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How to handle a frugal guy when what I want is out of budget

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LLLpoppy1027

LLLpoppy1027

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2010
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7
I know it (the title) sounds kind of a spoiled thing to say, but I love my boyfriend and if he gave me actual rocks I would still marry him :)

I dont really know how to handle this situation and I need some opinions.

My mother gave me 6 of her mom''s diamonds that are .06 cts each
His mother offered me 2 diamonds of her moms that are about .20cts each
He wants to buy the center stone.

I found the perfect ring and I want to have these diamond set just like it.
(I think the pic attached)

However, someone close to him just got engaged, and lucked out while dealing with someone who didnt know what they had. His friend was sold a flawless 1.01 ct color E (center stone) antique platinum ring which was appraised for exactly 10 times what he paid for it (it was appraised at a different trusted jeweler which is a family friend). LUCKY RIGHT!!!

Now my boyfriend is out for the find (which could take FOREVER) and thinks that he will have the same luck. But even if he did, it wont be the sentimental ring I really want. he is frugal and has told me that he plans to spend $2500 (bc we were looking for rings together)

I know having all of these diamonds set and buying a center stone that matches the other stones (round F color and VS1 and very good to ideal cuts) i currently have will be out of budget, but I cant see wearing anything else! I want to help with the budget, but he is old-fashioned and he didnt say much when I said "I know what I want is more than what I think you should spend, so I want to help pay a portion" which means he didnt like the idea.

Whats the best way to approach this and get my dream ring and also how much would it cost to set something like this (just to set the diamonds in a common prong setting

thanks! cant wait to hear from anyone :)
 
I think that if you want a larger stone, you should drop down in color and clarity. You won''t be able to tell the difference if you go down to an H SI2, but you will save a lot of money and be able to get a much larger stone than if you insist on an F VS2. Go to a jeweler so you can compare them side to side.

My original stone was an F VS2, but I went down to a G SI1 to get a larger stone, and you really can''t tell the difference when holding the stones side by side.
 
I dont insist on an F VS2, or a super large stone, but I just thought that it would look silly if it didnt match the side stones i already have that are that color and clarity.

I dont need a 1 ct center stone, maybe .6 to .7
 
Side stones, usually within 2 color grades is the guideline anyway. Clarity, as long as it is eye-clean, to your standard, you will not see any difference comparing it to a FL.
 
First of all, unless you actually saw the sales receipt and the appraisal for yourself, I would not believe everything you hear.

I LOVE the idea of incorporating the family stones into the setting. Sentimental value is priceless.

I know it is hard not to compare but you have to focus on your desires and budget. I would advise using a reputable and trusted PS vendor. I agree that you should be a little more flexible in re: to color, clarity and even size (dropping just below the 1ct mark). What's most important is the cut and should be your main focus. Start a new thread with your desired specs and budget. PSers are very helpful and will assist you in find the stone of your dreams.

Good luck and stay positive!

eta: just read your reply. i wouldn't worry so much with matching the color of the side stones. due to the fact that they will are/will be a good deal smaller than the center stone, it is perfectly fine if they differ in color and clarity.





 
I agree with Vesper...go down in color/clarity. For best bang for your buck go to H eye-clean SI1s (may also depend on the color of your side
stones).

Why dont you suggest that he spend his $2500 on the best diamond he can get (we can help you here with suggestions) and you
will handle getting it all put together. You''ll take care of the mount and having all the stones set. I wouldnt say it like that just
explain to him that he gets the best stone for the money ($2500) and you''ll deal with getting it all put together. I would just
act like getting it all put together wont cost that much (inconsequential compared to the $2500). Depending on the setting
(hopefully not custom) it could be a grand (give or take).

Of course this all depends on whether you have the funds to pay for the setting/mounting.

I know some people may feel like this is somewhat deceptive (not letting your BF know how much things are going to cost up
front) but sometimes I just think guys under estimate what things will cost. I would see if he is ok with just buying the stone
(stress that that is the most important part, right?)

You can get a lovely .73 G/SI1 for under $2500. How big were you hoping for?
http://www.whiteflash.com/round_ideal_cut/Round-Ideal-Cut-cut-diamond-2145410.htm

I can probably find larger but I need more time to look.

