing this a few years ago. Our male friend''s sister has even told me her tales of the wifes gift giving screw ups. I have always given very nice gifts, usually a giant basket with untold goodies in it for the entire family, but personal gifts were also in the basket. I started noticing that the Radko or Waterford ornaments that I always attached to the basket were never on her tree. Her tree was always a mismash of ornaments, so it wasn''t like it wasn''t her style. We also noticed other gifts we gave were never seen again. Then last year, she gave me back the same Christmas basket I used 3 years ago. It was a gorgeous basket with red velvet trim and little jingle bells. So, she put our gift in it, but there was dirt in the bottom. And 90% of the goodies in her basket were old, worn out looking things. She is an elementary teacher and most of the gifts looked like things her students probably gave her. Stuff like 1 single envelope of chocolate drink mix, outdated, little ceramic knick knacks .... They are not poor. She is lazy. Most of her gifts over the years are given after Christmas Day. Kinda makes you wonder that you are getting her throw offs. Her husband is aware she is a lousy gift giver, but I don''t think he knows what is in these baskets she whips up. I know I might it blasted on this subject. We honestly appreciate the gesture, but it is becoming comical.
DH and I decided to cut our gift to them way back. I used to spend around $1,000.00 on them, not so this year. So this year we are giving him a bottle of the special CR Crown Royal whiskey, and her and the kids cookies. Now you can''t regift cookies, can you!!
Well...dunno about that...don''t be surprised next year if you get familiar looking-half thawed out cookies.
 

poptart

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May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
We have an aunt that regifts this way and it is annoying. You know how they say it''s the thought that counts? Well, she doesn''t think about it, she just throws something together. So my family still gives her stuff, but they don''t spend as much money on it as they do for the rest of the family. She doesn''t appreciate the gift anyway, so it''s not like we are discriminating or anything. My other aunt and grandma recently got back a gift that they gave her as well, it was so funny. Once, she gave them these little scraps of fabric... we still don''t know what they are supposed to be fore.

*M*
 

Ann

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Date: 12/10/2006 9:47:56 PM
Author: poptart
We have an aunt that regifts this way and it is annoying. You know how they say it''s the thought that counts? Well, she doesn''t think about it, she just throws something together. So my family still gives her stuff, but they don''t spend as much money on it as they do for the rest of the family. She doesn''t appreciate the gift anyway, so it''s not like we are discriminating or anything. My other aunt and grandma recently got back a gift that they gave her as well, it was so funny. Once, she gave them these little scraps of fabric... we still don''t know what they are supposed to be fore.

*M*
Scraps of fabric? That''s kinda sad. Is she up in age? Alzheimers?

I can understand regifting a gift that you know the recepient would like, but in my case, this girl does this because she is lazy and thinks she is pulling off a big one! Her Christmas card to us last year was postmarked 12-31 !!
 

poptart

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Messages
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Date: 12/10/2006 10:09:23 PM
Author: Ann

Date: 12/10/2006 9:47:56 PM
Author: poptart
We have an aunt that regifts this way and it is annoying. You know how they say it''s the thought that counts? Well, she doesn''t think about it, she just throws something together. So my family still gives her stuff, but they don''t spend as much money on it as they do for the rest of the family. She doesn''t appreciate the gift anyway, so it''s not like we are discriminating or anything. My other aunt and grandma recently got back a gift that they gave her as well, it was so funny. Once, she gave them these little scraps of fabric... we still don''t know what they are supposed to be fore.

*M*
Scraps of fabric? That''s kinda sad. Is she up in age? Alzheimers?

I can understand regifting a gift that you know the recepient would like, but in my case, this girl does this because she is lazy and thinks she is pulling off a big one! Her Christmas card to us last year was postmarked 12-31 !!
Nope, she''s perfectly healthy. She''s a psychiatrist so you''d think she would have better people skills. I think our aunt just doesn''t really care and is lazy also. Apparently she has done this ever since she was young.

*M*
 

Ann

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Date: 12/10/2006 10:11:27 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 12/10/2006 10:09:23 PM
Author: Ann


Date: 12/10/2006 9:47:56 PM
Author: poptart
We have an aunt that regifts this way and it is annoying. You know how they say it''s the thought that counts? Well, she doesn''t think about it, she just throws something together. So my family still gives her stuff, but they don''t spend as much money on it as they do for the rest of the family. She doesn''t appreciate the gift anyway, so it''s not like we are discriminating or anything. My other aunt and grandma recently got back a gift that they gave her as well, it was so funny. Once, she gave them these little scraps of fabric... we still don''t know what they are supposed to be fore.

