How to deal with rude friends? (Vent)

[jaylex]

Before I start, I would like to apologize in advance because this story will be 99% venting, and 1% questions. And I have a lot of info so it may get rather lengthy.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted this: http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/dview.asp?postID=1905694&mtype=reply
It’s relatively short. Read if you’d like background info. It’s about the same friends I am about to complain to you about

.

Ok. So, on Friday morning on my way to work, I got a call from my friend (“Pam”) asking if Jay and I wanted to hang out with her and her bf (“Nick”) later in the day. I asked if they had anything in mind and she said that, no, they didn’t have any specific plans yet, they just wanted to see if we were going to be free. I said that we were to my knowledge.. And that I’d call her during the day if we wouldn‘t be able to meet with them… but otherwise I’d call her when I got home from work after 5:30.
Fast forward to being at work, stuck in meetings with reps and appointments with clients all day.. Unable to stop to eat let alone talk on the phone.
12:14 Missed Call from Pam, 3:20 Missed Call from Pam, 5:10 Missed Call from Pam, 5:14 Missed Call from Nick

At 5:30, bf picked me up at work and we headed for home. It was then that I looked at my phone and saw the missed calls. I talked to bf about making plans with Pam and Nick. When we got to my house at approx. 5:50, I called Pam and was about to tell her that I was sorry I missed her calls when she blurted out, “I’m at your work talking to your ‘mommy’ (I work for my family’s business)… I know you’re on your way home. We’re hanging out tonight!”
Ok. So she decided to go to my work to hunt me down because I didn’t answer my phone.. Odd enough.
I just brushed it off (they’ve done similar things before) and told her that we would be free to hang out with them and that there was an “old fashion days” carnival thing that we wouldn’t mind going to. They said that it was fine and that they’d be at my house in 10 minutes

They arrive and Pam informs me that they want to go to Buca di Beppo instead so that’s where we were going. After trying to explain to them that Buca would cost more than the carnival and we are trying to save money she said “we’ll I don’t want to go there. I want to go to buca. We have a coupon for free spaghetti so it wont cost US more!”
Well, bf and I had a coupon too.. 10 off when you spend a certain amount so we just figured it would be easiest to just appease them and go to buca.
We get to our table and the waitress informs us that we were only allowed to use one coupon per table. Our friends:
“That Sucks. I guess you guys can''t use your coupon now!”

When we were getting ready to order, Pam and nick kept trying to get us all to order together on one check, then they would give us cash and we could just put the whole thing on our credit card!
We put our foot down and REFUSED to do that.
Now, If you have ever been to buca, the food is served family style.. So small entrees serve 2-3 people. Jay and I wanted a small salad. Nick did also, but Pam didn’t want salad.. So nick said “I’ll give you $5 (half the price of the salad) to split your salad with you guys”.
Not wanting to argue or be the reason Mr. Needy didn‘t get his veggies, we agreed. He throws a $5 bill across the table. I put it away. Our salad comes, and the three of us eat it. Yum.
A couple of times, I heard Nick whisper something to Pam about how he doesn’t know why he gave me $5 when he didn’t REALLY eat half the salad (~~yes he did, he helped himself to the salad before bf and I did, and got seconds.. Then finished off the bowl.~~) after his third comment or so, I said “If it REALLY means that much to you, Nick. I’ll give you the $2 back! I‘ll write you a freaking check!

”. He just looked at me.

Fast forward to the main course. They both kept hinting at the idea that we should share our entree with them. “That looks SOOO good. What does it taste like? We should TOTALLY try that!”
Bf and I just ignored it.
Ok. As if that wasn’t rude enough, they both decided to belch several times throughout the meal! BOTH OF THEM!! It was DISGUSTING! There was a party of four older people sitting directly behind us and I could tell they were disgusted. And the worst part was I knew that were thinking “oh my goodness.. Those rude, disrespectful kids.. Who lets them out in public?” and I know they thought of jay and I that way as well.. after all, they are our friends… we were sitting with them. So I would try to “nicely” tell them that I found their burping to be less than amusing.. And jay tried to tell them as well… But they just kept doing it.
“I don’t even realize it! It’s funny! That was a GOOD one! He he

”
So finally, Nick burps and right after, Pam lets out a MONSTER belch and I finally spoke up and said:
“Ok. Stop it already! There are other people in this restaurant. You are being EXTREMELY rude!

