how to deal (long,vent-sorry)

[jessa]

Well its getting to be the end of the year. If you''ve read my posts before you would know that the BF told me it would be before my birthday this year...well now thats turned into Thanksgiving (which is 1 week before my bday!) So anyways, its coming up which im super excited about (Thanksgiving is also my favorite holiday!)

Its been a hard week for me. So far we''ve been to 3 weddings this year and we have 2 more coming up--one being my best friend in which i am the maid of honor. According to what he''s told me, we will be engaged about a month before her wedding...

Earlier this week she sent me an email about their wedding website that she had just created...then another friend who got married (one of the 3 weddings) sent me a link to her wedding pictures. I had checked my mail and saw the 2 new emails with subjects about weddings. I completely broke down. I just want it to be my turn. I feel a bit petty with it because usually im not a jealous person but I can''t help it. I didn''t even read the emails, i just broke down reading the subjects. BF hates when i cry and get upset about it so i''ve tried not to and I try to keep it in but that night it got me. Which then makes me feel bad that I''m making him feel bad....ugh, its just a circle that feels never-ending right now. He is saving $$ and obviously is close to having what he wants, but for some reason that doesn''t make me feel any better. He says I know its coming, I know it will be soon and doesn''t understand why that isn''t good enough. ( We have some friends who have been together 5+ years and anytime marriage gets brought up, he blows her off---so BF thinks that since he doesn''t blow me off, I know he''s on the same page etc. that that should make it better) Then he feels like i''m disappointed in him. He says that if he could have, it (proposal) would have been done by now...I hate when he says that. I don''t know why, but i can''t stand it.

I feel like I hold things against him because I''m just sick of waiting. I got mad at him this afternoon for wanting to go to his friends house to watch the football game. I hate football--why do I care if he sits here and watches it or goes to have fun with his friends? It doesn''t make any difference to me. I told him I didn''t want him to go, he still went. I don''t know. Now im sitting here feeling sorry for myself. gah.

I think I''m just so sick of waiting-I don''t want to hold things against him. I''m not that girl who picks fights and is angry and pushing for a ring all the time. I don''t know what to do. I hate being upset over something that I know is on its way. I hate being upset about something that I shouldn''t be upset over. I hate making BF feel like he can''t give me what I want...... I don''t know.


Can i have a hug?

 

[AustenNut]

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

 

[HopeDream]

Hi Jessa,

Me n'' the guys saved you a spot in the middle - you can''t see me because I''m in the back.


Since you know the proposal is coming within 2 months, why don''t you start a little preliminary wedding planning to take the edge off?

Sart looking at color schemes and favours and stuff, maybe start loking at wedding dress styles.

If you''re ready to "take your turn" then just start doing it - who cares if it''s a little early? it''s better than feeling bitter.

I''m sending positive groovy vibes your way.

I hope you feel better soon!

 

[Luckyeshe]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Hang in there! You''re almost to the finish line, Jessa!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

You have a very solid timeline and it will be here in no time!!!! I agree with the comment about starting to look at bridemaids and wedding dresses online to pass the time. Try your best to not let him see you upset. He is trying to save for something that he thinks will make you happy. Make this a happy and exciting time for both of you!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Hugs!

For all intents and purposes, it sounds like you''re as good as engaged. This may be a silly idea, but why not just make it official without the ring if it''s troubling you that much?

Back before I was engaged, I already knew it was coming, so I started going through the magazines and doing some preliminary planning even before the proposal and the ring came. Definitely a mood lifter!

 

[jessa]

Thanks for the hugs! You guys are great!

I think that was the low point of the day...I was sitting home alone while BF was gone at his friends...yeah. Didn''t add up to good things. I do look a bit at wedding related stuff but I''m trying not to. I think it will be more fun when we really are engaged. We were actually talking last night about things...I told him I don''t even care about having a ring now, I said that I would want one eventually, but it means more to me to have him ask me to be his wife

Things are better now...