*M*
Scraps of fabric? That''s kinda sad. Is she up in age? Alzheimers?

I can understand regifting a gift that you know the recepient would like, but in my case, this girl does this because she is lazy and thinks she is pulling off a big one! Her Christmas card to us last year was postmarked 12-31 !!
Nope, she''s perfectly healthy. She''s a psychiatrist so you''d think she would have better people skills. I think our aunt just doesn''t really care and is lazy also. Apparently she has done this ever since she was young.

*M*
Whoa, that''s odd - a psychiatrist. Maybe she truly has no skills at selecting a gift. My sister - in - law gave her parents a subscription to People mag for their 50th Anny. She really gives odd gifts, but at least they are new!
 

poptart

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She really has no people skills whatsoever. I usually avoid talking to her at all costs because she makes me very uncomfortable. I always feel like I am being analyzed.

*M*
 

Dee*Jay

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Date: 12/10/2006 9:41:54 PM
Author:Ann
For about 10 years DH and I have exchanged gifts with a couple. We are both very close to guy, his wife is sorta the outsider in the group, but certainly isn''t made to feel that way. We have know him for over 30 years, her for only about 12. Ok, enough history. She is an obvious regifter. I started realizing this a few years ago. Our male friend''s sister has even told me her tales of the wifes gift giving screw ups. I have always given very nice gifts, usually a giant basket with untold goodies in it for the entire family, but personal gifts were also in the basket. I started noticing that the Radko or Waterford ornaments that I always attached to the basket were never on her tree. Her tree was always a mismash of ornaments, so it wasn''t like it wasn''t her style. We also noticed other gifts we gave were never seen again. Then last year, she gave me back the same Christmas basket I used 3 years ago. It was a gorgeous basket with red velvet trim and little jingle bells. So, she put our gift in it, but there was dirt in the bottom. And 90% of the goodies in her basket were old, worn out looking things. She is an elementary teacher and most of the gifts looked like things her students probably gave her. Stuff like 1 single envelope of chocolate drink mix, outdated, little ceramic knick knacks .... They are not poor. She is lazy. Most of her gifts over the years are given after Christmas Day. Kinda makes you wonder that you are getting her throw offs. Her husband is aware she is a lousy gift giver, but I don''t think he knows what is in these baskets she whips up. I know I might it blasted on this subject. We honestly appreciate the gesture, but it is becoming comical.

DH and I decided to cut our gift to them way back. I used to spend around $1,000.00 on them, not so this year. So this year we are giving him a bottle of the special CR Crown Royal whiskey, and her and the kids cookies. Now you can''t regift cookies, can you!!
A THOUSAND DOLLARS? And they gave you back regifts? I don''t even know how to respond to that...
 

Kaleigh

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Joined
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Messages
29,570
My MIL doesn''t regift exactly but gives old stuff. I mean really old, used crapola. We laugh about it now, but sheesh. Like how hard is it to go out and buy something new?? I was at her house yesterday. She took me to her wrapping room and showed me the gift she is giving my 18 year old daughter. They are long ( used) kid gloves. Well she isn''t one to go to balls, etc.. MIL said maybe she can wear them to her wedding???? OMG, I had to refrain from cracking up!!! One year I got a gravy ladle. Yup, not sterling or something with the family''s initials. Just a gravy ladle. We are still laughing about that. I do try to give her nice gifts, and shop for what she likes. But every time we open a gift up from her, it''s like you have to blow the dust off of it.
 

diamondfan

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Messages
11,016
Can I ask why you continue to exchange with them? Maybe just make a small donation to a charity that they support, or something along those lines. I normally believe it is the thought that counts but come on, this is too much. Nasty and cheap and offensive, I would rather get nothing honestly. Or just say that you have decided not to exchange gifts outside the family this year.
 