” (in a very stern, less-quiet-than-usual voice).
Bf later told me that the people behind us smiled at me (as if to thank me) when I said that.. I didn’t notice.. I was too pissed off. Pam and Nick seemed shocked for a second... Then rather amused.. Then they actually laughed. Obviously they still didn’t really take me seriously.. Pam burped again.. But at least it was quieter that time.
Ok. So the bill comes. ON ONE CHECK!

They hand me the bill and asked me to add up what they spent for them so they can pay me in cash.. (

Sure! Can I get you a refill while I’m at it?

)
One order of spaghetti: Free
Two Drinks: $5.50
One Half of a Salad: 5
So they still owed me $5.50, plus tip. Pam goes to hand me 5.50 (in singles and quarters) and Nick stops her. “you only owe her 3.50”he says. “No. our drinks were $5.50.. I owe her 5.50”she says “Yeah, but I over paid for the salad. I gave her $5 and only ate $3 worth”. at this point, I’m fuming and totally dreading spending any more time with them. So I texted my brother and told him to call me in 10 min to tell me that he needed me to pick him up from some remote location so that we could get out of hanging out with them any longer.

Nick hands me the $3.50. I slam it in the folder thing, along with my credit card and receipt and wait for the waitress to come take it away. Wouldn’t you know it, bf and I got stuck paying the tip too!
So then, brother comes through for me and my phone rings. “What? You need me to pick you up from where? Ok. I’ll see you in 20

”.
“What! We can’t hang out?! He expects you to drop everything and get him? How Rude!” says Pam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FIN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so for those of you that stuck around to hear that story, first of all, I’m very sorry. I didn’t realize it would be that long.

I’m sure some of you think that we let them get away with too much, and that at the end I should have been honest and told them that I didn’t want to hang out with them for the rest of that night, but with them, it''s not that easy.
Background info: Pam was SEVERELY abused by her biological parents 15 years ago, and DOES not take ANY kind of “rejection” well. To have told her “no” or that we didn’t want to hang out with them for the rest of the night would have INSTANTLY made her start crying. After what we put the other diners through, I didn’t want them to have to deal with yet ANOTHER scene from our table.
I have been friends with Pam since she was adopted and I truly care about her, but we‘re the same age and I‘m extremely concerned that she may never grow up.. So I feel like I can’t just blow her off or stop hanging out with her.

Should bf and I just refuse to go out to eat with them anymore?

Do I try to "sugar coat" the way I feel so that she can MAYBE understand why I’m upset, but tell her in a way that won’t send her into a depression? i just feel like sugar coating doesn''t work because they don''t take me seriously.

Does anyone who has dealt with a similar situation have any advice for me? They are really getting unbearable

Sorry again, fellow LIW’s. Bf and I don''t know what to do! We''re at our whits end(s?)! At least my story may have gotten your mind off of pre-proposal anxiety..?

I know i didn''t even think of it once until now!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Oh my, all i can say is eek!

I''m sorry but nobodys childhood should give them the right to act in such a childish and selfish manner and be able to get away with it. Your ''friend'' needs to grow up. Who cares if you make her cry? She is obviously an adult and she needs to take responsibility for her actions. She is not going to stop this behaviour as long as you keep letting her get away with it.
She maybe a little mentally fragile but it does not give her free rein to act like a child. I honestly would stop hanging out with her till she gets the message, and i definately wouldn''t eat with them, that story over the salad money was completely pathetic on their part. Sorry you are having to deal with such people but yes on a positive note at least it''s got you thinking about something else other than the impending engagement!