Well except the part about BF taking me out for Pinkberry and me wanting to take my car, me driving and getting pulled over RIGHT OUTSIDE the gate to our condo.....stupid cop pulled me over for tint on the front windows...Sad part-car is 3 weeks old and just got tint 1 week ago, Good part-just a fix it ticket so the fine shouldnt be too much but now i have to get it taken off

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 10/5/2009 1:48:22 AM
Author: jessa
Thanks for the hugs! You guys are great!

I think that was the low point of the day...I was sitting home alone while BF was gone at his friends...yeah. Didn''t add up to good things. I do look a bit at wedding related stuff but I''m trying not to. I think it will be more fun when we really are engaged. We were actually talking last night about things...I told him I don''t even care about having a ring now, I said that I would want one eventually, but it means more to me to have him ask me to be his wife

Things are better now...

Disagree. If you know you will be engaged within a month (or whatever), you are basically engaged! For me at least, it was no less exciting to start figuring out ideas before the ring came along.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I am in the same situation as you. Remember, every couple is on their own time line, and in 1-2 years from now the extra couple months will not make that much of a difference. Time seems to go faster the older I get. A lot of my friends are married, I still have a wedding to look forward to. If you have a timeline, let it happen. Last week, my BF told me to relax, because if I didn''t, I was going to kill the romance and surprise of this process. You know what, I decided he is right. Try to think about you and your BF and not to compare yourself to other couples.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 10/5/2009 2:14:42 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 10/5/2009 1:48:22 AM
Author: jessa
Thanks for the hugs! You guys are great!

I think that was the low point of the day...I was sitting home alone while BF was gone at his friends...yeah. Didn''t add up to good things. I do look a bit at wedding related stuff but I''m trying not to. I think it will be more fun when we really are engaged. We were actually talking last night about things...I told him I don''t even care about having a ring now, I said that I would want one eventually, but it means more to me to have him ask me to be his wife

Things are better now...

Disagree. If you know you will be engaged within a month (or whatever), you are basically engaged! For me at least, it was no less exciting to start figuring out ideas before the ring came along.

Ditto this! It was MONTHS before I got my ring - I had my entire wedding planned - heck I even had my gown - before I got my ring. There was NOTHING different about how I felt when I was planning then vs planning with my ring. It was still our wedding and I was still super excited about it.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''ll give you a hug, but it comes with a little tough love.

You are sounding like a very young pre-engagezilla. Time to suck it up and stop making him feel like a failure. It''s not as though he hasn''t shared with you a very specific timeline. Maybe you need to practice a little maturity

I''m going to pretend you actually didn''t know it was illegal to tint your front windows and that you realize that Fast and Furious was just a movie

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

Sorry to hear about all your stresses right now!

You didn''t think to look into whether tint on the front windows is legal first?? You should really look into stuff like that because it is an expensive mistake! I think the only legal reason you can have a front windshield tint is if you have a medical note from a doctor that you have some sort of eye sensitivity condition.. But it still would be a hassle every time you get pulled over.

Maybe you should spend time with your friends when he spends time with his. Then you will be less likely to resent him for it and also take your mind off the pending engagement?

 

[jessa]

oh i totally agree with the last 2 posts..

I''m trying NOT to be this pre-engagezilla (haha i like the term). I don''t want to be that girl who is pushing and pushing and such (which i said in my original post). I NEVER want to make BF feel like a failure. He knows that. I would never want to make someone feel like that, esp. someone i want to be with forever and i love! I agree I do sound quite young, Im just 23. I do think I''m fairly mature for my age but I admit that I sound young in that post. Im still growing up


As far as the tint..well, I know its illegal but its not THAT dark, you can see in perfectly. It keeps the heat out and protects the interior. I''m just bitter since it was just done. If it was limo tint fine, but its not --you can see in and if they are so concerned with people breaking laws, they should be giving tickets to people talking on cell phones while driving since CA banned that last year or maybe after molesters, rapists, murderers, etc. Again, just bitter.