Ann

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Date: 12/10/2006 11:16:48 PM
Author: diamondfan
Can I ask why you continue to exchange with them? Maybe just make a small donation to a charity that they support, or something along those lines. I normally believe it is the thought that counts but come on, this is too much. Nasty and cheap and offensive, I would rather get nothing honestly. Or just say that you have decided not to exchange gifts outside the family this year.
The guy was a business partner of mine, but not any longer. And he was DH best friend growing up. He is a saint, the best guy ever. He just has an idiot for a wife (and he knows it) We just smile and bear her Alice in La-La land outlook on life. She is a 3rd grade teacher and acts like one of her students. Nothing bothers her and she just floats through life. A real ding dong. She gave her sister - in law a knit top that was about 5 sizes too small and had underarm stains!! Last year in our basket, along with the old cruddy stuff, were 3 books about Tuscan design and architecture. Ok, fine, I do design work, but the books looked real old and there was nothing of value in them. Like she saw them and bought ''em just to have something.

Yeah, I used to spend big bucks on them. And they knew it, the kids always loved our basket(s). Bet they''ll be missing that this year! The kids are great kids and we enjoyed giving to them. The dad does all kinds of things for us - like installing water heaters, repairs around our house (free) - so we want to give to him. I will see them this coming Sat. night for a holiday dinner at a mutal friend''s house. I can''t wait to see the look on her face when she sees her cookies and the hostess gets Waterford.
 

diamondfan

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Messages
11,016
You could always give her stuff that you personalize with her name on it so she cannot give it to anyone else! (unless they have the same name and initials)!
 

Cehrabehra

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Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 12/11/2006 12:10:46 AM
Author: Ann

Date: 12/10/2006 11:16:48 PM
Author: diamondfan
Can I ask why you continue to exchange with them? Maybe just make a small donation to a charity that they support, or something along those lines. I normally believe it is the thought that counts but come on, this is too much. Nasty and cheap and offensive, I would rather get nothing honestly. Or just say that you have decided not to exchange gifts outside the family this year.
The guy was a business partner of mine, but not any longer. And he was DH best friend growing up. He is a saint, the best guy ever. He just has an idiot for a wife (and he knows it) We just smile and bear her Alice in La-La land outlook on life. She is a 3rd grade teacher and acts like one of her students. Nothing bothers her and she just floats through life. A real ding dong. She gave her sister - in law a knit top that was about 5 sizes too small and had underarm stains!! Last year in our basket, along with the old cruddy stuff, were 3 books about Tuscan design and architecture. Ok, fine, I do design work, but the books looked real old and there was nothing of value in them. Like she saw them and bought ''em just to have something.

Yeah, I used to spend big bucks on them. And they knew it, the kids always loved our basket(s). Bet they''ll be missing that this year! The kids are great kids and we enjoyed giving to them. The dad does all kinds of things for us - like installing water heaters, repairs around our house (free) - so we want to give to him. I will see them this coming Sat. night for a holiday dinner at a mutal friend''s house. I can''t wait to see the look on her face when she sees her cookies and the hostess gets Waterford.
why not do it for the kids then?
 

diamondfan

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Joined
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Messages
11,016
Yes, maybe just do a nice basket only for the kids and skip the adults...and let them know in advance, hey, we decided to skip exchanging with the adults but will of course bring something for the kids...who can argue with THAT?
 

Ann

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Date: 12/11/2006 12:49:28 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 12/11/2006 12:10:46 AM
Author: Ann


Date: 12/10/2006 11:16:48 PM
Author: diamondfan
Can I ask why you continue to exchange with them? Maybe just make a small donation to a charity that they support, or something along those lines. I normally believe it is the thought that counts but come on, this is too much. Nasty and cheap and offensive, I would rather get nothing honestly. Or just say that you have decided not to exchange gifts outside the family this year.
The guy was a business partner of mine, but not any longer. And he was DH best friend growing up. He is a saint, the best guy ever. He just has an idiot for a wife (and he knows it) We just smile and bear her Alice in La-La land outlook on life. She is a 3rd grade teacher and acts like one of her students. Nothing bothers her and she just floats through life. A real ding dong. She gave her sister - in law a knit top that was about 5 sizes too small and had underarm stains!! Last year in our basket, along with the old cruddy stuff, were 3 books about Tuscan design and architecture. Ok, fine, I do design work, but the books looked real old and there was nothing of value in them. Like she saw them and bought ''em just to have something.