 

[gwendolyn]

No matter what their history, the two of them were taking you for a ride. THEY insisted on the more expensive outing, THEY selfishly used the coupon, THEY nitpicked about how much salad he ate (seriously?), THEY thought burping loudly in public was funny instead of rude. They were taking advantage of the fact that you feel sorry for her/them and won't rock the boat, and they just kept pushing the limits until you snapped. From my point of view, people who do that aren't friends. They are just out to get as much as they can from you.

I understand that things may have been difficult for her, but fundamentally that isn't YOUR problem. If you want to be treated like a doormat by this woman because you feel guilty for having a normal childhood, that's up to you, but it seems like this is the sort of behaviour you should expect from her if you are to continue to hang out with her. She doesn't need your pity, she needs firm boundaries, and repercussions if she crosses them, no matter how she takes rejection.

Obviously it's much easier for me to say, being emotionally removed from the situation, but she consistently treated you like crap that entire evening. You owe her nothing. You don't HAVE to hang out with her if it's more of a chore than it is fun. Next time she asks to hang out, I wouldn't sugarcoat anything. I also wouldn't scream and shout. I would matter of factly explain all the times your wishes were ignored, you financial requests (cheaper outing, use of coupon) were ignored, your requests for them to stop belching loudly in public were ignored--and then say that you refuse to spend time with people who treat you in such a way. Either she will apologize for how she acted and try to do better next time, or she'll get pissed that you are pissed. Then it's your call to decide if you want to keep this sort of drama in your life, or if you want to distance yourself from her.

 

[ckrickett]

I was getting enraged reading that.

Seriously are these good friends of yours because after that night out I would NEVER see them again, answer their calls... nothing. They weren't just being rude they were being spiteful babies and USING you and your BF. They aren't friends not by a long shot.

It is a real shame that she was abused but like gwedolyn said that isn't your responsablity. That doesn't give her a "free pass" to treat you like garbage. She is an adult now, she wants to do adult things, she wants to hang out with other adults. So she needs to grow up.

 

[Snicklefritz]

Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude! I probably would have done exactly what you did. Sure it sounds better to be honest, but only you know your situation and from what you described, you did the best you could. You tried to meet everyone''s needs in some fashion. You met Pam''s need not to be rejected and you met your need to get out of there.

 

[decodelighted]

First of all ... if you both had coupons the reasonable thing to do would be to SPLIT THE SAVINGS of the one coupon. Especially if it was all on the same check. Why did their coupon trump yours? For me, it would have stopped there. You have to push back on these things. If you keep rolling over afraid of her tears it''ll NEVER EVER EVER STOP. She has now learned to use this "sensitive" nature of hers to full advantage. And she''s now ABUSING YOU. But the difference is you are an adult and you have a choice about it. STOP TAKING IT.

Sometimes when people know you feel guilty about things or act all namby pamby about standing up for yourself - THAT''s when the waterworks come out. Because they ALREADY FEEL YOU WAVERING. If, instead, you act perfectly casual & non-chalant about it. Like, OF COURSE this is the reasonable thing to do (sharing the coupon savings) with not a trace of hesitation or guilt -- it shocks the weepy party into feeling embarrassed for being exploitive or self-serving.

Experiment with it. See how it goes. That is if you EVER want to see those freeloading losers again.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

NO NO NO!!!! I''m sorry, that''s just not on. Lots of people had terrible lives, were abused, beaten, abandoned etc. BUT that does NOT give them the right to treat you (someone who has supported them) like a piece of crap, or allow someone else to treat you that way. There is simply no excuse for this behaviour.
I suggest you sit down with her and firmly, but gently, explain that you will not go anywhere with her and her bf again if that''s the way it''s going to be. Yes, she might cry, but she will learn a valuable lesson in the process, and if she is truly your friend, she will get over it.