The other option, if he only wants to spend $2500 total is to spend as much of that on the stone with the exception
of about $350 for a solitare setting. Then on your 1st anniversary upgrade to your dream setting with all the diamonds.
Will take a little longer to get what you want but will be well worth the wait in the long run!
 
Wow! its so great to get such speedy replies!

I guess I kind of didnt explain myself about the friend getting a 1 carat...I dont want a 1 carat nor do I want to compare to that (if we all compared to each other, we would all go crazy for some reason or another!:)...My boyfriend just thinks that since his friend got such a great deal that he will find the same.

I actually did see the appraisal and the ring...He has since had the ring appraised 4 times because he really cant beleive the deal he got either. All appraisers said the same thing.

Its good to know side stones can differ from the color and clarity of the center stone (that will help the budget a lot!)

Thanks Ill definitely post when we get a design going and ask for advice! Thanks !
 
That is a great idea about the upgrade on the 1st anniversary!!! I will definitely talk to him about that

I was hoping for .65 to .75 range. I would rather have quality than carat wt
I have about $1700 in my fun account (an accnt i put money into for big things like vacation, wardrobe, etc.) which i could use for the setting and have him get the center stone...and youre right...I dont think he has a clue how much the setting will cost.

Thanks for looking ill check your link out! Im so thankful I found this website!!!!!
 
Date: 1/14/2010 10:15:17 AM
Author: LLLpoppy1027
...My boyfriend just thinks that since his friend got such a great deal that he will find the same.
Click to expand...

You might be able to find a suitable center stone around 1ct for $2500 but it will be an older cut not a modern superideal. And it won''t have a cert. And you will look through piles and trays of barkers before you find even one decent diamond of acceptable eye clean clarity and decent cut. The mall stores sell an incredible number of so-so and downright ugly diamonds with huge black inclusions in them. Or steep/deep cuts Or huge tables. Or only fair cut. Those diamonds are most of what you''ll find on the secondhand market. Most pawn shops and secondhand jewelry stores only offer you a guarantee that the diamond will appraise for what you paid for it. And what you should pay for uncerted, secondhand, or estate diamonds is generally half of the appraisal or less. Appraisals can be done on different bases. A full replacement cost at full retail will be a lot higher than an estate ring can be purchased, and it''s higher than the valuation for estate purposes. And once you''ve bought that ring, there is generally no upgrade or tradein policy should you want something different or larger later.

For $2500, I''d suggest that FI work with a PS vendor that has a good upgrade / buyback policy, and buy the largest & best center stone that he can get for that. Then you take those family diamonds and you pay for the mounting to be made using them and for the center stone to be set.
 
I think some of the other posters may have missed that you want to reset the 8 diamonds you have from your future MIL and your mom, plus set the new center stone. A ring of that type will run you around $1000 for the setting alone without the cost of the center stone. Setting something like this? ---> ...o0o...
 
As someone who found a great deal on an antique ring it really is very hard to come across an awesome deal like that. I need to get a ring appraised and we expect it to come in at about 10x the bought price. It was an estate sale and the person usually only sells gemstones and didn''t realize what a nice diamond he had in the stone. My jeweler was astounded by my luck. I''ve looked in the past and it really is a luck of the draw. If your boyfriend is serious about getting engaged he cannot count on it in the near future.

If the diamonds given to you by your family mean so much to you, tell him that and make sure he understands why it is so important. I get being frugal because I can be that way as well sometimes The ring in my avatar is the lucky find I have and we purchased it to hold off my desire for a dream ring. We decided to take the money and redo our kitchen in a year or so instead.
 
ok I got the picture as my avatar now just to show exactly how I want it set
 
Assuming the setting is going to be $1000 and your boyfriend wants to do it all...