Yeah, I used to spend big bucks on them. And they knew it, the kids always loved our basket(s). Bet they''ll be missing that this year! The kids are great kids and we enjoyed giving to them. The dad does all kinds of things for us - like installing water heaters, repairs around our house (free) - so we want to give to him. I will see them this coming Sat. night for a holiday dinner at a mutal friend''s house. I can''t wait to see the look on her face when she sees her cookies and the hostess gets Waterford.
why not do it for the kids then?
Yeah, I know that''s the downside of this. But if I bought for them and not her - wouldn''t look too good. Come to think of it - I''ve never seen the ornaments I gave each of the kids on their tree. Hhmm - wonder who was the lucky recepient of a football player ornament! ha ha! She rarely said thank you, but the kids and her hubby always did. I don''t want to punish the kids, but I think it''s time to cut back.
 

Cehrabehra

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Messages
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Date: 12/11/2006 1:10:27 AM
Author: Ann

Date: 12/11/2006 12:49:28 AM
Author: Cehrabehra


Date: 12/11/2006 12:10:46 AM
Author: Ann



Date: 12/10/2006 11:16:48 PM
Author: diamondfan
Can I ask why you continue to exchange with them? Maybe just make a small donation to a charity that they support, or something along those lines. I normally believe it is the thought that counts but come on, this is too much. Nasty and cheap and offensive, I would rather get nothing honestly. Or just say that you have decided not to exchange gifts outside the family this year.
The guy was a business partner of mine, but not any longer. And he was DH best friend growing up. He is a saint, the best guy ever. He just has an idiot for a wife (and he knows it) We just smile and bear her Alice in La-La land outlook on life. She is a 3rd grade teacher and acts like one of her students. Nothing bothers her and she just floats through life. A real ding dong. She gave her sister - in law a knit top that was about 5 sizes too small and had underarm stains!! Last year in our basket, along with the old cruddy stuff, were 3 books about Tuscan design and architecture. Ok, fine, I do design work, but the books looked real old and there was nothing of value in them. Like she saw them and bought ''em just to have something.

Yeah, I used to spend big bucks on them. And they knew it, the kids always loved our basket(s). Bet they''ll be missing that this year! The kids are great kids and we enjoyed giving to them. The dad does all kinds of things for us - like installing water heaters, repairs around our house (free) - so we want to give to him. I will see them this coming Sat. night for a holiday dinner at a mutal friend''s house. I can''t wait to see the look on her face when she sees her cookies and the hostess gets Waterford.
why not do it for the kids then?
Yeah, I know that''s the downside of this. But if I bought for them and not her - wouldn''t look too good. Come to think of it - I''ve never seen the ornaments I gave each of the kids on their tree. Hhmm - wonder who was the lucky recepient of a football player ornament! ha ha! She rarely said thank you, but the kids and her hubby always did. I don''t want to punish the kids, but I think it''s time to cut back.
scale back? DEFINITELY! I think 1k is generous yet unnecessary and as for kids - I doubt they want ornaments - just get them food LOL!!!
 

Ellen

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Joined
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Messages
24,426
This thread is hilarious!

Ann, please let us know how it goes, I''m really curious to see if she gets it.
(And I totally agree it''s time to cut back big time)
 

anchor31

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Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Date: 12/10/2006 11:09:29 PM
Author: Kaleigh
My MIL doesn''t regift exactly but gives old stuff. I mean really old, used crapola. We laugh about it now, but sheesh. Like how hard is it to go out and buy something new?? I was at her house yesterday. She took me to her wrapping room and showed me the gift she is giving my 18 year old daughter. They are long ( used) kid gloves. Well she isn''t one to go to balls, etc.. MIL said maybe she can wear them to her wedding???? OMG, I had to refrain from cracking up!!! One year I got a gravy ladle. Yup, not sterling or something with the family''s initials. Just a gravy ladle. We are still laughing about that. I do try to give her nice gifts, and shop for what she likes. But every time we open a gift up from her, it''s like you have to blow the dust off of it.
My FMIL is the same... She keeps giving me her old cookbooks... That her children keep giving her! Hello!? Get the hint! She needs them waaaaay more than I do.
 

laine

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 21, 2006
Messages
696
Date: 12/11/2006 1:10:27 AM
Author: Ann
Date: 12/11/2006 12:49:28 AM

Author: Cehrabehra


why not do it for the kids then?
Yeah, I know that's the downside of this. But if I bought for them and not her - wouldn't look too good.
I don't quite get this. I know that my parents often bought for just the kids of other families, with the idea that the adults don't need anything (other than a token ornament or baked goodie), and that the parents get pleasure out of seeing the kids happy.