 

[decodelighted]

Oh... here's another key phrase to practice .. "Why is what you want to do more important than what I want to do?"

 

[misskitty]

Date: 6/28/2009 6:11:18 AM
Author: gwendolyn

I understand that things may have been difficult for her, but fundamentally that isn''t YOUR problem. If you want to be treated like a doormat by this woman because you feel guilty for having a normal childhood, that''s up to you, but it seems like this is the sort of behaviour you should expect from her if you are to continue to hang out with her. She doesn''t need your pity, she needs firm boundaries, and repercussions if she crosses them, no matter how she takes rejection.

I could not agree more. I''ve been in situations like this before, and it''s really hard to be in your place, but you need to understand that just because she''s had it rough doesn''t mean that you''re obligated to put up with rudeness or disrespect. As heartbreaking as it is what she went through in her past, it has nothing to do with you or with the situation right now, and she needs to learn that if she doesn''t treat you like a friend, you won''t be available.

Honestly, I wouldn''t be so available to hang out for a while. If she hounds your family members about your whereabouts, have them say that you''re busy, and that you''ll get back to her when you have time to spend with her. When that is, of course, is obviously up to you.

 

[swingirl]

Sorry, your post was way too long to finish but I got the gist. Why are these people your friends? They are rude and can't possibly make the time spent together pleasant.

 

[merrymunky]

Wow...these "friends" are cringeworthy.

There is a certain code of conduct in public situations so to behave like that in a restauraunt is really crass. I don''t like the way they treated you that night is shocking to be honest.

I agree that just because she was abused as a youngster does not excuse her current behaviour. It needs addressing somehow. I''m not good at giving advice in situations like this, but I hope you can address it with her at somepoint. Keep us posted.

 

[LilyKat]

The details aren''t really important. What matters is that they acted in a rude, selfish, cheap and immature way and took full advantage of you whilst making you feel uncomfortable. Not people I would want as friends.

Nest time, just say you have other plans. When they start acting like grown-ups, you can consider hanging out with them then.

 

[Winks_Elf]

You may have been good friends when you were children, but you are not children any more. You are adults, and adults should act like adults. That means being able to choose who you are friends with, where you want to eat, what you want to eat, who you want to share your food with, etc. Just because you were good friends back then does NOT mean you have to be friends now. Friends earn our respect and caring. What you have their is more like the annoying cousin that you have to be nice to...oh, wait...you''re not related!

I say have a good talk with her and tell her straight out that their behavior in the restaurant was mortifying, and in the future you will not be dining with them. It was bad enough you changed your plans for these people that basically stalked you and bullied you into going somewhere you really could not afford.

 

[lala2332]

i don''t think its worth the headache of having "friends" that turn every outing into a math problem. I mean, split the meal and go on. If people are truly your friends, then going out with them is enjoyable and easy. not this drama. I refuse to go out with friends that make splitting the checks impossibly difficult. We are for the most parts, poor law students, and yet we still manage to split things fairly and evenly and if something isn''t even at dinner, then maybe someone will buy the person who paid more a beer later, or make up for it later. we are ok with doing this because we all know that we aren''t trying to scam the other people.

 

[Munchkin]

I had a friend throughout (and shortly after) college like that. She had a good heart, but there was something in her adolescence that stunted her maturity. I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt, defending her childish antics and generally waited for her to grow up. I eventually learned that the goodness of her heart didn''t make up for all the crap I went through simply by hanging out with her. A breaking point was when she got very drunk and was very rude to a girl I had been good friends with since kindergarten. She felt threatened by the presence of a long-time friend and acted like an idiot. After that night I really dropped her as a friend. I was tired of feeling used and embarrassed when hanging out with a "friend" and I was really sick of the "clean up" that would inevitably happen if I brought her to any gathering. Why was I making excuses for behavior that I didn''t condone?

I''m happier without her in my life.