Any of these stones would work and then there''s no issue...(he''ll still be getting a great deal, an amazing diamond, and a discount for being a PS member and the wire transfer fee, plus they''ll probably cut you a deal on setting since you''re buying the center stone from them.
3.gif


They have great upgrade policies, so he can keep looking for deals (or you can tell him to find you an amazing eternity band for an anniversary and he can put his super-bargin finding skills to use there:-) Because you want to incorporate all of your family stones into a custom setting (which I think is awesome btw) it''s not going to work to paw through bins and bins of antique jewelry until you find a once-in-a-lifetime deal (plus it will porbably be a long time until you find it)...

http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/Whiteflash-ACA-cut-diamond-2231062.htm

http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/Whiteflash-ACA-cut-diamond-2192355.htm

AGS-10250107 Brian Gavin H&A 0.536 G SI1 54.9 61.5 5.22 5.27 3.22 $1,195.00

AGS-1040381680088 Brian Gavin H&A 0.562 H SI1 55.3 61.5 5.31 5.33 3.27 $1,159.00

I''d call BGD and Whiteflash and see if they are getting in anymore stones in the H-I SI1 soon (b/c I think with those specs you could get a .6-.7 stone easily)
 
As a "soon to pop the question" boyfriend to the love of my life I have found that $2500 is a reasonable price for my lady. As I have found her requirements through many months of stealthy research. The key to this is I hope he has done the same or has the greatest intentions of finding the stone and setting you desire.

$2500 is a reasonable and attainable price for a stone if he searches here on PS. Stone_cold has given me some great thoughts as well as the other PS members. And I would encourage him to do a search through PS as there are some great finds to be had at good prices.


Here is a stone that I quickly found on the search that may be to your liking that is similar to your side stones while meeting some of your carat desire.
Here

I wish you the best and I know that with the right support he will find you a great stone.

-Simply, Nate-
 
You should shop and determine what is the right quality and size that will make you prefectly content. If it is frugality and not poverty which is driving the budget, then you have to learn how to negotiate in a way which puts a more realistic limit on the proposed budget. A little romantic dinner, some nice wine and candlelight, along with a mood altering discussion might allow you both to make the proper compromise decision as a couple and not a one sided decsion which will always be a sore point. It costs somewhat more to upgrade several times than to only upgrade one or two times during a long term marraige. This is a sentimental gift which has to meet the expectations of the recipient and overcome the frugality of the giver. Tell him you'd be willing to use lower thread count sheets on the bed to save a few bucks.
emotion-5.gif


I only wish one could overcome poverty so easily.
 
really, LLLpoppy, I think you get get the ring you want with a .6-.7 center stone, incorporating all of your family diamonds for $2500. Call WF and BGD, get quotes, and then talk to your BF about it.

Someone here has the tag "It''s only a deal if you''re getting what you want" and that is so true!!!
 
I think you can do it with your budget if you get an H SI1 diamond and a stock casting that will be finished. WF and BGD are the best bets for this I think.
 
I like the idea of you offering to pay for the setting, and playing down the cost of settings.
 
Thanks everyone...Im going to talk to him tonight and Ill keep you all updated :)
 
Good luck. :)
 
Date: 1/14/2010 11:34:54 AM
Author: oldminer
You should shop and determine what is the right quality and size that will make you prefectly content. If it is frugality and not poverty which is driving the budget, then you have to learn how to negotiate in a way which puts a more realistic limit on the proposed budget. A little romantic dinner, some nice wine and candlelight, along with a mood altering discussion might allow you both to make the proper compromise decision as a couple and not a one sided decsion which will always be a sore point. It costs somewhat more to upgrade several times than to only upgrade one or two times during a long term marraige. This is a sentimental gift which has to meet the expectations of the recipient and overcome the frugality of the giver. Tell him you''d be willing to use lower thread count sheets on the bed to save a few bucks.
emotion-5.gif


I only wish one could overcome poverty so easily.
Click to expand...

And this is coming from an expert, too, so it must be expert advice
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Go down in colour and clarity - wayyy down. In those size ranges I''d be looking at H-I SI2s to get the biggest stone I could... I love the idea of him buying the diamonds and you getting the setting
1.gif
.
 
Good luck, and I just wanted to say that my DH was frugal (more so when we got engaged) and we had a talk about his budget. He agreed to spend more when I explained why it was important to me. Frankly he is happy that he did because right after I got the ring he started noticing what other people have (not that this should be a factor, but it is what it is). Anyways, assuming its not about not being able to afford more or having more money than just talk to him.

I''d tell him to save his bargain hunting for jewelry for your first anniversary!
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