Or you could do a basket that you give as a family gift, but is clearly intended for the kids (and make sure they open the contents so she can't regift!)
 

Ann

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Joined
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Messages
1,531
It''s a tough spot to be in, but one that we have control over of course.

So the guy will get his CR Crown whiskey. It''s a special release of some aged whiskey that when it''s gone, it''s gone.
Our liquor store here in Houston only got 2 bottles of it. So we bought 1 and feel lucky we could give it to our friend. We know he wants it and he does so much for us.

I will bake the kids yummy cookies and give movie tickets for the whole family. Enough huh!
 

winternight

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
887
Wow. I think you''re doing the right thing. I always try to give nice presents even though I don''t have a budget near $1,000 for most of my friends. Its about spending the time and effort to think of something they might like, not about going into the regifting closet.
 

Dee*Jay

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Premium
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Messages
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Date: 12/11/2006 10:14:44 AM
Author: Ann
It''s a tough spot to be in, but one that we have control over of course.


So the guy will get his CR Crown whiskey. It''s a special release of some aged whiskey that when it''s gone, it''s gone.

Our liquor store here in Houston only got 2 bottles of it. So we bought 1 and feel lucky we could give it to our friend. We know he wants it and he does so much for us.


I will bake the kids yummy cookies and give movie tickets for the whole family. Enough huh!

Ann, I think you are being very gracious and I only wish this woman could appreciate what a wonderful person you are to still provide thoughtful gifts to her family.

Now if you get those movie tickets given back to you next Christmas I''m going to have to insist you take them off your list!
 

Ann

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Ha ha, the Today Show is having a spot on regifting right now!!

Social disaster they say - no kidding!
 

JCJD

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Date: 12/10/2006 9:41:54 PM
Author:Ann
Now you can''t regift cookies, can you!!

You obviously haven''t met my grandmother!

My parents gave my grandma a tin of danish cookies for Christmas one year:


Yup, the cute cookie tins with 2 layers of cookies, each layer separated by a piece of paper. Well, grandma decided to eat the top layer and regifted the bottom layer BACK TO MY PARENTS THE NEXT YEAR!! This was before I was born, and grandma''s only 70 now, so senility wasn''t the problem - she''s just cheap!
 

VegasAngel

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Messages
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She is totally being lazy & cheap. She''s taking "It''s the thought that counts." to another level.
 

Ann

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Joined
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Messages
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Date: 12/11/2006 10:28:27 AM
Author: JCJD

Date: 12/10/2006 9:41:54 PM
Author:Ann
Now you can''t regift cookies, can you!!

You obviously haven''t met my grandmother!

My parents gave my grandma a tin of danish cookies for Christmas one year:


Yup, the cute cookie tins with 2 layers of cookies, each layer separated by a piece of paper. Well, grandma decided to eat the top layer and regifted the bottom layer BACK TO MY PARENTS THE NEXT YEAR!! This was before I was born, and grandma''s only 70 now, so senility wasn''t the problem - she''s just cheap!
Oh my gosh, it can be done!

People are funny and I guess it takes all kinds to make our world go around.

I wish that issues like this did not interfer with the spirit of the holidays, but they do
crop up and we just have to take ''em in stride, huh?
 

Cehrabehra

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Messages
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Date: 12/11/2006 10:28:27 AM
Author: JCJD

Date: 12/10/2006 9:41:54 PM
Author:Ann
Now you can''t regift cookies, can you!!

You obviously haven''t met my grandmother!

My parents gave my grandma a tin of danish cookies for Christmas one year:


Yup, the cute cookie tins with 2 layers of cookies, each layer separated by a piece of paper. Well, grandma decided to eat the top layer and regifted the bottom layer BACK TO MY PARENTS THE NEXT YEAR!! This was before I was born, and grandma''s only 70 now, so senility wasn''t the problem - she''s just cheap!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG anna''s danish cookies from san francisco are THE BEST COOKIES IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! how on earth could anyone return those? yum yum send them to me!!!! Those are not cheap cookies either, but omg the chocolate covered rounds, I could omg... I need to order some, I know they do mail order LOL!! My aunt used to give those every year, the last I looked they were over $30 a tin and I never knew that and scarfed them down but omg they are the BEST cookies!!!!!! if anyone here likes shortbread or is looknig for a gift like this, these are very very good!!!
 
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