If that isn''t an option for you (we didn''t live very near one another, so it was fairly easy), you need to decide what environments you are comfortable socializing with them in. IE Going to the movies would be an easy bill to split. Watching a moving and grilling a meal at home could be fairly painless. I think they''ve proven, though, that they aren''t grown up enough to dine in public with. She needs boundaries - and an etiquette course.

If she calls to make plans that you aren''t comfortable with, you need to tell her why you aren''t comfortable. She will get very mad and she will have a monster tantrum, but she is more likely to form friendships with other people if you are honest about her behavior. (and she uses your suggestions to change) The more other friends she has, the less you will feel as though you "have" to stay her friend or see her as often.

Feeling like you have to stay friends with someone isn''t a good enough reason to stay friends with someone. It took me a long to figure that out, but my life has had a lot less drama since.

 

[*Danielle*]

They don''t sound like friends at all. It seems to me that you have been more than nice and cooperative with their selfish desires and now it is your turn to tell them goodbye. You deserve better friends then that.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I guess I''m not as nice as you are...

I would have handed him back the $5.00 and refused their money all together...I would have told them that if they were so hard up, you''d be happy to do a "little charity" and smiled nicely in their faces.

From here on out, I think it''s imporant that you "speak up"...if you want seperate checks, tell the waitress that without consulting them--who cares if they are "put out" because it''s not your problem.

 

[Squirrly]

um, wow?
in situations like this i would fall off the face of the earth until i feel rested and calm enough to check in and see how the taxing person is doing, and quickly disappear again if taxing > my patience. of course with 2 jobs and school the disappearing act is quite simple for me, actually the proving i''m still alive is harder, so this might be easier said than done.

if it makes you feel any better i fully admit to avoiding calls, ims, emails, and texts (and often times the more frequent the calls/texts/ims the longer i ignore) when i''m in no mood to deal with anything. yes i''m a horrible person, but after 5 calls in 5 or less hours, no messages, finally getting a "hey i have something important to talk to you about" message, then calling only to talk for 15 minutes just to see how i''m doing... i screen. and sometimes i do it to people who i quite possibly am their only friend, and i do feel horrible (trust me some of the times sound exceptionally horrific for me to screen calls, but i can''t do the repeated ones, especially when people know my cell is pay per minute and i only talk rarely on it and mostly for emergencies/major vent calmings), but if i''m not collected and calm enough in the first place, i''m not going to be of any help to them with their drama which is generally why they call.

in the case of people i was close to when younger, sometimes for a great deal of my pre-college years, it''s best to remember the fun we had and acknowledge that life has lead us on very different paths and if we had met now and not before we wouldn''t have much of a friendship, much less anything worth reminiscing over.

for your own sanity, distance. there''s a reason tax day comes once a year, and taxing personalities should be encountered in person with a similar frequency. solitaire works wonders for phonecalls when unavoidable.

 

[ts44]

There is no reason to be held emotionally hostage by anybody.

Cut the ties. You are not responsible for Pam''s well-being. She has a sad situation, but it does not excuse her from common courtesy.

 

[purrfectpear]

What "from here on out..."? Why would there even be a "next time" to discuss

Too bad for Pam that she had a tough childhood, but please explain what it is that YOU get out of this "friendship" with her?

Let''s see...

1. She thinks the world revolves around her.
2. She makes all the plans.
3. She decides who uses the coupon.
4. She embarrasses you.
5. She ignores you.
6. She laughs at you.
7. She uses you.

Just askin'' but when does the friendship part start

 

[dragonfly411]

I agree with PP....

 

[TravelingGal]

I will not meet you in your house
I will not hear you bitch and grouse
I will not meet you here or there
I will not pay your bill, unfair!
I will not watch you eat and slurp
I will not hear you belch and burp
I do not like your mean old SCAM
I will not MEET you Pam-I-Am!

Seriously, buh-bye.