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

Ok I am not trying to drag this out or be mean but I just can't keep my mouth shut about this! Plus maybe the change of topic will distract you from the BF troubles

As someone who has had tint on all of my cars with various percentage coverages... the heat decrease is negligible. When it is really hot, your car will, in the heat always be 10-20 degrees hotter than outside. Maybe limo tint will make more of a difference with heat, but for any tint between 15 percent-50 percent, don't get it for heat reduction. Also, the only thing that will really help your leather is moisturizing it ideally, monthly. It will get dried out at about the same rate, tint or not.

So, as I hop off my soap box,

the bottom line is get a tint on your car for how it looks! And that is about it.

ETA: I feel your pain. I have been pulled over for the most insane reasons, and in those moments I thought the same thing you did- who is catching the crazies?

 

[JustLikeYou]

I have to agree with many of the others. You have a very set timeline - hold on and sit down and just be happy! While I''m not a traditional wedding kind of girl (on the beach in sandals is perfectly fine for me), you should do something that will take your mind off the wait, but keep your eye on the goal

As far as the tint goes... I have extremely illegal tint on my windows and a tint on my front windshield, and I have received three tickets for it, and I refuse to take it off. The third time I got ticketed for it, the cop said to me "You know, you have two other tickets for this, you know it''s illegal, correct?" I said "Yes sir" He said "You''re admitting guilt, and you''re not going to get it taken off?" I said "Yes I am admitting to it, and no sir, I won''t take it off, so if you are going to give me a ticket, please do so and I will be on my way.". He asked "Why won''t you get it taken off? You''re going to keep getting these tickets". I told him "That''s completely fine with me. I put it on in the first place because you know as well as I do that in these neighborhoods you can have a good street and the next street down will be a bad one. I have twice been approached by men at night who saw I was the only one in the car and tried to get in. That hasn''t happened since the tint went on. I will not let that happen again." He shrugged, gave me the ticket, and walked away. I still have the tint. That''s just another side to the dark tint argument

 

[lulu]

I''m not sure I understand why you''re upset. You have a timeline. Wasn''t it a little childish to tell him you didn''t want him to watch the game with his buddy since you acknowledge you don''t like football? And it did bother me that you called the cop "stupid".

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

Date: 10/5/2009 11:53:42 PM
Author: JustLikeYou
I have to agree with many of the others. You have a very set timeline - hold on and sit down and just be happy! While I'm not a traditional wedding kind of girl (on the beach in sandals is perfectly fine for me), you should do something that will take your mind off the wait, but keep your eye on the goal


As far as the tint goes... I have extremely illegal tint on my windows and a tint on my front windshield, and I have received three tickets for it, and I refuse to take it off. The third time I got ticketed for it, the cop said to me 'You know, you have two other tickets for this, you know it's illegal, correct?' I said 'Yes sir' He said 'You're admitting guilt, and you're not going to get it taken off?' I said 'Yes I am admitting to it, and no sir, I won't take it off, so if you are going to give me a ticket, please do so and I will be on my way.'. He asked 'Why won't you get it taken off? You're going to keep getting these tickets'. I told him 'That's completely fine with me. I put it on in the first place because you know as well as I do that in these neighborhoods you can have a good street and the next street down will be a bad one. I have twice been approached by men at night who saw I was the only one in the car and tried to get in. That hasn't happened since the tint went on. I will not let that happen again.' He shrugged, gave me the ticket, and walked away. I still have the tint. That's just another side to the dark tint argument

Now that is a good reason! In that case, a dark tint on all windows is definitely worth the tickets. Safety trumps tickets every time. Another benefit would be that when your car is parked, it is much harder to see in and people will be less likely to break in for a stereo or something.

 

[crossmyfingers]

I''m sorry you''re having a hard time Jessa. You don''t have much longer to go! Most of us here would kill to have a known timeline and it be within the next couple months, and I envy you for that, but I know that doesn''t make you any more patient. Do you know how close Thanksgiving is?!

And that stinks about your tint ticket too. Getting tickets stinks in general, even if you know you were speeding or your tint is illegal, still going to put a damper on your day - and wallet!

Good luck though with being patient. I''ll tell you what I have heard so much of on this board: you know you''ll be engaged, you know you''ll marry this guy, try to quit worrying and enjoy what you have.