- Joined
- Oct 11, 2011
- Messages
- 6,139
Right after Fiance and I got engaged, I was ready to be all-in on wedding planning, but he had no idea what he wanted and my mother couldn't wrap her head around the idea of her child having a wedding instead of eloping, and, moreover, her child having a wedding that costs money, so all my planning efforts quickly fizzled and died. Plus, an older cousin of mine got engaged to a girl he'd been dating for years and years shortly after Fiance and I did, and they were getting married in six months, whereas Fiance and I were waiting two years, so it made sense to wait until after they got married and wedding stuff died down to start up our planning.
So anyway, fast forward a year later to now. Lots of my mother's friends have been planning their daughter's weddings (apparently in no case except mine has the daughter tried to be very involved, hah!), my aunt is on some kind of weird post-wedding low after the excitement of planning my cousin's wedding, and being exposed to constant wedding talk has made my mother AMPED UP! about mine. Her friends have managed to convince her of many of the things I was never able to - importantly, that our wedding will look similar to that of our family and peers who have recently gotten married, and what that will entail.
So now my mom is really into wanting to plan it, but I feel like my momentum is all gone. I am out of school but haven't yet found a job, so now is the PERFECT time to plan. The big hiring surge in my field will come in another month to three months, so realistically I am not likely to get a job until then unless I decide to open up the search to "anything that pays." Now is a good time for scouting locations and talking to wedding planners and vendors since the only other things I'm doing are jobhunting, networking, taking some jewelry-making classes, and planning more home renovations. I just feel like I have energy and enthusiasm for these other things but not for my wedding. It seems like an insurmountably huge task. I love my fiance and would elope with him in a second, but. Wedding. Argh. But I want to have a big wedding, because I feel it's important to express your commitment in front of all your peeps.
One of the things holding me back, which I mentioned in a thread in Hangout several weeks ago, is that I've been getting a lot of flack for my wedding choices. I'm not particularly traditional, and I don't feel the need for my wedding to be completely "by-the-book." I'm not going super-crazy out on a limb though - I just want to wear a knee-length lavender dress (because that's what I will feel prettiest in), not wear a long veil (it wouldn't go with my dress! I'll have a birdcage veil or sparkly headpiece thingy!), not have a long fancy ceremony (neither Fiance nor I are religious, so I feel like literally standing there with someone to moderate our commitment remarks is good enough), to have a couple's shower instead of a bridal shower, and have both girls and boys in my bridal party (my friends are split about half female and half male, and I see no reason to exclude the men simply because I am marrying a man or it's traditional to just have girls - one of my bffs screamed in excitement when he found out Fiance and I were getting engaged and immediately asked me if he got to be a bridesmaid - I told him I wasn't paying for gender reassignment surgery but he could be a bridesman). For each of these decisions, I have literally had someone yell at me until I cried. In some cases it was my friends and in some cases it was Fiance's friends (it was never my family - his family sure would if they hear about it before they show up at the wedding though!). Like, Fiance is stressed about some of my decisions (well, basically he just wants me to wear a full-length dress, which I am considering, and for our attendant parties or whatever you call them to be numerically matched), but that's understandable because it's his wedding too, and also he never makes me feel bad and cry about my choices. I just. What if I get further into planning and people just yell at me more?
I had no idea that the wedding would be so emotional for people. I bought this book, "How to Take Back Your Wedding," that's about managing people stresses during wedding planning, to hopefully help me deal with it. I started it and it seems pretty good so far, if for no other reason than that it reassures me that it's not an unusual problem to have. I understand the planning process is stressful and frustrating, but I would like it to not be so painful. And, importantly, I would like to forge ahead with it, because we want to get married about this time next year (originally we wanted the middle of March, but a relative of mine is getting married March 16 of next year so we have to have it on a different weekend - she managed to set her date ONE WEEK after getting engaged). But I feel like I'm blocked from engaging emotionally.
Have any of you experienced this and how did you get past it?
So anyway, fast forward a year later to now. Lots of my mother's friends have been planning their daughter's weddings (apparently in no case except mine has the daughter tried to be very involved, hah!), my aunt is on some kind of weird post-wedding low after the excitement of planning my cousin's wedding, and being exposed to constant wedding talk has made my mother AMPED UP! about mine. Her friends have managed to convince her of many of the things I was never able to - importantly, that our wedding will look similar to that of our family and peers who have recently gotten married, and what that will entail.
So now my mom is really into wanting to plan it, but I feel like my momentum is all gone. I am out of school but haven't yet found a job, so now is the PERFECT time to plan. The big hiring surge in my field will come in another month to three months, so realistically I am not likely to get a job until then unless I decide to open up the search to "anything that pays." Now is a good time for scouting locations and talking to wedding planners and vendors since the only other things I'm doing are jobhunting, networking, taking some jewelry-making classes, and planning more home renovations. I just feel like I have energy and enthusiasm for these other things but not for my wedding. It seems like an insurmountably huge task. I love my fiance and would elope with him in a second, but. Wedding. Argh. But I want to have a big wedding, because I feel it's important to express your commitment in front of all your peeps.
One of the things holding me back, which I mentioned in a thread in Hangout several weeks ago, is that I've been getting a lot of flack for my wedding choices. I'm not particularly traditional, and I don't feel the need for my wedding to be completely "by-the-book." I'm not going super-crazy out on a limb though - I just want to wear a knee-length lavender dress (because that's what I will feel prettiest in), not wear a long veil (it wouldn't go with my dress! I'll have a birdcage veil or sparkly headpiece thingy!), not have a long fancy ceremony (neither Fiance nor I are religious, so I feel like literally standing there with someone to moderate our commitment remarks is good enough), to have a couple's shower instead of a bridal shower, and have both girls and boys in my bridal party (my friends are split about half female and half male, and I see no reason to exclude the men simply because I am marrying a man or it's traditional to just have girls - one of my bffs screamed in excitement when he found out Fiance and I were getting engaged and immediately asked me if he got to be a bridesmaid - I told him I wasn't paying for gender reassignment surgery but he could be a bridesman). For each of these decisions, I have literally had someone yell at me until I cried. In some cases it was my friends and in some cases it was Fiance's friends (it was never my family - his family sure would if they hear about it before they show up at the wedding though!). Like, Fiance is stressed about some of my decisions (well, basically he just wants me to wear a full-length dress, which I am considering, and for our attendant parties or whatever you call them to be numerically matched), but that's understandable because it's his wedding too, and also he never makes me feel bad and cry about my choices. I just. What if I get further into planning and people just yell at me more?
I had no idea that the wedding would be so emotional for people. I bought this book, "How to Take Back Your Wedding," that's about managing people stresses during wedding planning, to hopefully help me deal with it. I started it and it seems pretty good so far, if for no other reason than that it reassures me that it's not an unusual problem to have. I understand the planning process is stressful and frustrating, but I would like it to not be so painful. And, importantly, I would like to forge ahead with it, because we want to get married about this time next year (originally we wanted the middle of March, but a relative of mine is getting married March 16 of next year so we have to have it on a different weekend - she managed to set her date ONE WEEK after getting engaged). But I feel like I'm blocked from engaging emotionally.
Have any of you experienced this and how did you get past it?