 

[TravelingGal]

Double post.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/28/2009 7:49:28 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I guess I''m not as nice as you are...

Italia, I agree with your advice ... except for your first statement. It took me a long time to figure it out but:

There is nothing NICE about being a doormat. Its not NICE to yourself ... its not NICE to the other party, who you are teaching that it is OKAY & even ADVISABLE to exploit other human beings.

 

[fieryred33143]

Seriously, do not even waste your time. I have wasted so much time trying to maintain a friendship with a frenemy. This is a woman that emailed me just last Friday to tell me that she decided we weren''t going to be friends anymore but then changed her mind because she missed me...and the next email invited me to her "Gold" party

So not worth it.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/29/2009 4:12:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I will not meet you in your house
I will not hear you bitch and grouse
I will not meet you here or there
I will not pay your bill, unfair!
I will not watch you eat and slurp
I will not hear you belch and burp
I do not like your mean old SCAM
I will not MEET you Pam-I-Am!

Seriously, buh-bye.

applause applause... that was beautiful!

 

[dragonfly411]

Date: 6/29/2009 4:12:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I will not meet you in your house

I will not hear you bitch and grouse

I will not meet you here or there

I will not pay your bill, unfair!

I will not watch you eat and slurp

I will not hear you belch and burp

I do not like your mean old SCAM

I will not MEET you Pam-I-Am!


Seriously, buh-bye.

 

[Lilac]

I completely agree with everyone here - these "friends" of yours take advantage of you, embarrass you, act like children, think the world revolves around them, and use you. It''s commendable that you don''t want to hurt her feelings, but at a certain point you need to just be honest with them or cut ties. Don''t let them embarrass you or take advantage of you anymore.

And TGal - very very funny

.

 

[vip0802]

Date: 6/29/2009 4:12:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I will not meet you in your house

I will not hear you bitch and grouse

I will not meet you here or there

I will not pay your bill, unfair!

I will not watch you eat and slurp

I will not hear you belch and burp

I do not like your mean old SCAM

I will not MEET you Pam-I-Am!


Seriously, buh-bye.

LOL!!!!

oh man, that was great!

i haven''t replied to this thread since i was just...well, like this -->

i also read your other post and i just can''t believe their behavior! i see that she went through some tough times growing up, and i can''t imagine what she must have went through. however it DOES NOT excuse or give her (or her BF for that matter) the right to act this way. do they behave this way towards other "friends" that they hang out with? geez, how selfish can you be?

i know that hearing what all of us have to say is a heck of a lot easier than any of it actually being done. i''m sorry you''re in this situation and i wish i had the right answer for you. i guess i can only say that it''s just not fair that you have to accommodate them...especially when it''s clearly not reciprocated. personally, i would cut ties with these so-called "friends" since i don''t have the patience for that kind of behavior. ultimately, it''s up to you but i hope that you can at least express to them how you feel. good luck and keep us posted!

 

[jaylex]

Date: 6/28/2009 7:37:33 PM
Author: Munchkin
I had a friend throughout (and shortly after) college like that. She had a good heart, but there was something in her adolescence that stunted her maturity. I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt, defending her childish antics and generally waited for her to grow up. I eventually learned that the goodness of her heart didn't make up for all the crap I went through simply by hanging out with her. A breaking point was when she got very drunk and was very rude to a girl I had been good friends with since kindergarten. She felt threatened by the presence of a long-time friend and acted like an idiot. After that night I really dropped her as a friend. I was tired of feeling used and embarrassed when hanging out with a 'friend' and I was really sick of the 'clean up' that would inevitably happen if I brought her to any gathering. Why was I making excuses for behavior that I didn't condone?

I'm happier without her in my life.

If that isn't an option for you (we didn't live very near one another, so it was fairly easy), you need to decide what environments you are comfortable socializing with them in. IE Going to the movies would be an easy bill to split. Watching a moving and grilling a meal at home could be fairly painless. I think they've proven, though, that they aren't grown up enough to dine in public with. She needs boundaries - and an etiquette course.

If she calls to make plans that you aren't comfortable with, you need to tell her why you aren't comfortable. She will get very mad and she will have a monster tantrum, but she is more likely to form friendships with other people if you are honest about her behavior. (and she uses your suggestions to change) The more other friends she has, the less you will feel as though you 'have' to stay her friend or see her as often.

Feeling like you have to stay friends with someone isn't a good enough reason to stay friends with someone. It took me a long to figure that out, but my life has had a lot less drama since.

Wow.. Thank you all for your AMAZING advice.
There were so many of you that I wanted to respond to but Munchkin, you were extremely helpful. They fact that you have been in a similar situation is helpful and you also made me realize that one of the reasons I feel forced to spend time with her is because I'm all she has. I need to get her to a speed "friendship" thing so she can find other people to bother lol.

I just want to clear a few things up..
First of all, bf did make it crystal clear to the waitress when we were ordering that we would be paying separately. I guess we could have sent the check back with the waitress but she had left before we noticed it and we were so anxious to bolt out that waiting another 10 min for her to walk by was just too much.

Second, I am not the type of person that is ever ANYONES doormat. I tend to hold grudges against people that are terrible to me. I guess it's my character flaw. But besides the first incident I posted.. these two people have never caused us a headache as big as this one. It's like a mega-super-crazy "switch" was turned on that night, as opposed to the semi-crazy switch they normally have on. TRUST ME, if they had been like this when we first met, bf and I would have dropped them like a mosquito encrusted pancake (what?? lol). They have always had selfish "tendencies", but they were always bearable. THIS was despicable.

Third, I definitely DO NOT think her past is an excuse for her current behavior. I'm sorry if it came out that way. I just added that in to give an idea of how difficult it is to talk to this person.

We haven't had any contact with this couple since the night mentioned, so I haven't had to confront her yet. But bf and I have talked about it and we will probably tell them that we aren't interested in going to restaurants with them anymore. We're not their babysitters or parents.. and it's truly just too much work to "take care of them". He and I will probably just hang out with them in what munchkin called "painless" situations. We haven't had a problem going to movies with them (so far) so we think we won't count that out.. but we are DEFINITELY going to tell them why we don't want to go out to dinner with them anymore.

Italia- I totally get what your saying about the sarcastic charity comment. And if I was dealing with someone else, it sounds like something I may just do. But the problem is that they (pam and nick) WOULDN'T GET IT! They are TOTALLY clueless. they don't feel that their behavior is anything but normal and just, so to use sarcasm wouldn't work with them because. I'm pretty sure they have a few loose wires when it comes to relating to people. It's kind of sad.

Squirlly- 5 calls in 5 hours? Try 26! Thats the number of times they collectively called my bf and my phone one night. And it was probably in less than an hour. They also called my mother and brother to find out where we were. they don't even know I have texting. I can't imagine what it would be like if they found out! I'd go over my limit in 5 minutes! And yes.. I have gotten the message "I really need to talk to you about something.. it's important! PLEEEEASE call me" then I call her back and she answers the phone with a crying, breathy wail that is unlike anything I have ever heard. It takes her probably 3 minutes to calm down enough for her to tell me what's wrong. And it's usually pretty trivial (one time it was "Nick won't give me my birthday gift a day early because he forgot it at his house!! Does he even love me?

). That time I told her that she was being ridiculous. I was at work and I didn't have time to listen to her pointless gripes. She didn't like that too much lol.

Gosh I'm tired of these people.

Traveling Gal- That was amazing. I'm seriously considering myspacing that. ha ha.

vip- What other friends? We're pretty much all they have. shocking, right?

Thanks again, everyone. I was feeling like this >

but now I feel like this >

. I'm over their b.s. and bf and I need to sit them down and have a stern "talking to" with them.
But thank you fellow, LIWs. You are all great and I appreciate your input.